Testing Your Old-School Grit
Modern gaming is often about cinematic experiences and helpful tutorials that guide you through every single step. Back in the day, developers did not care about your feelings or your progress, frequently making games nearly impossible to stretch out the play time. You might think your high rank in a competitive shooter means something, but these retro titles will humble you within the first five minutes. They require a level of pattern memorization and twitch reflexes that most people today just have not developed.
1. Contra
Okay, so maybe you immediately know to enter the Konami Code, but watching three characters traverse a literal war zone without taking cover is a challenge. One tiny pixel out of place and you will bite it. Tracking every sprite on screen while constantly jumping takes insane concentration.
2. Ghosts 'n Goblins Frustration
Sir Arthur may as well be made out of glass, and he will strip down to his birthday suit if a random zombie brushes against him. The real kicker? You have to complete the whole game twice without being defeated to see the ending.
3. Battletoads and the Turbo Tunnel
Battletoads is well known for its ridiculous bike section which requires absolute perfection and memorization. But even if you beat that ridiculous stage, the rest of the game continues to spiral out of control until completing it is literally impossible based on the odds. This game makes dodge checkpoints feel essential.
4. Ninja Gaiden's Knockback
It feels like every enemy contact sends Ryu flying into oblivion. Did you know those birds respawn the second you move away from their spawning location? Sometimes it takes extreme levels of patience to reach the final area of this game.
Mojtaba Hosseinzade on Unsplash
5. Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!
Every mistake costs you your life against Iron Mike and his punches. Learn his patterns or you will be punching flowers like every other fighter you have defeated. One wrong move and you have to start reading those eyelids all over again.
6. Mega Man’s Disappearing Blocks
If you own a Nintendo SNES Classic you have already spent enough money at this point to buy and finish all of the NES Mega Man games. Say hello to finger-cramping platforming at its finest. If you miss your jump by a fraction of an inch, it is back to the start of the room for you.
7. Castlevania’s Stiff Controls
Castlevania is not like modern-day hack and slash games. Simon cannot move horizontally when jumping, which means every jump is a commitment. Learning to deal with every enemy throw while dashing over pits takes an obsessive amount of forethought.
dark castle
8. F-Zero GX Master Class
Even on beginner settings, each race is a nail-biter, but playing on Master will have you questioning your entire existence. Speeding through impossible circuits going well over 1000 mph while dodging 30+ competing racers who constantly bump into you is no easy task. Fly into any wall at just the right angle and boom, your robot spontaneously explodes.
9. Silver Surfer’s Massive Hitbox
This game made countless “Top Hardest Games” lists for a reason. Not only do you move slowly, your avatar is enormous. Running into a wall will end your run.
10. Donkey Kong’s Screen
Playing this game on an actual arcade machine will open your eyes to how horrible patterns and gravity can be. Just because a barrel dropped to the left ten times in a row does not mean it will do so again. Climb to the furthest reaches of this game and you will be golden among Donkey Kong players.
11. Lion King’s Monkey Business
Do not let the Disney license fool you into thinking this was meant for small children. The "I Just Can't Wait to Be King" level features a puzzle involving throwing monkeys that is famously unintuitive and difficult. You will spend hours just trying to figure out the right sequence while dodging ostriches and hippos.
12. Kid Icarus Gravity
The vertical scrolling in this game means that if you fall off a platform, you simply fail instantly. Pit’s slippery movement makes landing on small ledges a terrifying experience for anyone used to modern ledge-grabbing mechanics. It is a grueling climb that punishes even the slightest lack of concentration.
13. Adventure Island’s Hunger Pains
The hero Higgins is always hungry, so you will need to run through each stage collecting fruits to keep you alive, on top of the difficult platforming and enemies. You will have to rush to keep your health from depleting entirely.
14. Shinobi’s Brutal Precision
The Sega Master System port of Shinobi may be the toughest if you are looking for pixel-perfect punishment. All of your bosses require near flawless execution during their fights, and you will need to rely on your limited ninja stars while platforming through stages with endless enemy soldiers.
15. Zelda II’s Combat Difficulty
While everyone loves the legacy of Zelda, this sequel is notoriously punishing. Though it has incredible gameplay and music, the side-scrolling fights require memorization and quick reflexes. Keep ducking and jumping at the correct times to discover gaps in the Iron Knuckle’s defense.
16. Gradius and the Power-Up Problem
This space shooter is manageable until you fail for the first time and lose all your upgrades. Trying to survive the later levels with a basic pea shooter is almost impossible, leading to a spiral that ends most runs. You really have to play a perfect game from start to finish to have a chance at winning.
17. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Level
The underwater bomb-disarming mission on the NES is a childhood trauma for an entire generation of gamers. You have to swim through narrow gaps filled with electric seaweed while a strict timer counts down to your doom. It is a claustrophobic mess that requires more swimming precision than any modern game would dare ask for.
18. Rick Dangerous Traps
This Indiana Jones-style platformer is filled with traps that you can only learn about by dying to them first. There is absolutely no way to anticipate most of the spikes or boulders on your first attempt. It is a game built on trial and error that would likely be panned by today’s reviewers for being unfair.
19. Tetris at High Speeds
Pretty much everyone knows how to Tetris, but can you survive Stage 10, where the blocks hit the ground before you even know they are coming? Your brain can only process so much information at a time.
20. Solstice’s Isometric Puzzles
Navigating a 3D space with 2D controls is a brain-bending challenge that will leave you feeling very confused. You have to jump across floating platforms while accounting for an awkward perspective that hides your true position. It is a unique kind of difficulty that has not really been seen in mainstream gaming for decades.
