You Wouldn’t Download a Game, Would You?
Most anti-piracy systems stopped at checking licenses or blocking installations, but not every developer took kindly to a bootlegged version of their baby. No, no—some games confronted suspected pirates with warning screens, impossible enemies, deliberately broken mechanics, and punishments that only popped up after hours of progress. Before you think about pirating these 20 titles, it’s worth knowing what they’ll do to you for the attempt.
HAL Laboratory, Nintendo on Wikimedia
1. Donkey Kong Country 3
Donkey Kong Country 3 would display an unusually direct warning when it detected hardware that tried to make unauthorized copies. DK and Diddy would show up behind yellow text explaining that the product wouldn’t operate while connected to such a device. Rare then stopped the game and directed you to the instruction booklet.
2. EarthBound
EarthBound initially punished an unauthorized copy by upping enemy encounters, making an already lengthy RPG way harder to finish. If you were determined enough, you could probably still struggle through the adventure and reach Giygas…and at that point, the game could freeze, reset, and erase every save file on the cartridge. That’ll teach you.
3. Spyro: Year Of The Dragon
Zoe the fairy is an adorable NPC who gives you helpful advice throughout your campaign, like warning you at the start of a detected copy that your game will behave strangely. And behave strangely it did. Eggs would disappear, gems would vanish, portals would send Spyro to random spots, and the PAL version could even switch languages. Anyone who endured long enough to reach the final battle would be sent right back to the beginning with zero percent completion.
4. Super Smash Bros.
The original Super Smash Bros. used delayed penalties that only showed up after the game had been launched or played a certain number of times. One trigger randomized knockback after 22 versus sessions, and another reduced the controller’s movement range after 43 single-player sessions. Following 69 versus-mode launches, every fighter would just be Mario until you deleted your save data.
Philip Terry Graham on Wikimedia
5. Batman: Arkham Asylum
A detected copy of Batman: Arkham Asylum appeared perfectly normal—until you needed one of Batman’s most important abilities: his glide! Oh, sure, his cape would open, but the glide mechanic wouldn’t provide enough lift, leaving you to crash every time and wonder what was going on.
6. Serious Sam 3
Serious Sam 3: BFE responded to suspected piracy by spawning a fast, armored spider creature equipped with twin chainguns. The creature couldn’t be killed, either, and it relentlessly pursued Sam, even if you tried running past normal enemies. A separate measure later forced the camera to spin upward uncontrollably.
7. Grand Theft Auto IV
We hope you like playing drunk. As if this game wasn’t hard enough, pirated PC copies triggered an exaggerated version of the game’s intoxicated camera effect. The screen swayed so aggressively that walking, aiming, and following the road became too hard to plow through. Cars also drove on their own and accumulated damage.
8. Crysis Warhead
Crysis Warhead let you do all the basic stuff. Go ahead, pick up a gun, go to the trouble of finding ammunition, and pull the trigger. There’s just one little issue: instead of bullets, every weapon launched chickens.
9. Game Dev Tycoon
Greenheart Games uploaded its own altered version of Game Dev Tycoon to torrent sites shortly after the game’s 2013 release. You’d think you were in the clear, but you weren’t. This edition allowed players to build a studio normally before informing them that their fictional games were being illegally copied. Piracy rates eventually got so bad that the company couldn’t earn money.
10. Michael Jackson: The Experience
As you can imagine, music is pretty important in a game about MJ, which is exactly why Ubisoft targeted the soundtrack. Detected copies played loud vuvuzela noises over the songs while also hiding the rhythm notes players needed to follow. Attempting to pause would only freeze the game.
11. The Settlers III
The Settlers III appeared to function normally after its copy protection was bypassed, and that only made its punishment more confusing. First of all, iron smelters would produce pigs instead of iron. Other systems could fail too, including growing trees, generating manna, and transporting goods through harbors.
12. Operation Flashpoint
Operation Flashpoint: Cold War Crisis used a system called FADE instead of immediately displaying an error message. What that meant was weapon accuracy gradually deteriorated as you continued, making shots unreliable until combat became impossible. The game eventually revealed what was happening with the message, “Original discs don’t FADE.”
13. Take On Helicopters
If you’re flying, you obviously need good vision, and Bohemia Interactive refused to give it to you. On a detected copy, the image became increasingly blurred and distorted instead of shutting the game down. Landing a helicopter was already demanding, so the deliberately warped screen removed the precision you needed to do it properly.
14. Alan Wake
Rather than an infuriating glitch, Remedy chose a visible joke to teach you a lesson. Suspected pirated copies placed a black eyepatch bearing a small skull-and-crossbones design over Alan’s right eye during cutscenes and gameplay. Loading screens also replaced tips with requests that you buy a legitimate copy.
15. Zak McKracken
Every so often, Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders asked players for codes taken from materials included with the game. If you input the wrong information during certain flights, the game didn’t just shut down or allow another attempt. Nope—Zak was arrested, placed in a cell he couldn’t escape, and lectured about illegally copying software.
Sebastian Grünwald on Wikimedia
16. The Talos Principle
The Talos Principle allowed you to progress far enough that nothing appeared suspicious…at first. Eventually, though, you entered an elevator that refused to complete its journey, permanently blocking progress. It only gained traction after a player reportedly asked for assistance without realizing that they exposed the version being used.
17. Garry’s Mod
One Garry’s Mod update caused unauthorized copies to display the technical-sounding error “Unable to shade polygon normals.” Worse still, the error was actually connected to the affected player’s Steam ID. Long story short, if you posted the message to ask for help, you’d provide the developers with information identifying your account.
18. Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2
Red Alert 2 gave affected players just enough time to construct their forces before revealing your punishment. It only took about 30 seconds into a match for every one of your structures and units to explode. As you may know, building and defending a base is the whole point of the game, so there was no realistic way to continue.
19. Postal
If any game was going to slap your wrist, it was Postal. The original PC release didn’t bother weakening weapons or adding lengthy warning screens. No, shortly after the game began, the Postal Dude turned his gun on himself and immediately ended the session.
Running with Scissors, background addition by TheWanderingTraders on Wikimedia
20. Mirror’s Edge
Mirror’s Edge depends on building momentum before attempting parkour. In affected copies, though, Faith slowed down when the player tried to sprint, making certain gaps impossible to cross. They were smart about it, too; the game still accepted the sprint command, so the sabotage looked like poor timing rather than an intentional barrier.
DICE / Electronic Arts Photographer: MobyGames user Kam1Kaz3NL77 on Wikimedia
