You can choose your friends, but you certainly can’t choose your family. Some nasty siblings make people wish that they were only children while other people have parents that embarrass them at every turn. Group therapy would be a good start for some of these families, if they didn’t seem like they were beyond help in every way.

A Recipe For Disaster

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I went to a BBQ party thrown by a friend of a friend. A woman there showed up with her ex-husband and his new girlfriend. It was a recipe for disaster, and it delivered. All three were under the influence and a bit too friendly with each other—while they weren’t calling each other horrible names. With them was a two or three-year-old little girl. She was as cute as can be with a real light about her.

I vaguely remember them telling very inappropriate stories when the little girl said she was hungry. The father goes and gets the bag of McDonald’s he had been grazing out of and pulls out a near full container of fries. He then proceeds to grab a few and throw them on the lawn. The girl without missing a beat runs around picking them up off the lawn and eating them.

He repeats this over and over in front of all the other adults, who didn’t seem to take an issue. It was like a game to him—one that he was clearly enjoying. The mom even smiled at it. My wife and I promptly left the party after witnessing that.

SinTaxHeir

Security Devices

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We set up cameras over a year ago, as preparation for going no contact with my horrible parents, basically just my DNA donors. We had one for the front yard, one for the door, and one for the backyard. They haven’t been around our place since we put the cameras up, at least until recently. Still, because both my older sisters come over regularly, we assumed the word would spread.

We have two warning stickers (required by law, one at the gate and one at the front door) and two obvious cameras they’d pass when coming in through the front door. Apparently, though, my sisters never noticed. In about 25 visits combined, they didn’t notice. Until last week, when one of my sisters suddenly pointed at the front door camera and asked why we installed cameras!

I asked her if she really never noticed before and said they had been up for a year. Burglary deterrent I told her, because we live in an older house and haven’t remodeled yet, so the house isn’t exactly difficult to break into. And then gave her a big smile. She said laughingly (but kind of serious) that she doesn’t give permission to use images with her on it, and I laughingly said back that’s not how it works.

Now all my sisters know, because the word did spread. But something felt weird to me. She pointed to the camera immediately, after not seeing it for a year. Like someone told her it was there. So I went through the footage to see who saw the camera first, and what a reaction I got. It was beautiful. My father noticed it the second time he came around.

He looked up at where the camera was while waiting for me to open the door, visibly tensed up completely and just turned and walked away! He even left my younger sister at my door alone for a few seconds! Then he must’ve heard me coming (or remembered his youngest daughter, you know), because he came speed walking back and had regained his composure by the time I got to the door.

When I had gotten my sister inside, he immediately speed walked off again, looking away from the camera (to hide his face? That’s too late) and almost fell because he didn’t look where he was walking. After that, he only came to our home once more, to pick up my sister the next week. He tried to ignore the camera, but looked incredibly shifty.

He couldn’t help himself apparently because he threw the most amazing “sucking a lemon” face I’ve ever seen right at it. I must’ve looked at both clips 10 times, laughing like crazy. I think it was part relief that the cameras do work as a deterrent, part joy that he can’t do anything about it, and part surprise at the comedic weirdness of it.

It almost looks like a silent slapstick movie. They still haven’t noticed my warning stickers that we do have cameras, and they still haven’t noticed the other cameras. If anyone here with a bad family is hesitating whether or not to install cameras, do it. It makes you feel so much safer. You’ve got evidence if they try to do anything wrong, and these clips alone were definitely worth the money.

koevis

Her Perfect Plans

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My awful sister-in-law getting some well-deserved karma. She’s currently “42” weeks pregnant. Except she’s been hiding a huge secret. She’s not actually that far along. She’s been lying about her due date to not look like she got pregnant right after we told her we were pregnant. We told her we were pregnant when I was 12 weeks along and they were the last to know.

They had a pretty strange, kind of angry reaction to us telling them. They have no fertility problems and she said they were waiting 1-2 years to have kids because they had relationship issues to work out with a counselor before bringing kids into the mix. They got married quickly. She said she was using the fertility awareness method to prevent and has said before that I was unnecessarily hurting myself with birth control when I was one it.

This woman shamed me for using birth control, shamed me for having a hospital birth, shamed me for a C-section, sent me disturbing pregnancy-related videos while I was pregnant, plagiarized my Instagram posts, “claimed” baby names, sent out baby shower invites by text right after she found out I mailed mine, and has just been an overall jerk.

So now she’s in her 42nd week of being pregnant and still going ahead with her homebirth because she thinks hospitals are bad. Everyone has been bugging them constantly for the past two weeks and she’s worried she will need to be induced. All of this because she won’t admit that they conceived quite a long while after we announced!

So it’s a bit amusing seeing her deal with the consequences of her lies and get stressed and having people bug her about having the baby. I’m sure the narcissistic part of her likes the attention but also she’s squirming because she wants her birth plan to be perfect and Instagram-worthy but it doesn’t look like that will happen.

I really hope the baby and her are healthy and that she gets to go ahead with her ideal birth plan, but I’m enjoying her having to go through a waiting game after all the garbage she put me through. Oh, she also shamed me for not going to her baby shower when my baby was in the NICU.

2dayis2morrow

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

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My boyfriend’s cousin Karen is an idiot, and her husband Todd and their kids aren’t much better. There had been a terrible fire in Karen and Todd’s home and while they and their kids were unharmed, their possessions were destroyed. They did have insurance, but claimed that they couldn’t afford a hotel room till things got sorted out. Normally, my boyfriend’s parents would have allowed them to stay at their place, but they were out of town and wouldn’t return until a couple of days later.

Plus, they knew better than to let this family have free rein over their house. My boyfriend’s sister was likewise suddenly “unwell and unable to have guests in her home”. I DO NOT blame her one bit. I would have done the same. So the responsibility to be there for family fell squarely on my boyfriend’s shoulders. He agreed to let them stay in his guest bedroom until his parents got back.

I tried to talk him out of it but my man is kind and caring to a fault. It’s what I love about him the most, but sometimes it’s also the one thing I wish I could change about him. We lived to regret this act of kindness. Anyway, I had been out of town for a few days and he picked me up from the airport and we went straight to his place.

Karen and Todd acted happy to see me. Of course they did. What choice did they have? After a surprisingly quiet and peaceful dinner, we decided to go to bed. This is how the conversation that followed went. Him: Karen, we are going to bed. If your kids are going to watch TV, just make sure the volume is down. Karen: What do you mean “we”? You can’t sleep in the same room. Not while my kids are here.

Him: What??? Karen: You can live a sinful lifestyle all you want, but I don’t want my kids exposed to it. I don’t want to have to explain to them why a man and a woman who are not husband and wife are sleeping in the same bed. It’ll be a bad influence on them. Him: You’re in my home Karen, you can’t enforce your rules here. Just go to bed and keep your nose out of where it doesn’t belong.

Todd: She’s right you know, you really shouldn’t be sleeping together if you’re not married. But if you’re gonna do that anyway, you should just go to her place. I was so proud of what he did next. Him: I have a better idea. Why don’t you pack your stuff and get the heck out of MY apartment? Karen (wiping off invisible tears): How could you say that? We’re family. Why would you try to cruelly traumatize our kids with your sinful lifestyle?

Him (now raising his voice): I haven’t started to get “cruel” yet. Just pack your things and go stay in a hotel room. Todd being the slightly more sensible one, knew that my boyfriend meant business and he somehow got his wife to go to the guest room. He then apologized to my boyfriend and spewed some kind of garbage about his wife being upset due to recent events (the fire) and that she didn’t know what she was saying.

It was all just an excuse for her behavior. My boyfriend told him they could stay, but to remember that he wasn’t going to be pushed around in his own home. Later on, as we were busy engaging in our “favorite” activity, my dramatic side had the urge to scream loud enough for the entitled family to hear me. But, as I didn’t want to muddy the waters anymore, I decided against it.

shygirlturnedsassy

The Golden Child

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My friend got tired of her Golden Child Stepsister mooching off her Netflix account after they had a petty argument over the phone. The sister called my friend screaming at her about what a witch she is. Talking about how she’ll never amount to anything, and how she’s just a waste of space—meanwhile, the sister is $60k in debt in student loans.

Oh, and she dropped out in her final year. My friend decided she’d had enough. She then also changed the password to her Hulu and Amazon Prime accounts too, cutting her spoiled sister off further. After her sister exploded, my friend simply texted her saying, “You could always pay for your own accounts.” The sister’s response was so priceless.

“I don’t have any more money you witch! Sephora was having a sale so I’m tapped out! Screw you!” My friend and I are still laughing about this as we binge-watch shows on her accounts.

Phishmcz

Ruining the Surprise

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I recently found out that I am pregnant. I am overjoyed as I have always wanted a child of my own. I focused on my career in my life and since I am single, I wasn’t sure if having a baby would ever happen. I was excited to tell my family the big news. My older sister has one child, my nephew who is seven. My brother is married but he and his wife have made it very clear they will always be child-free.

Last night we had a family dinner and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to share the news. Since this will be my only child I wanted to make it special and I also wanted to involve my nephew. I got a shirt that read “this is what an awesome big cousin looks like”. I slipped away with my nephew before dinner and had a special moment with him while I told him he was going to have a cousin.

My nephew was very excited and put on the shirt. He put his sweater on over it and I told him he could take the sweater off whenever he wanted at dinner. In the middle of dinner, he took off the sweater and waited for someone to notice. Soon my sister jumped up and excitedly screamed when she saw the shirt. But here’s where it all started to go wrong.

They all then immediately assumed it was my sister-in-law. I wasn’t hurt by them assuming this and I kind of expected it because she is married. I was hurt because my sister-in-law didn’t try to correct them. She just went along with it and began to rub her flat belly while laughing. I must have looked completely hurt because my mother yelled at me to stop being rude and to congratulate them.

I tried to explain that I was the one who gave my nephew the shirt. They all didn’t even hear me and just continued to fawn over my sister-in-law. My brother stood frozen in shock just asking his wife if she was serious. I got up and went home. I received multiple texts at this point from them telling me what a jerk I am for making this all about me.

They said things like it wasn’t my sister-in-law’s fault that I was jealous. I didn’t reply to anything and just cried myself to sleep. This morning my sister-in-law must have finally let it slip that she is not pregnant. They have now all called me to apologize saying that they just got caught up in the moment. But they had to add in a cruel little twist.

They said I shouldn’t have left the dinner and that it’s my fault I wasn’t clear enough that I was the one who is pregnant. My mom said I could have a redo dinner so I can get it right and they will all act surprised. My sister-in-law sent me a message that said that the way I chose to announce was how she wanted to do it if she ever got pregnant.

She said that since she is not ever having a child, she just wanted to experience what the moment would be like. She also said I can have my chance at the redo dinner. I told them no and that I will not be doing a redo. Every single person has now told me I am being selfish and a jerk because I won’t let them make it right. To me, there’s no fixing this.

I will eventually forgive them but I don’t want to do a second announcement so they feel better.

Eternal_Hope3659

Our Small Support System

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My parents aren’t together. I haven’t seen my dad since a huge to-do occurred when I was 10, and I’m 18 now. That said, my mother stays in contact with him, because I have a severely disabled sister who often requires dual parental consent on forms. Her favorite method of contact is email, though they often call and she updates him on my sister.

Now, don’t be too harsh on my mother for this, but her password for her email is my sister’s birthday. So, it’s not too much of a stretch for the father of my sister to guess it. This is where it got creepy. My mother began to notice that whenever she received emails from her lawyer talking about decisions she made on my sister’s behalf (she has right of attorney), that my father would call the next day.

He would then suddenly go on a rant about the decision my mother just made. They’re things he’s actually against; he’s not just picking a fight. But strange how he always ends up choosing just the right time to rant about these things, huh? Anyway, recently, my family’s been going through some stuff. All my extended family are narcissists, alcoholics, criminals, etc.

So the ONLY support system we’ve ever really had has been my mother’s two best friends. For clarification, one is my godmother, the other is my honorary “aunt”. When I was little, my mother made me memorize both their numbers. She told me if anything happened to her, I was to call them right away, and they’d get me away from my dad before he even had a chance to fight for custody.

I lived with one of them during my rebellious teenage period. My mother didn’t understand mental illness—my aunt, who had a child with mental illness, was truly my savior at this time. The other one got us away from my father the instant she found out about his mistreatment. With a literal day’s notice, she flew out to our state, spent the day packing with us, then flew with my brother and I across the country.

We’d only booked tickets the night before, so my mother had to catch the next flight with my sister. They are our saving grace. So all this said, I always knew if something happened to my mom, I’d have them to fall back on; my mother told me that I’d go stay with my godmother, and my sister would go live with my aunt. Well, the worst has happened.

My mother’s sick. She’ll likely pass in the next year, or recover and live until 100. But my godmother and aunt are also sick too. They both have end-stage cancer and are terminal. My godmother is in her last six weeks. I’ve found all this out in just the past month, so it’s been a lot to deal with. As such, my mother had to update her will.

Power of attorney over my sister now goes to me, and everything is split equally between my brother and I—my brother is an addict and has responsibility issues. She took my dad out of it completely, knowing that if something does happen, I’ll need all the resources I can get—again, I’m only 18 years old, have an addict brother, zero support system to speak of, and a severely disabled sister.

Her lawyer sent the updated will through to her over email. It all came crashing down almost instantly. The next day, my father called her, madder than he’s been in years, or so my mother said. He spiraled into a rant, about how his “co-worker” has just been dragged through the mud by his ex-wife, who took him out of her will, and how evil is that?

Who could do that? He told her that the best thing she could ever do was give him 100% of her estate upon her passing. This man, who has done NOTHING for me, my sister, my brother, or my mother, thinks he should get EVERYTHING FROM HER?? I’m EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. My sister is a mentally disabled, severely physically handicapped, brain damaged 22-year-old who needs 24-hour constant care.

My brother is an ADDICT who I don’t see for weeks on end. And he thinks he should get 100% of my mother’s estate (which is a plot of land and roughly $60,000 to both me and my brother) and leave me with my sister, no house over our heads, no food on the table? Screw off. I’m a teenage girl who’s enduring my world crumbling beneath my feet.

I have no idea what I’m going to do if something happens. I have no concept of how to even begin to deal with the task that’s been thrown at me. But at least with what my mother would leave me, I’d be able to learn. But he wants to leave us with nothing? Get screwed. Needless to say, my mother’s lawyer cut all communication through email.

He also told her to immediately make a new account. She doesn’t know how, so she gave me the phone and he told me what to do. She and I are now the only ones with the passwords, because I’d need to get records of everything in case of her passing.

SeaBeeDecodesLife

Green With Envy

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I remember when we stayed with my sister-in-law one time, and I bought two weeks’ worth of food with one paycheck of my fiancé’s. She told us, “The way you guys stock food like that is disgusting! You should only buy what you need”! I said “Hey, you never know what is going to happen. What if next week we can’t afford food”? Her answer made me want to scream.

“NOOOOOOoOoOoOo! God says only buy what you need and don’t be greedy”! Well, guess what? After one week in quarantine, she is now on Facebook ranting about having no toilet paper and worrying about the lack of food on shelves to buy. Hmm. Looks like me buying extra food and necessities every week isn’t disgusting or nasty or a sin or immoral now, is it?

We’re here in our apartment with a toilet paper stock we bought over the course of the past year, pounds of rice, seeds to grow our own food, pounds of beans, canned goods, and microwave meals. Suddenly me growing up poor and always keeping a small stock isn’t gross? Hilarious. Good luck surviving on Walmart scraps.

You shouldn’t have hated me for being bi; I would have shared our stock with you gladly. But I’m not family, remember?

Permalink

I Wonder What Happened to Her

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I used to babysit for a very dysfunctional family. Their whole relationship was a nightmare. The mum got knocked up on purpose so the dad wouldn’t leave her, subsequently, the dad hated the mum and resented the child. I know this because they fought about it often, publicly, and in front of the child. When I would arrive the baby would always have a very dirty diaper that had obviously been left like that for many hours.

The baby’s first word was her own name, and then my name. Not mama or dada, her own freaking three-syllable name. One day, the child had no milk or baby food left, and the mom goes to the store and comes back with just a pack of smokes. I asked her why she didn’t get anything for the baby, and her response made me furious: “Well I didn’t have enough for both and I don’t get paid till Friday.”

It was Wednesday, and she was just gonna let the kid go hungry for three days; there was nothing edible in the house. I completely lost it. I don’t think I have ever raged out on somebody so bad in my entire life. I let her have it for a good ten minutes, screaming at the top of my lungs the litany of reasons why she was a failure as a parent and how I was gonna call CPS if things didn’t change.

She burst into tears and took it back and came home with milk so I guess it kinda worked. I ended up making pureed veggies at home and bringing them to the little girl for the rest of the week. They moved away shortly after that and I always wonder what happened to the little girl.

Aurakitty

Monster-In-Law

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Back when my awful sister was planning her wedding, her even worse mother-in-law wanted to be a part of it. Unfortunately for everyone involved, this woman wanted her family traditions involved. The food…okay, the giant line dance…okay, but then she sprang the big one on my poor mother. It was apparently a tradition in her family that unmarried older daughters had to do a dance in a pig trough at the reception.

Well, my sister and brother-in-law thought that would be hilarious. Being that I was the only unmarried older daughter…So funny. My poor mom was getting torn down by this mother-in-law—because it was just a JOKE. That was repeated and insisted on in every single phone call. Meanwhile, my mom is just trying to protect me from that spectacle and wasn’t telling me.

But finally, I saw her crying and she told me what was going on. But there was one thing they weren’t counting on. At that point, I was only a short time out of a very horrible relationship. I didn’t remember how to say “no” yet, but I did remember how to say “I’m taking you all down with me.” And oh boy, did I ever come up with a genius plan.

I told the mother-in-law that I’d be happy to do that dance in front of her entire family…undressed. And only undressed. Suddenly, it wasn’t so funny anymore. Eventually, they all shut up about it, but that was the last time that woman ever spoke to me. It’s been 12 years, by the way.

SidheJester

Grandfathered In

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So my fiancée and I have been together for about three years total and engaged for almost a year. We are planning to get married after the baby arrives. She’s seven months pregnant and we are having a boy. Here’s where the drama starts. My grandfather passed in a heroic but devastating way when I was young. Since then, I have always wanted to name my first son after him.

He was my mom’s dad, and she wanted this even more than me. She has always, always stressed to me how important and meaningful this would be, but I’ve always wanted to do this as well. My grandfather didn’t have the stereotypical old-man name but actually had a name that is still common today. His name is also actually my fiancée’s dad’s name.

My fiancée never spoke about her dad other than telling me when we first started dating that she does not have a relationship with him and wants to leave it at that. She also told me a shortened name of his name which sounds similar but is different to my grandfather’s. But anyway, I never pressed her about it. I didn’t connect this at the time, but she never addressed my grandfather by name.

She just called him my grandfather. However, I thought this was normal because she’s never met him and that’s what I call him. I can’t forget her reply when I told her what I wanted to name our son. She said no. I couldn’t believe she said no so flat-out like that. I kept trying to convince her, letting her know how important and meaningful this was to me and the name is still common today.

It’s not like I wanted to name him an ugly or outdated name. I found her crying a couple times though and she eventually broke down and told me that that was her father’s name too and her father seriously mistreated her from the ages of 12-18, when she left for college. I felt horrible and of course, told her we won’t call our son that. I love the name and I love my grandfather.

I miss him terribly and would love to honor him in this way, but I love my fiancée more than anything and I don’t want her to spend the rest of her life having that name in regular use. I also don’t want it to feel like to her or anyone else that we named our son after her father. Selfishly, it really sucks that we won’t be naming our son this name.

But I am trying to come to terms with that. But that’s not the problem really—my family’s reaction was 100 times worse. My parents and especially my mom and extended family on mom’s side as well as my siblings have been doing everything imaginable to try to convince us to call our son this name. My fiancée ended up actually telling my mom what happened and why we won’t use this name.

This was hard for her to do because other than her own mom and therapist, she had never told anyone else about what happened. My mom acted sympathetic and understanding but ended up telling everyone else in our family what happened. Now everyone is contacting us to offer “support” and console my fiancée but also to tell her about how wonderful my grandfather was.

They keep saying how the name would be after him and not her father and what a great name it is. I put my foot down (or so I thought) and told everyone that enough was enough and they had to stop contacting us. We blocked a lot of people on Facebook and a lot of phone numbers. This was a few months ago though, and now that the baby will be here in just two months, it’s gotten so much worse.

People have actually started referring to our son with the name. My mom made a post with a lot of photos of baby gifts and equipment and talked about how she was soooo excited to meet her grandson “______” who will be named after her father. My dad shared the post as well as most of her family. My siblings made their own posts about how they’re excited to meet their nephew, calling him by that name.

100% they are trying to name him that so that when he’s born, everyone will already think that’s his name and we’ll think we might as well just name him that officially. I have spoken to my parents and my mom privately so many times. I also gave her an earful when she blabbed my fiancée’s secret. But it doesn’t seem like anything is working.

My fiancée is distressed and cries almost every day, and every time she goes on social media. We did change her phone number though so that my family would no longer be able to text her. I’m just not sure what to do from here.

babynamedrama123

Twin Troubles

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My identical twin has always been competitive with me. We were raised by narcissists, so we were often pitted against each other. She married her high school sweetheart about a year after our father passed. I moved two states away for grad school when I was 22 and only come home on special occasions like holidays nowadays.

Christmas 2018 was one of those holidays I was home. I alternate spending holidays with my family and my partner’s family. At the time, I was dealing with a health scare that Web MD said could either be a hormone imbalance or cancer. I was freaking out. My partner didn’t know how to be supportive because we’re in our 20s and kind of dumb.

We were arguing somewhat consistently for the month. Anyway, my sister has a bad habit of cheating on her husband whenever they’re dealing with an argument. It’s been going on for almost as long as they’ve been married. He knows but won’t do anything about it because he’s in love with her. My sister invited me to spend an evening with her and her husband.

It was supposed to be us just catching up and having a few beers. I couldn’t believe it when I realized what her plan was. She invited a guy from her husband’s work that she thought I would find attractive. Because, you know, she thought I wanted to cheat on my partner because we were fighting at the time. That didn’t pan out, and he left.

She then invited one of her college friends over. We had a good talk, but that’s it. It turns out we had a lot in common. I was texting my partner the whole time, and he was less than thrilled about the whole situation. We had a good talk, and my issues were resolved a few weeks later; it was just hormones. My partner and I are now engaged and very happy.

He still hates my sister, and I don’t blame him.

redheadedbate

Karma Takes Its Time

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My father cheated on my mom when I was four and went on to marry his mistress. Now, this is not even about that but about the fact that my father not only divorced my mom but also divorced ME. To give you a bit of background, he avoided me for most of my childhood and teens. My parents had shared custody of me but he would only ask to see me once a month.

Twice if I begged and called a lot to see him. He refused to pay child support and when he would, it would be 6+ months late and would be much less than what was agreed on. According to him, my mom was rich and my grandfather was fully capable of supporting me. Except as far as I know he is the one who helped create me…not my grandfather.

He moved out of the country (which is one of the most dangerous countries in the world) when I was 17 under the excuse of a two-week vacation and never came back. He took his wife and two kids and left me. When I found out I was too hurt to say anything but my mom confronted him. His words back cut me to the bone. His only response was “I have to take care of my family”.

His wife doesn’t like me, of course, and there are no pictures of me at their house. My mother remarried and I have a WONDERFUL stepfather who raised me better than my father ever could. He paid for my education and everything I ever needed. Later on, I moved out of my country with my father’s visa. My stepdad offered him money to allow me to come to school under his visa and he took it.

I saw my father maybe four times in the last five years (awkward, forced trips). It was maybe for a day each time, and each time he wanted a family picture to post on social media and act like a doting father. He has never helped me with school, never helped me move, and never came when I was sick or heartbroken or sad. I was in the same country as him all on my own, and he was the only family I had there.

Fast forward to the last two years. I met an amazing man who happens to be a citizen of the country I’m in. We were together for a year and a half and my dad met him once. It was at my graduation that he asked to be a part of, and I reluctantly invited him. However, as usual, he only came to take a picture to post on Facebook.

There was no dinner, no present, nothing. He spoke for maybe a minute to my then-boyfriend about baseball and that was it. Today I’ve been married to that same man for six months. My father didn’t bring us a card or a present. Fine, whatever. But there’s just one thing. Now my father and stepmom want to see us…a lot. And well, I think I know why.

Now, my father is in this country on a visa, which means eventually he has to leave. His children are citizens but much too young to do anything for him for at least another decade, when they become of age and can sponsor their parents. His family and my husband’s met for dinner and he took the bill for ALL 10 OF US. This was very shocking since my father is incredibly cheap.

I had already told my husband’s family to split the check since I knew my father would pay only for himself even if the event was his idea. Then before we left he jokingly told me I have to facilitate his way to citizenship since I’ll be married and a citizen myself soon…so there’s that. A month later, he invited me and my husband to a fancy hotel to spend New Year’s Eve.

He paid for absolutely everything for two days. The whole time my husband and I were just confused at all this attention we were getting…which brings me to this week. He has been calling weekly since early January to have my husband and I spend the weekend at their house (they live three hours away) this month. To be honest we are not buying it.

I always (stupidly) give him chances and he always disappoints me. My mother-in-law told me maybe he finally wants a relationship with me but the timing is SO OFF! Why did no one call when I was all alone in this country? Why now? My husband really dislikes him (he knows all he has put me through) and has already told me he won’t allow me to help him with citizenship.

He says he doesn’t deserve it and didn’t offer me help when I was in that situation, and he is right. I don’t want to help them, it would be a huge insult to my mother who in her own imperfect way took care of me all on her own. But I also feel bad for turning my back on him because it’s just not who I am. But I will not help him.

Karma took a while but it’s finally happening. I can’t wait to tell him “I have to take care of my family” once the time comes and he asks for my aid.

fnars

Night Terrors

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We lived under some horrible people for eight months. They would have parties in the middle of the week till 2 or 3 am regularly. Their girl, who was around 10 or 12 years old, was having regular night terrors. She would wake up screaming. We lived in the basement and their bedrooms were on the second floor, so there was a whole story between us.

We could hear the dad stomping down the hallway. He slammed open the door to start screaming at the top of his lungs, “You better knock that off! Stop crying you brat! They’re nothing but dreams! You hear me? Dreams! It’s nothing worth crying over!” Worst neighbors ever. We never felt sorry that our dog barked all day. He hated them.

When their kids started crying our dog started to cry, whine, and howl in sympathy. But the adults he would bark and snarl at. Our dog loved people of all ages. I could trust his instincts of a good human.

Alabardios

Sweet Revenge

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I’m Indian and in my country, until a few years ago, you could get steel utensils from door-to-door vendors in exchange for clothes. This barter system still exists in villages and some small towns. My grandmother, being the insane hoarder that she was, loved getting utensils in this manner. Utensils that no one else was allowed to touch, that she would never use and would only gather dust in her room.

Any time my stepmom or my dad tried to donate our old clothes to charity, she would throw a hissy fit. She’d collect all the clothes we weren’t going to wear anymore so she could exchange them for pots and pans. At times she would take it a step further and demand clothes that we were still going to wear. She would insist that they don’t fit us anymore, or some other argument to get us to hand them over.

Seriously, we had to sometimes fight her to keep our clothes. Oh but she never, I mean NEVER, gave away her own clothes. She only took garments from others, namely me, my dad, my stepmom, and my stepbrother. When I was around 21, I had just lost a lot of weight and needed new clothes. Yes, I lived with my parents. In India, you can’t afford to live independently unless you have a well-paying job and I was in college at that time.

So one day I went to a local store’s clearance sale and bought a bunch of new threads. I left them on my bed and went off to a friend’s place. When I returned a few hours later, my new clothes were gone! My dad, stepmom, and brother weren’t home, so I figured out instantly who must’ve taken them. I confronted the Grandmonster and asked what she’d done with my clothes.

She was sitting on her bed admiring her latest haul of pots and pans. Without even looking up, she told me my clothes were ugly and “too westernized”. And that she did the right thing by exchanging them for “something useful”. At that point, I lost it. I yelled, cursed at her, called her every name in the book. And she had the audacity to actually defend her actions.

That evening, there was a major showdown in our home. I was still livid and asked my dad exactly how long we were going to put up with her. My stepmother and I don’t get along, but when one of us was up against Grandmonster, the other always lent her support. This was no different, and my stepmother agreed with me wholeheartedly.

My dad told Grandmonster that she was now forbidden from entering my room without my prior permission. She started to fake cry and said we were all being so cruel to her. My dad later came to my room and said he would make it up to me and buy me new clothes. I, of course, was still livid. And I wasn’t about to let that witch have this victory. So I got my revenge.

My grandmother needed sleeping pills to fall asleep. She took them even during the day. So a few days later, I snuck into her room during her afternoon nap. I opened her “utensils trunk” (yes, she had a whole trunk full of them) and took out a whole bunch of her beloved pots, glasses, plates etc. I shut the lid quietly and exited. I went straight to an old-age shelter that was nearby.

I donated the utensils and earned the joy of giving and the taste of sweet, sweet revenge. I didn’t tell anyone what I had done and just waited for Grandmonster to discover her loss. Which she did, just a few days later. It happened in the evening. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner when I heard her ear-piercing wailings about how someone had pilfered from her utensils chest.

A satisfied smile spread across my face. My dad called me into Grandmonster’s room and asked if I knew anything about the missing utensils. I admitted that I had taken and donated them. Grandmonster looked like her head would explode. I calmly told her I had done the right thing because those utensils were “ugly” and that the shelter needed them more.

And clearly, if she could come into my room and take my things without asking, I could jolly well do the same! I think my dad was upset with me but really had nothing to say to me. He spent the next hour or so trying to calm his mother down. I slept so well that night. When Grandmonster passed a few years later, the first of her belongings that we got rid of were those utensils.

shygirlturnedsassy

Using It As A Crutch

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I have misaligned hips, causing a lot of pain whenever I walk for a distance without the assistance of a wheelchair or cane. I usually only use the cane when I’m going to the mall with my friends since it is annoying to maneuver in the wheelchair, but I much prefer the chair since it allows for a pillow on my bad hip. This brings me to the disaster that was yesterday.

I’m going to my mom’s house this weekend. She called me to explain that my stepsister, who is about my age at 18, has torn her ACL and needs to use my wheelchair after her surgery. I don’t have any malice toward my step-siblings, but I’ve only met them a handful of times. The issue I have is that this weekend is the same day that a group of friends and I are going on a colonial tour around the city for my birthday.

When I asked if she could just ask the doctor for one or crutches for that matter, mom said it would come out of pocket since her insurance won’t cover it. I told her that my stepsister can have my cane, but I’m going to need my wheelchair since the tour was a whole day of walking. Mom got annoyed and started to sigh. I still can’t believe the “ultimatum” she gave me.

She said that I can use the cane, but the wheelchair was going to my stepsister. Or I could reschedule for another weekend—which would most likely mean never going as there aren’t any refunds nor enough money to pay for another ticket that I had to pay with my own money. I said the last part was fine (seeing as it was on my birthday weekend and not on the day) but she would have to pay for our tickets for us to go again.

She scoffed and said that it would cost more than buying a pair of crutches. I tried to explain that it would still be cheaper than buying a new wheelchair like mine. But she just kept shutting me down, saying that my stepsister will be getting the wheelchair for the weekend and for me to make do with the cane. The argument ended with “I’m not asking, I’m telling” and her hanging up on me without saying another word.

I admit that I was feeling a little bit spiteful after this. So I came up with a way to get her back. The other day I asked my friend if I could store my wheelchair in the back of her trunk for the trip. After all, I was planning on just going to her house after the trip even before she called. Me playing dumb is the best plan, I’m going to say I just forgot or something.

It didn’t help my mood that when I was looking up prices for crutches, the prices that she was looking at were for brand new ones rather than going on second-hand sites for ones a quarter of the price. When I tried to screenshot some of them and send them to her, she simply replayed the “we already have the wheelchair so it’s fine”. Yeah, MY wheelchair. And no, you don’t.

I feel like a jerk for planning on hiding my chair but this will be the first time in a few years that I’m actually celebrating my birthday and I don’t want to spend the whole time either in pain or resenting my stepsister for making me lose a lump sum of money I had to work overtime for. Either way, I’m going to be agitated because my mom won’t listen to any of my suggestions or see things from my point of view.

Turtlefanatics

Computer Dreams Crashed

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I’ve been working on getting a laptop for a year. I’ve been saving money, researching what I want, etc. And my cousins (bless them) just gave me a belated birthday gift—a big ol’ sum of cash. I can finally afford what I want after a year of tirelessly working for it! Now, my little sister is a very busy person. She has school, a job, and soccer.

Her schedule is set weeks in advance, so if I want to go get a laptop, I have to pick a day she’s doing nothing. Which is like, I don’t know, once a month? Because if she has plans, my parents are driving her around and I need to find a different ride. So I set up a day for me and my dad to go laptop shopping, which is the only day this month my sister isn’t busy!

And my dad kept his schedule clear for me too! Today is the day, and we were maybe an hour away from being ready to go, when my little sister called. She wants to go to a party. It’s an hour’s drive. She wants dad to drive her. This completely disrupts our plans, and now I’m sitting at home while he drives her to a party she decided on a whim she wanted to go to.

Surprise surprise…No matter what happens, no matter what I want to do, no matter how much I plan around her, she is always the priority. My options now are, I guess, wait until next month or find someone else to take me.

Claycastles

Full Of Hot Air

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I’ve always known my mom lies, has tantrums, and I knew about her Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis years ago. But she fudged up a lie recently, and so I started asking questions. That’s when her web of lies unraveled. The first major lie I caught her in was her accusation that my grandfather, her father, mistreated her. Turns out, never happened.

He just made her angry one day. Today I learned something that has my mind and body numb. When I was around 3, I had a brother. I broke a bowl and my stepdad (total psycho) lost his mind, and my mom and him got in a fight. Because of it, my brother passed from shaken baby syndrome. Or at least, this is what I’ve been told my entire life.

I remember my brother. I remember breaking the bowl. I remember them fighting and me hiding under my bed during it. Only thing is, that wasn’t my brother. And the baby didn’t die. The truth is mind-blowing. The truth I found out today is that my mother had told me that our neighbor’s kid was my brother since the day that he was born.

She babysat for them daily so it makes sense why I have so many memories of him. I was told daily “hug your brother, kiss your brother, your brother is napping, brother is eating”. So little child me assumed she told the truth, and it was my brother. Turned out I broke a bowl, and then she and my stepdad started fighting. The child’s real mom showed up to pick him up.

She heard the fight and said they’d never watch the baby again. Like any good mom would. My mother decided to tell me my brother was dead. My aunt said after my mother had a miscarriage she lost her mind, but no one knows if she actually had a miscarriage because her story on that changed a lot too. All this came to light because I said pregnancy while taking care of toddlers is rough and my mom said she did it for five months.

I said what…only five months? Pregnancy is 40 weeks, and she had never mentioned any child being premature. Back then babies born at five months didn’t make it like they sometimes, very rarely, do now.  So I called my aunt for the truth. Apparently, everyone hid it from me because they’re afraid of my mom. For good reason. She is a great liar and prone to violent outbursts, and if she sees you as “her enemy” she is capable of anything.

whatthebork

Burning Bridges

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We are officially done with my husband’s family. It is over. So, I watch my sister-in-law’s one-year-old child for basically nothing every day. I run a business full-time from home. I have a two-year-old daughter as well. They regularly don’t pick their daughter up on time. I have to take her to the doctor when she’s sick. It’s just a mess.

They have had CPS called on them for drinking problems, unsupervised children, etc. My husband’s whole family lives in the same house. His family is just…narcissistic? Anyway, I was informed this morning that one of my clients wants to do a video call tomorrow or Tuesday to talk about our upcoming project. I inform my sister-in-law that I will not be able to watch her child one of those days, but she is free to choose which one and the time.

She flips out and tells me she can’t take the day off of work, has no one to watch her, etc. I tell her she will have to figure it out; I have to take this call to pay for my daughter’s upcoming surgery (it’s minor, but it costs $2,000). Well, approximately five minutes later my father-in-law calls my husband, yelling. My husband works for my business too, so he was home.

He complains that we didn’t give them enough notice. My husband informs him that we just found out this morning and that this client is quite major. The family’s group text starts blowing up with family members yelling at me. So I did it. I told them I wasn’t going to raise their child anymore. Calling my husband and yelling while he is at work is unacceptable behavior. That’s when things really took off.

My mother-in-law tells me she is so disappointed in all of this. I informed her that I was quite disappointed in her favoritism. She pays for all her other children’s stuff, but has never given us a cent; she regularly misses my husband’s events; etc. Apparently, she blames me for everything because I spend too much time with my family (???).

I tell her that I make a concerted effort to spend equal time with both families even though she works and drinks constantly. Even when we are over there, she doesn’t interact with her granddaughter (or son) at all. And then I laid it on her: “You’re the one that canceled her first birthday party at the last minute. You’re the one that doesn’t even know her favorite color. You’re the one that didn’t know she cried when her grandfather stumbled into the vacation house, tipsy, because she was scared”.

And that is the end of that, I hope.

TomorrowsKarma

Clean Your Kid

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I have three examples from the same set of parents. They have a 7-year-old who is not potty trained. Not “still wets the bed,” or “has the occasional accident when frightened or excited.” Nearly every time we get together with this family, this child has dirty pants which are very noticeably smelly, and does nothing about it, even when prompted.

When this kid had just turned 7 years old, the family was at our house, and the dad comes out to our living room to tell the mom that the kid, “smells a little poopy and maybe she should do something about it.” The mom replies, “Ooooh, I didn’t bring anything.” But we were ready this time. The bathroom accident might have caught her by surprise, but not us.

We have noticed how often this child poops himself, and we had everything she needed to clean him up; two new, unopened containers of wipes along with powder and a change of undergarments. Even after we provided the parents with this, the mom needed some arm-twisting to change her son. They did nothing at all to address this issue, even after they were reported to CPS by a nurse.

They are only now beginning to address it because his school will not accept him back for classes until he is trained. Part of their failure to deal with the problem is likely denial, and I understand that admitting that something may be amiss with your child is terrifying, but this feels akin to negligence on their part.

During a visit to the home of this family, while the mom was still at work, I was left to watch the kid when the dad decided to quickly run an errand. The kid, aged 6 at the time, insists on standing in the middle of the road to watch for the return of his mom’s car, and screamed when I bodily picked him up around the waist and carried him out of the road.

When the mom returned, he described the situation as just about any 6-year-old would, “Mommy, Thoreau isn’t the boss of me!” His mom’s reply? “You’re right.” Not, “It doesn’t matter if Thoreau is the boss or not, you know you’re not allowed in the road.” Not “Thoreau isn’t mommy or daddy, but we put Thoreau in charge while we were away.” Nothing. Just, “You’re right. Thoreau’s not the boss.” The mind reels.

The kid had been slaughtering Japanese beetles all morning, screaming, “Jap-oh-NEESE beetle!” every time he spots one. When he spots one on my shoulder, he screams out his beetle warcry and physically climbs up my body to squish the bug into the cloth of my shirt. I tell him, in an authoritarian voice, “Get down! You don’t climb people like trees. Come on, now.”

The dad pulls the kid aside and, in a tone of wheedling condescension, says, “Thoreau is a ‘liberal environmentalist,’ and doesn’t want you to kill any bugs because Thoreau wants to take the bug home and hug it and squeeze it and call it George.” As though the only reason I would mind a screaming 40-pound child who reeks of poop clambering up my person would be a namby-pamby unwillingness to let the kid kill a garden pest.

And that this namby-pamby attitude was worthy of being ridiculed. I wouldn’t have let a screaming child who was stewing in his own poop climb all over me if his intent in the end was to give me a waffle cone overflowing with my favorite flavor ice cream. The dad either did not notice or was completely unwilling to acknowledge that his son’s behavior was completely unacceptable.

This couple’s long-standing pattern of cluelessness? Complete lack of regard for others, such as those who have to clean up chairs and floors after a poopy child has been through? It just burns me.

Thoreau_away_Account

To The Left, To The Left

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I’m super pregnant. I’m in my last trimester now and we waited until I was 22 weeks to tell my family due to complications. We’re fine, but we’ve been spending all this time building our nursery and being excited to be parents. My husband worked on the nursery himself, without my overbearing family or his knowing about it. He is a very proud dad and it’s helped him bond immensely with our baby, who isn’t even here yet.

My family, full of awful people, is split in two. My dad’s family isn’t involved in this story—I’m fighting them on another front, but they took the news of the completed nursery very well. My mother’s family, specifically my aunt and cousin, didn’t take it well, but they were relieved I only wanted books from them for the baby’s library. My cousin has been in competition with me since she was a child.

I don’t know why, she’s the golden child and got everything she always wanted. I ignored her my whole life and never competed, which I think made it worse. She has repeatedly told our grandparents and her mom that I’m a thief. She claims I’ve always taken her things, called her rude names, and she always manages to get everyone worked up about it.

It’s always been disproven, her things are always found, but the family always buys it. It hurt so much the last time that I refused to be around my cousin without a second witness to our interactions. Thanks to that, there was no drama for three years because my husband was always with me. After hearing I’d gotten married (we eloped in a ceremony abroad), had a destination honeymoon, and was now having a baby, she wasn’t happy. I think that’s when she snapped. I’m now having the first great-grandchild for both families, which is a big deal for my cultural background. She tried after our announcement to “take over” my baby shower.

However, I told the family I wasn’t having one because we already got everything we needed. I have tons of clothes, furniture, etc. So I asked for books instead. Dinner went great with the whole side of the family being excited. However, I knew something was coming my way from my cousin because I’d refused her “generous offer” about the baby shower, thus not giving her any attention.

She texts me several days later (she shouldn’t have had my number in hindsight) and told me she’d be coming by my house to drop off “gifts” for my baby. I told her no thanks, we weren’t taking gifts. She tells me she’s coming by at this time and I told her I’d be out. I also said that even if I was home I’m not taking them, and I’m not having any discussions with her about my pregnancy or baby. You can guess what happened next.

She showed up anyway. She was apparently banging and screaming at my door (I have video footage from my Waze camera) so much that my neighbor called the authorities. They showed up and surprise! She has a warrant for unpaid traffic citations and was driving under a suspended license. So she gets locked up. Between my appointment and an emergency visit to the hospital (bloodwork issues, we wanted to confirm baby was okay), she’d managed to tell my family a different story.

I’d apparently opened the door, called her horrible names and called her gifts cheap, kicked her when she tried to take them back, and then slammed the door in her face with the gifts. I then apparently called the authorities, told them she had a warrant, and lied telling them she’d physically gone for me. She then went to lockup and was treated horribly.

I thought for sure my family had to know she was full of it—I was in the hospital for my baby. I was shocked at their reaction. They believed her. They came at me with texts, calls, voicemails, and all of it nasty. They didn’t believe me at all. My mother and bio-grandmother did, however, and tried to set the family straight. I decided I was done.

I’m not defending myself, why should I? I sent out a message to everyone that if they were going to believe my cousin, they were no longer allowed near my family. I would disown them all. I had proof she was lying. They didn’t believe me and kept up the nastiness. I blocked them all. Three weeks later, the church ladies at my work told me that the whole family was talking ugly about me to the whole (small) town.

I then showed them the texts and video since they were so shocked about what my family was saying. Once they saw the video and my pictures from the hospital (I made a video for myself of me watching my baby’s heart rate and the clock, so it kind of proves where I was) they were horrified. They stopped bothering me about it then and it got quiet.

A week ago, my cousin’s story truly fell apart when my grandfather and uncle ran into the officer who detained her. The church ladies and the officer backed my story up, and my cousin crumbled when she was confronted. The family is horrified, and my aunt and cousin are on the outs. They found out she also had substances in her car, so she’s lost her golden child status.

My whole family has been trying to come by my house, only to discover my neighborhood has a new key-code gate. My mother called me today to ask what she should do, as my grandfather came by her house sobbing about the whole thing. I told her it wasn’t my issue and I was sorry for her being caught up in it, but I’m not budging. I disowned them. And I went one step further.

I removed my family name from my hyphenated last name and just took my husband’s. I deleted my Facebook. I changed my number. We are listed privately. I won, as sad as it is, because they’re now facing the consequences of their actions. And I’m sad. I want my family, but they need to stay away. I can never give them another chance. What if they hurt me or, Gods forbid, my child next time with their behavior?

I’m at a loss. My mother says they want to send a letter. But do I even read it? My mother has effectively told the entire family I want to be left alone, she will not be passing any messages on to me from this point further, and that any more contact would involve our attorney. It got very quiet today and I’m quite relieved about it. I had my husband block everyone’s number.

I also sent my lovely church ladies (who bring me food and visit sometimes) a message detailing that I was too stressed to hear about my ex-family anymore. I asked that we drop that uncomfortable subject when they visit and they were happy to oblige. We had a small visit today and all we talked about was my nursery for the baby. Going forward I’ve decided to stick by my no-contact rule.

I am not giving these people any more real estate in my mind.

SarcasticDogOwner

Animal Instincts

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I had a pet kitten when I was roughly nine years old that we only had for a month. My parents got her from a pet store with bowls, food, etc. And one day I come home from school and she was gone. They said they got tired of buying stuff for her, and that she was smelly and so they gave it away. But here’s the worst part. I remember them buying her because I was lonely and wanted a friend.

Then it happened AGAIN. The second time, I was a bit older, I’ll say 12-13ish. Well, they had a bunch of turtles and they gave those away after a year or so. They didn’t even do much so I’ll never understand why my parents felt they were a burden. I was the one in charge of cleaning their water and feeding them. I’d let them roam the house and put them back afterward.

They were happy. And I liked decorating their containers to make them look “tropical”. Again, one day I come home and they’re gone. The third time, we had a hamster. I was about 17? It was a gift given to my brother. But he didn’t really like it and as such ignored and neglected the poor thing. He didn’t even bother to name it so I did. I named it and went out and bought it food and a rolly ball thing he can get inside of to roam the house.

A week goes by and my parents notice me taking care of it. My mom tells me, “you know why he doesn’t want that thing right?” I say I don’t know and she goes “his ex-girlfriend gave him that thing. He probably gets sad every time he sees it too, because it reminds him of his ex-girlfriend”. I tell her, “he saw me playing with it and said it’s cool that I want it. He seems fine to me”.

She just gave me this mad look and goes “we’re getting rid of it because we don’t want him to be reminded of his ex for no reason”. A few days later, the hamster was gone. It was a very affectionate little thing too and used to come to me when I called for it. My dad used to make fun when I called for it and to this day when he feels like being a total jerk he will mimic my voice and try “calling for the hamster”.

The worst part of it all was that the only pets that lasted long (more than a few months) were my mom’s pets. She had this parrot for years and she made it loud and clear that the obnoxious loud bird was HER pet. She would buy it toys and perches on the walls for it. But she would also tell me I needed to clean the cage for her. So one day, it was summer and I opened her cage.

That idiot bird flew right out one of the open windows (my mom was cleaning the floors and airing things out). My mom ran outside then came back in and screamed her head off at me and demanded I buy her a new parrot immediately even though those things are $500+ and I was a broke college student taking out loans to make ends meet. But I had the perfect response.

I told her “I’ll buy you a parrot when you give me back my kitten, my turtles, and my hamster”. She said I was crazy, whined some more, but she never brought up her parrot again after that.

icanteventell

Driving Me Crazy

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So I inherited my dad’s car, and my sister had a cow and is now trying to take it. She sent me this text: “Don’t try to take dad’s car out of town. I’m on my way to DMV to make sure that the car stays in dad’s name or else I’ll change it back to dad’s name with the attorney’s paperwork. If you leave, you go to jail for stolen property”.

Too bad so sad, it’s already in my name and I left for Texas. Take that Satan.

Seeksherowntruth

F For Effort

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I am a first-generation college graduate. I recently graduated with a degree in Mechanical Engineering and a minor in mathematics. I managed to get an entry-level engineering position where my employer will fully pay for my MS in Mechanical Engineering. The effect this had on my family shocked me. They are now all berating me by saying “it isn’t like you’re a surgeon or a dentist”.

Engineering is my passion; I don’t want to be a surgeon or a dentist. And none of them have even been to college. I want to continue graduate education in this field and have a career doing real research and development. It’s crushing my self-esteem and is making me feel like I’m not doing anything with my life, or that I got an easy degree that literally anyone could get.

Accomplished-Cash

Nature Calls

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We didn’t have a traditional wedding as we couldn’t afford it. Besides that, my parents would not give us any money. I knew they wouldn’t but gave it a shot since I was the first child to get married. We also lived five states away at the time. We settled on a date two months out and I called my parents to let them know about the news.

Me: I just wanted to tell you that we are going to get married at the courthouse on that Friday’s date. Mother: Ok. Sounds good. Father: That won’t work. Pick another date. Me: …Well, we already paid and booked it. There is a fee to change it. Father: Well, deer season starts on that Monday. I am not missing opening day because you can’t be reasonable.

Me: I am not changing the date because deer season is more important to you than me. You can fly in on Thursday and leave Saturday and still have plenty of time to be ready for Monday Father: No. You are just doing this so I can’t go hunting. You are being so selfish to want to waste my hunting money on you. Yes, he seriously said this.

Me: Ok, dad. Your deer season is way more important than watching me get married. I do not want you there. I want my day to be happy and with you there it won’t be. I will mark you down that you won’t be here. Mom, will you, brother and sister come? Mother: Your sister will, but your brother is going to hunt with your father. Me: sounds great. Hangs up.

“Father” did not come. I gave myself away. My mom and sister came. They were so happy for me. The best part was that my “father” and brother did not get one deer that season! I laughed until I cried and my sides hurt.

unwantedchild74

Forgot The Groceries

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I’ve been a nanny for a little over 5 years so I’ve seen my fair share of crazy families, but there’s one babysitting job that sticks out more than any other. My ex’s mom referred me to her hairdresser, so when she called me I was pretty excited to go to her house and watch a 4-year-old boy that everyone raved about being so adorable and fun.

He sure was cute, but fun is not the word I would use to describe that night. The kid had the worst ADHD I have ever experienced before. There was absolutely no food or drink, other than margarita mix and a 2-week-old half-gallon of milk, which he said he drank earlier that day, in the fridge. All of the sippy cups that they owned smelled like rotten eggs.

The mom left telling me she would be home anywhere between 10 pm and 2 am. Then she came home at 4 am and got mad at me for falling asleep on the couch. I almost had a breakdown. I felt so bad for this boy. Seriously, I looked through every drawer to see if I could find anything to give to him and all I managed to find were workout supplements, steroids, needles, and lots of different pills like phentermine and ephedrine.

I bought him some dinner, got them a fresh gallon of milk, and never came back to that house again.

Sharkasays

Pony It Up

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My dad finally got what he deserved in court today. I’m an adult now but he “kept his child support payments hostage” so to speak since I cut ties with him at 15 for his awful behavior. He now owes a grand total of $20,736. The court found him to be so untrustworthy that they have ordered that the amount come directly out of his paycheck each month until the debt is paid.

My next two years of college will be free thanks to him. See you never, Tom! I also just found out through some less awful family members that my dad’s pregnant wife is NOT happy with the fact that he is now 20k in the hole with a baby on the way and she is seriously considering divorce. If she goes through with it, he will have to pay child support all over again for another 18 years. I am guffawing.

SaveThemBees

What’s In A Name?

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My wife is seven months pregnant, and my brother’s girlfriend is four months. The other day I made a joke about “claiming” a baby name. It was just a reference to a game my brother and I played as kids, where we pointed at random stuff and said “I claim it” and the objective was to build the coolest inventory. The girlfriend knew about the game and got upset because my joke had accidentally “claimed” her father’s name.

We assured her it was a joke and we wouldn’t be using the name, but she was really upset. This wasn’t the hill to go out on so I went and apologized to the girlfriend’s standards—a full-on apology where I said that I messed up, promised not to make the joke again, and said I wouldn’t make references she didn’t get after this. But then it got completely deranged.

She then said, for her own peace of mind, that she needed to see our list of baby name ideas to prove that we weren’t choosing her father’s name. I thought that was already a bit much, but my wife pretty much said “look, the worst is over, at this stage what’s the harm of just showing her the list?” I agreed so we texted my brother the list of potential baby names.

We had two options for first names, and our chosen middle name, which was a family name from my wife’s family that both her brother and grandfather have. He then calls me and says that “she thinks the middle name is too close to her father’s. She says is there anything else you can use?” I explain the significance of the name to both of them over the phone and it’s what we’re using.

They say that it’s too close and we need to pick another name. I then, sarcastically, say “and do we have your approval for our first names?” to which the girlfriend responds “well, actually…” and goes on to tell me that they really like one of our two choices (the one we were leaning more towards) and ask if we can use our other option so they can have the one they like.

It’s a gender-neutral name and not only do they not know the gender of the child she’s currently carrying but they plan to have more children. I love my brother, I really do, but this is ridiculous. I have to put my foot down, I know, but we’re really close and I don’t want to completely screw up our relationship by ticking off his pregnant girlfriend. But, man.

Permalink

Sore Spot

Pexels

I haven’t spoken to an entire half of my family in a year now. Life is good, no regrets, and there was no drama involved as I just quietly slipped out of the picture. But my grandmother made these cookies…kind of like sugar cookies, but different from any other cookie I’ve seen. Her own original recipe, and I can’t find anything close online.

I made them with her probably 50 times as a kid/teenager but have no memory of what went in them or how to make them. I’m craving these cookies as we always made 100s of them for Christmas, but it’s not worth trying to reach out to someone just for the recipe. So just a reminder: If you feel you may go no contact with your awful family, casually get the recipes first.

sunlit_cairn

Screw Them

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So, I have a narcissistic sister who my mother groomed to be the golden child. She has to constantly be the center of attention. She’s one of those people who can’t be bothered doing things that are boring or icky, and lives for attention. Her need for attention often involves the way she dresses, meaning often objectively “inappropriate”.

As in, she’ll wear very light beige to weddings. A funeral for an elderly relative came with a request to wear traditional mourning colors (black, navy, grey) for a rosary service in a Catholic Church, and she showed up in a lime green short dress. “People expect me to look attractive”. I have numerous stories on that front, just trust me on it.

My mom refused to address this throughout the years, so it’s a fact of life. I just sort of expect it. Anyway, another major narcissist in the family was being presented with an award from the state government at the capitol, several hours away. It was a huge honor and a very conservative organization. We were sent multiple copies of a strict protocol on dressing for the event, which was basically business evening dress of suits in blue, black, grey or burgundy.

You were supposed to wear low heel shoes and no flashy jewelry. Media would be present, we could not be late, you needed your invitation to enter, there were pointers on who you can approach, etc. The day of, I calculated the drive time and everyone loaded in the vehicle. My sister as usual wasn’t ready. My mom was making excuses, also as usual.

I told her we were leaving in five minutes with whomever was in the car because if we were late, we could not attend the reception. My mom ran inside and told my sister I was being “difficult” and to hurry up. She came down the steps with my mom. I saw what she was wearing and groaned. I told everyone else in the car to not say anything because if we had to wait for her to change, we would be late and it would just be a fight and not worth it.

I figured if it was a huge issue, they would stop her at the door. I knew the relative getting the award would be angry but I figured it was better that only one of us was in trouble rather than all of us being late. She had on a tropical sundress in bright turquoise with palm trees and parrots on it and strappy sandals—something you would wear to a barbecue.

She had on big beachy jewelry. Everyone in the vehicle was wearing a black suit with black pumps. No one said a word and I could see that my sister was angry that no one commented on how cute she looked. We arrived with about two minutes to spare. We walked into the reception and it was 100 people standing in small groups talking.

We were greeted by the head official and my sister entered last. Probably half the room turned and stared. There was an awkward silence and then whispering. Every single person was wearing a dark suit except one elderly lady who wore a dark purple dress. From across the room, I see the relative that is being honored with a “what the heck” look on his face.

I just shrugged. My sister messed up bad. She knew it too; she spent the entire evening in the restroom. The relative lost their mind, and my mom tried to blame me because somehow I did not give my sister enough time to get dressed? Of course, my relative pointed out that if she had time to put on a sundress, she had time to put on a black skirt and button-down blouse.

A month later, my mom was telling relatives I embarrassed the family because I didn’t make my sister go in and change, even though everyone got the same email. This is what happens in a nasty family.

Thinks_Like_A_Man

No Love For Music

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In high school, I made friends with this really shy guy who stuttered and was generally socially awkward, but really nice. He was also a genius pianist. He was years ahead of his age, and he started composing amazing pieces by the age of 16. I truly admired his ability. His parents, however, didn’t see it that way. 

They were both engineers and they considered his love for music despicable, worthless, and a bad habit that needs to be uprooted. When he was practicing at home they tossed old shoes at him and they made him sleep on the floor if he played for more than two hours. Once a professor from the Musical Academy called them to tell them they have an amazing son and that he could be famous one day.

They hung up the phone. When high school was over, he really wanted to apply to the Musical Academy, but they didn’t let him. They said that the only courses they would ever fund were the ones in math and geography. So that’s what he did. I haven’t seen him in a while, but I heard he went abroad. I hope he escaped those idiots for good.

Siderealcat

Bye, Bye, Bye

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My husband is a misogynist and I am done shoving his behavior under the rug. A few weeks ago, he kept making comments about my weight. Well last night, I snapped. He wanted to talk politics. He only ever wants to talk about politics when he wants to fight with me. He out of NOWHERE looks at me and says, “Women aren’t elected into positions of power because they can’t make the tough decisions. Pre-menopausal women are too moody. And women all together as a whole just aren’t as intelligent as men.”

I scoffed and said, “That’s such a cop-out to stop women from being in positions of power. Men are just as hormonal and moody as women. You DO know that women mature faster mentally than men do, right? And that women have an easier time identifying and correcting their negative emotions?” Him: “Well, I’m a numbers guy. I like to look at the facts. Unlike you who just spouts off garbage she knows absolutely nothing about and demands that she is right. I’m going to look up some FACTS for you right now”.

Me: “Great. I want to hear articles written by actual doctors.” Him: “Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid. I actually get my news from reputable sources.” He then spent TEN MINUTES trying to find a scientific article that supported his opinion. When he found one that he thought supported his opinion he very loudly started quoting it. Then came the best part.

He then immediately started trailing off when it started disproving his thoughts. Me: “So, what you’re really trying to say is that the ‘garbage’ I was spouting was actually fact. I know it was fact because I studied psychology in college. So, AGAIN. Saying women are too hormonal to be in positions of power is an excuse that men made in order to keep us oppressed.”

Him: “You’re literally so stupid.” Me: “Keep deflecting because you know you’re losing the argument.” I got up and grabbed my college textbooks and notes that I have stored on a bookshelf. I set them next to him. Me: “Two things. Don’t spout off garbage that you know nothing about and demand that you are right without looking at the facts. AND don’t be a hypocrite. It’s unbecoming and makes you look stupid when you are trying to prove a point.”

Him: “What’s all of this?” Me: “My textbooks and notes from college. Read them thoroughly, particularly the notes so that the next time you want to come after me about a topic that I am clearly more educated about, you’ll know how to properly base your argument. So much for men being more intelligent than women. This is why I’m a feminist. This is why I’m leaving you.”

I walked out of the room and went to bed. I had never slept so well in my life. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

KikiCorse_

It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To

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My dad and I are currently on our way to a big Mexican birthday party and he likes to talk about ol’ back-in-the-day stories. Now I’ve heard each of these a few times over but got a new one I never heard about. I wasn’t born yet in this story and my older brother was only a few years old. My dad was freshly dating my mom. My mom and brother were living at my grandma’s house, my dad’s mother-in-law.

My mom called my dad crying because the mother-in-law was taking over my brother’s milestone birthday party. Nothing was how my mom wanted it: Decorations, food, and worst, who was invited. Specifically, awful family members planned to show up who hadn’t spoken a kind word to my mom since she became a “sinful” single mother with no husband.

My mom tried pleading to her mother not to let these horrible people crash her party and was given the title line. The answer was vicious. “You can’t tell me who I can’t invite to my own house. These are my family members. They are always welcome in my house”. So my mom called my dad crying, dreading this party and knowing she’s going to be insulted in front of her own son.

My mom kept trying to think of ways to stop these people from showing up but my dad shut that down. His words mirrored his mother-in-law—that’s her house and you have to follow her rules. But then my dad followed this with, “Do you want me to fix this?” And my mom agreed. So my dad made a bunch of calls and organized a pizza party in less than 12 hours.

All of his cousins brought their kids, many my brother’s age. It was a big, fun thing. My parents never told my grandma about the change of plans. She threw her party her way with her guest list and no birthday boy. My mom and brother came home late in the evening and the decorations were still up. My grandma was so angry and demanded to know where she had been.

My mom said her new boyfriend stressed the importance of respecting her mother’s rules so they simply took the party elsewhere. To this day my dad still stresses the importance of respect and rules. He never argues or tells someone they are doing things wrong. But if he sees something he doesn’t like he either never shows up, or leaves early and distances himself from the nonsense.

snager_danger

Do As I Do

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I do not drink. It is not a personal choice; it’s because it started to make me sick in my early 20s. It got gradually worse and in the end, one sip of anything gave me stomach cramps and hives lasting a week and I ended up in hospital. I had a gastroscopy and some tests. Nothing wrong was found with my stomach but apparently, my bloodwork was off the charts.

The doctor said there was a possibility it could end up in anaphylactic shock if I drink again. So I thought meh, no big deal, guess I’m not drinking ever again. Well turns out it’s a massive deal for my family. I thought simply saying no thank you when offered a drink would be enough. I did tell them it makes me sick, but they said to stop making stuff up.

In my family, if you are not drinking you are not being “social”. I’ve never been much of a drinker even when I could drink, but for them, it’s normal to empty 3-5 bottles of the hard stuff and 4-6 bottles of vino as a group of 10 in one afternoon. The last time I saw my family, we were all sitting in my aunt’s garden and the usual started: Aunt: What do you want to drink?

Me: Water, please. Aunt: Ahh don’t be silly, your husband isn’t here, what do you want to drink? Me: Water please Aunt: Are you pregnant? Me: No, I’m not, can I just have water, please. Aunt: Your husband doesn’t allow you to drink? Me: What? He doesn’t care. I just don’t want any. Can I just have water please? Aunt: Did you drive here?

Me: No, I walked. Still, I don’t want to drink. Aunt: Alright I’ll bring you some water. A few moments later she put a glass of clear liquid in front of me and said here you go. I picked up the glass, and it was cold. Great, it was a hot day. I took a gulp and swallowed—before I realized the horrible truth. It wasn’t water. I asked her what is that!?

She shrugged and said “Cinzano and tonic” and winked at me! I sat there in bewilderment, not sure what to do or say, so I just stopped talking, trying to take in what just happened. I started to feel unwell soon so I made my excuses and left. I spent the night throwing up, sweating, and shivering, but thankfully I felt ok in the morning and didn’t have to go to the hospital.

Now, I am going back to my hometown for the first time in two years. Please tell me, am I being silly when I don’t want to see this aunt ever again? I feel like I’ve been violated in some way but cannot quite put my finger on it. Am I making mountains out of molehills? Am I being too sensitive?

UK_Butterfly

Party Pooper

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My husband and I have been together for eight going on nine years, and married for a year and a half. Ever since we got married, his sisters have been an absolute nightmare. They always try to sabotage my plans with my family. They take over family vacations. His sisters are passive-aggressive and they make backhanded comments. They make him feel guilty over the stupidest things.

My husband is the youngest and they treat him like a know-nothing twit, but at the same time place responsibility on him that shouldn’t be his in the first place. Today was the last straw. They’re planning a surprise birthday for their dad and they gave us the option of choosing between two weekends. I told him to tell them no to one weekend because it’s my mom’s birthday.

I have a whole day planned. He didn’t say “no” exactly, he just said it’s my mom’s birthday on weekend number two. She took it as a yes and planned for weekend number two, and then said their mom had asked for that day off already. This was all in the span of three hours at 8 pm. My husband told me and I was furious that she would do that after he had already said it was my mom’s birthday.

He told her it’s not going to work and she tried to guilt him because he never said no straight up, and didn’t communicate well enough. Excuse me! If he said I have surgery that day, would she have taken that as a yes as well? She’s only saying that because she’s petty and trying to be a witch. She tried to make my husband feel guilty for not wanting to go to his father’s birthday.

He asked her why she would give us the option of choosing between two dates if she had clearly already planned on doing it on a specific date. But still trying to compromise, he told her Sunday of weekend number two would work out better for us since my mom’s birthday is Saturday. Nope. She said that wouldn’t work, even though everyone in the family has weekends off and my mother-in-law also requested to have that Sunday off.

She told him to tell me and my family that he won’t be attending my mom’s birthday and that I should just celebrate it with my mom alone and he should celebrate it with his dad alone. And to add insult to injury she said he still needs to pitch in with money for the party regardless of whether he’s going or not. I finally told him that his sister was a witch, and I’m sorry if he can’t see how petty and vicious she is, but she is.

She only does things because she thinks they’ll create a rift in our marriage or just to get to me.

nousernameisusername

Play Nice

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I was at a mall playground with my wife and two kids. My son was 3 years old and was running around with about 20 more kids, most of them his age. Keep in mind that kids can’t be taller than 3 feet to play in this little kid playground. There was this one big woman and she was watching about four kids. All of them were taller than 4 feet and they were playing rough.

My son goes around the area they were playing at and starts playing by himself when one of the kids tries to kick him. My wife calmly walks that way with my 3-month-old daughter and tells the woman to watch her kids because they were playing a little rough. She said, “Ok, whatever.” My wife stays there and watches just in case something happens.

The older kid goes running towards my son and pushes him. My wife tells the kid, who’s about 9 years old, not to push my son. The woman flips out and starts screaming, “Don’t scream at ma baby!” My wife tells her that she should pay more attention to her kids and how they were too old to be playing around smaller kids.

She tells my wife to shut up and not tell her how to raise her kids. My wife starts walking away and the woman starts getting louder, so from my seat which was 15 feet away, I yell at her, “You do not talk to my wife that way. Your kids are misbehaving and you are doing nothing about it. Learn how to be a good parent.”

She shuts up and looked at me in disbelief. She didn’t know I was with my wife, or that I would talk to her like that in front of so many people. She then started to talk nonsense again and we ignored her. After 5 minutes of her rant, my wife got the security guard and got her kicked out of the place. A bit after she passes by again, making threatening signs at my wife, but when I look at her she stopped and looked away.

I was seriously raging and about to throw hands, but I tried my best to calm down and be a responsible adult.

NeoSolid

Mommie Dearest

Pixabay

I think I am at a breaking point with my mother. 10 weeks ago, my husband and I had a baby. She is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. My in-laws live down the street and are so helpful and wonderful. They see our daughter a lot but also respect boundaries. They are wonderful and I would be lost without them. My mother is single and lives alone in another state three hours away.

She came up when my daughter was born and stayed for a week at our house while the baby was in the NICU. Aside from being unhelpful and leaving our house a mess, during this time she made several comments about my postpartum physical appearance, including that my long hair “made her nauseous”. I wanted to scream. I said she had no right to comment on my physical appearance, especially after just delivering a baby, and left the room.

She also was fixated on me sending proper thank you notes for all of the baby gifts we had received and dragged me to a stationary store the day after I came home from the hospital to pick out proper stationery. Mind you, I was still in a lot of pain and it hurt to walk, but…heaven forbid her friends would think I was rude if I didn’t send the notes out ASAP.

On her second trip back, our daughter was three weeks old. Again, she made a comment about my hair, stating that it reminded her of the movie Gray Gardens (but they wear kerchiefs? I digress). Again I reminded her that she has no right to comment on my physical appearance. I even reminded her that her mother did this to her when she was growing up, and she hated it, and now she is doing the same to me.

I never quite got an “I’m sorry” from my mother but she acknowledged it hurt me. While she’s been home, she repeatedly demands multiple videos and pictures of my daughter, several times a day, so she can send mass texts to our entire family. When I don’t send them quickly enough, or when she doesn’t like the ones I send (spoiler alert: all the time), she guilt trips me.

She starts saying things like “how dare you do this to your grandmother, the baby is all she is living for!” and “[The in-laws] are so close, and I feel like I’m so far away! I miss her soooo much!” A few weeks ago my mother booked her third trip to visit. A few days ago, I get a text saying, “While I am here, I will be happy to watch the baby while you get your hair/nails done and clean yourself up”.

I responded, “I know you mean well and have good intentions, but do you realize this is the third time you’ve made a comment on my physical appearance?” Reader, she LOST HER MIND. I reminded her of the past two incidents, and she said I’m being “too sensitive” and “that was a long time ago,” and she feels like she’s “walking on eggshells around me”.

I said that I knew she meant well but it hurt my feelings and to please refrain from commenting on my physical appearance. Her response? OK, I’M NOT COMING. Yesterday she officially canceled her flight. Honestly, mom? GOOD. We don’t want you to come. But at the same time, she can’t 1) not come to see her granddaughter, and then 2) complain how she’s so left out and misses her. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.

Meanwhile, my in-laws are so wonderful and helpful, I am just embarrassed that my husband has to put up with my mom’s behavior. I’m dealing with a new baby and I’m exhausted, and on top of this, I have to deal with my mother acting like a child? I just can’t. She won’t go to therapy and I think I’m just grieving at the fact that this relationship won’t get any better, especially as my daughter gets older.

catismycopilot

White Wedding

Max Pixel

My fiancée and I decided on a casual wedding, not extremely fancy but also not sweatpants and sweatshirts, you know what I mean? My mother-in-law decided to go dress shopping the other day and she chose a literal bridal dress…which is…not so great. We’d be fine if it was maybe a short dress or a cream or off-white color, but this was a full-on wedding dress, train, and everything.

My fiancée asked her if she could get a dress that wasn’t a bridal gown and just choose one of her own? Or something that doesn’t make it look like she’s getting married? Which is funny considering she just went in what she slept in for her own wedding. She threw a hissy fit, calling my fiancé an entitled witch, saying that she could wear whatever she wanted and that my fiancée shouldn’t stop her.

She said that she’s the adult and my fiancée is the child (you’re both grown women, sit down). My fiancée told her to screw off and that she doesn’t need to worry about the dress because she’s no longer invited! She just responded with another insult and blocked my fiancée before running off to my father-in-law and telling him what happened.

My fiancée asked him if he’d still come to the wedding if his wife wasn’t there and he said “that’s fine, there’ll be less complaining anyways”.

giddyupspacecowboy

A Bunch Of Babies

Pexels

I am getting married in about two months. I sent out my wedding invitations recently and at the bottom, it says “ADULTS ONLY. NO EXCEPTIONS”. First, let me say that I love kids. But my fiancé and I made the decision to not allow kids/babies to our ceremony because they get bored, cry, won’t sit still, have tantrums, and I just don’t want that to happen during our wedding.

We’re also going to have an open bar, and I don’t particularly want a bunch of drinking adults around my little cousins or my friends’ children. But this backfired almost immediately. My cousin Sam texted me last night saying: “So you’re seriously telling me I cannot bring my son to your wedding”? To which I said…yes. I really wasn’t expecting her next response.

Sam responds: “Then I can’t come and that kills me. I just want you to know how badly I want to be there and I have dreamt my entire life of standing next to you at your wedding. But I just can’t want to be somewhere with someone who doesn’t want the other half of my heart there”. She’s trying to guilt-trip me into letting her bring her son.

Saying things like “and I’ve confided in my best friends and they say it’s your wedding it’s your right to have it the way you want, but yeah. I just want you to know it’s not vengeance when I don’t come. I’ll probably cry the entire day”. I suggested that she take her son (he’s seven) to his friend’s house for a few hours so that she can attend.

She says “I can’t just tell him no and leave him somewhere. I’m not strong enough to do that to his sensitive little heart. I could, if he wasn’t so aware and sensitive. It would hurt him too much. He’s too smart to manipulate”. Um. I’m not asking her to manipulate her son. I’m asking that she be an adult and tell him he can’t come and that children aren’t allowed to attend. But there’s something else at play here.

Not to mention, she’s angry that I didn’t choose her to be my Maid of Honor. I chose my stepsister. While on the phone, Sam said “I don’t mean any offense by this, but SCREW HER”. She’s literally only mad about this because my dad cheated on my mom 10 years ago and married the woman he cheated with. She hates my sister because she hates my stepmom.

I ended up being on the phone with her for half an hour talking to her about this. With her constantly telling me “I’m trying to get sober, so I just wanted to talk to you and tell you how I feel”. Which to me sounds like she’s going to blame me if I still tell her no, and she decides to fall off the wagon. We ended the phone call with her saying “Will you just promise me one thing, even if it’s a lie? Will you just promise me that you’ll consider it, and that you’ll talk to your fiancé about it”?

So I told her yes, that I’d consider it and talk to him about it. And I did. I talked to him, and I’m not changing my mind.

mashlit

Enough Is Enough

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You’re going to need a little backstory. I have two sisters and a brother, and one of my sisters is the most dumpster fire person I’ve ever met. I’d like to say she wasn’t always this way, but now looking back, there’s always been a sense of entitlement with her that I could never quite understand. My sister is three years older than me.

We lost our mom very young. I was five. We were raised by my father. Now, my sister is not my full sister. We share the same mom, not the same dad. However, my father met our mom when she was pregnant with my sister, adopted her right away, and her real father never wanted a relationship with her and signed over parental rights immediately.

We didn’t find that out until right before my mom passed, though. I guess she didn’t want to die without telling her. Makes sense. Anyway, my sister was a runaway. It started young. Every time she’d get in trouble—she’d run. And it wasn’t that my dad was strict, quite the opposite. He yelled a lot, but we never got hit, we never even got grounded.

We of course had to help out around the house because he worked midnights, but overall, he was a decent enough parent. He never treated my sister any differently. Never made it seem like she wasn’t his child. Heck, he was the only one there when she took her first steps. But she started getting interested in boys, bad boys that were in lock up, normal teenage rebellion on her part.

The first time she ran away she ended up going to her real father’s house. My dad tried to hide it, but I could see how hurt he was. She kept running away, and she’d come back for a month or two, then leave again. Sometimes for a few days, sometimes a few weeks. Sometimes months. Months of not knowing where she was. My dad would follow any lead he had.

We’d be out well past dark almost every night trying to find her. I heard him crying a lot. And then the big change hit. She got pregnant at 18 and had the baby at 19. She moved back in, and my dad paid for everything until the kid was nearly three. At that point, he told her she had to get a job. Instead, she moved out with a man who paid for everything and took care of her kid.

She didn’t love him, and she made that obvious. They fought all the time. He got her pregnant, but dude only stays for so long before he finds someone who actually does love him and does want to be with him. He buys my sister a trailer, and she insists she will get a job now. She lives down the street from me, we offer to drive her places (she doesn’t have a license), and we offer to watch her kids for free.

We offer to let her come over and use our Wi-Fi. For months she comes over and uses the Wi-Fi, but doesn’t fill out applications for jobs. She downloads movies instead. I ask her all the time: Did you pay rent this month? Did you feed your cat? I had two cats and was always offering her litter and food. She always said she was fine.

Months go by. She tells me she’s getting evicted in three days. She had stopped letting me in her house for about 3-4 months. Anyway, I help her move her stuff out. Then I find out what’s really been happening. She hadn’t been feeding her cat. He’s SKIN and BONES. There was nothing left of this cat. There are Cheerios in its food dish.

I take it home. I rename him. The vet says another 2-3 weeks he would have starved. He puts on 14 lbs within a year. He’s happy and healthy now. She still tells people I kidnapped her cat. Then she meets another guy, and this guy has a rap sheet. He’s been behind bars for big time things. He makes her give her daughter (from the guy she never loved) to the girl’s father.

He still has her. She stops contacting her daughter. Then it took an even darker turn. I get worried about her because she starts posting some bizarre things on Facebook and not answering my calls. Things that are not her. Things that sound like she’s being forced to write these humiliating posts about how awful she is.

I  ask for a welfare check on her. She blocks me and I don’t hear from her for over a year. Our grandmother passes away, and I try to get her to go see her. She makes up some excuse and doesn’t talk to any of us until three months later when my family held a service. My grandma didn’t want a funeral; she wanted a party after people had a chance to grieve properly.

She has a kid by this bad guy now. Getting ready for the party, she has to pin her shirt to her bra because her shoulders are showing and he says she looks inappropriate. I get her alone, and she says she’s happy. I tell her she can leave if she wants to. She doesn’t. I try to talk to the guy for a little bit, and things seem okay. His parents are great, fantastic really considering their son.

But, they ask my sister and the boyfriend to sign over rights to their new baby to them, in exchange that they will buy them a house. They agree. They get pregnant again to replace that child, and they don’t tell me until the day she goes into labor. I’d been talking to her every few weeks at this point. She never mentioned it to me even once.

I give her $3,000 when they move to help them get the kids their new bedrooms as she’s seeing her daughter again and they still have their first child and now this new kid. Neither her nor her boyfriend work. Of course not. Two months later, she asks me for $350 but I am hurting for money and I can’t give it to her. I tell her I can in a few weeks when I get a bonus. More unsettling truths come out.

She tells me her power is shut off and this guy’s parents took the kids. I still can’t help her. She tells me never to call her again, that I’m a bad sister and an awful aunt. That I’m pathetic and needy. She hits all the low blows. I just said okay, let me know if you change your mind. She blocks me. She contacts me two days later and her story has changed.

She needs $125 for a hotel room. I tell her to just stay at her house without power, as the kids aren’t with her and it’s not hot or cold. She then says her house was broken into. Every time I tell her no, there’s a new story as to why she needs this money. I send her $40 for food. I then find out through a mutual friend that they are selling their newly acquired home (18k home) for $5,000.

They are rehoming their dog for a fee. I am blocked from seeing these posts. The comments indicate she has sold both of them. I block her because I don’t want to confront her. What’s the point? She’s just going to lie. Whatever the real reason is, she’s not going to tell me. At this point she has not spoken to 90% of the family in months, my grandma’s funeral being the only time, and before that, it’s been years.

She starts messaging all of them for money. She tells them I’m a liar because I warned them what was going on. She says she’s sleeping under a bridge now. They refuse to go to a shelter because they will get split up. My parents offer to take her kids. My parents offer to let her move in, but jailbird can’t come. She chooses the so-called bridge.

My parents told me yesterday that they got custody of her first child. I see her second child quite regularly, as the father and I have a great relationship, but she hasn’t spoken to her daughter for months. I feel guilty for not doing more to help her, at the same time I feel like I have officially reached my end with her. There is nothing more I can do.

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He Always Spoke His Mind

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“If you don’t wear these pink shoes I’m buying for you, I’m going to cut all your rabbits’ heads off.” Sadly, that was actually my dad talking to a 10-year-old me in a thrift store. He then proceeded to get into an argument with a woman who said, “You are the most horrible person I have ever heard in my life,” and called her a “man-hater” and lesbian before we finally left.

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Losing the Extra Weight

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So long story short, after I graduated college I moved back home with my parents and in less than a year I gained like 50+ lbs and spiraled into a terrible depression. I basically lay in bed and ate and slept all day and all night. My parents would make fun of me for “getting fat” and call me lazy and made it nearly impossible for me to muster the motivation to get up and take care of myself.

Luckily, I eventually found a job and started getting out of the house, but I still couldn’t lose the weight I gained no matter how hard I tried to diet and exercise because I couldn’t stop eating my feelings. Well, I moved out and lost a ton of weight without even trying, my old clothes are starting to fit again and I feel fantastic. I had to stop by my parents’ house to give my little sister something and my mom saw me. I’m still stunned at how she reacted.

She became enraged that I lost weight. She said it wasn’t fair (she has been on “diets” for as long as I can remember and never really loses any weight) and that I’m trying to make her look bad because “everyone knows if you lose weight after leaving someone it means they were the problem”. I was like yeah, I’m much happier now, go figure.

I’m just frustrated that my own mother can’t be happy that I’m happy. Just ugh. I’m mad that I can’t see my family without being made to feel guilty. It’s just not fair.

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Leggo My Lego

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This happened four years ago, and my blood still boils at the thought of it. My mother-in-law believes I took her little boy away from her. I just can’t win with her. Nothing is good enough. I’ve come to terms with that. Even moving in next door didn’t solve the “taking her son” issue, but that’s another story. My husband does shift work, 14-hour days.

During our wedding planning, he was doing this seven days in a row, two days off, then another seven days. He asked me to plan everything. We wanted to elope, but family insisted we have a real wedding. So, I planned everything. Literally everything. Because my future husband asked me to. We wanted super non-traditional, and I nailed it.

I did it on budget. On point. It was the best we could do with being forced to have a big wedding. No church. So I found a great local lady to marry us. General ceremony type. We put in as many hidden inside jokes into the ceremony as we could, related to our history and interests. Geeky jokes that would fly just under the radar unless you knew us.

But, the most meaningful part was our sand ceremony. My husband and I still have Lego from our childhood. So we went and dug out pieces and colors to use instead of a sand ceremony. It was my favorite part. Literally mixing the Legos to never be separated. One bucket, one life. This went on without a hitch. I poured. He poured. It was adorable.

I laughed at the pieces he picked. He asked me: Did you put a shark in there too?! Of course I did. We came back from photos a few hours later. That’s when I noticed something that made my blood boil. I noticed kids playing with a pile of Legos at a table. Our Legos. From our sand ceremony. I go looking for the box of ceremony items and it is gone.

Everything is gone. I asked the kids where they got it (They were young) and they said a nice lady was giving away free Lego! My blood was so hot. I asked my Maid of Honor for help and she lost her mind too. We tried to find all the pieces, but you know how kids are. The important, meaningful pieces were gone. The figurines, the shark, the cool special pieces.

When we finally confronted my mother-in-law, she told me how selfish it was to have Lego at the wedding and not let kids play with it. That I’m too old for Lego. That it wasn’t a real sand ceremony and I ruined the wedding once again. She was convinced she did nothing wrong. We made an announcement eventually and traded the kids money for any Legos they found.

We got back even more, only missing a few. It was enough to fill back the special boxes I had made for it. Except… no childhood shark (my special piece). No childhood figurine (his special piece). Ever since then, my mother-in-law and I are barely on speaking terms. It took a good year, I think, to use more than a few words with her at any given time.

She did finally realize what she did, however, after a later fight. She had again insisted I had ruined HER son’s wedding by getting upset about “silly items with no meaning”. I knew just what to do. I took her wedding album and told her I threw it out. It’s just a silly book with pictures, after all. Eventually…and I mean EVENTUALLY…she did apologize for everything she did at our wedding.

This included other things like telling everyone I’m just a good-for-nothing gold digger. I did eventually give back her wedding album. We are still on very thin ice. However, boundaries are much more respected after a few other item-taking situations. You do what you have to do when negotiating with crazy people, I suppose. You DO have to get on their level sometimes.

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More Money, More Problems

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In October my fiancé’s dad, grandpa, grandma, aunt, and cousin schemed to take my brand new all-terrain tires off of my Jeep while we were out of town. I told them that they had to give them back ASAP or I was filing charges. They didn’t, but they didn’t know who they were dealing with. I kept my word and reported my tires as stolen.

Well, we recently went to his company’s Christmas party and while we were there, his dad told him that I was not invited to Christmas or any family functions “as a result of my actions”. I told my fiancé that they best cough up my tires soon because I’m in the midst of preparing to sue. I don’t like his family, but we used to get along until this began.

Now I just want to go off on them. I want to text his grandpa and tell them that if they don’t want me at Christmas, then I don’t want them at our wedding. Is that too harsh? We moved up here so he could be closer to his family, but they’ve exiled me because I continue to fight back over my property. Should I continue to plan my wedding and leave out half of my intended guests because of tires?

I genuinely never want to see them again. They have thrown me under the bus, tried to get him to leave me, started all of this over tires when they could’ve just used the ones they bought for themselves in the first place.

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Baby Crazy

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My sister and I haven’t been on speaking terms due to long-term issues. Long story short, she has anger issues, serious jealousy problems, and my mom enabled her. When she found out I was pregnant she did a complete 180 largely due to a severe case of baby rabies. She basically tried to convince me to move back home, then when that didn’t work she tried to convince my husband for us to move back home.

She’s been largely overbearing trying to control everything about the child. So into today: I’ve had a rough couple of days between insomnia, depression due to insomnia, and just a state of stagnation while waiting for things to happen so I can finish set things for my baby. What this ultimately meant was I had no time for her garbage.

So she calls me and asks about “her baby”. I just snapped at her. I was like “Oh, I didn’t realize you’d conceived and were currently expecting”. She expressed dissatisfaction at my response and then eventually amended it to “our baby”, to which I responded well unless I was mistaken you weren’t in the room when she was conceived. Eventually, she just had to drop the baby talk because she realized she was getting nowhere fast.

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Not For Kids

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I went to see Avatar on opening night. Not long after I sat down, my stomach dropped. A man sat in front of me with his three children aged about 1, 2, and 4 years old. He was a fat guy in his mid-thirties still wearing his Mcdonald’s work uniform and stank of deep fryers. Whatever, no big deal. I like kids and he must have just been really keen to see the movie.

Before the movie starts, he gives all the kids juice. This is a three-hour movie and those are high-sugar drinks. I’m 25 now and the notion of having kids has never entered my head as I don’t think I’m ready, but I still thought what is he doing? They’re going to be crying, fidgeting, and winging before the end of the first half-hour, and after that, they’ll be tired and whining.

Sure enough, they are and I’m annoyed as I’m trying to get into what’s going on in the movie. The four-year-old is standing on his seat and then running around the theatre and rather than collecting the kid or taking him outside to give him a talking to, the father just sits there spitting profane words at him and telling him to sit down.

As if he’s not the father, but just another patron in the cinema who is putting up with a hyperactive kid. The toddler is relatively quiet and the baby is fussy but not doing much. An hour or so into the movie the kid is still moving around and has been complaining for about 15 minutes that he needs to go to the toilet.

At this stage, I understand that the kids have no interest in seeing the 3-hour-long sci-fi movie and that the father has just dragged them along because he wanted to see it. He’s not leaving because he clearly does not care about what the three kids want to do. He eventually relents, angrily yanks the kid’s arm violently, and drags him out of the cinema. Except, there was one problem…

He leaves the toddler sitting in her chair and the baby rolling around on the seat! My sister is sitting next to me. She works with teenage mothers and deals a lot with helping others to learn basic parenting skills. She and I are both staring nervously at the baby wondering whether it will be worse to pick the baby up and bare the wrath of being discovered holding a stranger’s child, or letting the baby fall off the chair it’s rolling about on and do some serious permanent damage to itself.

We watch the baby, ready to jump in, until the father comes back and jostles the boy back into his seat. The kids are all complaining a lot by the time the movie is over. It’s horrendous. He laughs loudly at most inappropriate moments in the movie and utterly ignores his tired, bored and unhappy children. The credits roll, and he stands to leave.

My sister and I stand up and berate the ever-loving life out of him. She outlines one by one the list of ways in which he has failed as a father and as a compassionate human being. He responds with something about not knowing what it’s like to be a father and I explain who she is and what she does and outline for him point by point, the things which he’s done in the past three hours to the detriment of everybody around him.

The whole packed cinema just sits and watches him leave. At the start of the film I was annoyed at the kids, but towards the end of the movie, I wanted to remove them from his care.

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The Black Sheep Of The Family

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I’m a 39-year-old woman who is successful and quite well-off. My siblings, sadly, are not. My brother, who is 42, has three children. My sister, who is 35, also has three with another one on the way. My youngest sister, who 28, is married and pregnant, but she had nothing to do with the events of this story. In fact, she’s the one member of my family I’m actually close with.

We were all raised to believe that money doesn’t matter and that all you need is a happy marriage and lots of kids to live a happy life. Being poor and having lots of kids was somehow glorified. Maybe because that’s the way our parents lived and wanted to convince themselves that they didn’t mess it up. Fortunately for me, I didn’t buy into that nonsense.

I always knew I never wanted children. I focused on my career and on achieving success. Today I have my own house, wonderful pets, and a loving boyfriend. My family, however, seems to think that there’s something wrong with my lifestyle. My parents have often commented that my five-bedroom house is empty without any kids running around.

My siblings often tell me I’m selfish for not having kids and actually enjoying my life. However, their disdain for my “selfish” lifestyle doesn’t stop them from begging for money. My brother and sister have called me and asked me to help pay their bills. Now, if it’s something serious like clothes or school supplies for their kids, I’m willing to pitch in. But they have more ridiculous demands.

They’ve asked me to pay for trips to amusement parks etc. I always refuse. I also pay for my parents to stay in a high-end assisted living facility. They’re my parents, I owe them this much. However, I can’t help but feel insulted when they sing praises for my siblings for breeding and following in their footsteps and how my parents wish I had done the same.

As if, among all their kids, I’m the biggest disappointment. For this reason, I’ve distanced myself from them. I only call or visit to check up on them and don’t let them be a part of my life. The other day, I got a call from my sister asking if she, her husband, my brother, and his wife could come over. I said OK. I cannot believe this new demand that they made.

They asked me to leave my fortune to their kids, in equal portions. They said if I did, they would stop asking me for financial help. They said this as if they were doing me a favor. “You don’t have kids, so who’re you gonna leave it to?” asked my brother. I told them I was going to leave my money to charity and that I don’t owe them anything at all.

When they went on the “you’re selfish” rant, I told them to get lost. The next morning, I got a call from my dad telling me they were disappointed in me. I simply hung up. These people decided to have kids they can’t afford and actually have to ask me for handouts every other month. But somehow they think they’re so much better than me. The delusion is really something to see.

I should add that my middle sister had her first kid at 22. My brother became a dad at 26. My sister decided not to get her college degree and became a stay-at-home mom. My brother’s wife is also a housewife. They are raising soon-to-be four and three kids respectively in single-income households. It’s like hitting yourself in the foot and then wondering why there’s blood on the floor.

But I’m proud of my youngest sister. She finished her education, married a great guy, has a promising career and she says she’ll have another child only if it’s feasible. Unsurprisingly, she too has been subjected to snide remarks for “placing money over children”.

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Spoiled Brat Doesn’t Cut It

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My 38-year-old sister has just demanded that my parents force me to sell them my house for her to live in without me. I wish I were making this up. My sister has always been extremely selfish and entitled and probably has narcissistic personality disorder, since she appears to legitimately believe no one loves her unless they’re doing outrageous things for her.

She did live in my house for about a year before I kicked her out for many reasons. She’s literally convinced herself that she will die in any other home. My parents did say no to her demands on my home, thank heavens. I mean, the house is mine. They can’t force me to sell it since I’m independent and they have no claim to my home, but I’m glad they’re not throwing our relationship under the bus according to her whims, as they’ve done in the past.

My sister is now furious with all of us and asked us not to contact her until she’s “treated like family again”. Easy enough. I had zero plans of interacting with her again in any capacity. I can’t even with her expectations. It’s just too absurd, and I’m slightly terrified my parents will eventually cave and start harassing me to sell them my home for her sake.

I have a really good relationship with them where she’s not concerned, but it’s a nightmare when she gets involved. Anyway, just venting and getting it off my chest.

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Survive Then Thrive

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A bit of background, I am married with two biological daughters and just adopted my son. He is nine months old and has been in my care since he was six months old. His birth mother is my cousin, and we had talked about adopting him when she was pregnant, but she was shamed into keeping him by her mother. There was never a father in the picture.

My cousin also has a daughter (three years old) from another man. The baby is born and it was a hot hot hot mess. My cousin never held him, underfed him, left him in the car seat all the time (which ended up giving him a flat head), and moved in with a horrible man. My cousin’s mother didn’t do diddly! Which I know it is not her responsibility, but she pressured her daughter into keeping him so badly, but she isn’t even going to make sure he is eating right?!

Some serious stuff ended up happening between them. The baby ended up getting passed around, her mother didn’t want to take care of him, some other family members didn’t want to take care of him, and finally my cousin asked me if I still wanted to adopt him. I did, and I love him very much. This was a closed adoption, as in the birth mother doesn’t want pictures, updates or to see him at all.

This is easy to do, as we weren’t that close to begin with. I got him caught up on his medical checkups, he has a helmet to reshape his head, he is gaining weight, and emotionally he is doing so very well! He is smiling, laughing, saying mama, and just loves cuddles and kisses—I am sure because he never got them. Until it all came crashing down around me.

See, apparently, APPARENTLY, per the former grandmother and a few other family members, I am depriving him by giving him a stable and loving home instead of letting him float around to awful family members. They also hate that I’m enforcing new family title roles, such as his former grandmother is now aunt, not grandma. Yes, I am the one depriving him….give me a break! He is thriving in my care!

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A Pregnant Pause

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My cousin has always been the spoiled one of the family. She is the kind of person who always gets what she wants no matter who she hurts in the process. We were close growing up, but we drifted apart in the last decade. She met her fiancé about 1.5 years ago, got engaged last May, and set the date for the wedding for this coming August.

Last I heard, back in October, they had already spent $40,000 on it and counting, but alas, there was no way they could invite my partner. Shocker. I moved abroad five years ago and met my partner two years ago. For the last year and a half, we’ve been trying for a baby. In February the impossible happened. I finally got pregnant!

My little one is due to arrive in October and everyone is over the moon…except for my cousin. She won’t understand how there is no way in heaven or heck that I will get on a plane for a two-hour flight and another two-hour train when I’ll be seven months pregnant, all without my partner. She threw a fit at me, my aunt, my parents, and anyone willing to listen.

Apparently I am so selfish because of all the time in the world I chose now to get pregnant, probably to take her thunder or something like that. My mostly awful aunt also won’t tell her to shut up because her baby can do no wrong in life. Still, at least she doesn’t try to convince me and actually admits I’m right when we’re speaking as just the two of us.

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The Father Of The Groom

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Two years ago, I got married. It was a casual wedding; we had it up north at my grandparents’ ranch and for the most part, it was nice. Except for the fact that my father can’t let go of a divorce that happened 20 years ago and has no idea how to act civil. My parents got divorced 20 years ago, my mom was getting tired of him being a jerk and left him.

He still has not gotten over it and always has something to say about my mother on Facebook and in person. A week before the wedding, my father sent me this long text message saying he didn’t want my mother to “ruin his childhood home with her presence” and that “her and her family are not welcome at the wedding”. He also added that because his parents own the house, he has reason to exclude my mom’s side from the wedding.

I had to remind this man that A) She is my mother, she is allowed at my wedding, B) I’m not excluding my grandparents, aunts, and cousins from my wedding because you’re petty, and C) You don’t live in that house anymore, it’s not your wedding, and if you don’t like it you don’t have to come. He didn’t like my answer, so he cried to my grandparents.

He said that they were “betraying him” by having the wedding at their house. I was delighted by their reply. My grandparents told him he should stop acting like a child and attend his own son’s wedding. So he pouted about it and decided to go. On the day of the wedding, we picked separate seats for the two of them so my dad didn’t throw a tantrum over having to sit next to my mom.

The ceremony went fine without any interruptions from him…and then it turned into a nightmare. Because then we had the reception. Jesus. Christ. This. Man. My mother still talks to my dad’s side of the family since my maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather were close friends growing up. There is no awkwardness or tension between both sides of my family…except for my father.

Everything’s going well at the reception, my wife and I are just vibing at the table with our food and my uncle and my mother are at the table with us. And then my father comes over. First, he asks my uncle “what the heck is he doing at the table”. My uncle shrugs and says that he’s just having a conversation with people and not “sulking in the corner because he’s bitter”.

My father tells him that my mother isn’t allowed to interact with his family and he should have pushed her away when she approached him. My uncle told him that he’s an adult and he can do whatever he wants. This only made it escalate that much further.

My father then tells my mom that she needs to leave and that “he won’t allow her in his presence”. My mom just stares at him and goes back to her conversation. He yells at her to leave louder and she continues to ignore him. My uncle tells him to screw off, and my dad tells him that if he doesn’t tell “that witch” to go away that he’ll flip the table over.

I obviously don’t want him to do that, so I tell him “Dad, since you obviously can’t be civil at your own son’s wedding, I’m going to ask you to leave”. He huffed and told me that America is a free country and that he had every right to stay. So, my uncle got up from his seat, grabbed his arm, and dragged him out of the tent before telling him that if he decided to come back the authorities would be called.

The next day he sent me a long message demanding an apology from ME and saying that what I did humiliated him in front of the entire family. I told him that he humiliated himself because he’s petty and can’t let go of a divorce that happened 20 years ago. C’mon man, you’re 56 years old and you’re acting like a child, get a grip on yourself.

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Not Seeing Eye-To-Eye

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Growing up, my family was always close to my mom’s sister. My aunt has two girls who are identical twins and I was always forced to play nice with them even though they never wanted to hang out. When I got married, I asked them to be my bridesmaids, and they stood up in my wedding…only for them to go back to ignoring me and not putting forth effort into the relationship.

I mailed them flowers, would call them each month, send happy birthday texts, and handwrite them letters. But they never initiated. I decided to forgo the relationship and stopped reaching out. They didn’t reach out or contact me for over a year, only to say thanks after I texted “happy birthday”. I am turning 30 in a few weeks and my parents had a plan to host a party, with people flying in from across the country.

Yesterday, one of the twins had a bridal shower and my mom begged me to go, even though I was not asked to be a bridesmaid and did not want to go. When I got ready for the shower, my mother didn’t like my hair and told me to wash it, didn’t like my outfit and told me to change, and once I did all those things to just get through the day and survive, then she was upset with how little I talked with everyone at the shower.

She was giving me nasty glares across the table and hitting my knees underneath it. I found out at the shower that my twin cousins both bought houses, graduated with their masters, and they didn’t even tell me. I felt so hurt at the shower that I decided to tell my parents I did not want them to be invited to my 30th birthday party, as on my 21st my dog passed in my arms and I’ve never had a big party for it.

I wanted to invite people who do not make me feel bad about myself. I didn’t expect the backlash I got. My mom stopped speaking to m and my dad wrote me the most hurtful message I’ve ever read from him—sharing that they are canceling the party, that they will not be attending, and that I am being a selfish spoiled brat.

For what it’s worth, I have invited my twin cousins to every birthday party, every college party—all of it. I have never been invited to any of theirs. I spoke with my brother about the situation, sent him the text messages my dad sent me, and immediately my mom calls my brother apologizing and playing the victim, saying how hard it was for her at the shower because I didn’t talk enough to everyone at the party.

My brother calls my dad and then talks to me. He and I are very close, and he also has beef with the twins, so I thought he surely would understand how stupid this all sounds. His words crushed me. He instead lectured me on how the family needs to get along and how he needs to play devil’s advocate. This all happened as I was in town to visit everyone for the shower.

He then proceeded to tell me that I must have hurt people by not talking to them enough, (but I did talk to everyone!) and as I started to cry, he gave me an ultimatum saying he could either drive me to the train station and I catch the next train back to my home or that I will need to “collect myself” as he was having people come over.

Since I live in a different state, I was planning on staying at his house instead of my parents’. So I decided to Uber to a hotel and stay until my train departs. I feel so betrayed, unsupported, and hurt right now. The worst part is that before my brother spoke with my parents, he offered to host the party instead but after this, I just want to cancel it all, not go to my cousin’s wedding, and distance myself from my family entirely.

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A Disaster From Start To Finish

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At my baby shower, my sister insulted my unborn baby, tried to fight with everyone, and then smashed my cake because it wasn’t vanilla and she didn’t get her piece first. But that wasn’t all. My female cousin said that even though she was at my baby shower, it would be just like me to not show up at hers—which is coming up and scheduled on my due date.

She then took a onesie from the gift pile because it would “look better on her baby”. My male cousin used the shower to announce that his girlfriend of three months was also pregnant. He also made fun of my baby’s name the entire time, saying “we’ll never name our baby something stupid as insert common baby girl name here”. Oh, we’re just getting started.

My aunt stated, “Your daughter will be fine but hopefully she looks like her dad, white babies are always the cutest”. I’m half Asian and strongly resemble the Asian side of my family. She also kicked out all of my friends as they showed up, stating “I planned it, I get to choose who comes in”. Various other family members’ comments were icing on top.

“There’s no way you’re 36 weeks, you must have the wrong day”. “You’ll have to stop your career now that baby’s here”. “If you’re not getting her baptized, she’s going to the devil”. “When are you having your next one”? This one didn’t really upset me, just kind of added fuel to the fire. “You’ll have to work out the second she’s born if you want to be pretty again”.

“Why are you getting cloth diapers, do you think you’re better than us”? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for all the efforts. But I really don’t want to see ANY of them ever again.

HeyItsMeLook

What’s Her Problem?

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My boyfriend and I were waiting to eat at a restaurant. We were sitting on the bench by the door and we see a white family of four walk up. The dad is just talking on his phone and the mom is looking harried and yelling at her two kids to quit messing around. The boy was probably around 9 years old and the little girl looked 6 years old.

The mother is also clearly pregnant with her third. So my boyfriend and I get up and offer the bench to this family and the mother sits down with her two children and starts glaring at me. After giving me the stink eye for a good ten minutes, I calmly ask her if there is a problem. She then proceeds to call me vulgar names and tells me that I won’t be able to flaunt my body soon enough since I will get knocked up and dumped.

And she hoped I will learn my lesson. I am standing there flabbergasted and speechless. I have done absolutely nothing to invoke this lady’s anger. Her kids are sitting next to her on the bench watching gleefully as their mother yells at me. After she finished, the little boy looks at me and points and calls me the same awful names while his mother is patting his head and telling him good job.

The little girl is just sitting there laughing. Game over. My boyfriend loses his cool, walks over to the dad, rips the phone out of his hand, throws it to the floor and steps on it. He then told the dad to take the kids and discipline them and teach them their manners. The dad takes both kids away to talk to them and I turn to the pregnant mother and gave her a piece of my mind.

I basically told her that she was unfit to be a mother. I also said that I feel especially horrible for the unborn baby because it had the misfortune to be born into such a terrible storm of hate. The manager of the restaurant comes out and asks the family to leave and tells the family they have a right to refuse service.

The lady starts laying into him and the little boy comes up and kicks the manager in the shin! At that point, I pulled out my phone and called the authorities. The family then decided to cut their losses and leave, but good god if that woman hadn’t been pregnant I would have straight-up beat the light out of her.

Thisisthelulzgaiz

A Skeleton In The Closet

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Long story as short as possible, when my mom and her siblings were between six and 14, their father just up and left one day—on my grandmother’s birthday of all things. No notice. But he revealed to my grandmother he’d been having an affair with a co-worker, and since the house was in his name, he wanted her and the kids to be out within a week.

She never had the resources for a court case and never went after him for child support. So she gathered up the kids and their things and they left. He never gave them a penny and would rarely come pick up one kid at a time for his visitation days, plus he and his new wife were mentally awful when he had them. My poor grandmother worked three jobs just to make ends meet.

Once the kids were old enough to work, they had to help with bills. My mom always used to say if she wanted anything besides basic necessities, they had to work to get it themselves. He married his wife without telling anyone. Well, he just passed last week and my mom and I are the executors of his estate. It’s been a lot of emotions—but one detail is particularly brutal.

We’ve been seeing just how much money they saved over the years.  More money than we’ve ever seen, which all has to go to the care of his wife as she’s sole beneficiary and needs to be in a nursing home. But when I was calling the life insurance policy to notify them so she can get her payout, there was a big twist. The woman on the phone said “wait, who is [grandmother’s name]?”

Turns out he had taken out a separate life insurance policy after he abandoned them and made my grandmother the beneficiary. It’s worth five times as much as the one for his wife. Since my grandma passed in 2016 and he kept paying the premiums, it’ll be evenly split between my mom and her siblings. Her siblings, who all went no contact with him as adults, are convinced he must have forgotten about it. I think the truth is much different.

I know him and how careful he was with his money. I remember one day last year when I went to drop off groceries for them and he was in a fuss because he couldn’t account for $1.75 in one of his bank accounts. We can say what we want about him, but he was a highly intelligent person. He knew what he was doing when it came to his finances.

There’s no way he was paying four figures a year on an insurance policy and didn’t know what it was for. I don’t know how I feel about it. Maybe it shows some remorse or humanity, but all the same, I don’t care. They needed money then. An insurance payout after a lifetime of pain doesn’t absolve him of his guilt and selfishness. How he could pass with a fortune and my grandmother passed with just enough to cover her cremation.

I kept him in my life for some reason but dealing with all of his post-passing things is making me hate him.

sunlit_cairn

Pulling The Purse Strings

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So, I recently got married. When I first got engaged, my parents were super excited and offered to pay for the wedding and reception. We graciously accepted because that would take a lot of financial stress off us and we could focus on buying a house. My parents decided since they offered financial help, they could dictate everything from the guest list to the food to the venue.

They wanted to invite everyone in their neighborhood subdivision, people I have never met. They wanted to serve meat while my husband and I are both vegetarians, and all sorts of things we explicitly were against. After months of fighting, them threatening to take away financial help, and then threatening to not come if we did it on our own, we finally said screw it and we got married in a courthouse.

My mother told me I was the worst daughter in the world and now refuses to talk to me. My father did the same. I’m just exhausted.

glapworkfk

Fake It Until You Don’t Make It

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My parents are super controlling. I confronted them like a week or so ago and told them I was getting married this year, that I am an adult and I get to make adult decisions and I hope they will come to the wedding but if not, that’s on them. My dad broke down and said he wanted a better relationship with me and my fiancé. My mom was just mad that I had the “audacity” to speak to my parents that way.

Mind you, I was super calm and diplomatic. My mother then accused me of spreading lies about them and trying to blame all my problems on them. My dad told me he was going to work on her. This past weekend, my dad bought a bunch of pumpkins and invited me and my fiancé to come carve them with my family. We had a great time and even decided to stay for dinner.

At the end of the dinner, my parents told us they wanted to work on our relationship and had scheduled a family counseling meeting after work on Monday. We reluctantly agreed to go because it seemed like they were genuinely trying and it would be nice to have a moderator. I soon found out what a horrific mistake this was. 

We went, and it turns out the “counselor” was fake and my parents basically paid this lady to agree with them and gaslight me. They tried to convince me I was “unstable,” possibly severely mentally ill, and I needed to call off the wedding and move back in with them immediately. The fake counselor lady just kept saying how perfect and caring my parents are.

She said that they have the financial means to take care of me. I ended up freaking out at them and telling them that they were not perfect parents and they were super dysfunctional and that what they just did was not okay. My fiancé (who was there) started yelling and defending me. When he did so, my parents started insulting him and told him he doesn’t know me and he doesn’t have the ability to take care of me.

The circus ended when my mom told everyone in the room that I was delusional and said that last year I fantasized that my dad was cheating and told all my siblings. Only, that’s not what happened at all. This was a real event, except it was my mother who thought my dad was cheating and told everyone. When she confronted my dad about it and he got furious, apparently she told him I made it up and convinced her he was cheating.

I ended up pulling up screenshots of messages that she sent that showed she was clearly the one who thought he was cheating and was trying to convince everyone else he was the bad guy. My fiancé was able to back me up and told everyone about the times my mom went off to him about how she thought my dad was getting it on in the back of his office.

My mom ended up admitting that she contributed to the cheating drama but she said she thought I made it worse. In fact, all I did was listen to her nonsense like I have my entire life. We all ended up storming out after that. I’m super devastated right now, I truly thought my parents changed and wanted to fix our relationship and then they did this to me.

I also can’t believe my mother tried to use me as a scapegoat when she believed my father was cheating and instead of being honest she threw me straight under the bus. To be fair, I’m not 100% sure the counselor is “fake” but I am 99% sure she isn’t licensed or broke all code of ethics because I have seen therapists in the past and this lady was nothing like them.

She didn’t ask us our names and there was no paperwork—every therapist and counselor I have ever seen had me sign several pages to tell me my rights and that I consent to treatment as well as disclosing medical history and all that other stuff. She didn’t have us take turns talking, she didn’t even try to hear my side of things, and she let my parents interrupt me constantly.

Bluegoose412

What Was His Is Ours

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So, my husband was a heavy-duty mechanic. Before he passed, he had over $15,000 in tools at his work, plus massive tool boxes—and that is the used price I could sell them for, not the new price. His boss agreed to help me sell them since I know squat about tools. Well, his boss called me today and told me that my husband’s parents had called.

They had previously tried to get his tools while he was on life support at the hospital and wanted them again. At that point, the boss told them no, that they weren’t leaving the yard without my permission. But they had to go and do something horrifically selfish. They convinced one of my husband’s co-workers that my husband had given them several tools before he passed, and to get them from his toolbox and deliver them.

Luckily, his boss has a list of which tools were taken. So tomorrow morning I am taking the list, his boss’s statement, and my husband’s will to the authorities and having them charged with theft, getting a restraining order, and getting those tools back. These people haven’t given me a moment’s rest since my husband was admitted to the hospital with terminal cancer.

They have threatened me, told lies about me, tried to take things from me, and just harassed me constantly. It was so bad that my dying husband had them banned from the hospital. At which point they tried to force their way in. Security turned them away. And the sad thing is, they don’t even think they are doing anything wrong.

They believe they are more entitled to his things than his wife and five-year-old son. I have tried ignoring them, but they just keep escalating. And since they refuse to speak to me directly, the only option I have available is going to the authorities. And since his dad has a history of disorderly behavior, assault, and uttering threats, it should be easy to get officers to throw in a restraining order.

I really hope no one is home when the officers show up so they have to go to his mom’s work. She has a type of job where you need a clean record to work there.

MarsEcho

Mother Knows Best

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At the point of this story, my ex-husband and I have been separated for over a year. It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and the drama never seemed to end. I honestly felt like I was drowning from time to time…and the biggest problem was my mother-in-law. The stuff her son put me through was horrible, but she was giving him a run for his money the entire time.

So I’m eager to be divorced and move on. Or move on as much as I can, considering we have a kid together and he uses the kid to exert control over both of us. Plus, his mother is doing the same thing and trying to manipulate the situation. Now, our divorce is an easy DIY process. I fill out court paperwork, but then realize I have to get an adult to serve it to my ex.

The server signs a “I served him” form and it’s all filed at court together. I then take the paperwork with me to my mother-in-law’s house, because my ex lives with her and I went there a lot for changing over taking care of the kids. At the time, my ex and I were in a fairly good place and life was going ok (provided he always got his way).

I no longer angered him by seeming like I had a brain of my own or anything. However, it was just after he and his mother tried to buy me back with flowers. They totally think they’ve got me all swindled and distracted by these massive flowers…and I ruin it as I want to divorce. It probably shocked them as to why I wasn’t swooning and begging for him back.

In any case, I ask my mother-in-law if she minds handing the divorce paperwork to him to serve him officially. It just has to be served by an adult; any adult that isn’t me. Then sign on the dotted line on the “I served him” form that I had with me. She says, “I’m not handing it to him unless I read it!!! I’m not being involved with anything that would be nasty towards my son. I need to know what you are saying isn’t lies”.

Now, in our state divorce in a no-fault system. The paperwork is literally tick a box saying “I want a divorce please” and filling in our personal particulars. There’s no room for embellishments, reasons or…lies. So I agree that she could read it. She asks if I could leave it with her for a few days to read. I tell her it can’t leave my sight and needs to be served in front of me.

This is also partly because I’m not an idiot. So she says she will read it. At this point, my ex—he’s home—tries to read it over her shoulder and she has to shoo him off. She reads the entire thing end to end as I sat there. She puts it down and proceeds to infuriate me. “I’m not handing that to him. It will upset him”. “There’s nothing nasty there, it’s just our personal details and a request to divorce. He just needs to agree or not. Either way we’re getting divorced”.

“Not going to happen. You’re not getting divorced, he clearly doesn’t want to and you’ve both got to want it”. But this is where she was wrong. “I don’t need his permission to divorce him, we don’t both need to be there. If it’s too hard for him to face, just serve this and I’ll do the rest. He doesn’t even have to show up to court”.

“I will not serve it. I will not upset my babyyyyyy”. I recall asking if I could ask an adult sibling to serve it, seeing as they were also all there. I got told by them too that I was being unreasonable to want to divorce their precious brother and was absolutely nuts for letting him go. Ok. So I leave and on my way out my ex is sitting on the floor in the doorway of the front door.

You know, very unsubtly blocking my exit. Full on tears and victim mode. “Whyyyyy are you divorcing meeeeeeeeeeee”. Really? Um, every type of mistreatment the book. The narcissism, the gaslighting. But of course, I can’t say that as it will set him off, so I don’t really commit to an answer. I gingerly try to side-step around him and get out of there.

I’m feeling super “triggered” by his blocking the exit but trying not to show him that I was triggered. Show him a weakness and you’ll have it used against you. He then proceeded to try to whine his way back into my heart. It was uncomfortable. I stood there for a polite time to make him feel like I’d listened, then I left as quickly as I could, trying not to anger him. But I still have a huge problem.

As my mother-in-law won’t serve him the paperwork and I still want my divorce, I pay money for a qualified process server to do the job. The server’s first question was “Why don’t you just get some friend to hand it to him? It’s far cheaper”. Then I explained and he said he understood. Two weeks later, the process server called me and said, “What the heck is wrong with these people”?!

This was before I even said hello. The story he told me made my jaw drop. Apparently, they locked down everything to stop him! He had to leap over their wrought-iron gate to even knock on their door. Every time my mother-in-law or anyone else came to the door they claimed my ex was not there even though his car was in driveway and a man was behind them who met his description.

They also tried crying and screaming “go awayyyyy”. They eventually stopped answering the door to his knocks and all three screamed “go away” to the server. Now, a while ago my ex sustained a work-related injury, and he rarely left the house because my mother-in-law waited on him hand and foot. It was definitely him there at the time.

The server decided he had to do a technical serve, stick it on his car, nail one to the front door, post one in the mailbox, and do a long, detailed affidavit explaining everything he did. He also said that he saw a man that matched the photo I provided, but the people in the house said it wasn’t him. Finally, he noted the huge number of times he went to the address and tried to serve.

Later I find out my ex had turned his waterworks on his mother and she went into protective mama bear mode to protect him from…being divorced. The financial settlement and kid settlement stuff had already been done, so this was just divorce to no longer be married—that is all. It’s like a sick joke. Perhaps they had another money-grabbing idea in the works, I guess I’ll never know.

So court day arrives. I’m crazy nervous. The biggest hurdle: Will the judge accept that he was served? Otherwise, I’ve got to keep trying to serve him, which is more money for me to pay. I half expected them to show up and be dramatic and refuse to go ahead. But I got some advice and the lawyer said that provided one person asked for a divorce, it’s pretty much a sure thing to get a divorce regardless of what the other person says.

But they could still cause delays so the judge could verify their claims or whatever. I can’t believe what actually ended up happening. They didn’t show up. I sat in the courtroom watching other cases go through like a well-oiled machine, and all the staff in the courtroom moved mechanically and repeatedly. It was almost beautiful to watch them do their thing.

Then finally my name was called. I stand up and introduce myself. The Judge stops. The well-oiled machine stopped. The courtroom staff look from judge to me. I get the feeling this doesn’t happen often. The judge was silent as she read through the paperwork once, then twice. She looks up at me and peers at me for a few seconds.

Then she asks, “Why was he so difficult to serve, do you think”? “Um…I believe that he thought if I couldn’t serve him…that we won’t be getting divorced”. She looked at the paperwork again. “You’ve been separated for more than a year…finances sorted…kids sorted…” The rest of the court staff lean forward in interest. It’s like this court file is the kind that they’re all going to read later and discuss for weeks around the lunch room table.

Judge shook her head in a big nooooo. I thought all was lost—but then came the twist. “Well despite his best efforts, my opinion is that he was legally served. You’ve brought this to his attention on a number of occasions and you WILL be getting your divorce today”. Well-oiled machine kicked back up into gear she said something about him having 30 days to object to the divorce.

Still, the only thing that can stop a divorce at that stage is us reconciling the relationship and us skipping back into the courtroom hand in hand. Nonetheless, some people do try to object just to be difficult. She looked at her file and suggested I might need more advice as a precaution if he’s that insistent on not being divorced. After that, the blood rushing through my ears drowned out the rest.

Oh the relief. A month later, the divorce papers arrived by post. I knew my ex got his own paperwork the same time as he and my mother-in-law claimed I was a con artist and somehow lied to the court. However, they didn’t apply to the court to get it reversed after all that effort. My poor mother-in-law’s son was all divorced. And, thank God, so was I.

FriendlyMum

Wrongfully Accused

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My sister disowned me 12 years ago. She was having an affair, and the whole family had gone out to a bar for a graduation celebration. She got really angry as the night went on. I was confused and we got into an argument and I ended up leaving, I didn’t hear from her for a few days which was unusual, so I called her and she was still super angry.

I asked, “What’s wrong now? ” She was pretty moody most of the time, I think my whole life I’ve walked on eggshells around her. But now she said, “You know what you did”! Um, no. I had no idea. So she begins to tell me that on their way home from the bar that graduation night, her husband told her that I told him she was having an affair.

No, I did not. I told her as much, but she would not believe me. I finally said, “You got played, he must have been suspicious and made it up. When you figure out the truth, call me”. Well, fast forward 12 years later. My husband and I run into her now ex-husband today. I finally asked him why he had said that?? He looked at me like he had no idea what I was saying.

He told me, “You never said anything to me”! I felt…gut-punched, relieved, all kinds of emotions. I knew I had drinks that night, but I remembered the whole night. I felt justified but still sad. I told him, so you both had affairs and I was the collateral damage? He said he was sorry. I’ve lost my whole family over this. In fact, our brother was in an industrial accident about five years ago and because of this, I wasn’t invited to the family funeral.

I’ve been through therapy, have a great husband and wonderful kids, but have always felt this abandoned feeling. At least I know I really did nothing wrong,

neener691

Let The Adults Talk

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This happened when I was about 10 years old. It’s about my mom’s ex-friend, Patty. One day there’s a knock at the door and my mom goes and opens it to find Patty’s son John, who was only about 5 years old at the time. His mom is sitting in the car in our driveway, and he’s just standing there by himself. My mom says, “Hey there John, what brings you guys here today?”

Little John then replies, “Mom said to ask if you have a can.” My mom says, “A can? Like a soda can?” John says, “I dunno. She said she needs a can so she can smoke her crack.” My mom fumes with anger over this. She says, “John, go inside and play. Close the door and don’t look outside.” So John comes in and I put some cartoons on for him to watch.

I then peek out the window whilst he is occupied with the show. My mom is screaming at Patty through her open car window. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but they were both screaming at each other. And then my mom punches Patty in the face through the open window, pulls open her door, drags her out of the car onto the driveaway pavement by her hair and beats the everloving sin out of the woman.

After she finally lets Patty go, Patty gets up, gets into her car and drives away, with her son still in our house. Luckily, my mom was friends with Patty’s brother-in-law and she called him, who in turn called the kid’s grandpa to come and pick him up as he himself was at work. Grandpa apologized profusely for Patty’s behavior and took John home with him.

KindaConfusedIGuess

Weddings Make You Crazy

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My fiancé and I are going to get married in a few months, and we’ve decided we don’t want kids at the wedding. We’ve also assigned the roles that are usually performed by children to our beloved pets. My dog will be the flower girl, my fiancé’s dog will be the ring bearer, and my two cats are co-maids of honor. Our friends, my fiancé’s sister, and my brothers think this is adorable.

Alas! Our other relatives do not share this enthusiasm. His parents said they thought it was strange but accepted it because they want us to be happy. But my parents were downright horrible. They threw a fit and accused me of “placing animals above children”. I calmly explained to them that this was my fiancé’s and my wedding and it really wasn’t their place to decide who would be a part of it.

Our pets are well trained and well behaved, which is more than I can say about our relatives’ kids. But as it happens, my parents aren’t even coming to my wedding because I refused to follow a certain wedding tradition I object to—the father “giving away” the daughter. Good riddance! However, they sadly are not the only ones causing trouble.

One of the friends I’ve known since childhood is a mother of three and was going to be one of the bridesmaids.  She was “horrified” when she learned that my dog and cats will be in the wedding party. Surely, her three ill-mannered kids should have had that honor. She threatened to not come to the wedding too. I made it easier for her by taking her name off the guest list.

Then, my cousin who has two kids told me she would bring her kids anyway. When she and her family were actually there, surely I won’t be able to do anything about it. I told her I would have her, her husband, and their kids escorted out by security. That shut her up. My fiancé’s then-friend asked him to “make me” replace my dog with his daughter as the flower girl.

He was warned to never bring it up again. This wedding will be a special day for my fiancé and I and we will not let other people’s entitlement ruin it.

Catwomanlover34

We’ve Got Your Back

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So my husband has been on pins and needles because he wants to tell everyone about my pregnancy. I’m eight weeks along now, and we found out when I was six weeks. We agreed that we wouldn’t tell anyone until I was halfway through my second trimester. However, his mom’s birthday is this Saturday and she’s turning 70—they are older grandparents.

Although we got her a nice handbag that she had been hinting at for her birthday months ago, he really thought this news would make her happy and I agreed. So she took the train down with her sister, my husband’s aunt, and we’re making a long weekend of it. Also, his siblings don’t live far away, so we all decided to go to a hotel for a staycation so we would be in the heart of the city.

That way, we wouldn’t have to host that many guests in our large but not fully furnished condo. We were having dinner at a nice Italian restaurant and my husband tapped his glass to get everyone’s attention. Then he announced our little bean’s arrival. Everyone is happy and we are all giving hugs, kisses, congratulations, good jobs etc. It turned dark out of nowhere.

Suddenly his aunt just says, “Well it’s about time! The way you spend his money, you should have given him children ages ago”! So I’m about to rip this woman a new one, but my brother-in-law jumps in and says “Oh Aunt, I didn’t know you were the executor over my brother’s finances”! I was happy he defended me, and you’d think this would’ve shut her up.

But no. She then says, “Well I mean she doesn’t work, all she does is shop”. Side note: This aunt likes to make stuff up in her head, especially when she doesn’t like someone. I jumped in and said, “I have worked every day since six months before graduating from college”. Then my husband says, “The only person who has ridiculous spending habits, aunt, is you. My wife has never spent more than she made and has always bargained shopped though she’s never had to”.

He continued: “We have not had children yet because I didn’t want to disrupt her education with an infant, and that was OUR decision we made together. My wife has been nothing but good, kind, faithful, and loving toward me and this family and you owe her an apology for attempting to disparage her and our relationship with your lies”.

Oh man, I was walking on air at that point. But then it got even better. My wonderful mother-in-law comes in and says to her sister, “You really need to apologize to my daughter and the rest of the family because you’re projecting who you are into her. In the six years she has been a member of this family you have barely said a word to her and you choose now to say something and it be negative at that”.

The aunt has now turned six shades of red and looks more indignant than contrite. But she begrudgingly “apologizes” by saying “Well, I was not aware that you work, I guess I stand corrected”. I wasn’t going to let her get away with that. I’m super angry at this point and I tell her “That is not an apology”. She says “Well that’s all you’re going to get, Missy”.

I said, “Then you can take yourself home or somewhere else because you will not be enjoying a hotel room that me and my husband paid for. Also, don’t think you’re going to partake in the festivities that we all planned and also paid for, not while disrespecting me at the same time”. My husband backs me up with an “Exactly”!

She then says “What are you going to do, kick me out of the suite”? Everyone says in unison “Exactly”! She looks appalled and my mother-in-law says, “Aunt, apologize or leave”. She finally apologizes for real and we continue on with the dinner as if nothing happened. Today we are going to a play and then an early dinner as my mother-in-law and her sister are not a night owls.

I just want to say it feels so good to be loved, and to have family that supports and loves me. This is my first time having this, and these past six years with my in-laws and husband have been a dream. We are not perfect, but we love each other and have each other’s backs. They taught me what a family really is and about loyalty. I feel so blessed.

Permalink

Get Your Own Husband

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We are a big family. Grandparents, mom, my mom’s boyfriend, my half-sister, me, and my fiancé. It’s a decent house with four bedrooms, two bathrooms, and the house belongs to my grandparents. I moved in while going to college and my fiancé joined me after we got engaged. We are going to move out next month to get our own lives started.

My mom, her boyfriend, and their daughter (who is two years old) moved in about four months ago when they sold their house. Little things have been driving me bonkers, like them not shutting cabinet doors, or my mom’s boyfriend leaves his razor out and his hair in the sink or on the counter. Their dog always gets on my bed and is always laying on me when I’m allergic. But that’s not the worst part.

My mom’s boyfriend, who is a loud and big guy, says the weirdest things. His latest thing has been teaching their daughter to address my fiancé as her husband…The first time, I laughed. But after that first time, she went back to calling my fiancé by his name, and my mom’s boyfriend corrected her, saying, “No that’s your husband”.

At that point, I kind of looked at him funny. She said, “that’s my husband”. My mom’s boyfriend corrected her a few more times and started telling her, “go get your husband, give him a hug and a kiss”. My fiancé hasn’t said anything to me because he loves her and doesn’t let her kiss him on the lips, he slides his head to the side for a cheek kiss. But, ugh.

When I said to my mom “Don’t you think that’s weird”? my mom asked me if I was jealous of my sister…Um. No? I just think this is weird! I don’t know, maybe this time with them is making me lose it, but I’m so over living with them. My fiancé and I also talked to my grandparents about it, and they also found it strange and uncomfortable, thank God.

We have decided we will, whenever they are calling him her “husband”, respond with “you love your brother, don’t you”? Since he will be her brother-in-law, after all. My fiancé said it made him uncomfortable and if this trend continues we will be more aggressive in our approach. My mom’s boyfriend can be a bit of a doofus and I don’t believe it’s anything too malicious.

I can’t believe he would be hurting his daughter or do something to harm our family. I think he doesn’t realize what he’s saying and how blatantly weird it is, considering I’m not his child. I’ve almost been considered like a sister to my mom rather than her daughter. This has made for an odd family dynamic, separating our mom and daughter bond to more of a friendship.

Still weird. Not disregarding that fact. But if he continues to be weird about it and if the rest of our family joins in, we will make our voices and opinions heard.

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World of Warcraft

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I’ve seen parents lock their two children in their bedroom so they could play WoW. Anytime the kids came out and did anything kids normally do, they were immediately sent to their room. The lock was changed so it was on the outside. The most disturbing thing I saw firsthand was unlocking the door and nearly puking from a foul smell.

They pooped themselves and threw it into the ceiling fan. It. Was. Everywhere. Child Services was contacted not long after. The children’s hands were covered in poop and they were using it to finger paint on the walls as well. I still have no idea how long it took them to clean it all up.

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Restraining Order

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I was never very close to my parents and two brothers. My dad is pretty horrible and clearly preferred his sons over me. He would take them camping, rock climbing, etc. However, I wasn’t allowed to do any of that because according to my parents “that’s not for girls”. My mom often berated me for not being girly enough because I watched action movies, read superhero comics, and wanted a career instead of becoming a stay-at-home mom like her.

She said I disappointed her by not following in her footsteps. To top it off, my older brother could always get away with picking on me because “boys will be boys”. He would take away my comics and would be allowed to keep them until I found a safe place to hide them. Growing up, these comic book characters (Batman, Catwoman, and Wonder Woman) were my safe place.

The one relative who I felt understood me and actually gave a darn about me was my mom’s cousin, Fred. Fred was also my dad’s business partner, and we’d see him quite often. He agreed to take me climbing with his kids, would buy me comic books and didn’t ridicule me when I got zits. I’m closer to his kids than I ever was to my brothers.

I was able to move out of my hometown at 27 and haven’t gone back since. Nor have I seen or had any kind of contact with my family. I even got Fred and his family to promise not to reveal my whereabouts to my parents. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Fred has passed due to a massive heart attack. I came to his house to pay my respects and to help out with the funeral.

As expected, I ran into my family. When my mom saw me, she started crying. She tried to hug me but I pushed her away (not hard). My dad demanded to know why I hadn’t come home to visit them for all these years. My oldest brother was accompanied by his wife and two kids and the younger one by his fiancé. They tried to introduce me to them.

I just said a polite hello but I honestly felt nothing. I just don’t care about them anymore. My mom tried to guilt trip me by crying again, but I told her to show some respect for Fred and to not make a scene. After the funeral, Fred’s daughter took me aside and told me that my mom had been pestering her mom to divulge my contact information.

She asked if they could give it to her just to get her (my mom) off their backs. I didn’t want this family to be troubled, so I said yes. Sure enough, the next day, my mom called me and again began to berate me for missing my brother’s wedding and the births of his kids. I tore her a new one. I told her she had done nothing but make me feel like a subhuman.

I said that they were misogynistic, hypocritical narcissists and had no business raising kids. I reminded her of every humiliation I endured while growing up in her home. I was never treated as a part of her family when I was a child, so why was she bothering now? She kept bawling and telling me I was being cruel to her. Before I hung up, I told her if she ever harassed me again, I would get a restraining order.

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Grandma #3

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My sister, Charlotte, passed 14 years ago at the age of 22. It was very sudden, she went in her sleep next to her fiancé, Hassan, while abroad visiting Hassan’s family for the first time. It was very horrible for the whole family, not least Hassan who woke to find her and had to travel a long way home alone without his fiancée while completely distraught that he couldn’t save her.

We were all absolutely destroyed for years. My mom, somewhat understandably, went completely insane in her grief, and there were many arguments between her and everyone else in the family, including Hassan, about funeral arrangements etc. This is probably quite normal in the circumstances, I only mention it here to illustrate that my mom and Hassan have a somewhat strained relationship as a result of this.

In fact, her relationships with me and my brothers do too for the same reasons. She was very unreasonable at the time, but my brothers, Hassan, and I were always in agreement about the things my mom wanted to fight with us about. Hassan, as Charlotte’s fiancé, was considered part of the family, so my mom’s next actions really cut him to the bone.

I found it unsettling that in the early days after her passing mom was saying things like “Hassan may want to go his own way after this, he has no obligation to stay in touch with us if he doesn’t want to”. It’s not really untrue, but it seemed a bit quick to be reacting like that. It took Hassan years to get back on his feet after Charlotte’s sudden passing, but he has kept close contact with us.

He also eventually met somebody, Tanya, and they started a relationship. Tanya is a lot like Charlotte, but also very different in a lot of ways, but my family loves her as much as we love Hassan. We have maintained close relationships with both Hassan and Tanya while respecting that both of them, especially Tanya, might find it weird that Charlotte’s family is still “hanging around”.

We’re careful to let them take the lead and not be too imposing, give them space to move on with their lives if they wish to. Everybody had grief counseling in the first few years, except my mom who simply refused. She said there was nothing wrong with how she felt and it was all natural. She wanted to feel her grief, but I think she developed some unhealthy coping mechanisms, and she continues to grieve for Charlotte.

She now finds connections to her in the most random things. Dragonflies have some significance because they’re prevalent in a place Charlotte went on holiday this one time, so she wears dragonfly jewelry a lot. When she found a stray dog and failed to locate its owner, she took it as a sign Charlotte wanted her to have this dog and adopted it. But that’s not all.

Every year on the anniversary of Charlotte’s passing she goes on holiday to the same place with the dragonflies, like some kind of pilgrimage. Stuff like this. Pretty understandable but probably not the best coping mechanisms. Anyway, five days ago, Tanya and Hassan had a baby, George. My mom text me on the day to let me know, but I didn’t get in touch with Hassan or Tanya.

I figured it’s their news and they’ll tell me when they’re ready. I’m super happy for them and can’t wait to meet George, but I’m respecting their space. Things are crazy enough when a new baby arrives without your deceased fiancée’s family adding to the chaos. Last night my mom texted me again to say Tanya and George were out of the hospital and she was on her way to pay them a visit at home.

I said I hadn’t let on that I knew yet, as I was waiting for them to make the first move. Hassan texted me after my mom left, so I “officially” know now and will call later today. But after all this, I was left with a weird feeling that my mom might be getting a bit imposing here. Tanya just got out of the hospital and she has to deal with the awkwardness of introducing her new baby to her partner’s past-fiancée’s mother.

I mean, technically George doesn’t have anything to do with my mom, but she seems to have invited herself around as though she’s Grandma #3. This is the same woman who just days after Charlotte passed was prepared to let Hassan cut himself off from us if he wanted, but now he’s had a baby she’s immediately wanting to be involved in his new family.

Is it just me, or is this all pretty weird? I’ve yet to speak to Hassan and Tanya, but I suspect they weren’t too comfortable with a visit from my mom so soon, and just felt like they couldn’t turn her away. I’m worried this might the beginning of a whole new unhealthy behavior for her.

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Easy Ride

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I’m usually the one running around every birthday and holiday to make sure everyone feels special and all the gifts are thoughtful. My husband, however, has a very easy ride and only has to cater for me. I have run around like a loon during this last holiday season for my parents and in-laws, food shopping, medication, hospital appointments, everything.

I’m also working full-time in a hospital. On my birthday, nobody except my husband did anything special for me, and even my adult kids had to be reminded to call me. On Valentine’s Day I bought my husband a special gift he loved. Meanwhile, I got gas station flowers. So for Easter, I sat back and did nothing. Everyone got random chocolates that my husband went to get last minute because I informed him on the Saturday I’d bought nothing and had no intention of doing so.

I cooked nothing special for Easter lunch when I usually make starters, mains, and desserts from scratch, and spent the whole day doing what I wanted to do. Everyone noticed. And they know why I did it, because my husband told them. On the Monday, my kids cleaned my house and my husband made dinner and did the washing. I think they might finally get it.

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Revenge Is Best Served Cold

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When I was 22, my extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, and everyone else began asking me why I wasn’t married yet. I spent my childhood and early 20s in a fairly conservative North Indian state. People in those areas tend to be deeply misogynistic and the only way a woman has any value in their eyes is if she’s attached to a man as his wife.

Her own accomplishments, talents, etc., are of no consequence. So it wasn’t all that surprising when I began getting these ridiculous questions about marriage while I was still in college. I had also recently lost a lot of weight and for the first time I actually looked good in jeans. My weight loss seemed to cause their queries to reach whole new levels of idiocy.

You see, they all assumed that the only reason I had lost weight was so I could land a husband. Surely I hadn’t done it for the sake of my own health and well-being, or because I wanted to look good for myself. That would be preposterous! This is where my troubles truly began. My aunt was friends with a busybody “matchmaker”.

Matchmakers in India are these middle-aged women who have nothing better to do than to go around carrying photographs and information about “eligible” bachelors and bachelorettes. They then share them with the families of young men and women who are looking to marry them off. My aunt’s friend was no different. She showed my aunt a picture some guy in his late 20s.

He also “had a great job and was from a respectable family”. Let’s call this guy Ajay. My aunt shared the picture and the information with my grandmother, who is also an awful person. Between the two of them, they decided that Ajay, whom I had never met before, would be the perfect match for me. Keep in mind that neither I nor my dad had any inkling of what was going on.

One afternoon, I think it was a Sunday, total chaos broke out. My aunt came over when I wasn’t home. She told my dad to “get his daughter dressed up and pretty” because she had promised me to a guy and his parents were coming over to see me that very evening. The tone in which she spoke made it sound like she had done me and my dad a big favor.

My dad was shocked and asked what the heck she was talking about. She told him she had taken it upon herself to find a groom for me (without my knowledge or consent) and “taken some of the burden off his shoulders”. She said that their mother (my grandmother) had approved of the match, too. My dad told her he would have to speak to me first.

He also made it clear that whether the guy’s parents can come over or not depends on what I have to say about this. The little witch actually tried to convince my dad that my consent wasn’t necessary and that as elders, they had every right to make this decision for me. But my dad wasn’t having it. When I came home a few hours later, my aunt greeted me with a hug.

This was enough to send red flags flying everywhere. I asked her what was going on and she gleefully told me what she had done and how her proposition had my grandmother’s blessings. I told her to shove it and that I was in no mood to have an arranged marriage—not then, not ever. She looked shocked and asked how I could say such a thing after all the trouble she’s been through in order to find “such a wonderful young man” for me. So I decided to get dirty.

I told her if the “wonderful young man” is making her so happy, why doesn’t she go marry him? My dad heard this and told me to watch myself. I told him I would if this witch knew her place and knew not to poke her nose where it doesn’t belong. Meanwhile, my grandmother had heard the commotion from her room and called out to my dad.

She began telling him about how she had seen the guy’s picture and the matchmaker had told them all about his family. She said how a match like this may not come along again. My dad told her that he would never force his daughter to marry if she doesn’t want to. My stepmom said the same. I merely told her she was insane and belongs in a lunatic asylum.

This of course, caused both my grandmother and my crazy aunt to fake cry and go on and on about how my dad doesn’t trust them to make the right decision for his daughter, and that they were family and family has the right to make decisions for each other. I wasn’t going to budge, however. I told them I wasn’t going to meet the guy or his parents and that my aunt better cancel the meeting if she knows what’s good for her.

My aunt left our house grumbling. But the drama was far from over. My grandmother, in order to emotionally blackmail my dad into agreeing to the match, stopped eating. Anytime food was brought to her, she would break into crocodile tears and whine about how my dad was dishonoring her wishes. As she was diabetic, her health began to deteriorate.

My dad was scared. One evening, he and my stepmom sat me down and asked if I would consider the proposal and just have a meeting with Ajay’s family. I was still adamant and said no. My aunt came over again and said she had great news, as Ajay’s parents were still interested in meeting me and they would allow me to study and have a career after I married their son.

I asked her what part of the word “NO” did she not understand the last time we spoke and who the heck do Ajay’s parents think they are to “allow” me to do anything? My aunt once again flew into an impotent rage and asked how I could be so selfish. How I could disobey my family like this and some other garbage about how marriage is a union between families and not just individuals.

She also talked about how in her days, girls were married off as soon as they reached adulthood whether they liked it or not. I let her go on for some time as her little hissy fit was quite amusing to me. After she and exhausted herself, I told her that if she, grandmother, or even my parents try to force me into this marriage, I was going to harm myself.

And if I survived, officers would know that I did it because I was being forced to marry against my will and all involved would be in a world of trouble. Even if I perished, I would leave behind enough evidence in the form of emails to all my friends and college professors detailing how I was being mentally tormented so I could be forced into this marriage.

Both outcomes would result in all of them in deep trouble. But I was just getting warmed up. I even showed them the email I had already written, all I had to do was send it. And if any of them even think of locking me up and taking away my phone, laptop, etc, they should remember that my vocal cords still work and I would gather the entire neighborhood with my screams.

As I spoke, my aunt’s eyes kept getting wider and wider. She was in shock, but she knew me well enough to know that I was very capable of doing all of this. She left quietly. Grandmother must have heard every word, because her hunger strike came to an end. My aunt never tried to look for a match for me again. Later, my dad told me that he was only asking me to think about the match and that he would never force me to do something I didn’t want to do.

I told him I knew that and assured him that my threats were only meant to scare my aunt. And they worked.

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In Their Debt

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My husband and I have been married 10+ years now but don’t have kids. His family is overseas, and he was sent to the US at age 14 to attend school because his family is pretty wealthy—oil business, film stars, and politicians. Not Crazy Rich Asians level, but certainly a far cry from my own working-poor background. Over the years, we discussed moving back, but the big roadblock is his crazy family.

Some of the stuff they’ve done over the years include: Guilting us for money so his older brother (who has three kids, two servants, and never held a job) could go on a vacation. Making us cancel a trip to an island because his mother wanted to “surprise” me with a trip to the orphanage to hold babies…because I didn’t hold my niece enough, which means I hate kids.

I should mention I’ve worked in childcare for five years…but they don’t know what I do for a living. They threw us a “wedding” that we didn’t ask for, mostly to drum up support for their political campaigns. They then insisted on getting us rings that don’t fit and making my dress, which also didn’t fit. My auntie is a seamstress and told me the measurements I sent were fine.

However, my mother-in-law insisted that I couldn’t be that skinny and my sausage American fingers were definitely not a size 4 for the ring. They also told my husband to divorce me because I refused to wear that hideous dress she wanted me to wear. Really guys, it was an awful, tight, heavy-fabric dress that was so narrow that I couldn’t walk in it.

They love constantly guilting us with memes and sayings about “give all you have to your parents” and “heaven is at the feet of the mother” then outright telling us that we “owe” them money because they raised my husband and sent him to school. I’m thinking, why the heck did you have kids then? Last I checked, sending your kid to school is raising your kids!

Recently, my husband got a raise and foolishly tells them, thinking they might just MAYBE say something like “we’re proud of you”. But no. Just “Okay, you owe us $1,000 a month now to payback living expenses”. What the heck. I should mention that this family has $$$ and my husband—having grown up with their brainwashing—has been doggedly insistent that we NEVER seek help from them, even if it means sleeping on the streets.

Now I understand why. He’s always “in their debt”.

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I Wouldn't Trade It For The World

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My mother-in-law is a monster. My husband is currently acting like a jerk, but…we’re dealing. I’ll be darned if I let that woman take anything more from my kids. At the beginning of this year, I was contacted regarding my younger sister’s four-year-old daughter and one-year-old son after she passed. She had issues, and the kids came with their own issues.

My husband and I had four kids of our own. At the time, I was pregnant with our fifth—we had a 10-year-old boy, four-year-old triplet girls, and this new baby boy. It was manageable for us to take them in, so we did. So far, my niece gets along AMAZING with the triplets. My nephew is catching up to where he needs to be, and my niece started school in February with the girls, where she is excelling (ahead of her class in math, and reading).

Niece had also been mistreated at some point when living with her mother. Keeping it vague, she has to travel back to her state to go through medical examinations (made processing evidence easier) and they have since caught the guy, he will be going on trial this year. We still haven’t officially adopted my niece and nephew. We’re currently still only fostering them.

However, we are making progress towards official adoption. Part of this process is making sure there aren’t any other relatives that would be a more suitable fit for them. Their case worker says that we do seem like the absolute best fit for these kids, and not to worry. Before we were contacted regarding them, they contacted my sister’s husband’s family.

No one would take in the kids. My older sister didn’t want to spend the money or time on them, believing they’d grow up to be just like our younger sister, and she said as much to their caseworker. A few weeks ago, that sister contacted me. She was wondering how the kids were doing, if they were adjusting, just generally asking questions about them.

She and I have been no contact for the better part of the last 10 years, as I’ve been with all my family, but I decided for the sake of the kids I’d go from no contact to low contact. It casually comes up that I’m receiving benefits for the kids (a whopping $334 for two kids, a month) which gets split in two and goes into two separate accounts set up for my niece and nephew.

This can be college funds, a down payment on a house, whatever they want to use it on in the future. It’s there for them. My niece is also receiving therapy for free, and my nephew’s physiotherapy is at a discounted rate due to the fact that he’s behind because of neglect. Yesterday, I made a brutal discovery. I find out from the kids’ caseworker that my older sister has petitioned to adopt the kids. She’s claiming that she’s gotten her finances in order to care for them. She’s saying that because I have five of my own kids, and she only has one daughter who’s nearly 16, that it would also be beneficial to me for her to take the kids.

I’m heartbroken, and officially going back to no contact. Now, the adoption won’t be as open and shut as it could have been because we’re going to have to prove that we are a better option for the kids than she is, and that the fact we have five kids isn’t detrimental to them. Thankfully, their caseworker is completely on our side, and agrees that we are the BEST fit for these kids.

She told us that it would be really unlikely for a judge to give my older sister full custody, but did warn that he may award mandatory visitation for a short period of time to see where the kids do best. I know she’d just use them for the money, and not actually care about them, as that’s pretty much what she did with her own daughter for the last 14 years, ever since her ex-husband has had to pay child support.

I’m just so frustrated. And I don’t want to lose these kids. Yes, seven kids under one roof is nerve-wracking on the best days, but when they’re all getting ready for bed, and they’re sleepy and cuddled up against me, listening to me read them a story or watching a movie with them, or just the way their faces light up when my husband or I pick them up from school, or daycare…I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

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No Social Awareness

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Yesterday was my mom’s funeral. She passed a week before her 50th birthday after a very long battle with different illnesses over the last 15 years. It was incredibly hard, especially for me, my little sister, and my grandma (her mom). I come from a very large extended family on both my mom’s dad and mom’s side. She also had a million and one friends and neighbors.

They all told us they were coming to her funeral, so we expected a large crowd. My grandma has two brothers. One of them I adore (nice uncle, also my mom’s godfather), the other can sit on a cactus (smells musty and is generally rude with a witch of a wife). The one I adore stayed with us, the other one stayed in a hotel. The awful one is married to the great aunt, who is the star of this story.

I will refer to her as “Tacky” because after yesterday that’s the impression she left. I dreaded seeing this woman at the funeral, so much so it was taking away from my ability to comfortably visit with everyone else because I was so anxious for her arrival. I have always hated Tacky due to the fact she’s always been tacky, in ways that have sometimes made my jaw drop.

She brags about living off the government, has to tell you how much money her jewelry costs (it’s Pandora, nothing fancy), asked nice uncle’s gay son if he has AIDS and that’s why he’s thin, put a label on my great-grandma’s jewelry so we’ll know what she wants to get when my great-grandma passes (she is still alive and well!), tries to hug everything with a pulse, smells like flowery old person, and is generally a huge witch.

My mother also hated this woman so I felt no regrets about being a witch to her right back yesterday.

Yesterday morning, my grandma, nice uncle and his family, another aunt who stayed with my grandma during the last week, my little sister, my boyfriend, and myself all arrive at the church an hour before visitation to finish setting up. We have a huge flood of guests during the hour-long visitation, and thankfully Tacky and crew don’t arrive until about 10 minutes before the ceremony starts.

So, Tacky waltzes in. When I look at her, I can’t help but get furious. She’s wearing a purple t-shirt, white cargo shorts, and a sparkly belt. TO A FUNERAL. Strike 1. Then she came over to my sister, my best friend, my boyfriend, and me, and tries to hug me. I say “No thank you, I’m feeling overwhelmed”. She tried anyway. I again said, “Why don’t you go find my grandma or something?”

And she goes “NO HUNNY GIVE ME A HUG”. So I start walking away with my pals, she follows, and eventually we lose her in this massive crowd. Strike 2. THEN we need to go inside the worship center where the ceremony is being held. As per funeral etiquette, the immediate family is to be seated in the front-most row. My grandma reserved the pew for herself, my sister, my boyfriend, and myself.

Tacky comes up and tries sitting down in that row. I said, “Oh no sorry you need to find another pew, this is ours”. Once more, her behavior stunned me. She says, “SHUT UP THIS IS FOR IMMEDIATE FAMILY”. Yeah witch, not you! I tell her, “You aren’t immediate family, move”. After staring at me and realizing I’m not kidding, she sits behind me and tries to play with my hair.

I smacked her hand and said stop touching me and inched to the front of the pew. I didn’t even care how rude it may have come off to people who don’t know the dynamic. She has always been a Tacky jerk with no social awareness, so she can screw right off with her jerk of a husband. Strike 3. It annoyed us so badly that on the drive to bring my sister back to our dad’s house later that day it was all we could talk about.

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Chilling Encounter

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The story goes like this: I got a message on Facebook from this teenage boy from up in Scotland. Its contents sent a chill right down my spine. It said “Hello, my name is Jordan and I think we may share the same dad. I know this sounds extremely weird and if you don’t want to talk I understand but I’d appreciate it if you could”. I wasn’t sure what to think at first.

I’d have thought my dad would have told us about a baby brother when we were younger or something, after all he and my mom have been separated for the past 20 years since I was three. I messaged back, he said he “thinks” we have the same dad so he could be wrong. I said hello and told him my name and asked him why he thought he was my brother.

He then proceeds to tell me that his whole life he thought his dad’s name was “David Smith,” but just found out it was “John Doe”, AKA my dad’s name. He then sent me photos of him as a baby and child…with a man who was in fact my dad. My world at this moment was starting to spiral. Turns out, when my dad was travelling for work he started sleeping with this woman in Scotland.

He had given her a fake name so she couldn’t try and find him as he was seeing my now-stepmother for about a couple weeks at a time. After a couple weeks going back and forth from London to Scotland, he had gotten this woman pregnant. And from then on, he took business trips there regularly for a few weeks for the next 15 years until one day he dropped contact with Jordan.

It wasn’t until Jordan got his own phone and got my dad’s number from his mom that he saw my dad’s Facebook profile under “people you may know” once his phone synced his contacts to his apps. He saw our dad with a name he didn’t recognize and looked through his profile to see the family he missed out on his whole life. He saw me tagged in a photo with my dad and brothers.

The caption said “me and my boys”. He saw me and saw that I was the youngest and figured I’d be easier to talk to. I was dumbfounded, absolutely dumbfounded. He asked if it could be possible to meet and that he would be visiting London within the next few weeks. I said sure and we met up. I got to know him a little and sort some things out.

I saw him in person. I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes. He looked like a mix between my brother, dad, and cousin. He was for sure my brother. We got talking about the family: the one he grew up with, and the one that he missed out on. I felt horrible for him that he missed out on everything from the birthday parties to the nieces and nephews he hasn’t met that are a huge part of my life.

He met my partner and they got along very well. We met up several more times that week that he was in London. I showed him pictures of the family and showed him texts from the family group chat. But then came the moment I was dreading. Now was the time to confront our dad. I let my dad know that I was coming to see him. My stepmother was in France at the time with her own daughter.

I knew I wasn’t going to upset her by showing up with my secret half-brother. My dad opens the door to see me standing there with Jordan and his face just dropped instantly. I ripped into him about how he could keep Jordan a secret and Jordan tore into him about how he could just grow up not knowing his real name, and that he was excluded from a family he had no idea existed.

This wasn’t the first time my dad disappointed me but it was the worst time he had. And for Jordan, he did worse. Jordan is now back in Scotland and I’ve gone to see him a few times. He’s going to come back soon I can reveal everything to the family and have him meet them all in person—all his aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, niece, nephews, and finally my brothers, his brothers.

Sure, I’ll warn them first to get over the initial shock of it all and come around, but Jordan deserves to know his family. To know where he comes from. He is the little brother I’ve always wanted and he said he was so glad to have met me. I’m proud to say I have a little brother who I’m definitely going to make sure is in my life and a part of the family. But there was one more secret that had to come out.

Turns out the reason my dad cut contact with Jordan was that a couple years ago my stepmother got pregnant (nobody in the family knew this). She actually knew of Jordan’s existence and told my dad to abandon him or else he wouldn’t see his new baby. So he did just that and stayed with my stepmother. However, she ended up having a stillbirth that to this day nobody in the family knew about.

My dad decided to just not get back in contact with Jordan, as he figured it would be easier financially for him to not look after his son whom no one knew about. Jordan won’t forgive him and I don’t blame him. When my nan and grandad found out about Jordan’s existence and how he was excluded they were absolutely furious at my dad.

They would have loved and spoiled him growing up like they do with all their grandchildren and now great-grandchildren (my brother’s kids). They want to take him shopping for 17 years’ worth of birthday presents when he begins to visit much more regularly. I myself do want to take him to get things. He’s a comic book nerd like me so I got him a few comics when I last saw him. I’m happy he’s my brother.

The-Nerdy-Bi

Don't Come Crawling Back

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I have been with my boyfriend for a number of years now. When my parents found out, I was screamed at, pushed, and told I was disowned for my choices. They told me my boyfriend would mistreat me and “don’t come crawling back when he hurts you”. Anyway, years later things are great with him and my parents are seemingly realizing they might’ve messed up.

Everyone wants to rug sweep and play happy family with some texts and phone calls. Recently I graduated from a year-long master’s program. It was incredibly hard, I excelled and should do well in my new field. My parents told me it was a bad investment and have not supported me in any way including financially (not that I expected it).

They knew when I was graduating and never expressed any interest in coming. Interestingly enough, they were in my state house-hunting but only stayed the weekend. I didn’t remind them of my graduation date (having already told them). But then they outdid even themselves. They invited me to lunch which would’ve been a 5-HOUR ROUND TRIP for me.

They have never come to visit me. I didn’t go as I still had finals to submit. So graduation goes off without a hitch! Beautiful, I’m so excited…until I get a text from mom. She knows I graduated, which is not a secret. She then mentions all the social media photos—which actually is weird that she even saw them, because she blocked me before. This is what she texts me.

“Listen, Congratulations on graduating. I think that’s wonderful. I’m just letting you know the lack of respect you and your sister have for your father is unbelievable. You both continuously just hurt this poor man. It’s really sad. The things he’s done for you both growing up and the continuous lack of respect you both show him as adults is beyond me”.

“I would never treat my parent with such disrespect. I feel really sad for him. This has nothing to do with me because I let go a long time ago and I could have a cordial relationship with both of you. But that man gave you life and gave up a lot for both of you when you were younger. Just wanted to remind you of that. Again congratulations yes. We saw all the pictures from everyone who sent them to us today”.

Excuse me, YOU KNEW.

RedditAloudatnight9

Twisting Words

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My dad wanted me to make a music video for him for free, as I work in the film industry. My parents have always been indifferent about my career.  However my littlest brother—who is the golden child of the family—now wants to be an actor, and suddenly they are highly invested. OH BOY. So my dad found an opportunity for a “family commercial” for a local news station.

He then volunteered the whole family for it without asking us first. Oh, but it gets so much more outrageous. It’s an extermination commercial, and it would require dressing up in a full insect costume. I said no thanks. Dad was mad because they were “counting on me”.

I stuck with my previous answer. A few days later Dad texted again saying the producer had “asked for me specifically” (ha, yeah right) and would I let him know soon what I had decided? What the heck?? I already decided. Why are you pretending that I haven’t? 12 hours later he texted again saying “I feel hurt when you don’t respond” and “Am I expecting too much? Would you prefer I not reach out so often”?

Ugh, so manipulative to send a I-guess-you-don’t-love-me-anymore text. I composed maybe the most confrontational text I’ve ever sent him, saying: “I already gave you guys my answer. I said no thanks and that hasn’t magically changed. I’m frustrated that you seem to think that I haven’t made a decision unless it’s the one you want me to make”.

He waited a couple of hours (oh irony) and then responded “I don’t care what decision you make… I remain hurt, but willing to bother you less”. ARGGGGGH. Way to twist my words dude. I never said “stop bothering me” I said, “respect when I say no”. And now the whole family is irritated that I won’t just “be invested in the family” and dress up like an ant.

My life is so weird.

Wendydarian

I Have No Words

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I have just realized how much my husband doesn’t have my back and I’m at a loss for words. The issue occurs whenever I recount my life story to anyone and mention that I lived in three countries. My husband has been triggered by this lately and tells me that “this is not impressive and it’s not that many places” and “you think it makes you better than everyone else”.

I currently live abroad again, in HIS home country where he spent his life and I previously lived for a year, and he has also told me “Just tell people where you’re from and that you lived where you’re from, you don’t have to tell them anything else”. What?

So he wants me to hide facts about my life? He is offended that I love my life. However, he tells me that my history is not impressive and when he sees anyone who responds to it with interest, he tells me that I embellished the experience (not true either, I tell true stories and I love to share). Weeks ago, he also told me that “someone who lived in 30 countries is impressive and your history is not”.

By the way, we live in his home country because he didn’t want to leave it, and he never lived abroad himself. Also, I don’t know anyone who actually lived in as many as 30 countries but if I did, I would be impressed. I recently told one of his family members about living abroad and my husband entered the conversation to tell him that I didn’t live where we currently are, in their home country, “for that long”.

I’m coming up on three years here and lived here previously for a year with my family (moved back to get married) but I never said it was longer than that. I later told him he entered that conversation to try and undermine me, as if I were some liar. He said he just wanted to tell the guy that it hasn’t been that long. And then he told me that I should “get real about your life experience” and “someone should put you in your place when you talk about your life”.

I am not speaking to him this morning. The sight of him disgusts me. I told him last night that he didn’t put me in my place but lost my respect. I can’t even believe he attacks me in such a childish way. I just don’t understand this, and why this is a trigger. I asked him what the problem was last night and he says I think it makes me better than everyone else.

I never said that, I don’t school people on where they should live, I love people’s stories about studying or living abroad and traveling, and I have the right to love whatever I want about my life and share it with people, especially when it doesn’t hurt or embarrass him. I just have no words.

scarletcoffeecup

He Won't Be Walking Me Down the Aisle

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My dad cheated on my mom, and they got divorced 11/12 years ago after 21 years of marriage. My mom understandably hated the woman my dad married just five months after their divorce was final (the woman he cheated with). But over the years, my mom has gotten over it, and she tries to be cordial with them. She even gets along with and is fond of my stepsisters.

But my dad just always brushes her off and gives her the cold shoulder every time. If anyone should have this attitude, it should be coming from my mom, but it isn’t. Cut to a few weeks ago, I was talking to my dad about what song we should play for our father-daughter dance. He said “Whatever you want, just pick whatever song you like, and that’s what we’ll dance to. But I do have one request though”.

Thinking it was going to be music-related, I was ready to accept his request. But he looks at me and says something that broke my heart. “I don’t want to take any pictures with your mother”. At the time, my wedding was four weeks away. I was upset, started to cry, and told him that he is my father and she is my mother. I want pictures of me and my parents on my wedding day, even just one.

I said that I would be more than happy to also take pictures with him and my stepmom. He tried to calm me down and said that everything was going to be okay. Today, he texted me and said “call me when you have time to talk, I need to talk to you”. So I called him. He apologized for upsetting me a few weeks back, but that he stands firm in his decision to not take any pictures with my mom.

He said that he wanted to tell me ahead of time, so that it won’t even be brought up at the wedding. I am so upset and angry that he can’t be cordial with my mom for five minutes to take a picture. So I decided to call my brother and I asked him to walk me down the aisle. Because at this point, I’m over my dad and how he’s acting about everything.

I feel like he’s lost his right to walk me down the aisle.

mashlit

Only Three More Days...

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My husband and I are on vacation with his family. I currently have a broken foot and have had to stay behind during some activities. Today everyone went into town and I stayed back to ice my foot. My 10-year-old niece (my husband’s sister’s daughter) didn’t want to go so she stayed also. Shortly after everyone left, my niece starts messing around with my crutches.

Long story short, she decided to take them and hide them in the other room across the house and refused to give them back. I knew it would be hours before anyone came back, so I got up and hobbled around the house trying to find them. Each step was excruciating. My husband’s family comes back and I’m in tears because I’m in a lot of pain.

I tell them what happened and my husband agrees she needs to apologize. She knew better and that was malicious and unacceptable. Then my sister-in-law and brother-in-law defend her, saying she didn’t mean any harm. They didn’t make her apologize or even talk to her about it. What the heck. My mother-in-law agrees with them that I blew the whole thing out of proportion and I don’t have a reason to be upset.

Ummm, for one, my foot is more swollen and painful than it was this morning. I’m so tired of my husband’s family and the fact that they defend my sister-in-law’s kids no matter what. My niece 100% knew better and it was a safety hazard, but apparently it doesn’t matter and she can’t do any wrong. Only three more days of being stuck with them…

jenakj

You Should Have Seen Her Face

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My niece’s birth was a special event, seeing as she was the first grandchild born on both sides of the family. We had a baby shower before she was born, and it was all nice and dandy except for my step-mother-in-law’s various tantrums. Starting off with #1: She got upset that my mother-in-law was there and said that was still trying to take my father-in-law away from her.

Um, she’s been remarried for years now. Plus, it’s…my mother-in-law’s first grandchild??? She’s allowed to be there??? My mother-in-law didn’t even interact with my father-in-law the entire time (she rarely does at all, in fact) so why would she care about getting with him? Oh, but she was just getting started. She then got upset that the baby wouldn’t be named after her.

She oh so wanted the baby to be named after her because “It’s a perfect name! Everyone wants to have it!” Another story for another day, but she’s…oddly obsessed with how “perfect” her name is. So the baby wasn’t named after her, and she got angry and went off on how important she is and how she’s contributed so much to the family.

Talking about how she’s always been a mother to my partner and her siblings (She’s been married to my father-in-law for like three years. When they got together, all of them had already graduated). Then the big whammy. She wouldn’t be called Grandma. She spent almost that entire time asking my sister-in-law for “grandma names”.

My sister-in-law told her that she’d just be called by her name and nothing else because she’s not the “stepmom,” she’s just my father-in-law’ wife and that’s all she’d ever be. She got upset, started throwing stuff around, cursing…and then said something that I feel is truly unforgivable. “I HOPE YOU HAVE A MISCARRIAGE”. I swear to you the minute she said that we all snapped our heads towards her and she just stood there thinking she did no wrong

My sister-in-law kicked her out and we enjoyed the rest of the evening without her. Thankfully, she didn’t have a miscarriage and my niece is happy and healthy. She’s two years old now, and instead of calling this woman grandma like she so politely asked…she runs around calling her “Lady” and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.

Her face when she first started calling her Lady was the funniest thing, I swear to God.

giddyupspacecowboy

Destroying Her Hopes and Dreams

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My mother-in-law just sent us a box…full of baby stuff. I was confused and so was my husband. And then we read the note and I nearly screamed. It said, “for my future granddaughter”. We are NOT pregnant right now, but she is desperate for a girl. She HAD to send that, knowing full well my sister-in-law ain’t giving her any grandbabies and she “only” has two grandsons from myself and my husband.

I was so angry she wasted this baby stuff on a nonexistent granddaughter, what does she expect? For us to be like “Oh we have baby clothes now time to make a baby”! Also, is she not considering the fact that there’s a 50/50 chance of any baby being a girl or boy? Honey, you have two grandsons, be happy with them because they’re the only grandkids you’ll ever have.

Imagine how the boys feel knowing that their grandma keeps wanting a granddaughter and not them? It sucks. Luckily one of our friends is expecting a girl in August so we donated all that stuff to her. My husband later told her, “Thanks for the baby stuff! [Friend] will be thankful for this”. She then got angry we were “destroying” her nonexistent granddaughter.

automatron_23

Blocking His Number

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I met my ex-fiancée after my best friend introduced us when I was 13. My ex and I hit it off instantly and became inseparable. About a year later my parents passed in a car accident. I didn’t want my grandparents to put their life on hold, so I decided to get myself emancipated. I got a job selling my art and was doing well and still ended up graduating top of the class.

My ex, best friend and I decided to get a place together to save on college expenses. When I was 20 years old, I proposed to my ex, and shortly after we found out she was pregnant. We decided to keep the kid. After my daughter was born, it all went off the rails. My ex became more distant and spent less time with our daughter, and I later found out she dropped out of college.

She started partying more. At one point, I thought she was getting better but she just hid it better. One day I came back from a doctor’s appointment for my daughter…and that was the last thing I remember. My best friend later told me the horrible truth. She told me that there was an “incident”, to put it lightly. My ex had been cheating on me and the guy showed up at my place and chaos broke loose.

He ended up shooting me a few times. My ex decided that she was more worried about getting her illicit substances out of the apartment before the authorities came. She never came back. My best friend found me on the ground with my daughter crying her eyes out in my arms. She took my daughter next door while she called the authorities.

I was in a coma for about for about two weeks. When I woke up, she told me my daughter is fine and my grandparents are taking care of her. I instantly started crying while she was holding me. The guy ended up going to behind bars and my ex got charged with child neglect and possession. While behind bars, she signed away her rights to my daughter.

To this day I still can’t remember what happened. During the trial, the guy said the only reason I was alive is that his gun jammed. I had to learn how to walk again and move my right arm. There were sometimes I just wanted to give up. Just one thing kept me going. My physical therapist told me once “just imagine the look on your daughter’s face when you’re able to walk to her and pick her up”.

I honestly don’t think I would’ve made it through physical therapy if I didn’t have my daughter and my best friend. The first time I walked without help I gave my best friend the biggest hug ever and thanked her for everything. My best friend and I grew closer because of the whole ordeal, and we now have a baby boy and she is my fiancée.

Weirdly I’m kind of grateful for what happened to me. I’d never felt this kind of love with my ex as I do with my now-fiancée, and I also found my new passion in life as a physical therapist—I’m currently going to school for it. So now to the present day. My cousin called me up and said he wanted to talk to me. We met at a coffee shop, but the instant I walked in I knew something was up.

He didn’t even say hi, he just asked where my daughter was. I told him she’s with her mother (my current fiancée) and brother. I never encouraged her to call my fiancée “mom” but the moment she did and I saw the look on her face I knew that I had to marry this incredible woman. The instant I said that, my ex rounded the corner.

She said that she’s the mother and that no one else can be called that. I lost it on both of them and yelled that she gave up that right the moment she left her daughter next to me while I was dying so she could hide her stash. I left shortly after that. My cousin called the next day to say sorry about ambushing me like that. And then he dropped another stunner on me.

He said the main reason he asked me there was to let me know he’s dating my ex and wanted to bring her to my wedding. I told him that I’m glad he found love after his divorce, but she’s not coming and she’s not going to see my daughter. It ended in another argument, and I told him that he’s no longer my best man. I hung up and blocked him for the moment.

Now, most of my relatives that I don’t really talk to are calling me a jerk for what I did. I honestly don’t think that I am a jerk, but I’m starting to second guess myself. My fiancée said that she will support me no matter what decision I make, even if that means calling off the wedding to deal with the drama. God, I love this woman. I’m definitely not calling off the wedding.

I really want my cousin to come to my wedding because he helped me out a lot after my parents passed and he has always been there for me and my daughter.

InfiniteRage89

The Last Straw

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I am going crazy at my horrible father-in-law’s house. For some dumb reason, we decided to fly across the country to stay for six days with this man. He doesn’t listen, like literally he doesn’t care what anyone has to say. He acts like a dictator. He treats his 30-year-old children like they’re four years old. He won’t even let us get a drink without watching and questioning our moves and choices.

He’s also completely unempathetic. So my last straw just happened. He had to step out for a walk because he was clearly furious that we didn’t want to take my NAPPING 15-month-old to his neighborhood park. When he gets back, he starts talking in a very loud voice saying my son has been napping long enough. Um, no, he’s actually missing out on nap time because of all this traveling and being in another home with people he barely knows.

My son was sleeping soundly through his yelling, so he decides it is time to vacuum. Yep, he turns the vacuum on right by my sleeping baby. This man is a psychopath. We won’t be coming back here.

leftmeow

Call Me Daddy

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Let me preface this by saying that my relationship with my parents is terrible. However, due to….current global events…I have been forced to return to my parents’ house. I thought I had finally gotten free, and was prepping myself to finally cut them off for good…but no. In one phone call, they informed me that if I went anywhere else but their house, I would be cut off for good.

There were threats of pulling me off of their insurance, and as I have to take daily prescribed medication covered by that insurance, I cannot afford to be off of it until I have a job that also offers insurance. My father has always had severe anger issues, but being trapped in the house with him has been a true nightmare. He will not leave me alone. He is constantly insulting me and staring at me.

All the time. Today, things hit a new low. He was stressed about work and started yelling my name (loudly) while I tried to read a book. He then came and found me and was standing in the doorway. Finally, I put my book down and asked him what he wanted. He flew into a rage and started repeating that he was my “daddy” and needed to be called such.

Yelling in my face that he was my “daddy” and that I, a 22-year-old woman who NEVER called him daddy, even as a child, had to call him that from now on. He wouldn’t leave, not when I asked him why he was doing this, or what he wanted. He just kept yelling, “CALL ME DADDY!” and to my everlasting shame I did. I called him daddy, and he left me alone.

petty_amoeba

Going Into Shock

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My family just cooked everything for Christmas dinner with peanut oil and I’m allergic. I think they’re trying to kick me out of the family. I don’t know if they forgot and I’m just overreacting to a mistake, or if this is an overt way of actively trying to kick me out of the family. I’m 24, and this is the first year this has happened. I’m over at my aunt’s house right now, as she’s hosting dinner.

She’s my dad’s sister. After thanksgiving, my uncle suggested they fry the turkey this Christmas, and my aunt agreed to try it out. I didn’t think much of it at the time. They’re frying the turkey right now, in peanut oil, and nearly every dish has a nut component planned. I’ve always been allergic to both peanuts and tree nuts, and eating ANY causes me to break out in hives and go into anaphylactic shock.

This is the same person who gave three-year-old me Reese’s Pieces as a snack, and Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast because they didn’t believe my allergies were that serious, sending me to the hospital both times. Nothing has happened since…so I’m wondering…did they just forget this year? I feel a little disregarded. It’s not the first time I’ve felt this way.

I was left out of my grandmother’s obituary, and haven’t really gotten presents for my birthday or Christmas since I was 11. They judge me for not being like them in a lot of subtle ways. My mother is also allergic, though less severe. She’s been giving me “what the heck” looks all morning. Eventually, my mom and I went to my grandfather’s house with other family members from her side.

They weren’t doing anything major, but it’s a heck of a lot better than being poisoned. I know that a big conversation with my dad has to happen soon, but it’s a holiday and I don’t want to start drama today.

marsenelle

We're Not Family Anymore

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This happened three years ago, but recent events have brought it back to light. After a year of dating, my sister finally introduced us to her boyfriend. It didn’t take long for me to feel disturbed. Major red flags all through dinner. The dude turns out to be my sister’s commanding officer in the National Guard. He keeps talking about his kids, and how my sister hasn’t met them yet.

He also talks about how he lives with his folks about an hour away so he can only see my sister on weekends. Anyway, about a week goes by and things still feel wrong. I decide to google the guy after our mom brings up how she thinks he’s married. Sure as heck. Dude has a wife, three kids under 10, and a picture-perfect Facebook life all the while.

I bring it up to my sister. I was absolutely floored at her reply. She tells me she knows about it, gets all angry for me being in her business, and tells me to drop it after saying they’re really separated but staying married for benefits. Another week goes by and I feel awful. So, I call the wife, as her phone number is listed on Facebook.

We talked for a few minutes and I ask a few questions about her husband. She confirms they’re married, confirms he lives there, and basically she’s a happy housewife whose husband travels for guard work every weekend. I told her I’d met her husband through my sister (no names or identifying information) who introduced him as her boyfriend.

I told her they’d been seeing each other for over a year. I also sent a photo I’d taken during dinner and apologized for being the one to drop that in her lap. I told her as a wife, I really hope someone would do the same for me if the roles were reversed and I truly mean it. She was sobbing, heartbroken and furious. Well, the dude called my sister, super angry that one of her siblings had told.

She immediately sent me a text stating we are no longer family, that I’m an awful person and I ruined both their lives by telling his wife. My mom and other sister joined in on the disowning saying I’m a homewrecker and need to mind my own business, my sister is an adult and able to make her own decisions. No one is willing to listen when I say I didn’t do it to get my sister in “trouble”.

I purposely left her information out of it. I just don’t understand the point of cheating, especially with young kids at home. In all, my whole family stopped talking to me. My mom and sisters were texting my husband about how awful I am, and how he needs to send me to a mental health hospital, but he put a stop to that right away. My friends have been super supportive, but my family blocked me from everything.

My mom won’t even talk to my kids (her only grandkids) because they’re going to be like me.

Discardedfam

Let's Share Your Paycheck

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I’ve gotten a babysitting job to do on top of school to earn some extra money. School is about to end so I took another babysitting job to put some money away for a car. The day I took my second job, my mom told me I really should split my check evenly between me, my sisters, and my cousin who’s visiting from Chicago. I said heck no and my mom hasn’t spoken to me since.

Permalink

The Ultimate Catfish

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I’m 21, and my mom is 53. I live with my mom while I go to college. Throughout my whole life, she has never dated or had a relationship. She’s never even really shown an interest in dating. This changed about half a year ago, when she signed up for a couple of online dating sites. She talks to me about the guys she chats with a lot and she spends a lot of time talking to them.

Like, she’s on her phone all day messaging them and she literally loses sleep because she stays up all night talking to them. It’s something I’ve been worried about with her, that her talking to these guys is negatively affecting her life. She’s missed work and appointments because of losing sleep or getting distracted and being late. But it suddenly came to a crisis.

I was using her phone yesterday to take pictures as her camera is a lot better than mine. While I was using it, she got a message from one of these guys. It said something like “Wow, the red hair looks amazing”! Now, I had dyed my hair red that day so I thought she sent the guy a picture of it. The thought made me uncomfortable, as I don’t want her to be sending pictures of me to people I don’t know.

I get paranoid about that kind of stuff. So I looked at her messages. I know it’s a trespassing of privacy to snoop, but I needed to see what and how much she sent of me. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. The message she sent to him was a picture I had posted on Facebook of my new hair, and the caption she used was “I’m feeling creative, what do you think of my new look”?

That confused the heck out of me, obviously. The idea that she was pretending to be me didn’t even cross my mind at that point because of how ridiculous it seemed. So I kept reading back in her messages. He referred to her as “Marie”, which is my middle name. I looked in the sent pictures…and none of them were of her. There were dozens of me.

I’m a makeup enthusiast so I post photos of my makeup looks on Instagram and Facebook almost every day, and almost all of the ones I posted from the past month were sent. There were even pictures of me in swimsuits from beach trips. I immediately felt sick and couldn’t stop digging through the messages. Some of the messages were EXTREMELY racy nature.

It made me so nauseated to read the things the guy said about me. And even more nauseated to read the stuff my mom said about me. Like talking about my red lipstick. I looked through more of the people she was messaging and there were four other guys she was sending my pictures to. I just put her phone back and went to my room.

I feel so sick and angry and scared. My mother has never been inappropriate like this to me in my entire life. I was raised really conservative and Christian so she’s barely ever even mentioned intimate things to me. When she first started using these sites, she would complain to me about how no one was interested in her and that she wasn’t pretty enough to get attention.

She’s morbidly obese and middle-aged and disabled and doesn’t really take care of her appearance. Nonetheless, she has REALLY high standards for guys (like 30s, tall, muscular). I’m not gorgeous or anything, but I take pride in making myself look good and taking care of myself. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t talked to anyone about this because this is so insane and I’m embarrassed and disgusted to mention it to my friends and have them know.

I’ve been avoiding my mom and haven’t let on that I know. I told her I was feeling sick so I could stay in my room and stay away from her. I don’t have any idea what to do about this, how to confront her, or if I even should. I’m so scared of how she’ll react and I just feel so embarrassed. These guys could find me online. They could be crazy and one could get upset with her and he might even look for me in real life.

I don’t know what to do, I’m so confused and scared.

gdfckngdmnt

She Sure Can Hold a Grudge

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My grandmother got married when she was just 16 years old. Apparently, this was the common thing to do back in the day in Mexico. When she started dating my grandfather, her parents and siblings hated my him. I’m not entirely sure what their reason was for hating him, but they did. When she married him, she cut off contact with her parents and all of her siblings—like nine of them.

Her parents have now passed as my grandmother is 76 years old, but a few of her siblings are still alive and live in the same tiny town as she does. She never spoke to her parents again except maybe twice in her entire life after marrying my grandfather. She completely cut off her siblings as well and to this day, will not talk to them if they bump into each other at their town.

I always wondered whether my grandmother had any siblings and why I never met them. My mom grew up without knowing her aunts, uncles, or cousins, although she can spot them in the town. I don’t know if I’m as crazy as my grandmother, but I think it’s amazing that she put her husband before her family even if it meant not speaking to them for over 60 years.

If anyone treated my partner badly, I’d love to have the same strength as my grandmother and cut contact with them.

PossibleDoughnut

The Final Straw

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I’ve been married for a little over three years, and my family has never liked my wife. They’re religious and are very close-minded to anything and everything outside of their beliefs. My wife and I are both the “black sheep” members of our families. Right from the start, my family shut out my wife. She had to claw her way into conversations, would always be left out of “sister get-togethers”, and was generally passed over because she didn’t fit the image that they wanted.

I’ve always known that my wife was bi. It was never an issue. We would occasionally joke—in the confines of our own home—the people we would go gay or lesbian for (I’m straight). Also, just to clarify before I continue, my wife is a very compassionate person. When she feels bad for someone, she’ll be assuring and affectionate. Not over the top, but a close friends kind of way.

She respects boundaries and relationships. My brother’s wife had similar issues when coming into the family. She didn’t fit the image, but over time she was worn down and adjusted everything about herself to fit in. My brother doesn’t defend her against anything. He always thinks that if the direct family has an idea, then he NEEDS to follow through on it, including comments against his wife.

I always encouraged my wife to be herself and not change for anyone. I love her the way she is. Now, because both my wife and my brother’s had similar experiences in trying to get into the family, my wife felt compassionate and reached out to her. For a while, things were good. They were able to talk openly about their struggles with the family and help each other. About a week ago, everything changed.

For context, my wife hadn’t told anyone in the family about her being bi fear of ridicule and judgment on a “spiritual level”. My wife and my brother’s wife were hanging out together one evening to watch a TV show when my brother’s wife asked my wife if she was bi. Since they had a good relationship and disclosed a lot of feelings and struggles, she told her the truth.

For a week, nothing became of it. Yesterday, though, my brother called me up saying that we needed to talk. We got together, and that’s when he accused my wife of hitting on his. Here’s something that I know: my wife has never treated my brother’s wife differently than anyone else. I think that because MY wife let someone in—confident it wouldn’t change anything—on her orientation, that my brother and his wife are now questioning all of her motives and actions for the entire time we’ve been together.

But to go so far as to say that MY wife was hitting on my brother’s wife…no. Also, my brother’s wife didn’t say anything afterward. She made everything seem fine. If she had an issue or thought something that serious, she should have gone directly to my wife, not send her guard dog after me for it. As of yesterday, we’ve cut them out of our lives.

There have been a thousand issues that has led us to cutting them out, but this was the final straw. We’re both feeling betrayed.

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Gift Exchange

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A few weeks ago, my brother wrote in the family group chat that he and his wife decided that there would be no exchanging of gifts between the adults this year for Christmas, just for the kids. But here’s why this drove me nuts. Since they’re the only ones with kids participating in this family holiday season, essentially they were telling us that they weren’t getting us gifts.

Instead, they only wanted us to give gifts to their kids and not them. That’s fine. Whatever. Well, yesterday I was casually talking to my sister-in-law and mentioned the gift I got for my partner. She got quiet and hurried off the phone. Later my brother texted me that he was very upset that I would disrespect them and their request since they’d decided it would be an “only kids” Christmas.

I clarified that I wouldn’t even be exchanging the gift in front of the kids and that I’d only got something for my partner and for my nephews, literally no one else. My brother still insisted I was being disrespectful and could have spent the “extra” money on his kids. Literally what the heck?

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Crocodile Tears

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I got a call from my dad’s work phone today. Only, it wasn’t my dad. My horrible mother took his phone and called me since I’d blocked her regular number. I was stunned but spoke to her like nothing had happened. Like she hadn’t told me how I was an awful person and married a dimwit less than a week ago. Like she hadn’t told me I was a bad mother with a dirty baby.

I asked how my dad was and told her I was starting school. Then she asked when she could see my son. I told her flat out “I don’t feel comfortable having you around my family at this time. You’re too unstable and I can’t have you coming around”. I didn’t listen to her crocodile tears, or her whining or threats. I said “My husband is home and I have to make dinner. Have a good night”.

I blocked my dad’s work number for 48 hours so I don’t have to even get any texts from her. I’m shaking with joy at my progress.

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She Ruined The Moment

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My daughter had her first birthday party on Sunday, and I spent hours decorating. When I was away briefly and talking to the grandparents, my sister took my daughter and showed her everything. It was supposed to be a surprise, and I wanted to see her reaction. Now I just have tons of pictures from my sister with my daughter all smiling and I want to cry.

When I told her about her mistake and my feelings, she got angry and downplayed it. Even my mother told her that she messed up and she then accused my mother of favoritism. I don’t even want her in my life anymore. It wasn’t the first time she ruined something for me.

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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater

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I got engaged. Woohoo! The wedding won’t be for a few years, and even then we might elope. My dad sucks. He mistreated me, and cheated on my mom for years before finally getting kicked out when he got caught. Our lives were substantially better without him around. But, it sucked because he basically put the family in huge debt and then got a well-paying job after the divorce was finalized.

He never sent any money beyond what was court-mandated to help put any of us kids through college. Just left us to struggle while he blew through money living his 50-year-old frat guy dream. I grinded my way through school on my own, got a job, and am now putting my life on hold to pay for my siblings to go to college. It’s whatever, but there’s a lot of drama between my parents.

My dad is fully equipped to help but won’t send a penny unless we play by his rules. Which we won’t. We spent too much of our childhoods being hurt to deal with him any longer. All this to say, of course he isn’t invited to the wedding. He’s always been obsessed with public image and will dramatically and tearfully apologize for his sins sometimes when he’s feeling sorry for himself.

I know he’s not truly remorseful for anything. But when the divorce happened, he begged and begged me to let him still walk me down the aisle one day. Even then I was like “Haha, absolutely not”. He only wants to because it’ll look bad to the family if he doesn’t. The other day, he rang to congratulate me on the engagement and asked me when to expect the invites.

I said never, he’s not invited. He began to rage and demand why. I had a slam-dunk response in my back pocket. I said “Well, I paid $20,000 for my siblings to go to school,  and I know that weddings are usually about $100 a plate, so that’s 200 people I can’t afford to invite. I guess you just didn’t make the cut. If I could afford it, you’d probably be invited. Ciao”.

His side of the family is angry at me, but I don’t care since none of them are invited either. I hate them all so much, they truly are delusional.

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Cease and Desist

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I’m 26 now, and have known I was adopted since I was three years old. I don’t know what kind of adoption I was (open or closed) but I know that my biological parents signed their rights for me away shortly after my birth. I was in the foster system from five days old until three. This is because I was hard to place, as I was born with an atrial septal defect (ASD).

I developed complications due to the condition, which needed surgical intervention. I eventually was adopted by a NICU/pediatric nurse, my mom, and was raised in a loving and caring home. When I was 18, I was contacted via letter by some woman named “Claire” saying that she wished to speak to me. I didn’t respond, because I didn’t want to, and because I was having another heart surgery at the time. I had loving grandparents, who were older and passed when I was 20 years old, but then suddenly life threw me another tragedy.

My mom passed when I was 22 after an intense fight with cancer (she had been in remission). I was heartbroken, but I went to therapy from 22 until now to handle my grief. I didn’t even think of “Claire” again until I received another letter. The letter basically detailed that “Claire” was my older sister via my biological father and she had spent some decent money to track me down.

The letter detailed that she had done some serious work to discover what happened to me. The story chilled me to the bone. Basically, my biological father and biological mother were both married and had an affair together. I was the by-product of it and when the other spouses found out, there was a serious conflict. My biological parents signed away their rights after I was born to save their marriages

I was my biological mother’s first child and my biological father’s fourth. Basically, Claire discovered this secret when she went through her father’s records and found a single photo of me plus my birth certificate. He denied my existence and Claire spent a good chunk of a few years looking into it. My biological mother’s family was surprised at finding out I existed. They shamed their mother, who gave up my information almost immediately.

So basically I had seven siblings reaching out to find out more about me. I didn’t really respond to her letter and instead talked to my aunt, my adoptive mom’s sister, who told me that I should proceed with caution. She works in social services, so I valued her opinion. I opted to tell Claire I had no reason to want to speak to her or the other siblings, but would appreciate a medical history.

She’s since reached out on Facebook and has tried friending me. She’s sent me messages and letters including family photos unsolicited to my house. I finally had enough and reached out six months ago to tell her I had no interest. And I really don’t. I feel kind of grossed out. I was placed for adoption simply for my existence and don’t feel good communicating with her. Her reply infuriated me.

Claire blew up and is sending me messages saying that the family wants to know about me. They’ve moved on from the infidelity and the affair. She said “the entire family wants to embrace you—your mother is ill and wants to make up for lost time”. I told her I didn’t want any communication, especially since she called her “your mother” when I very plainly explained I already had a family, and I don’t feel like I should be anyone’s source of closure.

I don’t know how to navigate this, but I know after thinking about it that I don’t want any communication or to meet these people. For what it’s worth, Claire is the only one mentioning that my biological mother is sick. Everyone else is sending me messages berating me for not responding to Claire and telling me that they want me to talk to them.

Some are also admonishing me for being rude to Claire. There’s no sign of my bio mom being ill on any social media and my request for more information on her illness, which I sent a week ago, hasn’t been answered. My aunt has also put me into contact with a lawyer that she knows through the system.

He’s begun looking into my adoption—which was closed according to my father—and to see about creating a paper trail for harassment. The messages keep coming and I even opened my PO box today to discover a package plus a few letters, all from Claire. I promptly wrote return to sender on everything and dropped it off at the post office.

Luckily I’m in a different country and the only mailing address they have is my post office box. Hopefully it comes back that my adoption was closed and I can send them some form of cease and desist through the adoption agency.

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A Typical Family Dinner

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When I was 11 years old, my whole extended family and I went over to a mutual friend’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. It was a very large house, so for most of the night, the children played in the basement while the adults prepared the meal upstairs. Shortly after finishing dessert, someone noticed one detail that changed the night entirely.

They realized that my uncle and the hostess, who was our family friend, had disappeared up into the master bedroom.  Mind you, my aunt and the hostess’s husband were both sitting downstairs. Every one of us, one by one, went to knock on the door to see what was up, but they refused to come out. I heard some strange noises from behind the door, but I was incredibly confused.

I remember my aunt crying and the husband being extremely angry, but my uncle and the hostess just didn’t come out for almost two hours. When they finally did come out, the hostess was wearing different clothes, and everyone else was incredibly upset. This was always burned into my memory, so recently, I asked my mom what actually happened that night. Her answer wasn’t at all what I was expecting. 

It turns out that while we children were playing karaoke downstairs, some of the adults were drinking, and getting wasted upstairs. My uncle and the hostess had locked themselves into the bedroom to do some blow and eventually became too paranoid to come out—so they say. We still think they were getting busy up there, but who knows. All of the couples involved are still somehow happily married.

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They're Not Coming

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My wife’s grandmother, who raised her, believed that when you are about to die your deceased relatives show up to escort you to heaven. She was by all accounts a horrible person. On her deathbed her last words were, in a quiet terrified voice, “They’re not coming.”

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You Ruined My Birthday!

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I had my graduation from engineering on the same day as my mother’s birthday. I, of course, had nothing to do with choosing the date. But you couldn’t convince my mom of that. My mother said I “ruined her birthday”—and then she got a cruel revenge. She scheduled her birthday party to be on my actual birthday. Her birthday is in March, mine is in August.

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He'll Learn Someday

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The other day, my 18-year-old brother-in-law got married to his high school sweetheart in a parking garage so that they can live off campus at their Christian college together. The girlfriend’s, now wife’s, mother is an ordained minister. His parents, my in-laws, were very upset and he couldn’t understand why because, “it’s just a fake marriage for school.”

Oh no, sweet boy. You are MARRIED. I just laughed and laughed. I love him dearly. He is an idiot.

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I Finally Snapped

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Okay, so, this happened a few years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday and to be honest, still can’t understand what my sister was thinking. A little backstory: My sister and I had to share EVERYTHING as kids. Not to mention I was forced to be her and our younger brother’s “second mother”, but that’s a story for another time. For some of my childhood, I was happy to share things with my sister.

Sweets, snacks, toys—the normal kid things. There are four years between us, I’m the oldest and as you can probably guess, when I reached my teen years I wanted my own things and to spend time alone. Nope. She wanted me to do everything with her. I could barely spend ten minutes in the bathroom before she would start banging on the door.

Unfortunately, when I was around 15, my siblings and I were taken into foster care. We were separated from our brother which was difficult for both of us and for a while I didn’t mind my sister wanting to spend all her time with me. Shortly after my 16th birthday I wanted to have my own space and things that are, well, mine.

She would argue with me over not sharing MY stuff and of course, typical sibling fights and yelling happened almost every other day. We sort of grew out of our sibling squabbles over the years but she kinda developed a “the-world-owes-me” attitude which drove me crazy. I did my best to hold in my frustrations but I’m human and sometimes…I kinda snapped. 

A couple of years after my daughter was born, my sister and I weren’t really talking much because of her selfish attitude towards me spending most of my time and income on my daughter. During one of the times we were on good terms, she was over for the weekend and everything was okay. Until a conversation lead to her telling me she was going to take my daughter for a week because she wanted to spend time with her because it was “her turn.”

I said, “Not gonna happen. She is MY daughter, not a doll or pet we share”. She gets mad and starts yelling. I told her to leave and she argues how “she had parental rights” and “social services will force me to allow her to take my daughter whenever she wants”. I laughed, told her to get out and don’t come back. Honestly, I don’t know if she seriously thought that it was her right to have my daughter.

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She Has No Common Decency

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This has been the worst week of my life and it isn’t over yet. My son perished in a motorcycle accident on Saturday. I’m obviously devastated. With that said, let me get straight to the point. When my “mom” found out, she called me and bemoaned the fact that she had four kids and now has only one grandchild left, my younger son.

Yes, she literally made it about her on the day my baby passed. Let’s call this the appetizer portion of her behavior. Because she was about to escalate it. At that point, I was still in such shock that this didn’t totally make my radar. Now for the soup/salad course of her being a horrible human. She called my partner of three years (late in life lesbian here).

As my incredible partner is trying to comfort my mother, my mom takes it upon herself to let my partner know that she is not allowed to go to the funeral because it’s “not about lesbian lovers”.  My partner was, of course, deeply hurt by this as she loved my son fiercely. This broke through the fog of my grief and made me incandescently angry.

Then this witch shows up to my home the next day to tell me that she was only thinking of me. I told her to get the heck out of my house. Now we come to the entree portion of her behavior. My amazing sister knew what was going on with our lovely mother and was handling her for me because I just can’t be bothered to deal with her right now.

My son is being cremated and we arranged a private viewing for family before the cremation. My sister informed her, VERY clearly, that the viewing would begin at noon and that mom could come to the funeral home at 12:30 so that my other son and I could have our time with him first. That horrible woman showed up before we even got there.

My sister had to force her out of the room so that my son and I could have our time to say goodbye. But I had no idea what was in store for me. She then proceeds to wail like something out of a movie…in the lobby of the funeral home. She never said one word to my son or myself, then just left. I’m so hurt and angry that I can’t begin to explain it.

I don’t doubt that her pain is real but this is more than I can bear. My son’s memorial service was yesterday. It was beautiful. I heard his friends tell such amazing stories about him, things I never knew, and it filled me with pride. He was a better man than even I knew. It was a packed house to the point that the chapel was completely full and people were standing in the lobby.

There aren’t words for what it meant to me. So, on to the dessert course with my mom. She showed up to the visitation prior to the service and apparently got so messed up on something (don’t know what it was or who gave it to her) that she couldn’t stay awake and left before the service. Mildly embarrassing but probably the best possible outcome.

In my grief, I am still angry that she couldn’t muster up the decency to be a mom to me but she didn’t mess up my son’s send off so I guess I am grateful. I don’t know what happens from here with our relationship but it will either be very low contact or no contact. Nonetheless, I have my partner, my other sweet boy, and lots of other friends and family to lean on.

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Burning Bridges

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I’m a college student. When I get stressed/anxious, I get nasty acne breakouts. A couple of weeks ago my midterms began, and my acne started getting bad. My parents have me FaceTime them every week to check in. When they noticed my acne a couple of weeks ago, they made comments like, verbatim, “You look exponentially worse than you did last week”!

Also, “Your face looks awful”! It’s made me feel pretty bad. Normally, I’m a very passive person. But recently, I’ve gotten more confident, and so tonight I decided to stand up for myself. By the way, I have a mental health condition that my parents are very concerned about. My condition is well-regulated, and I haven’t experienced any significant flare-ups in over a year.

Regardless, if I get stressed or worried, or if I otherwise act out of character, my parents immediately assume my condition has worsened, and that my life is therefore in danger. Fast forward to tonight. I called my parents at the scheduled time and they said, “Hang on, let’s switch this to a video call”.

I said, “I’d rather we keep it an audio call. In the past couple of weeks, you’ve made some comments about my complexion that I was uncomfortable with, and though I know you didn’t mean anything harmful, it still hurt, and since my face is still broken out I’m not comfortable talking to you over video”. The tone of the call changed completely—in a bad way.

“No, turn on the video. You don’t have a choice”. I stood my ground and just repeated, “I’d love to tell you about my week and hear what’s been going on in your life, over the phone. I’m just not comfortable using video”. My parents didn’t take that for an answer. Since I rarely say “no” to them, their first thought was that I was mentally ill again.

They told me, “We need to see your face for safety reasons, because we need to make sure you’re healthy”. I replied, “I will tell you honestly that I’m doing fine. Aside from being stressed about midterms, which is a pretty normal response, I am healthy. And since you’ve told me you trust me, you should trust that I’m telling the truth and I’m doing fine”.

They told me they refused to believe that, and accused me of hiding something from them. My mom asked me what on Earth they’d said that could have been hurtful, and that they didn’t do anything of the sort. About 20 minutes in, I was not going to budge. I was not going to turn the call on video. Especially since they didn’t respect my request, which I felt was simple and reasonable.

My parents were getting furious, and it began to get scary. They told me that if I didn’t turn on video and show them my face, they were going to call 9-1-1 and my campus’s security system, in addition to getting immediately into the car and driving the three hours to my school. When I told them I was disappointed they didn’t trust me, they laughed and asked me what on Earth I was talking about, that I had no right to say that.

I had lost their trust, but I was irrational in thinking that I had the right to stop trusting them. I was called a spoiled brat, irrational. My parents asked me what they ever did so wrong to deserve this treatment. They told me how worried they were for my safety, and if I could just turn on video, they would be happy to know I was safe.

My mother told me that if I didn’t turn on video, she would call the authorities, and they would take me into custody and I’d be spending the next six hours, at minimum, in the waiting office of a mental health facility. I was told that I was acting immature, and I wouldn’t be allowed to attend the summer program I’ve been accepted to. They kept going, though.

My father told me I was shutting them out and told me that if I didn’t want to lose all their trust and respect that I would have to turn on the video. I just kept saying, “I’m disappointed that you don’t trust me enough to respect my decision. All I asked was to keep the call off video this week. And I understand and appreciate that you’re concerned for me. This is me acting in my best interest”.

Finally, after about an hour of going back and forth, I decided, the heck with it. I have work to get done. I don’t have time for this argument. When I switched the call to video for them, my mother showed me that she had 9-1-1 into her cell phone, and she told me that she had been hovering over the “call” button for almost 20 minutes.

She showed me all the pamphlets and folders with emergency services and numbers, which she had been going through, and my father told me he had been just about to get in the car to head to my school. She started crying and talking about how worried she was, and she said, “Promise me you’ll never act like this again. This was stupid”.

I asked, “What do you mean by ‘this?'” She said, “Digging your heels in, and being this irrational”. I said I couldn’t promise that, and I reiterated that I didn’t feel I was being irrational; all I wanted was to call over phone and not use video this week, and I felt I had not been respected. Then my dad snapped. “Don’t you EVER say anything about not video calling, ever again”.

I’m feeling alright (and kind of good) after finally standing up to my parents for the first time in my life, but I’m still drained and definitely shaken. Part of me wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, and part of me wants to cry because I hate that this is the reality of my family. Where do I go from here? I do enjoy surface-level banter and chitchat with my parents.

I don’t want to go completely no contact with them. However, I also know that this situation is going to repeat itself the next time I stand my ground against them, and I don’t want to spend my time on people who don’t respect me. They say it’s a healthy practice to cut those people out of your life. What do you do when those people are your parents?

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