People Who Told Incredible Legal Excuses That Ended Up Being Absolutely True

People Who Told Incredible Legal Excuses That Ended Up Being Absolutely True


Anyone who has gotten pulled over for speeding knows the rush of adrenaline you feel when you first hear the police car's sirens behind you and sometimes that feeling can cause people to lie through their teeth to get out of a pricey ticket.

But these people were different in that the stories they told police officers ended up being the complete and total truth, even if the cops didn't want to believe them.

No ID, No Admission

resizesuperbad68978098maxresdefault.jpg.optimal.jpgSony Pictures Releasing

I used to work as a military police officer. I was working at the main gate one night and this guy tried to come on base but he didn’t have any ID other than a drivers license so I couldn’t let him on. The guy told me that a general said he could come on but he didn’t have any proof of that and he didn’t know what the general’s name was.

It was also super late at night and he didn’t seem to have any answers that would help us identify who he was. Long story short, the dude ended up being legit and was coming on base to be awarded a silver star the next day from that general. Story credit: Reddit / BleachyMartini

My First Ever Call

resizecop-calls-out-mistaking-taser-for-gun-1-6-6081220f14626__700.jpg.optimal.jpgTwitter / QasimRashid

My first ever real call was for a flasher at the local park. When I got there and finally found him it was a mentally impaired young man 16-17 who had a pair of headphones on. I said, “Hey man come here what the heck is going on? You know you have to keep your pants on especially at the park.”

He goes on to tell me he had bad itching down his pants and couldn’t take it anymore so he had to rip his pants off and was running home to get help. I said, “C’mon you couldn’t make it home first?”

He said, “No, I had ants in my pants.” As sure as you please according to more then one witness’s account, he had been sitting in a sandbox playing at the park and accidentally sat on a nest of red ants that had crawled up his pant legs. Again: this was my first ever call. Story credit: Reddit / Bretc211

Because He Could

resize6196645fbb8b8_fDcPpRL__700.jpg.optimal.jpgReddit / jkorpela

One of the funnier ones that I remember. We got a call for a kid (he was 18 and a gang member) brandishing a firearm. He had pulled up his shirt pretending to brandish a firearm to intimidate somebody. The person calling only saw a holster.

After we got there, he kept telling us it wasn’t a gun but an adult toy. We took him down at gunpoint and he was right. He was walking around with a holstered *ahem* marital aid. Why? Because he could. Story credit: Reddit / SpicyMcHaggis666

Very Common Name

resizeBatman-Gets-Pulled-Over-For-a-Photo-With-the-Cops.jpg.optimal.jpgFacebook / Brampton Batman

Not a cop but I have a very common name and got pulled over for driving across the medium and there was a warrant out for me for battery and assault or something

As it turns out, a guy with the exact same name and birthday born in the same city as me and it took me about 20 mins if pleading to get the officers to realize I did not match the description.

I deal with this dude every once in a while as it turns out our socials are off by one digit. If I ever see him we are going to have a long talk. Story credit: Reddit / ghostzapper2005


Do You Know These Individuals?


Me and a friend had the cops called on us for crawling in our friend’s window. He was in the bathroom so he couldn’t unlock the door but the porch window happened to be unlocked so we found our way in.

As I was crawling in I saw a car parked across the street with someone in it and remarked that it must look like we’re breaking in. 5 minutes later I hear a knock at the door, open it and, upon seeing a police officer, yelled back into the house. “Hey, ‘Jimmy’, the cops are here!”

We explained the situation to the cop while we waited for our friend to get out of the bathroom but I’m not sure he bought it even after ‘Jimmy’ came out laughing. He gave ‘Jimmy’ a serious look and asked, “do you know these individuals?”

Like why would someone be all calm and laughing if two strangers had broken into their house? Story credit: Reddit / johndongleatwork

Pulled Over By a Firetruck

ressiez234344675787094maxresdefault.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Onscene TV

 I once got pulled over by a firetruck.

It was Orlando, in August, 1990. It was close to 100 outside. I worked for a computer rental company. We would rent computers to companies in town for trade shows, or for a lot of other situations.

The “company van” was a ragged out Chrysler minivan with 180k miles on it. The A/C didn’t work so the windows were down. I was coming back to the office in heavy rush hour traffic. And I found myself in a right turn only lane and couldn’t get out in time.

So I was forced to make the right turn. I hit the gas to speed up and get in front of people making a left turn into my same direction. I had to get all the way over to the left side to make a U-Turn. So I cut off a firetruck to do it… one of the big squarish fire trucks with the flat front. I cut them off and got in the left turn lane to wait for the green arrow.

I looked out the window to my left and saw a Dixie Chopper lawnmower mowing the grass on the side of the road maybe 15ft from me. It was already hot. But this tremendous wave of heat came in through the driver’s side window. I thought, “Man, that’s a hot lawn mower.”

The light turned green and I started my U-turn. Half way through it, this cloud of (I thought) steam came out of the hood and covered the windshield so I couldn’t see. The power steering also failed. So I fought the car, trying to get back to the gas station at the corner so I could find a pay phone. (Yes, that’s how old I am.)

But because I couldn’t see, I missed the turn and ended up turning into an apartment complex. About this time, the cloud stopped and I could see again. Still no power steering. So I fought the car to do a U-Turn so I could get back to the gas station.

At this point, the firetruck I had cut off turned into the apartment complex, full lights, and blocked me in. Two huge firefighters got out of the truck holding fire extinguishers. “Excuse me sir, did you know your van was on fire?”

Turns out while I was cutting them off, I had been shooting flames out from under the passenger side of the van. They hit the lights, did a U-Turn, and came back to me. The wave of heat wasn’t from the lawn mower.

They checked out the van and let me go. The cause turned out to be a damaged power steering line. It sprayed power steering fluid all over the exhaust manifold and caught fire. Story credit: Reddit / CuttingEdgeRetro

Behind the Wheel

resize689780980234fyhmaxresdefault.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Brevard Sheriff

Okay so I’m going to tell my crazy story as the person behind the wheel. My uncle was divorcing his terrible wife (he was no saint but definitely on the right side of their divorce).

The wife was still on the paperwork to take their two kids out of the school even though my uncle had temporary custody while the courts did their thing. She had previously threatened to take them both and just run away, so I don’t know why she was still on the paperwork.

On picture day that year, she showed up to the school and signed both kids out and disappeared.

I was not involved in the crazy process of calling the police and tracking the kids down, but I was pulled from school that day because I had my drivers license and could be an extra pair of hands. They manage to find the kids and they were turned over my Grandmother and Mom, but my niece was DISTRAUGHT that she would be missing picture day.

It was her first time away from her terrible mother and she was finally allowed to be a cheerleader, a dream in her tiny eyes. So, me having my car and nothing else better to do, offered to take her back to the school.

My Mom got the school to agree to keep the person there a little longer but it was going to be by the skin of our teeth that we would make it as this was rural OK.

We got in the car and I BLASTED down those dirt roads doing approx. 70 in a 35. Not a good decision on my part but I was an anxiety ridden 17 year old dealing with a nasty divorce and kidnapping for the first time in my life. We, of course, get pulled over. I’m freaking out cause I can’t afford that bad of ticket and all the crap that was coming in that day.

The cop listened to the story, and ignored my barely held in tears, and said he would let us off with a warning because he believed the story. And the only reason he believed the story was that he had just pulled over my uncle going the same speed the opposite direction on the same road and got the same story. Story credit: Reddit / Acctingisforlosers

Overwhelming Situation

resize3367553200000578-3552086-image-a-34_1461250662610.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / sidiuzz

I had just started uni at the time. My friend and I were hanging out and decided to go back to my place. We walk in the front door to see my dad sitting on the couch, head in hands just looking overwhelmed.

Behind him my two sisters are screaming and running back and forth with a plastic bin and upon realizing I’m there start yelling for me to grab the cats because they’re trying to eat a bat! Long story short my friend and I join them in screaming while trying to catch this bat and keep the cats away from it.

We finally catch the bat and everything is silent for a few moments until there’s a bang on the door. Dad answers it and calls us girls over. To explain that there was indeed a bat and no one was being killed like the neighbors thought. The officers looked so done with life after we talked to them. Story credit: Reddit / jade7angel

I Told You So


I’m running booking one night, guy gets brought in for possessing a truly stupendous amount of substances. Im talking like 2 Rubbermade totes full of mushrooms, a huge bag of herb, and enough horse to overdose half the county.

“Well,” says he, “I’m a DEA informant and they told me to make the drop so they could be there and raid the crap out of everybody and let me go for helping.”

Uh huh. Riiiiiight. Face left please.

Guy is like, “I’m tellin you dude, they’re gonna be suuuuper mad that you country bumpkins screwed up their bust!”

Whatever, get in the holding cell and shut up.

About 3 hours later three guys show up, DEA agents. They’re super mad that our deputies screwed up their bust. I go back to the holding cell to let the guy out, and he’s just like, “They’re super mad, huh?”


“Told you so.” Story credit: Reddit / Vict0r117

Trying to Keep a Straight Face


Former marechaussee here (look it up it is a Dutch thing, police but also military). We also had jurisdiction over the American soldiers stationed here.

One day we got called over to a possible case of domestic violence. We arrive at the house and the guy opened wearing only underwear. He told us he and his wife were roleplaying. Of course, we didn’t trust this and asked to see his wife. After denying us entry we told him we would come back with a warrant. He reluctantly agreed to let us enter.

So we go in and he opened the basement door and inside was the freakiest dungeon. I mean chains, whips, things I couldn’t identify hanging on the wall. And in the middle hanging in chains was his gagged wife. We asked her but she told us everything was okay.

Turned out they were really into some odd stuff. Asked them to keep the screaming part in the basement and to a minimal. We did the whole thing with a straight face but as soon as we were in the car… Story credit: Reddit / leurts


Guest For the Night


Not a cop, but when I was in university I went to a party and got totally loaded. I decided I shouldn’t go to the bar and started walking home. En route, I remember specifically deciding I was too out of it, a cop was going to pick me up, and I should stay at my friends Brent and Scott’s place.

I walked through the front door, kicked off my shoes, yelled up the stairs that it was just me (I’d done this before) and crashed on the couch.

Roughly an hour and a half later, maybe around 1:30 in the morning, I wake up in cuffs. I’m a really heavy sleeper, with drinks in my system or not, so they were having a real tough time waking me.

Finally I wake, realize I can’t move my arms, and see two cops and a family of 4. Holy crap, what had happened.

The family is just staring at me and the cops start demanding answers. Naturally, I’m like, “Ugh, is Brent here?” The cops are not impressed.

Finally, after about 20 minutes of them shouting at me, I kind of clue in. I ask them the date, it was May 1st. Their lease had literally expired the day before and the new tenants moved in.

I explained and explained and finally asked the cop if I could call them and prove it. They let me, and I had the cop ask him what his address was the day before – Brent recited the same one I had been sleeping in.

They still gave me a ticket, but no trespassing ticket and they drove me home. Story credit: Reddit / steboy

Not Actually a Ghost

resize7909805675gkjhkjmaxresdefault.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / WXYZ-TV Detroit | Channel 7

Police officer here. Three years ago, the station got a call about a ‘ghost’ in someone’s house. I arrived on the scene, this woman of about forty was standing in her front yard. The house is upper middle class, pretty bland.

She swears there is a ghost inside. The only reason we didn’t disregard the call is because she claimed there was screaming in her attic. She claimed the ghost was doing it, I was supposed to make sure an animal wasn’t stuck up there or something.

She explains she has been hearing this screaming and bumping on the walls the past two days, she is the only one who lives there, no pets who could cause it, neighbors are in vacation. So, of course, the logical explanation is a ghost.

She was far too afraid to check the attic, so I head up there. It was full of cobwebs and musty, and of course the only lightbulb didn’t work. I take a step, and all the sudden I hear banging and muffled yelling. Navigating with my flashlight, I head over to the source, a corner in the far back.

There was a homeless guy there. His leg had fallen through the floor and was stuck, and he couldn’t get out. He started crying tears of joy when I walked over, thanking me and asking for help simultaneously. I pull him out, trying to scratch his leg as little as possible, and lead him outside after letting him stop and get some water.

He told me he was just looking for a place to spend the night, and I felt like he had gotten punished enough for his trespass. Fortunately, so did the woman. Story credit: Reddit / chebezlcrow4212

Can You Give Me a Ride?


Stopped a guy on a suspended registration and he started getting upset, but not at me.

I ask him why he’s so upset, he says it’s the wife’s car, she stopped making payments and it got suspended. On top of that he was mad because he was on the way to the new GF’s and she was probably gonna dump him if he no-showed her.

I issued him a criminal ticket, thinking he was gonna back off and leave the story. Instead he goes, “I totally get why you gave me a ticket, but I don’t want this girl to dump me. She’s really special. Can you give me a ride there?” I say fine, but you have to introduce me… again thinking he’d back off the story.

He agrees and away we go. Were sitting outside and this girl refuses to come out, so he puts me on the phone. I tell her that its either she comes out and says hi or I bring him to jail.

Out she comes… and she’s a lovely person, inside and out. Dude hit the freaking jackpot.

He also plead guilty to the ticket haha… I never told him to do that but I got a kick out of it. I like to think it was him giving me a wave back. Story credit: Reddit / TheVoiceOfHam

Something in My Pocket


I was the suspicious person with the BS excuse that was true to two lucky cops.

So it’s the holiday season a few years ago. I work at a coffee shop at the time and go to a co-worker’s New Years ugly sweater party. Have a few drinks until 10pm then switch to water. My one friend gets to talking to me about tea cause we work with coffee and tea – gives me a teabag in a plastic baggy. I put it in my pocket.

2am rolls around and I leave but I am tired. I want to get home and get to sleep, so I’m blasting music to keep me awake and probably going a little too fast but not drastically so.

Anyway the party lights kick on behind me and I pull over. We go through the questions. Where you coming from? Where you going? You been drinking? Doing anything else?

I blow clean on the breathalyzer. I walk the line fine. Balance on one leg. Then one of the cops pats me down and reaches my pocket.

Him: “Son. What do you have in your pocket?”

Me: “It’s tea, officer.”

Him, about as dubious as you can expect: “You expect me to believe you have tea in your pocket.”

Me: “My friend gave it to me.”

At this point his partner looks to be trying not to laugh at the absurdity of this situation.

He holds out his hand while I fumble around and withdraw the plastic baggy from my pants pocket, complete with the single serving of tea neatly labeled, and hand it to the suddenly bewildered officer.

Him: “Why in the world do you have tea in your pocket??”

Me: “I like tea, officer…”

I respond in probably the most matter of fact way possible. How partner finally gives up on restraining his laughter. The other cop gives me the tea back and tells me to go home and sleep. I never could bring myself to try that tea – I still have it in the same bag on my shelf. Story credit: Reddit / Korhal

What Do You Think You're Doing?


Not a cop but I did get stopped by one for eating a taco.

I worked at a community college in LA that had a high school right next to it. Well there was a lot of substances sold through the fence at the high school; so there was always a cop driving up and down the street between the schools. Couldn’t get a parking pass since I just worked at the school so I always parked on that street.

Hit up taco bell for lunch and was sitting in my car eating my double decker tacos, when a cop drove past. Next thing I know he’s flipping a u-turn and heading right for me.

He slides to a stop driver window to driver window and yells at “what the heck do you think you’re doing?” Stunned I just said “eating my lunch”. Well he isn’t buying it and says I’m hiding something. I just hold up my taco and looked so confused. He burst out laughing and pealed out.

Saw him a few times after that and he always waved and had the biggest grin on his face. Story credit: Reddit / I_killed_Kenny_

We're Just Recycling

resize688908235467maxresdefault.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / DailyDrivenExotics

Former Park Ranger.

First week in the job we pull up and see a couple of kids smoking in their car with the windows down. The city has an ordinance against smoking on park property, but it is too petty to give them a ticket.

We approach the car and they are visibly nervous. My training officer looks through the windows and sees a couple of beer cans in the car. Bingo.

We get them out and start running their info; they are all underage but old enough to smoke cigarettes. My training officer asks them where the cans came from — the driver says he recycles. My training officer laughs and begins to search the car.

I’m finishing up running their info, and these guys are being really respectful. Training officer finishes searching the cab and goes to open the trunk. All the sudden I hear him bust out laughing. He is laughing so hard he can barely breathe.

He waves me over to look at the trunk of the car and it is level with crushed cans and bottles.

My training officer said that he has heard that excuse for 20 years and this is the first time it was true. He walked up, uncuffed the driver and let him go. Story credit: Reddit / scout1520


I Just Want to Go Home

resize5f9fb250d1f16_VVxiyte__700.jpg.optimal.jpgImgur / Capinron

I had a run in with the cops a few years ago and I wonder exactly what they thought when they first stopped me.

I had taken a cab back from a work party and I was pretty out of it. My friend and I had just moved to this new apartment so I accidentally gave the cab driver the wrong address. I ended up on a block that looked very similar to mine and a building that looked like mine.

There were two doors before getting to my apartment door, which was on the first floor. Like my apartment building they left the first door unlocked and locked the second door. I kept trying my keys to open it but I couldn’t and was confused. I went outside to look for my car and it wasn’t parked there. That’s when I realized I was on the wrong block.

I started walking in the direction I thought my apartment was when a cop car pulls up. They ask me what I’m doing and I tell them, “I’m really slammed and I just want to go home,” which was the honest truth.

They told me they got a call about someone trying to get into an apartment building. I guess the people in that apartment building woke up and thought I was trying to break in.

They were super suspicious of me at first, but eventually it became clear I was just some idiot and not a burglar. They ran me through to make sure I didn’t have warrants or anything and when I checked out they offered me a ride home.

The ride back was hilarious because when we were getting to my apartment I tried telling them that it was a bit complicated to get to because of all the one-way streets.

The officer driving was like, “Who do you think you’re with?” and then turned on the lights and went the wrong way down the street to get me home faster. It honestly felt like I was with the two cops from Superbad. Story credit: Reddit / -eDgAR-

A Small Souvenir


Not a cop but I had a run in with one that was really funny once. When I was 18, I was on a double date with a friend, and we stepped out of a restaurant to smoke. A cop came up and started harassing us, telling us there had been break ins into cars in the area.

Eventually, he said he needed to pat us down, and he pulled a brown paper bag out of my friend’s pocket. He got a smug look on his face and asked, “So, what’s in here, huh?”

My friend said, “The Emancipation Proclamation” with a completely straight face.

The cop opened the bag, pulled out a small booklet, got embarrassed, and let us go. My friend had been to the Lincoln Museum earlier that day and did actually have a small copy of the Emancipation Proclamation in his pocket. Story credit: Reddit / RPShep

A Ride to the Hospital

maxrresize609234r6fyjesdefault.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Code3Paris

Not a cop. Family friend was. Pulled a guy over who was speeding profusely. Guy was obviously disheveled. He said he was headed to the hospital because he had a tick on his junk.

Cop was confused, but he escorted him there, then waited in the lobby to check on him/ see if he was blowing smoke. After a while, he asked the desk what was going on, why it took so long to take a tick off his junk.

Her reply: “It wasn’t on it. It was in it.” Story credit: Reddit / ldt003

Breaking and Entering

maxresresizegkjhnug879default.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Metro Newspaper UK

I was the one with the excuse!

Forgot my keys at friends place before going out drinking that night. Get home at 2 am, no keys. Only one of our windows didn’t have ghetto bars so I took the screen out and starting pushing/smacking it up (locks were on the sides only providing friction). As I’m halfway in, i just feel “WUMP!”

Got tackled into the house, the officer was still outside, holding onto my ankles. I look up and just said, “I’m astonished by your response time! I actually live here, let me get up, unlock the door, and give you my ID.”

So I did, and he stares at it for a second, then says sorry and sprints off to look for the person they were actually in the area looking for. Story credit: Reddit / gigglemetinkles

Not a Friendly Pet

resize2343568maxresdefault-1.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Inside Edition

Go to respond to a woman who has been attacked by her cat. Her injuries were crazy, COVERED in blood, her scalp is literally shredded, huge lacerations etc.

I know cats are known to do some damage but the story wasn’t fitting and she was so sketchy about anyone going in her house. Adamantly refuses to let anyone inside because she thinks they’re going to take away her cat. “He didn’t mean to, he was just excited by the birds.” Turns out her cat was a lynx. Story credit: Reddit / -yourmomisanicelady

Skipping School

resize698Kenny-Bowman.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Kenny Bowman

I got pulled over for driving to school at 10am. The cop wanted to know why I was skipping school. I explained that our little town’s girls basketball team just won State and since the game was so far away they let us start that day at 10:30am.

He followed me all the way to the school so he could ask the principal. I still don’t know what was illegal about driving to school at 10am, but he was kind of a whack job. Story credit: Reddit / Pokey_The_Bear


A Sad Situation

mresizegjkhuiy87653axresdefault.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Mishko Frydrysek

Mid July in like 2008? Young kid going 93 in a 55… I swing in and he immediately pulls over. Approaching the car, his first words before I can even start speaking, “My dog died, he hung himself! I gotta get back before my mom gets home!”

Uh. What?

Anyway, he calls other family members. His aunt, Uncle and 2 cousins come out to the stop and between all their sobbing, they verify that the dog had actually hopped over the fence on a leash/runner and couldn’t get back over. Everyone’s crying now.

They showed me a photo on their phone. Apparently they found the dog and called the kid at work and he just left. I didn’t even bother verifying further than that. Cousin drove the kid’s car back so they could take care of the dog and prepare for Mom.

Some said that I should have wrote him, but losing an animal sucks enough, he knew he messed up and adding financial burden to him wasn’t going to help him or me. Story credit: Reddit / SlovoTheSecond

I Swear It's Catnip


I was driving with my fiancé and we went through a road block where they checked registration and stuff. When we get to the cops they ask for our registration. I’m sitting in the passenger seat so I open up the glovebox and right there is a clear, unmarked baggie filled to the brim with catnip.

I completely forgot it was there and just froze. Wide-eyed, I turned to look at the cop shining his light through my open window and he’s frozen too, just staring at the baggie with this look on his face like “really?

I just started immediately professing “omg I swear to god this is catnip, you can take it and smell it or test it or whatever like I swear”.

And at this point it’s just so ridiculous that I start cracking up, and the cop takes it and reasonably deduces I’m telling the truth, and he starts laughing and calls his partner over and tells her what happened and they both just cackled away for a minute and sent us on our way. Story credit: Reddit / alexsangthat

Let the FBI Handle It

resize679709804565786maxresdefault-3.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Mr. Build It

I went to a disturbance at a backyard bbq once. As I was trying to figure out what was going on I had some old lady approach me and want to talk to me off to the side.

She told me she was an informant for the FBI and that if I left, she would be able to get some information on a matter the FBI was interested in. I rolled my eyes and thanked her and said I would be out of there as soon as I could make sure there was no violence going on.

Anyway I determined it was just verbal so I cleared the call and went back in service. About 15 to 30 minutes later dispatch radioed me to head back to the station. I got there and got a message to call some FBI Field office and ask for a certain agent.

I called and sure as rain this agent said he understood I spoke with his informant and wanted to know everything she told me.

Blew my mind. Story credit: Reddit / AllenGamble73

Charges Dismissed

resize89074351763872891maxresdefault-2.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Metro Newspaper UK

I’ll throw my hat into the ring as a defence attorney.

Guy pulled over for impaired driving and charged later. My boss gets the criminal complaint and the guy shows up for his initial appearance and tells her he hadn’t been drinking despite horrifically failing the sobriety test. She’s literally sitting next to him and he’s obviously hammered again, disappointing but not uncommon for people with abuse issues.

The deputies arrest him for bail jumping because he drove himself to court that day and while out on bail he’s not supposed to drink. He adamantly denies drinking.

Blood tests come back. He didn’t drink. Dude’s diabetic without knowing it and naturally got himself “woozy” because sometimes when it goes untreated, diabetes can cause symptoms that look just like intoxication. Got him some insulin and the charges dismissed. Story credit: Reddit / prailock

How Did they Dress them Up?

resize67989789789724534maxresdefault-1.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Denver7

Had a domestic in progress I responded to during Christmas Day and the excuse for them fighting was: “We’re not mad at each other, we’re just upset because we wanted to surprise the kids for Christmas. So we got some Deer, dressed them up, now they’re destroying our house.”

Turns out there were literally three fully grown white-tailed deer in the house somehow dressed with full bell harnesses like Santa’s reindeer.

I had to call the Game Wardens down who were then able to help me remove the deer from the property without injury to us or them.

How they managed to get the deer and dress them up is still a mystery to this day. Story credit: Reddit / Iamninja28

Bloodshot Eyes

resizeScreen-Shot-2022-01-10-at-10.17.27-AM.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Life of Tom

I pulled someone over and his eyes where swollen like pink eye. So I thought he had something funny in his system but he said he was just crying because his cat died. I didn’t really believe him but my shift has just stared. So I have him take me to his house in the squad car. When we pull up it smells like skunk and I see a giant tent in the backyard.

When we walked into back there, I saw a gravestone and it read “In loving memory of Fluffy.” I still don’t know if that’s the real reason his eyes where red and bloodshot or not but I let him go. Story credit: Reddit / Yheatmeat

The Test Came Back Negative

resizemaxresdefault.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Hasra John

During a search of a person I pulled out a bag of a sticky dark substance consistent with smack. The subject had multiple priors and is a known heavy user and abuser.

He immediately tells me it is burnt sugar and he is furious because someone sold it to him. Long story short — when I tested the substance it did not test positive for anything illicit. Story credit: Reddit / HuskyJoeMan

Noise Complaint

resizeScreen-Shot-2022-01-10-at-10.03.34-AM.jpg.optimal.jpgYouTube / Troy Kinne

Cop here – got a call of a domestic dispute that sounded very heated and a lot of banging was heard. Get to scene and I can hear someone yelling and swearing and brawling, doesn’t sound good at all. Guy answers the door, shirt off and angry, but seems bewildered as to why police had been called.

He told me he was building IKEA furniture – sounds like the most BS thing. But, we enter, see the new IKEA furniture half set up and no one else is home. Colour me surprised. Story credit: Reddit / Bouncycastle56

Burglary Hotspot


At around 2am on a weeknight, I see a guy bolt from a house in a quiet residential burglary hotspot. His face is covered, he’s wearing sunglasses or something similar and the kind of dark clothing you catch burglars in.

As I follow him and start to shout up on the radio, the cars parked between us clear to reveal he is running on a lead behind the tiniest dog I’ve ever seen, a clearly uncontrollable pooch that is having the time of its life. I just kept going.

Some clarification. The dog was on a lead, he was stopping to snuff at lampposts, it wasn’t a dognapping. The man was running as he was trying to keep up with the dog while letting it go at the pace it wanted to. He ran from the house but the front door was closed; doglet took off when they hit the pavement.

When I got a closer look the glasses were tinted, not sunglasses. I don’t know why he had his face covered, it was a scarf and it was autumn but we don’t have sumptuary laws in our country and you can wear what you like, I’m not the fashion police. I spoke to him when I saw him later on but I don’t remember the dog’s name, sorry. Story credit: Reddit / echocardio

Winter Break


Found a guy parked behind a middle school around 5:30am on a weekday morning during the school’s winter break so no one should be there. He didn’t have much of an excuse as to why he was there but nothing else was out of place and he wasn’t wanted.

It wasn’t until he drove away and I looked around where his car was parked and I found out what he was doing…. He had taken a massive dump that was just sitting on top of the snow still steaming. Made me laugh so hard all I could do was kick snow over it and go 10-8 (available for calls). Story credit: Reddit / AJ2488

Like a Hollywood Scene


There’s an old penitentiary in the middle of the city here. It was to be deactivated and it finally was shut down by the governor. People got used to that building being empty.

But, for some bureaucratic reasons, they had to reopen it again, temporarily. That means holding bad people in again and even though the neighbors weren’t happy about it, they didn’t think much of it, since it was temporary.

Anyway, it is a building very close to the road, to residences and commercial buildings. It’s not a huge place but it has tall walls built somewhat like a fort, or a castle.

Then one day, I wasn’t even working, I’m driving by the street behind it and I see 4 people rappelling down the freaking wall. They weren’t doing it each on their own rope, they were doing it in the same rope, and it looked a whole lot like that Hollywood scene where the prisoners escape down the sheets rope.

This was in the middle of the day too, noon I think.

I had to go around, find a place to park my car and observe. I called in HQ and asked if the old penitentiary was still open and just get its status.

While I did this I got to really see what they were doing and it didn’t look like escapees anymore.

It turned out to be grafitti artists hired by the state to paint that big wall facing the houses. Only part of the building was reactivated and this wall was on the deactivated wing. The grafitti artists were assessing something.

This was 3 years ago. There’s a cool painting on it now. I’m still glad I didn’t have to chase 4 inmates that day. Story credit: Reddit / krink0v

Never Mind!


My cousin is a cop and  he told us this story.

He saw a car driving slowly at about 3am through a neighborhood that had had several break-ins. He thinks to himself that they’re looking for a target, so he puts on his lights and pulls them over.

He walks up and the driver puts the window down and she turns to look at him with fire in her eyes and says, in a harsh whisper, “This had better be important because I just got the baby to sleep!” He looks in the back and there’s a baby in a car seat, sound asleep.

The memory of what it was like when his babies wouldn’t sleep rushes back, and he says, “Oh no! I’m so sorry! Never mind!” And goes back to his car. She drives away slowly. He’s just glad he didn’t wake the baby. Story credit: Reddit / non_legitur

Instantly Suspicious

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One time my husband was patrolling when he spotted a guy who was in a straight jacket come round the corner of town that he was patrolling. That’s just instantly suspicious.

He ran over and grabbed him and asked him what he was doing. He said he was just messing around with it with a friend but he lost his friend and can’t get out. So my husband asked to call his friend just incase, and low and behold he wasn’t even lying. Story credit: Reddit / SleepyPinkTiger

Low Population Area


I’m an officer with the Portuguese National Republican Guard (Similar to the french Gendarmes), we’re generally responsible for policing rural low population areas (though we do also take on some military/expeditionary roles, like our peacekeeping presence in Timor).

The point is, if you live in rural Portugal, we’re the ones who are going to come when you need help, or have trouble.

About 2 years ago there was a murder. An old man was stabbed and bled out in his kitchen, the wife came home to find him dead lying in the counter. She called 112 (911 equivalent) and I was dispatched along with some colleagues. Paramedics confirmed the death on site but we didn’t want to move the body before the police could have a look and do forensics.

Not only that but the old lady wasn’t doing so good with the shock, so after about 20 minutes of her hyperventilating we got her in the ambulance and paramedics took her to the hospital. That means me and my colleague were left guarding the body and trying to keep things as we found them, while still looking around for evidence.

About an hour later we hear a truck arrive, my colleague goes up from the basement where we were, but I stay longer to have a better look around. Come back up 10 minutes later to find the body gone, I look outside and see 2 guys shoving it into the back of a non-descriptive refrigerated truck.

I come out running and yelling with my gun out, thinking the murderer was back and trying to cover their tracks. My colleague steps out from behind the truck.

Turns out the morgue’s vehicle was broken, and they were using a rental to transport the bodies. The 2 guys i saw were morgue workers just putting the body in the truck to carry it to the morgue, while my colleague was talking with a third. The judiciary police only came about 2 hours later. Story credit: Reddit / GNRaulSilva

Hilarity Ensued


This story comes from a family friend who was a Sergeant in a major West Coast city:​

One of his new officers was late for roll call one night. After about 45 minutes, the Sergeant gets a call from another station asking if he was the commander the missing officer. Hilarity ensues.​

Apparently, the missing officer was getting ready to leave his apartment for roll call for the night shift. As he walked out to the stairs, he sees a guy in a ski mask hop through his neighbor’s window. Cop radios the burglary in progress and runs back to his apartment to get his shotgun.

When he gets back to neighbor’s house, he heard a female screaming and the sounds of a struggle. Cop announces himself, kicks open the front door, runs to the kitchen and sees what he thinks is ski mask guy assaulting the neighbor.

The neighbor sees cop with shotgun screaming at ski mask guy and she completely freaks out. Turns out ski mask guy was neighbor’s boyfriend/husband doing some sort of roleplay fantasy at neighbor’s request. At least nobody got shot and apparently, the cop was known thereafter as Officer C—block. Story credit: Reddit / dawglaw09

Sleep Deprivation


3am on a weeknight and I pull up behind a car at a light. The light is green and the car is stopped but running (foot was on the break). Light turns red so I wait behind him. Light turns green again and this dude isn’t moving. So my partner and I quietly exit our vehicle and approach his.

He was completely passed out. Asleep. With the car in drive. We woke him up and talked to him to make sure he wasn’t hammered. Turns out he was just tired because his wife had a baby a few days ago and needed him to run to the store for something. That newborn sleep deprivation is REAL! Story credit: Reddit / SusiMb

Suspicious Vehicles


I find so many “suspicious vehicles” in our national veterans cemetery in my jurisdiction. They almost always turn out to be Pokemon Go-ers. Story credit: Reddit / gruss577

Breaking In


One time me and my partner rolled up on three individuals (two adults, one kid) who looked as though they were trying to break into a vehicle. As we talked to them the lead guy went into an overly complicated explanation that at the time didn’t make sense. We ran them in just to verify their identities and if they had any priors.

To our surprise it was the local minister and his relatives. They have always given generously to our athletic department amongst other things. I guess one of their congregation had asked if they would help get into their vehicle due to having lost the keys. Boy did we feel foolish afterwards. Story credit: Reddit / hardspank916

The Defense Rests


Guy was arrested for arson. A neighbor in a subdivision backing up to the farm saw him methodically move all the valuables out of the barn over a period of a week. Then closely mowed the hayfields for about 50 yards radius all around the barn.

He was puzzling over the mowing when he noticed the farmer walk all around the barn, pouring something from “a blue gas can” right at the bottom of the barn walls. Neighbor looks away for less than a minute, when he looks back the barn is fully engulfed in flames!

He calls the fire department and reports the farmer has set his barn on fire, with gas or something. Fire department is on-scene in about 5 minutes, and reports the barn is already beyond saving. They do smell diesel fuel.

A quick investigation says it’s arson: field is mowed to prevent spread. The burned barn has nothing much in it, but the other barn and shed overhang has a lot of stuff recently placed, with grass underneath still green. Definite marks of petroleum accelerant.

They arrest the farmer on the spot, he says nothing. Farmer refuses to talk to the DA and asks for his lawyer.

I am on the jury where the prosecution states they will prove the farmer set his own barn on fire. Barn was insured, insurance fraud was the motive. They call all the expected witnesses: the neighbor, play the 911 call, interview the firemen who smelled fuel and saw marks of accelerant on the ground, etc. Defense does no cross examination at all.

Prosecution is done, defense has their turn.

Defense calls the farmer, and first question asked is: “Let’s cut to the chase. Did you burn your barn down?”


“Why did you do it?”

“It was old, and rotten, with termites. Going to fall down. Not safe.”

“Hm. Have you always burned down old farm buildings?”

“Yep, and my daddy did before me. It’s a farm.”

“Are you aware that you need a permit to burn debris in this county?”

“Been doin’ it like that on this farm since forever, never had no permit.”

“The fine is up to $50. Oh, wait, I forgot, you’re zoned ‘active agriculture’, and are exempt, no permit needed. But, why didn’t you tell any of this to the police?”

“They didn’t ask till after they put handcuffs on me and took me to the police station. They told me anything I said would be used against me, and said I had the right to remain silent, and THEN some lawyer guy came in and told me I was going to prison for insurance fraud. I remember Perry Mason said don’t talk to anyone but your lawyer. So I didn’t.”

“Did you file an insurance claim?”

“What for? The barn wasn’t worth anything in that state, and I moved all the stuff out.”

“I suggested we try to talk them out of this. You said you wanted your day in court. What’s up with that?”

“They came on my land, arrested me without telling me what for. Told me later it was for arson and insurance fraud, and put that in the newspapers. All my friends, relatives, and neighbors know about this.

"They made me look dishonest. I want to make sure everyone knows the real facts. I figure this is better than them just dropping it, and everyone wondering whether they just decided not to send an old man to prison.”

“Defense rests.”

It was epic. Story credit: Reddit / garycarroll

Just a Nerd


I am the suspect in this situation. I lived in a large town in the south of the UK in my own terraced house.

Outside my house was a bus stop so a few people would who go by outside each day but it wasn’t in the heart of the high street.

I had suffered from clusters of flies for a few days and they came out of nowhere. We are talking maybe 50 or so which is a little alarming but there was nowhere I could see they were coming from. I got rid of them as quick as they came about and went about my day as normal.

One day at the weekend I had a knock at the door with riot police who stated they believed that someone had died in the property and they were able to enter under an emergency act of law without a warrant.

In their wisdom they spoke to the neighbours about who lived here after a report from an elderly lady visiting the bus stop. The neighbours mentioned my ex girlfriend who they didn’t see for a few months. We broke up and she moved out but the police put the flies report and this fact together as me being a killer.

The police were sure I had something to hide as they instantly didn’t believe I owned the house. I work in IT, so I make good money but they weren’t having any of it. I had to then wait under surveillance while my house was searched and riot police all in the street.

I am a keen gardener and upstairs in the airing cupboard I was attempting to grow some from seeds. The police were convinced that 23 year old me was instead running a grow op….

In the end they found no dead body and they realized their mistake. I’m sure I’m on some kind of list now but they left almost disappointed that their amazing detective work found an IT nerd and not the next serial killer. Story credit: Reddit / Foxxinator37

Ninja Attack


My dad told me about a time, back in the 80’s. My father was sitting in his cruiser, around the corner form a bar. A car drives by swerving a little with exhaust coming for the tailpipe, signifying a recently started vehicle. Pulls the guy over. Smells booze on the driver, while also noticing a large staff in the backseat.

He has the driver step out, than inquires about the staff. The driver tells my dad, “I’m a black belt in Kung Fu, I use it in class.” So my father, unconvinced, ask him to demonstrate his proficiency with the staff, proving his sobriety in a sort of, impromptu field sobriety test. The driver puts on a little show for dad on the side of the road.

Dad’s enjoying the show, but starts to hear sirens coming from all directions! A passerby had seen my dad on the side of the road in a face off with a crazy man and a stick. Thinking my dad was in need of help, the passerby called the cops.

Apparently, my dad had been so wrapped up in the show he had not heard the radio calls for him. So dispatch sent all available units to his rescue.

Passersby thought my dad was getting his butt kicked at the side of the road by a ninja. Story credit: Reddit / XxMitchManxX

Keep Your Cool


The first one that comes to mind for me:

Late at night, I saw a dude hauling copper pipe out of a local grocery store after it closed down. Copper theft at the time was super common, so I thought I had a burglary in progress.

I stop out, get ready for an easy arrest. Ask him what he’s doing. He says he was hired to clean the place out. Ask why he’s taking the copper. Owner told him that his payment was the copper piping. Since it wasn’t going to be a grocery store after, they didn’t need it. I didn’t buy it for a minute. My BS detector was screaming at this point.

So I find the owner in our records, call him, and sure as you please… Dude was hired to clean the place out and was paid in copper pipe. That was their agreement.

But then I asked him why he was out at 2am, since it was super suspicious. Since the place closed down, there was no AC. As it was the middle of summer, 2am was the best way to do it and keep cool. Story credit: Reddit / BluBadger

Strange Belongings


I was recently conducting a house search on a guy we’d arrested in a local club with loads of substances on him.

In his room I found an oversized, out of place, vase with false flowers in them, suspicion raised.

I take the flowers out and in the bottom I saw what I believed to be a balaclava. Here we go.

I took it out, unfolded it, and it turned out to be a jumper for a small dog. Hmmm.

I look in the vase again, I see a blue velvet drawstring bag. I manipulate it slightly and it rustles, with the feeling of lots of little packets inside. I remove it slowly, open the bag and inside are some retro scrabble pieces. What’s going on?

We didn’t find any further substances in his room; we did however find a big screw-off sized machete under his mattress wrapped up in a tea towel, so that was interesting… Still confused about the contents of that vase though. Story credit: Reddit / McNabFish

It's All Good


I’m a cop.

One night I come across a pickup truck parked behind a small business, backed up to the dumpster. Guy is next to the truck emptying out trash from the bed of the truck and throwing it into the dumpster. Figured it was someone illegally dumping their crap in someone else’s dumpster to avoid having to go to the landfill.

Make contact with the guy who says he owns the business and that he is renovating his home, but ran out of room in his dumpster there. He comes back listed as the contact/keyholder for the business and the truck he was driving was registered to the business, so it was all good. Story credit: Reddit / BeachCop

Locked Out


Police officer here.

Long story short, guy gets locked out of his house by his wife and we catch him trying to get back in to his house.

It was just after midnight and we got a call of a suspicious person looking in to a home.

We respond code 2 (lights, no sirens) and switch off the lights before we get close to mask our approach.

As we pull up to the house, we see no signs of anyone at the front of the house, so we walk around the rear and BAM, guy with a crowbar wrenching on the back door.

I yell, “Police, drop the crowbar!” Dude starts screaming and nearly crying because we scared him so bad.

Turns out he went to get a coffee as he and the wife had had a few drinks and he forgot his keys and cell phone in the house. She was so hammered she forgot he left and locked the doors like she does every night.

Poor dude tried to wake his wife up but she was passed out and didn’t hear him. He grabbed a crowbar from his shed to try to pop the locking mechanism out and we caught him.

We managed to get a hold of her by calling her on my cell. When she answered the door, she admitted to accidentally locking him out and gave us the exact same sequence of events.

I honestly wish we had body cams so we could replay the poor guy’s face and high pitched scream. Story credit: Reddit / Foreversingleandsad

The Sequel


My grandfather was the only police officer in a one stoplight town in Ohio in the 1960s. His favorite story to tell was the time he got a call for suspicious behavior at the local ice cream parlor after hours.

He pulled up to see a young boy on the ground who looked like he was bleeding badly. And he was weirded out by the overwhelming smell of cherries. And he saw another police officer inside.

Turns out the children of the owners were making a home movie of themselves playing cops and robbers. The blood was cherry syrup for the ice cream. And the other officer was the brother, saving the owner of the ice cream shop from robbers. That was their sister.

The kids made him a sundae for his troubles and promised to call if they were going to film a sequel. Story credit: Reddit / Galaxine

I Still Don't Feel Bad


Patrolling a military housing neighborhood, I had noticed a suspicious van parked around the area over the past few nights , always in a different spot but I could never catch it coming or going.

So around the 5th night of this, I hide my car and wait. Sure enough, the van rolls through. I waited a few minutes before following. Turn the corner and light up 3 guys rummaging through all the trash cans left on the street.

Turns out, they were part of CID (think NCIS, the show, but Army version). They suspected someone in the area was cooking substances, and were going through that garbage cans to find discarded ingredients….

I only found this out after getting chewed out after they called my supervisors. I still don’t feel bad; no one told me. Story credit: Reddit / InappropriateAccnt24

What Are Those?


I’m the guy who was doing something suspicious.

When I used to work at a grocery store I would get off some time between 10pm and 12am, and I also preferred to ride my bike most of the year to save on gas. Since work was close to my house and there were few cars out I never really bothered with lights. Already suspicious I know.

Right around thanksgiving we would get in these massive stalks of brussel sprouts, which if you have never seen one they look like something you might find growing on an alien planet.

A solid 3 feet of little bulbs at the end of spikes basically. They were super cheap so I couldn’t pass up such a deal, but of course the only way for me to transport it home at night was to ride with the stalk sticking a foot out of my backpack.

I have no idea what the cops thought it was when they pulled me over. Weed? A weapon?

They were doing their deal where one talks to me and the other checks me out from behind when the one behind me busted out laughing. “Are those BRUSSEL SPROUTS?!”

They let me go a minute later. Story credit: Reddit / Wingman696969

Thanks For Letting Me Know


I was just starting on the street around the time Pokemon Go was taking off. So many contacts in the middle of the night that were just people trying to catch Pokemon.

Me: “Ma’am I noticed you’re driving in circles around this closed business at 3am.”

Person: “Yeah, there’s a herd of Charmanders here and it’s too busy during the day.”

Me: “Oh thanks for letting me know!” Pulls out phone and opens Go. Story credit: Reddit / TheNameIsWiggles

They Were Both Innocent


This is part of a more elaborate story. At one point while in jail suspect 1 told a suspected hitman that if he took a deal he wouldn’t get paid. Everyone freaked out, as this was clear confirmation #1 had hired #2 for a killing as suspected.

After much investigation they were both innocent (just a series of really dumb things and belligerence toward officers preventing explanations). Turns out the comment was because genius #1 had the idea to sue everyone for his arrest, and was trying to say that if #2 took a plea deal he wouldn’t be able to get in on the lawsuit. Story credit: Reddit / Snuffleupagus03

Go Figure


Former US Coast Guard here. We were doing a security boarding on a vessel planning on entering port with some hazardous cargo. Me and one other guy are in the engine room, making sure everything is kosher, when we catch a glimpse of some boots barely sticking out from under a piece of machinery.

Since, as far as we knew, all crew were present and accounted for above deck, we were understandably concerned. We radio up asking about it, get told all present and accounted for up above. So we’re thinking stowaway or someone being smuggled.

Luckily it was neither, just a dude who legit fell asleep while doing some maintenance. He shared a name with one of the other crew, so that’s how we missed his absence. Apparently they (our guy up above) checked the same guy twice. Go fig. Story credit: Reddit / The_Wingless

40 Cats


I’m a cop here.

I work midnight shifts. One night I’m sitting in my cruiser at like 2am doing paperwork. I see an older model car driving slowly around the area and then pull into an abandoned parking lot and black out in the corner by the woods. No lighting. This is for a building that is being torn down. This is not normal. So I’ll look into it.

I pull up to him and get out. “How are you doing? “ I asked. “What’s going on in this parking lot tonight?” He’s got bags full of something in his back seat, and he’s alone. He’s an older guy and he seems a little off.

He tells me, “I’m here to feed the cats”. I think to myself that this is a BS answer and attempt to call his bluff.

“Ok. Where are the ….”

Then like 40 cats come running out of the woods. The guys asks, “May I?” I say “um..sure?” He gets out of the car and starts feeding the cats. (Dry food from his bags.) The closest thing I can describe it as was the scene in Ace Ventura where his pets all come out of hiding.

“Ok. Go on about your business. I guess.” And I left. Story credit: Reddit / GaryNOVA

I Wish


That’s easy. I’m a campus police officer and I was working the overnight shift. This of course means patrolling the parking lots and from time to time you find people parked in dark spots doing various….things.

On night I turn a corner and see a car in an empty lot so I drive up to it. As my lights passover it I see a guy sitting in the passenger seat leaned back, head laid back and mouth open and then I see what looks like a human head bobbing up and down in front of him…

Ive seen this before. I’m thinking someone is having a good time.


Turns out its a guy from out of state who has a kid who goes to my college who was set to graduate the next day. The “head” is one of the balloons he bought for here at a nearby truck stop, he was asleep and left the air on and it got caught in an air current in front of him thus the bobbing up and down.

I woke him to check on him and eventually told him what it initially looked like. His only reply was, “Yeah, I wish.” Story credit: Reddit / Cassius_Rex

Industrial Units


I’m a police officer.

I was doing patrols around local industrial units one night. We’ve had lots of break-ins at tool hire and DIY stores that are in these various industrial units.

So far the night has been boring, nothing exciting bar the usual trucks parked up and cars belonging to companies left in the street till the workers return in the morning. The area is also know for substance use by hardcore users and in the late evening by kids trying to hide it from their parents.

We pull into the last of the streets on my list of ones to check. As I pull in I see there’s a car parked up with rear lights on. Already suspect as all we’ve seen all night were taxis and empty cars.

It also is unusual as I’ve never in the years of working there seen any cars at the time of night in the street. Pulling a bit closer I can see the driver seems to be shuffling around with something inside the car, apparently unaware we’re approaching.

A little closer and I pull up behind the car to run the plates through. In the mean time I send my probationer who’s only got a few weeks in the job out to get some ID and establish who we’re dealing with.

My probationer returns to the car a few moments later with the guys ID and his story.

Their response will remain with me forever

“It’s a man in drag, he’s been out to a club and is taking off all his outfit and make up before he goes home in the estate to his wife and kids who do not know.”

All the while the probationer has lips pursed and trying in vain to hold back fits of laughter, not at what he’s doing, just the fact that for this quiet town, this was the last thing we could have listed as to expect this check was going to yield.

I decide that I’d rather not cause more embarrassment and that I was satisfied he lived around the corner.

As we return the licence to the driver and get back in the car my co-pilot tells me, “Yeah, he was removing his dress as I got to the window, I’m not sure who was more shocked, him or me”.

Turning around to exit the cul-de-sac I confirmed it was a man in drag, now hurriedly trying to change out of his outfit and makeup to get away. Story credit: Reddit / Astec123