Doctors are the only people in the world we should not avoid since they are the only ones who will get right into your affairs and have no regard for how comfortable you are. It seems sense that many people suffer dreadful and humiliating things at medical facilities, and now we’re posting some of those recollections on front street.

1. False Guy

Pexels

When I was about 12 years old, I had to go to the hospital to have my appendix taken out. It was the first operation of any kind that I had ever undergone and I was very nervous. The doctor had asked me to tell him or a nurse when I passed gas. I guess this would be a sign that my bowels were starting to wake up from the anesthesia or whatever.

Well, I woke up late at night that evening and passed gas. I saw a guy in white passing by, so I called him over and said, “Excuse me, I just passed gas.” With a confused expression on his face, he said “Okay. Well, you should probably tell a nurse.” He then continued mopping the floor. Yes, that’s right. I needlessly announced my flatulence to the janitor.

2. A Minor Misunderstanding

Pexels

When I was about eight or nine years old, I had to get a routine physical in order to participate in sports at my school. My dad took me to the doctor. Everything went great until the doctor told my dad he needed to get a urine sample. My dad hands me the cup and tells me to go to the bathroom, do my business in the cup, and bring it back to him.

I, being a bit naive, did not know what urine was, so I went into the bathroom and promptly pooped in the cup. My dad was waiting for me near the front desk of the doctor’s office since we were leaving after turning in the cup. I proudly walked up, handed the cup to my dad, and said, “Is this enough or should I go back and scoop up some more from the bowl?”

The nurse at the desk looked up and nearly spit her coffee out all over my dad when she saw what I had done. In a very abrupt tone, he quickly set the cup on the desk and said, “We are leaving right now.” I didn’t understand what was wrong until later that night when my mom came into my room to explain my mistake to me.

3. Testers of Food

Pexels

I recently had a sore throat and, when trying to get a good look at it in the mirror, I noticed these large, pink spots, all over the very back of my tongue. I spent a week fretting over it, wondering what they were and why they weren’t going away. Finally, my mom and I got worried enough about them that she went with me to my doctor.

Upon examining my throat and tongue, my doctor pronounced that what I was seeing was…my taste buds. I have never seen my doctor, who is an incredibly stoic man, smile so wide before. He clearly thought that this whole thing was hilarious. I was totally embarrassed. My family is never going to let me live this one down.

4. Moving Doors

Pexels

This happened to my friend’s mother. She was trying out a new OB/GYN. Post-examination, she was given a cup and directed to supply the office with a urine sample. Upon arriving at the bathroom, she was shocked to see that the room had no door! She assumed that this new, free-wheeling OB/GYN office didn’t have bathroom doors and that all the patients must do their business in the light.

So, nervously, she proceeded to create and collect the urine sample as people walked by in the hallway outside. I imagine they all pretended not to notice or gave her strange looks, but it wasn’t until she was leaving the bathroom that she noticed the fully retracted sliding door. That has to be one of the most awkward things I’ve ever heard of in my life…

5. This One Has Some Weight

Pexels

The last time I was at my doctor’s office, I was kept waiting in the exam room for a really long time. Like long enough to go through all three magazines in the room. Eventually, severe boredom set in and I started looking for other things to do to pass the time. There was a scale in the corner of the room, so I thought, “What the heck? Let’s weigh some stuff!”

I started with my shoes, and eventually moved on to the magazines and my clothes. When I ran out of personal stuff, I surveyed the room and decided that I would like to know how much a chair weighed. So, I picked up the doctor’s huge chair and placed it on the scale to investigate. This was the exact moment when the doctor and her resident decided to enter the room. There I am, wearing nothing but a hospital gown and socks, balancing a chair on a scale for no apparent reason…

At least I was able to satisfy my curiosity!

6. Sleep Time

Pexels

I am the type of person who can fall asleep practically anywhere. One time, I started dozing off while waiting for my doctor to come in and see me. However, I did this sitting up on the edge of the patient bed rather than laying in it. So, just as the doctor walked into the room, my body fell forward as I became more relaxed. I woke up just in time to faceplant at the doctor’s feet.

7. It All Appears Normal

Pexels

A friend of mine was in medical school. As part of his program, he was working in the local clinic one day. While there, he went in to see a patient who needed a breast examination done. Now, keep in mind that this was a middle-aged but very attractive patient. While performing the exam, he accidentally said: “Hmmm, yes, very excellent….uh I mean normal! Very normal.” He was beet red the rest of the day…

8. The Scare

Pexels

I went to the hospital when I was a teenager and my doctor was a rather attractive young lady. She had to check me for testicular cancer. The room was curtained off and my parents were waiting right on the other side, fully within earshot. The doctor was looking away when I pulled my pants down and she said, “Oh my gosh,” in an annoyed voice when she turned to find me pantsless.

I thought I had done something wrong and said sorry. As it turned out, the removal of my pants hadn’t been what had annoyed her. It was that her beeper had gone off. I guess she had been extremely busy. Now, the story isn’t too embarrassing at face value, until you realize that my parents could hear but not see this short exchange.

I don’t want to imagine what they thought had just caused a pubescent teenager to have to apologize to an attractive doctor while she was examining his privates…

9. Issues From Behind

Pexels

When I was studying to become a dentist, I was shadowing a doctor in the Emergency Room for a couple of weekends as part of my education in general medicine. Well, late one Saturday, a young girl, around 18 years of age I think, comes in with her parents because of the severe stomach pains that she was experiencing.

The doctor asks a few questions and then asks the girl to take off her pants and lay down on her side. The doctor then puts on a glove and shoves a finger up the girl’s butt. I had seen this before, standard procedure, but never with a cute girl as the receiver. So I was already feeling a bit embarrassed by that point.

But it soon got so much worse. While this is going on, the girl’s father turns to me and asks me how many years I’ve got left until I’m a doctor. My response was, “Well umm, I’m actually studying to become a dentist.” He gave me the most awkward look I have ever received in my life, clearly wondering why I was even there to begin with. Really made me feel I was at the wrong end of things…

10. Blown Away

Pexels

When I was giving birth to my second child, I was determined to not have a bowel movement. I even took an enema to help prevent this from happening. It did clean me out as intended, however, it also caused the worst gas that I had ever had in my life. I had an epidural, so I couldn’t really feel anything. By the time I was ready to push, I figured the gas had already passed.

I let the doctor know I was ready and he went right down there “in the danger zone.” He timed my contractions and let me know when it was time for a good push. I pushed with all my baby delivering might and inadvertently ripped the biggest, longest fart I have ever heard. Right in his face. I saw his hair literally blowback. The fact that he was young and attractive didn’t exactly make me feel any better about it…

11. A Quick Wind

Pexels

One time, I was at the doctor’s office having a lump on my private area checked. I described said lump to the doctor and he went about trying to locate it himself. I was lying down at this stage, staring at the ceiling while he felt around trying to find it. After about a minute of him fumbling, he admitted defeat and asked me to find it for him.

So I sat up and started to jumble myself around in my hands. I was hunched over and he wasn’t more than a foot away, staring intently at me when suddenly a gust of wind blew the door wide open. Just then, a nurse walked past the door and caught a complete view of the situation. That was some awkward eye contact between us…

12. The Finish

Pexels

When I was a pretty young kid, around 12 or 13 years old I think, I had some weird stomach issues going on. They found some odd results with an X-Ray and told me that they wanted to do this pretty intense procedure on me to check my body out. So, I go into this room, and they tell me that they’re going to put a hose in my butt and fill my intestines with a milky liquid.

I looked terrified, and my doctor asked me what was wrong. To try and seem more mature, I told him that it sounded painful but that I was also very ticklish. I thought this was a great excuse to get around admitting that I was just shy about my body. He told me not to worry about it, as the procedure wasn’t as bad as it sounded. So a female doctor starts to shove this thing in 13-year-old me’s butt and I start awkwardly fake giggling. And then laughing. And then crying.

13. Congratulations Are Due

Pexels

One time, I was getting a checkup at the doctor’s office. I went to the bathroom and peed in the cup, put it on the little counter thing they had, went back into the room, and waited for a very long time until the doctor finally showed up like thirty minutes later. She told me “You have protein in your urine.” I immediately blurted out, “Probably because I slept with someone last night!”

Unsure of why I had said that and visibly confused, she awkwardly replied, “I’ll mark that down in your chart. Congratulations!” She was trying hard not to laugh. I felt like a complete idiot. But, at the moment, I had legitimately assumed that this fact might somehow make a difference in the results of my urine tests.

14. Surprise!

Pexels

I made the mistake of moving over the holidays last year. I was emptying out my bedside dresser of clothes and whatnot. My top drawer had two large open boxes of rubbers inside. I stuffed ribbons of protection into my pockets and left. Lo and behold, I’m involved in a major car accident on my way to the new house.

One short ambulance ride later, I’m in a private Emergency Room with just a nurse, my girlfriend, and myself. My girlfriend had to remove my pants. But first, she had to remove everything from the pockets. So there she is, glaring at me as she pulls more than thirty ribbons of rubbers out of my pocket in front of the nurse. I swear, it looked like a magic trick. They just wouldn’t stop coming out…

15. Traveling Slowly

Pexels

I have a very bad sense of direction. At the hospital one time, I went to the bathroom to give a urine sample and quickly realized that I couldn’t remember how to get back to my doctor’s room. I don’t know how many waiting rooms and crowded corridors I awkwardly wandered through, all the while holding a cardboard cup of my own pee.

16. Mild Showers

Pexels

With our second child on the way, my wife wakes up one morning with contractions. This happens to be the same day that she had a scheduled appointment with the doctor to check on her progress. So, we just kept that appointment. We meet the female doctor in the clinic, across the parking lot from the hospital.

I’m in the exam room and the doctor is checking my wife, who’s up in stirrups. “Oh, yeah, you’re pretty dilated and effaced. Today is definitely the day.” I’m sitting nearby, politely averting my gaze, when the doctor says, “Your bag of water is bulging, too. I bet I could, uh oh!” Right away, my wife starts laughing nervously.

I look up to see the doctor, two fingers deep in my extremely pregnant wife, trying desperately to prevent the now-broken water from flooding the exam room. She stretches out to reach a bottom drawer and some amniotic fluid kind of sprays out in odd directions. The doctor has me get some absorbent pads out of the drawer and lay them down as quickly as I can before she removes her fingers and jumps out of the way.

17. Take On The Role

Pexels

I had a pilonidal cyst that I needed to go get lanced and drained since I wasn’t able to sit or wear pants due to how sensitive it was. I got to the doctor and he was amazed at how large the cyst had gotten. He wanted to bring in the nurses, students, and some other interested parties to show them a “prime example of this kind of cyst.”

Flash forward two minutes and I’ve assumed the position over an examination table with my pants at my ankles and about seven to ten people gasping and speaking in hushed voices about an egg-sized cyst right above my butt. I just found the whole situation amusing, luckily. Otherwise, it probably would have been mortifying.

18. Take It Physical

Unsplash

So I needed a physical. Needless to say, this is definitely one of the most awkward moments of any incoming freshman’s first high school experiences. I walk into the office and do all the routine work. I pee in a cup, weigh myself, provide my height, etc. Then, the doctor comes in to check for a hernia. Nothing out of the ordinary so far.

So I pull down my pants and the doctor checks my private area. He then looks up at me and says, “You know, you have extremely large privates. I don’t think I have seen any this big in a very long time.” He continued to make casual chit-chat about my size for the remainder of the checkup. Nothing in my life ever feels awkward now, because that moment always takes the cake.

19. Isn’t That a Head Kick?

Pexels

The most awkward and embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me at a doctor’s office took place during my annual checkup one year. Like at most checkups, my doctor tapped my knee to check my reflexes. When she did so, I accidentally kicked her directly in the face. I felt so bad for her, but I also struggled to hold back laughter…

20. Lost But Never Forgotten

Pexels

I once went to the gynecologist’s office to get this stinky smell checked out. As they were checking me, they discovered the source of the smell—and it was worse than I had ever imagined. They found a feminine hygiene product still up there in my body from the previous month. I had allowed a medical student to observe. This experience was pretty mortifying, even though I’m not usually a shy person.

21. The Game of Blame

Pexels

This wasn’t embarrassing for me, but it was very embarrassing for my dad. When I was a little kid, about six or seven years old, my body used to bruise really easily. So, one day, my dad took me to the doctor and I had to take my shirt off. My chest and arms were covered with bruises from top to bottom because I had been play-fighting with my brother the day before. Nevertheless, the doctor shot my dad the nastiest look I’ve ever seen.

22. Wrong Time, Right Place

Pexels

My poor, poor OB/GYN. He’s a younger, very awesome male doctor and, as a result of this, is very calm and soothing to his patients, making sure to over-explain anytime he comes in contact with a patient. It’s very adorable actually. I had totally forgotten that I had an annual exam with him and had some pretty rough bedroom activity a day or two before.

I get into the room and the nurse instructs me to undress and put on the paper gown as usual. As I was undressing, I looked down and remembered that my breasts were black and blue and that part of the exam is the breast exam. The look of horror on the doctor’s face when he pulled my gown away still remains unparalleled.

He asked me in a concerned voice if it was going to hurt me to do the exam and I had to fight back the laugh when responding. He then did a very fast and light breast exam before getting really fascinated with one of the bite marks he spotted. He started to comment on it and then quickly replaced my top and moved on with the exam.

23. Change of Position

Unsplash

While I was in labor with my first child, they noticed that her heartbeat had started dropping. The doctors began telling me that I had to try lying in different positions on the bed because the cord might be around her neck and we urgently needed to alleviate the pressure. They put me on my left side, then my right side.

Nothing was helping, so they had me get on my hands and knees on the table. Me, in my highly medicated and not fully alert state, declared proudly that this was the same position that my child was conceived in. The whole room collectively paused for a moment, in the midst of this emergency, to try and process what they had just heard…

24. Short Snip

Pexels

This happened to my dad. In fact, he told this story again yesterday. He was going in for a vasectomy after I was conceived. I guess I just made the cut! They shot him up with the numbing medication, but the doctor didn’t wait long enough for it to take full effect. He did the first pinch and snip and the pain was so bad that my dad puked directly on the nurse in the room.

25. All Things Considered

Pexels

This happened at the pharmacy at my doctor’s office. I had just had a wisdom tooth removed, and a stubborn one at that. I had it removed in the morning and I was feeling good, not sick or anything for most of the day. But by the time the next day rolled around, I was the sickest I had ever been. Everything I did made me vomit, even just moving more than a few feet around.

The dentist didn’t think to prescribe me any antibiotics or anything, so I had to call him up to let him know how sick I was. He told me that he would call in the order and that I could pick the medication up at the pharmacy in the hospital down the street. The only problem was that they were closing in just ten minutes.

I rushed to get there and somehow made it with two minutes to spare. I celebrated—but I had no idea what was coming. As they were getting my prescription ready, that sick feeling happened. I ended up vomiting three times on their counter, right before they closed. The women were shocked and I kept apologizing, but I couldn’t stop. I left with my prescription feeling ashamed and embarrassed, and also terrible that they would have to clean it up before they could go home.

26. Mama’s Aware

Pexels

So, I’m at the doctor getting my private area checked by my doctor, who is in her late 40s. She starts making small talk and eventually asks me where I go to school. I say the name of my high school, and she says, “Oh, my son goes there!” Suddenly, I realize that my doctor has the same last name as one of my best friends from school.

I then remember that my friend’s mom is a doctor. That’s when it hits me that my friend’s mom is touching my privates. While extremely awkward at the moment, it was pretty funny for me at school the next day. I couldn’t wait to tell my friend: “So I met your mom yesterday. She said I have a very healthy you-know-what.”

27. Uncertain Charts

Pexels

One time, I was at the OB/GYN for my yearly visit. The nurse came in to do the pre-exam questions. As she’s looking through my chart, she says “I see here that you are pregnant” and my face just instantly drops. She goes, “You didn’t know?” and I say “Umm, no!” She then asks me for my name again and says, “Oh, whoops! I grabbed the chart for the wrong Erin!”

28. Sing-Along!

Unsplash

While living on my college campus, I had a kidney infection and I went to the Emergency Room at about five in the morning. They gave me some intoxicating painkillers to calm me down and, for some reason, I started singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” at a pretty high level, surrounded by my peers. The nurses had to ask me to quiet down about five times until the substances wore off…

29. Pop Spillage

Pexels

A few weeks after my vasectomy, I had to bring in a sample to make sure that I was all clear. Well, I guess I didn’t have the lid of the container screwed on right and, when I put it down on the receptionist’s desk, it leaked out everywhere and made a giant, disgusting mess. I still have flashbacks of her terrified facial expression.

30. A Loss for You

Pexels

One time, I was three minutes late for a doctor’s appointment. My mom works for an orthodontist, and I know the importance of being on time for appointments. But I had pulled over to vomit twice on my way to the doctor’s, thanks to the ailment that I was there to have treated, and that whole ordeal kind of slowed me down a bit.

When I arrived, I went to check-in and I knew that I would have to wait longer. I couldn’t just expect them to drop everything to immediately see me. The rude receptionist sees me walking in and loudly says, “You’re late. The doctor will not be seeing you today.” She says this in front of about 10 other patients in the waiting room.

Everyone was staring at me at this point and I blinked back tears as I walked up to the counter and tried to explain myself. I offered to sit and wait for as long as necessary, but she refused. So, I got in the car, drove myself to a walk-in clinic, and have never returned to that doctor’s office again. Too bad, too. The doctor was really sweet, but the old loser at the front desk ensured that I’d never return.

31. Perfect Timing

Pexels

I went to the doctor one time when I was about eight months pregnant. At that point in my pregnancy, I was extremely gassy all the time. If I tried to hold it in, it would get painful after a while. While I was sitting in the doctor’s office, I felt like I had to pass gas. I held it in for a while, thinking that the doctor would be in at any moment.

15 minutes passed and nothing. So I decided to just let it go. It was the tiniest little one ever, and it hardly even made a sound—I had no idea I’d just made a terrible mistake. It stunk up the room as if something had just crawled up my butt and died. Lo and behold, something like 30 seconds later, the doctor finally walked in. His first words to me were his asking to know what that smell was…

32. For A Public

Unsplash

A while back, when I was in high school, I had to get surgery on my scrotum. I had this condition with some frilly scientific name that basically means a clump of veins in my private area was restricting the flow of my mighty swimmers. Well, I of course had to go to a pre-checkup with the doctor. I also didn’t have a driver’s license, so my dad drove me there.

I met the doctor and he got straight down to business. He pulled out a large ring with wooden balls of different sizes and said that my private region would have to be measured for the disparity to see how serious this situation was. He then looks over to my dad and says, “If you want to step out for this part, you can do so at this time.”

My dad replied, “Hahaha, no thanks. I think I’m good right here.” Yup, my dad decided to make my surgery just that much more exciting by sticking around to watch it. So, a minute later, there I stood, Curious George out in the open, while my doctor is face level with the beast putting a wooden object next to my body and comparing. The entire time my dad watches and laughs. And I shudder.

33. A Beautiful Site

Pexels

I was in pre-op for ankle reconstruction. I had some time, and my girlfriend was by my bedside. We struck up a conversation with a nurse and my girlfriend was showing off some recent vacation pictures on her phone. While showing her, she accidentally swiped one time too many and there it was in all its glory—a picture of my face between her legs.

The nurse quickly got up and walked away without a word. My girlfriend was frozen with horror. I just couldn’t stop laughing.

34. Case Closed

Pexels

A few years ago, I had a cancer scare. The doctor was pretty sure it was nothing to worry about, but I had to get an ultrasound of my private area at the hospital just to be certain. I’m laying there with my whole body exposed while a nurse uses an ultrasound wand to check things out. Somehow, the setting just seemed too perfect for some kind of embarrassing outcome not to take place.

Twice during the procedure, another nurse opened the door to ask random questions of the tech who was performing the ultrasound on me. But that’s not even the bad part…Both times, she left the door wide open, providing a full view of my naked body to passersby in the hallway. She wasn’t inquiring about my procedure, she was merely asking stupid questions about their work schedule.

Needless to say, I was both embarrassed and shocked by this. When I heard the door open for the third time, I told the nurse that if it opened one more time while my procedure was taking place then I would be reporting them both to the hospital administrators. Of course, the nurse did not return again from that point on.

35. Caller ID

Pexels

A friend of mine mistakenly called her gynecologist’s number instead of her dentist’s when she wanted to make an appointment. She started the call by nonchalantly admitting that she was long overdue for a cleaning. The confusion she heard on the other end of the phone was matched only by her embarrassment when she realized the mistake she had just made…

36. The Private Fan

Unsplash

When I was in my late teens, I once went to a doctor to have a checkup. I had never been to this doctor before, but I was sure that she was going to be great because her name was Dr. Friend! She was an older woman and plenty nice, but halfway through the visit she began violently farting. I had no idea what to do or how to react.

It was funny, gross, and loud as heck. She walked out of the room several times, and the only moments the flatulence would cease as she walked were the split seconds between her steps. Even as she returned to the room, her trumpet was still unabashedly sounding. It was the most awkward thing ever. I never went back to that doctor.

37. Soft Flex

Pexels

One time at a doctor’s office, the nurse took the needle out of my arm after drawing blood. While she was doing so, I accidentally flexed. This caused my arm to shoot a stream of blood more than five feet across the room, landing all over some posters. I think it’s safe to say that this was my most embarrassing doctor’s office moment of all time.

38. An Icebreaker

Pexels

While the doctor was shaving my private area just before performing a vasectomy, we suddenly realized that we had grown up together and now lived in the same neighborhood. It was awkward, but I couldn’t resist jokingly asking: “So, did you dream about shaving my privates for money while we were growing up?”

He didn’t seem to find it as funny as I did…

39. Don’t Chase Waterfalls

Unsplash

One time, my dad was getting his prostate checked out by this pretty good-looking female urologist. She had to insert a catheter since my dad was having trouble peeing. Anyway, she removes the catheter once they’re done and my dad starts unintentionally peeing all over the doctor’s leg. She took it like a champ and told him, “If I don’t get peed on at least once a day, my husband will suspect I’m ditching work to have an affair!”

40. Clearly Audible

Unsplash

I wear small over-the-ear hearing aids in both ears. One time, I had to go in for new fittings in a city well over three hours away from where I live. This was because the left one would consistently hurt when I placed it in. I travel to the city and get the new fittings. No problems there, and I go on about my merry way.

Three months later, I’m going to my primary care doctor for a physical before beginning a new scuba diving class, and the guy asks if I’ve ever had tubes in my ears. I told him that I used to, but I didn’t anymore. He was determined to figure out what this little rubber thing was that he had spotted inside my ear. Cue grabbing mosquito forceps, fishing for five minutes, and pulling out one of the fittings!

I never knew I had a second one in there. Apparently, that was what had been causing the discomfort all along. Imagine my embarrassment sitting in front of my doctor having to admit that I never realized I had a piece of plastic inside my ear for at least a few months. I began using my hearing aids normally from that point on, and I noticed a whole new level of clarity after he got that piece out.

41. Champion in Wrestling

Pexels

When I was about 12 years old or so, my doctor knew that I really didn’t like needles. So, he put a shot that I needed in his pocket with his pens so that I wouldn’t notice it and get my guard up. In the middle of a sentence, he pulls it out and comes at me. Terrified, I punched him directly in the face and broke his glasses.

It wasn’t intentional, per se. The dude was coming at me with a sharp object. I didn’t even have time to process what was going on. It was all instinct and reflex. He ended up grabbing me by the shoulders, pinning me down, and doing the injection. I can only imagine what he must have been thinking. For years afterward, I couldn’t bear to face him.

42. Not This Month

Pexels

Getting my very first pelvic exam was the most awkward experience I have ever had in a doctor’s office. The doctor was new and she was extremely nervous. As a result, she dropped the first speculum while trying to get it out of the package. Her hands shaking and everything. Umm, okay? That didn’t exactly calm me down…but it was going to get even worse.

A few minutes later, I’m on the table, speculum inside me, doctor and nurse hanging out around my lady bits. I’m trying to pretend that I’m not here when the doctor suddenly goes: “Are you on your time of the month right now?” I replied: “No. Why?” She went: “Oooohh…” Apparently, in her nervousness, she had been way too rough and made me bleed. Thanks, Doc!

43. Lunch Hour

Pexels

I once had a pizza delivery guy walk in on me while I was getting a pelvic exam at the OB/GYN. My feet were up in the stirrups and my doctor’s hand was in my you-know-where. Yeah, the whole bit. Apparently, the nurses had ordered a pizza and directed the guy to bring it to the break room, but he accidentally opened the wrong door.

You’d think that if you know you’re at an OB/GYN’s office, you would have the common sense to at least knock before entering any closed rooms, right? Yeah, no. It happened so fast though that he couldn’t have really seen anything. I’m also pretty sure that he was more embarrassed than I was. Still, I must admit, this whole thing sounds an awful lot like the plot of a cheesy adult film.

44. The Major Issue

Unsplash

When I was brought back from being under anesthesia after getting my wisdom teeth out, before my transportation back home arrived, I recovered enough to unplug my IV and various sensor thingies and wander into the waiting area to ask strangers to sleep with me. The nurse promptly gathered me back into my room and I recall complaining that someone might have said yes and I deserved the right to know.

45. The Traditional Method

Pexels

I was at the doctor’s office for a physical exam before my freshman year of college. The doctor was this assertive and intimidating female, and it came time for the hernia check. Now, for my whole life, this procedure has always involved the doctor cupping my private area and asking me to cough. However, I guess they only need to feel just above the private area these days as opposed to the area itself.

I was not aware of this fact at the time—and it led to the most mortifying experience of my life. So, I’m sitting on the exam table, and the doctor asks me to unbutton my pants for the hernia exam. I was completely ignorant to the fact that they didn’t need to actually come down. She then turned away to go get a glove. At this point, I pulled my pants down to my knees. She walks over with a perfect poker face and calmly places her hand on my lower stomach and asks me to cough.

She checked both sides twice. The entire time, my privates were needlessly exposed. She never said a word about it or even acknowledged that fact. I guess I got lucky to have that particular doctor on that particular day. If someone a little more emotive had been the one checking me, I might never have lived down the embarrassment.

46. Unblemished Conception

Pexels

Thankfully, this was only slightly insulting, not too horrifying. When I was about 18 years old, I went into the doctor’s office because I was experiencing some extreme nausea, among other things. He kept asking me if it was possible that I could be pregnant, over and over again. “So, uh, could you possibly be pregnant? Maybe we should run a pregnancy test.”

“Pretty positive I’m not,” I responded. He then asked, “When was the last time you had intercourse?” I replied, “Uh… never?” He started laughing and shouted out, “NEVER?!” At this point, he suddenly whipped his head around to face me from behind his clipboard. “Oh, haha, wow, I had no idea. That simplifies things a lot!”

Was that really necessary??

47. Get Out Of There

Pexels

When I was seven years old, my doctor told me to drop my pants. It was for the good ‘ole hernia check, but at the time I had no idea what that was. Not knowing any better, I ran out of the exam room and screamed to my mom that the doctor was crazy and wanted to see my private area. I specifically remember screaming, “Mom, get your coat! This guy is crazy!”

48. Turn Around And Crawl

Pexels

First physical of my life. I drop my pants and the doctor says turn your head and cough. For some odd reason that I cannot quite understand, I thought he said turn your head and crawl. I cannot explain the levels of confusion and awkwardness that followed when I started to nonchalantly crawl around on the floor of his office…

49. An Itchy Scrub

Pexels

So I was like 11 or 12 years old when this happened. I had a hundred acres of woods behind my house, and I loved to play in them. Unfortunately, I am also very allergic to poison ivy. Well, I go out and roam the forest gayly for a few hours. Nothing weird. I eventually come home and go to bed. I then wake up in the middle of the night with an itchy leg.

Now, when I say itchy, I really mean itchy! After a bunch of scratching, I finally pull the blankets down. I immediately do a double-take and go, “What the heck???” My leg is looking like what I imagine the final stages of leprosy to be like! There are huge raised patches of red disgusting bleeding, pus-filled atrocities. Needless to say, I started screaming in horror.

That escalated quickly. Well, time to go to the Emergency Room decides my mom. After a wait, I’m shown to a room connected to the waiting room. After a quick look, a nurse comes back with a needle the size of a baby’s arm. Good news, it’s for my behind. Now, I did not want that needle in my behind. I didn’t care what angle, which cheek, or for how long.

All I knew was I did not want that needle in my behind. But screw it, I’m a brave man! So, I dropped my pants and prepared for the inevitable. Well, as soon as she bent down to shove the needle in, I panicked and completely lost all the courage I had just built up. I immediately started running for the door and ran straight into the populated ER waiting room.

Two nurses, one with a needle in her hand, and my mom were chasing me like a football player in front of this whole crowd. All the while, my lonely pants were lying back on the floor of the examination room. My bare behind was flailing about for everyone to see. I managed to outlast my pursuers for a few minutes, but was eventually pinned down and pricked, screaming and crying for all the world to see.

On the bright side, my itch went away!

50. The Morning Departure

Pexels

I once had to go to the doctor for a routine smear test as a student. I hadn’t slept the night before, as I’d been partying hard. I was still not quite with it by the time my appointment came around in the morning. The male doctor hadn’t performed a smear before, and for some reason, a nurse was called in to witness the procedure.

Predictably, the doctor had trouble finding my cervix and the nurse told me to roll my hips up. The doctor was visibly getting more and more nervous—and then I managed to make it so, so much worse. To break the ice, I started singing the old Rawhide theme song. “Rolling rolling rolling, keep those doggies moving, Rawhide!” I know this sounds like a ridiculous thing to do, but for some reason, it made sense in my head at the time.

Then, I started to laugh uncontrollably at my own joke. This caused the doctor’s speculum to come aggressively flying out of my hoo-ha and shooting straight towards him. It hit him right in the face and knocked his glasses off. I was totally shocked and embarrassed and did not have any idea how I should react. The lab results ended up coming back inconclusive.