Women hating on their gamer boyfriends has become such a cliché in pop culture that it’s hard to remember when it was funny. We see it all the time. Girls rolling their eyes and crossing their arms, nagging their partners that “you’re always on that thing.” It’s a stereotype that suggests men are addled, obsessive, and prone to inventing jargon to exclude and confuse women. That’s an outdated, gross caricature, and one that never rang true, anyway. Women don’t “hate gaming.” They’ve helped to create and popularize video games, and today, they represent nearly half of all gamers.
Before you get to assuming that women hate on men for playing video games, consider the facts: women play video games, too.
Women are Huge in Gaming
Muhammad Faiz Zulkeflee on Unsplash
Video games have never been a boys’ club, and the numbers reflect that fact. A 2008 Pew study found that 39% of male and 22% of female teens considered themselves daily gamers, a significant number in both cases. Men were more likely to play console games, but women played on other platforms at the same rates. And even that divide has lessened over the years.
By 2012, Nintendo announced that half its customers were women. Pew reported a number that was surprising to many: 42% of American women owned video game consoles, compared to 37% of men. Female gamers also increased with age, noting that 61% of women 45–64 play games, compared to 57% of men of the same age.
Female-Driven Genres
The industry has shifted, and so-called “girly genres” are more popular than ever. Cozy gaming, the low-stress, comforting emotional experience of playing certain games, has become a big business, and it’s one that attracts women in droves.
Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, The Sims, Disney Dreamlight Valley, dozens of farming, crafting, and life simulation games, they all have massive female player bases. These games tend to focus less on competition and “hardcore” gameplay, and more on creativity, connection, customization, progression, and comfort.
This isn’t “casual gaming” as a derisive term. Cozy gamers will pour hundreds of hours into a game, tending to their farms or perfecting their towns, managing complex social relationships, or completing hours of collections. Developers are noticing women’s interests and playing to them with more inclusive storytelling, more expansive character customization, and new genres that speak to new audiences.
Women Don’t Hate Gaming. They Hate Bad Behavior
When women use the word “hate” in relation to gaming, it’s not the games they are referring to. It’s the behavior, which boils down to: men who focus so hard on the screen they ignore their partner for hours on end. Men who won’t do any chores because they are in the middle of a match. Men who become short-tempered, irritable, or “tune out” when they are gaming.
Relationships fail when one person turns to escapism before turning to their partner again and again. When gaming takes priority over a relationship, resentment is the only possible outcome… no matter who is involved.
If gaming is a big part of who you are, the answer isn’t to give it up or keep it a secret. The answer is to date someone who gets it, who loves it, who will play all night with you. Good news: there are millions of female gamers out there. And they are not keeping it a secret. You can find them at conventions, in gaming forums, on Discord servers, or within the game themselves.
