Powers To Have Or Have Not
Superpower: they're a beloved icebreaker at parties and job interviews. From classics like super speed and strength to more obscure (and tongue-and-cheek) powers like infinite belly-button regeneration, there's a power out there for everyone. However, some powers are more desirable than others.
1. Teleportation
We're not being selfish, we don't want to be able to hop between dimensions, we just want to skip our morning commute. Or, how about that awful moment when you get home from the store only to realize you forgot something key? With teleportation on your side, an atlas is as handy as a guidebook.
2. Telekinesis
Also known as psychkinesis, telekinesis is the perfect power for couch potatoes. Want to do the dishes without hitting pause? Simply move them with your mind. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.
Jacket by Alex Gotfryd Photo by Alex Gotfryd on Wikimedia
3. Flying
It's a bird...it's a plane...it's you! Sure, humans can fly in airplanes, hang gliders, and helicopters, but being able to fly unassisted would be the closest to freedom humans can get. Plus, you wouldn't have to wait for the bus. We'd just hope you aren't afraid of heights.
4. Time Travel
Assuming that tourist time travel wouldn't pose serious consequences for the space-time, we'd love to take a stroll through history. Whether we're watching our favorite historical figures in action, solving age-old mysteries, or just saying hello to our childhood dog, time travel has infinite possibilities.
5. Regeneration
The worst part of an injury isn't the pain itself but the recovery time. Regeneration powers turn that time into miliseconds, even for broken spines. Your regenerative DNA could even be studied to develop a cure for cancer!
6. Telepathy
People always talk about the eavesdropping aspect of telepathy, but never the simple ability to mindspeak. You could carry on a clandestine conversation or subtly sway someone to take your side. Sometimes we really want something specific for supper.
The U.S. Printing Co., Russell-Morgan Print, Cincinnati & New York. on Wikimedia
7. Shapeshifting
You've probably been unhappy in your body if some point, what if you could change that? This power would be great for spies, obviously, but it would also have enormous benefits for normal people wanting to try out different self-expressions, even it's as simple as changing your hair without box dye.
8. Super-Intelligence
Maybe this isn't a superpower per se, since MENSA members walk among us every day. However, enhanced intelligence isn't just being able to sweep the floor at pub trivia. You'd be able to understand and process even the most complex of concepts in a matter of minutes.
9. Omnilingualism
While popular, the ability to speak any language is somewhat undervalued as a power. Sure, it's less exciting now that you have Google translate in your pocket, but translators can be flawed. With omnilingualism, not only would you be able to understand regional dialects, but you'd be able connect with people from every culture!
10. Invisibility
Invisibility is one of the most basic powers and one of the most useful. Assuming you're using your powers for noble reasons rather than spying on changing rooms or robbing banks, invisibility is a great power for introverts. We've certainly been so embarrassed we've wanted to sink into the floor.
Now that we've discussed some of the most useful powers, let's get into some potentially controversial opinions: powers we'd hate to have.
1. Super Strength
It seems like every superhero and their mom has super strength nowadays. Ever heard of not knowing your strength? Delicate objects, small animals, even your loved ones all run the risk of getting crushed if you couldn't reign in your enthusiasm.
2. X-Ray Vision
Let's just say that there's a reason why X-ray techs have to wear all that protective gear. You might be immune to radiation, but the people around you certainly wouldn't! And, even if you were using X-ray vision to snoop on your crush, you would see their skeleton rather than their underwear.
3. Precognition
Bad things happen to seers going all the way back to Ancient Greece. Being able to see the future would be great for avoiding traffic or know when you're getting a promotion, but it could spiral once it got out of hand. You'd be able to foresee disasters around the world, predict unbelievable suffering, and know that nothing you could do would change that.
4. Immortality
Immortality is the saddest superpower of them all. You'd be impenetrable to harm, yes, but also doomed to outlive every person you meet all the way up to the heat death of the universe. How could you live so long watching the world change without going mad?
5. Pyrokinesis
If you play with fire, you get burned, and this is exactly what happens with fire powers. Assuming your powers would be more in-line with the Human Torch than Carol Campbell, you're still not out of the woods. Fire has a mind of its own, and you could cause immense harm to people and the planet the second that fire gets out of your control.
6. Flexibility
We'd love to be able to drop into a perfect split as a party trick, but flexibility beyond normal human limits seems a little off-putting. Being able to warp your body into different shape sounds cool, but imagining it in real life is shiver-inducing. You'd also rip your clothes whenever you stretched across the room, unless, of course you had a super-tailor.
7. Communicating With Squirrels
We don't mean to be rude, but what can humanity gain from the ability to talk to squirrels? You could mobilize them into your own squirrel army...to do what exactly? However, we have to give Squirrel Girl her flowers, she isn't called Unbeatable for nothing, taking down Doctor Doom in between college classes.
8. Cloning
A clone is but shadow of its former self; that delicious ice cream you duplicated will only taste half as good the second time around. As for cloning yourself to be multiple places at once, what happens when those clones gain sentience? We'll tell you what happens then: the clones unionize.
marc belver colomer on Unsplash
9. Shrinking
It's fun to watch Ant-Man shrink down mid-heist, but, realistically, what else is shrinking good for? You could get through tight spaces or hitch a a ride on a crowded flight with no cost. You could also get stepped on or sucked into the vacuum cleaner if you didn't shift back in time.
10. Power Absorption
This is what Rogue has, and if the X-Men movies have taught us anything it's that we definitely do not want these powers. Rogue can absorb someone's psyche and abilities through skin-to-skin contact, which sounds sick, if you can control it. The result is a Russian roulette approach to human touch: anyone you shake hands with could drop dead.
