There is nothing worse than a bad neighbor. Picture this…you spend months searching for the perfect place to live and maybe raise a family, spend almost all of your money in doing so, only to realized that you’re stuck living next to people that you despise. Dealing with these neighbors is never fun, but it’s always necessary.

“Love thy neighbor” is sometimes impossible when your neighbor is driving you insane. You may have at least one person in your building or on your block that can be annoying and difficult. We guarantee that your experiences are not as bad as the people in the stories you’ll read below.

50. Caught Red-Handed

Unsplash @Franck

A few months ago, I started noticing how my internet speed was really low. Well, today I downloaded a Wi-Fi scan tool for my cellphone, and guess what? I saw three devices (all cell phones) that I didn’t recognize. I got so angry because I hadn’t been able to download/watch movies, games, etc because of lag. That’s when I decided to change the password.

Fifteen minutes after doing it, I heard some neighbors (kids) start to yell something like “What the heck happened to the internet?” “I can’t connect again…” and more things. Like, really? You thought I’d never realized that you took my Wi-Fi?

49. And Now You Need Our Help? No Way!

Freepik @wirestock

I had a neighbor that complained about noise all the time. We had never had a complaint from neighbors on that property before, or on the other side. The first few times we tried to be nice, but when she started swearing at my wife for vacuuming at 2 pm on a Saturday we realized there was nothing we could do to make them happy and just ignored them. The next winter we got hit by a major snowstorm that dumped a massive amount of wet snow, froze it into solid ice, then another storm 2 days later covered it with more heavy snow. It was an absolute crap to shovel.

A relative came over to help us dig out, and brought a backhoe. Our driveway was done in 3 minutes. The neighbor had been shoveling for 2 hours and made almost no headway, so they went to my relative to ask him to help them out. He said, “Are you the neighbor that complains about noise? I wouldn’t want to make any loud noises in your driveway. Better for you to do it by hand,” and then drove off. It was glorious.

48. Passive-Aggressive Genius

Freepik

It all started when our new neighbor put up a fence that extended too far, which forced pedestrians to walk on the street rather than the sidewalk. My dad said something to him and of course, the guy didn’t listen. My dad then contacted the city–this is when it all began. Over the next year, the neighbor got his revenge: first, he placed multiple spotlights outside his house, which went on at 8 pm and lit up our bedrooms.

Next, he placed a school bell on the back of his house and connected it to his telephone. Every time his telephone rang, it rang. Finally, there was a garage that he technically owned, but it was connected to our house, too. When he discovered we were trying to sell our house, he painted the garage neon pink, with neon green stripes. He must have known what he was doing because he now owns 16 of 20 properties that were on our old block. He may have been some passive-aggressive genius.

47. Serial Pizza Thief

Freepik @benzoix

Yesterday my boyfriend came to my house to watch movies. He dropped by the pizza place on his way here, ordered a pizza and paid for it in advance. We hear the motorcycle passing by so I go out to get the pizza—but I see the pizza delivery guy a couple of houses away…and my neighbor receiving the pizza as if it was his!

For a couple of seconds I didn’t say anything because it was probably just a coincidence. But no, it wasn’t, it was my pizza and that man tried to take it. And screw the delivery guy too. When he gave me the pizza, I don’t remember what he told me, but I replied with “Yeah, they were trying to take it.” He replied with “Oh no, he told me he would pay for it.” I was livid so I didn’t reply, but like, screw you!!!! We had already paid for the pizza, I don’t care if the neighbor was going to pay YOU for the pizza we had already paid for! So yeah, I have awful neighbors and now we won’t order from the same pizza place.

46. The Boy In The Hole

Unsplash @Lujia Zhang

I used to live in a duplex and I had a neighbor that was around the same age as me at the time (14 or 15). I never saw him leave the house but he would stare out the window and I could always feel him staring at me. This guy would constantly have tantrums so loud that I could hear it through the walls. He’d scream things like “I want something to do!” accompanied by sounds of furniture/dishes breaking. One day, I noticed that there was a hole in the drywall of the connecting basement in which you could directly see into the other side. I didn’t think much of it and my mom and I stuffed some clothes in it.

Few weeks later in one of the bedrooms, that shared a wall with the other duplex, developed a small hole in the wall that we never noticed before. Again, we thought nothing of it and stuffed some paper in it. I’d often hear sounds in the attic, scratching, sometimes thumping, I thought maybe it was a squirrel or rodent of some sort. Not too long after this, items from the house started going missing, mostly underwear, bras, some money. We found out that once we moved the attics had been connected and this boy was crawling through over to our side of the house when we weren’t home. Definitely the creepiest place I have lived for sure.

45. Caressing And… Smelling

Pexels @Castorly Stock

My across the hall apartment neighbor is married has two kids and he is so weird. Like just overall off putting. Anyways, I leave my sandals out next to my door (no shoes in the house) every night. It so happens one night I had to meet my best friend who came over in the dead of night at the front since she doesn’t know my place very well.

As I open the door I catch him caressing and smelling my sandals. I freeze and just mildly freak. He saw me staring, did a weird giggle, said something about his kids calling him and then he yanked me into this weird side hug. Now I leave my shoes in a box inside my house. Ugh.

44. Mr. Poopie Trash

Freepik @wirestock

Many people complained about that dumpster and the smell. The dumpster was the one shared between our building and two other buildings. Our living room window overlooked the dumpster. My sister who was the complex manager spent a whole day, sitting in front of the window and taking pictures of everyone who went near the dumpster.

She then noticed this man who was at the dumpster 5 times that day. Turns out this man would take his garbage in small bags out to the dumpster and some of it contained his own poop. He had a working toilet and flushed his pee – just not his poop. The dumpster was very unpleasant in the summer. Thankfully he was asked to leave the building.

43. Restraining Order Time!

Pexels @Andrea Piacquadio

I put up a doorbell cam yesterday. My neighbor has not slept and I woke up to 45 new motion alerts. One of which was her throwing herself down the stairs. I now figured out what that thumping in the hallway I’ve been hearing is. It has not stopped going off.

She also stands in front of our door and stares at our apartment for random intervals of time. Wonder how long she’s been doing that!

42. Saw It Coming

Freepik @user18526052

My wife and I purchased our first house about three years ago. While moving in, there were my new neighbors drinking on their front porch, no big deal. While bringing the last load of boxes into the house, my neighbor comes up, welcomes me to the neighborhood and mentions how nice my TV is. Fast forward one week, we are headed out to dinner. This neighbor stops me before getting in the car and asks how long we will be gone (huge red flag). I lie, tell him I’m just running to the gas station one block away and will be back immediately. Twenty minutes later I get a phone call from the local police; this moron broke into my house in broad daylight with three other neighbors watching.

He cut his hand on the window he was attempting to climb through and used his bleeding hand on every doorknob in my house. He is now a number in the U.S. penal system. After everything settled down I spoke with the neighbor who alerted the police. I thanked her, she immediately started laughing, then apologized for laughing about the situation. Then gave me the story through her eyes. She said: “I heard a really loud bang followed by glass shattering, which was odd so I stayed on my front porch for a few extra minutes. About five minutes after hearing glass shatter I see Daniel leaving your house, TV under one arm, ps4 under the other arm. All while trying to simultaneously hold his pants up and run down the street.”

41. Window Scoping At Its Finest

Pexels @Moost Photos

One neighbor had a telescope mounted on a tripod which he kept perpetually aimed at our bedroom window. The guy lived there by himself and only used a nightlight in the room with the telescope.

There was just enough light to see him moving around whenever we were in our bedroom with the window open. How creepy is that! I decided to ask what in the world he was doing! He told me that he had no idea what I was talking about and he just used the telescope to gaze at the stars. We got new curtains for our bedroom.

40. The Wife Went Full Psycho Real Fast

Unsplash (Engin A.)

My aunt, who was a single mother at the time and ran a daycare service in her house, lived next to a psychopath. After a bad ice storm one day, my aunt had a bunch of tree limbs fall into her backyard. Her neighbor’s husband came over and cleaned it up for her. Ya know, just being a good neighbor. And in turn, my aunt thanked him with a case of beer. Ya know, just being a good neighbor. Well, his wife took that as flirting, and so began a one-sided feud against my aunt.

It was a while ago, so I don’t remember everything. What I remember though was horrifying. She tried to run over my aunt’s dog once. Another time she called child protective services and told them my aunt was a prosty and working at her house during the daycare hours. Probably the worst one though was when my aunt found a bit of her house and the grass near the house burnt. She’s old high school friends with the fire inspector, so he came and confirmed a fire was started using a propellant. My aunt took her to court over these things, but I don’t remember what came of it. I’m pretty sure she at least got a restraining order.

39. It’s None Of Your Business!

Freepik

So I had a neighbor flag me down as I’m backing out of the driveway to “chat.” He proceeds to make small talk, then ask me about why my ex and I divorced, or basically outright asked. He then said, “She must have found someone else, huh?” What the heck is wrong with people? You really think I want to talk about this with you? Then he asks me why I didn’t move back home to my hometown.

I don’t know, not everyone wants to live on top of their family. And he wonders why I avoid him like the plague. Mind you, we have covered both of these topics already previously. It’s like we practically have the same conversation every time I see him. I don’t want to talk about my divorce and family issues with you.

38. A PEE-rry Christmas

Pexels @Sebastian Coman

I live next to a park trail that heads to a dog park. Yesterday, my security camera caught a neighbor stopping to let their dog pee on my Christmas decorations. The decoration in question is a stack of three Christmas presents made out of a wireframe wrapped in fabric with lights inside. The item is placed about 6′ away from the sidewalk on my lawn.

The neighbor just stood there for several seconds with their hands in their pockets watching the dog pee on my stuff. I took stills of the images. They are grainy so you can’t make out the person’s face, but you can clearly make out what they were wearing, and that the dog is a shih tzu. I printed them out, put them in plastic protectors, and hung them on the boxes with a sign that has The Grinch on it that says, “He sees you when you’re peeing.” My camera is pointed, and I wait.

37. As Close As Possible

Pexels @Mike B.

A neighbor across the street can’t park. His adjacent neighbor teaches piano from home, so parents are coming and going for a few hours in the afternoons. If anyone is parked on the curb between their houses (large enough for two cars, easy), he’ll go out of his way to back his car AS CLOSE TO THE BUMPER as possible. Even if he obstructs his own driveway. Puts a lot of work into it too. His Subaru B9 Tribeca doesn’t have a backup camera, so this pasty older man in a shirt and tie backs up, gets out, looks at the distance to the car, gets back in, backs up, gets out, checks the distance, gets back in, backs up, and on and on until he’s a hair from the other car.

I had to park near his house one while I worked on another car. He pulled this crap while I was staring at him. For minutes. Was just waiting for him to make contact. Of course, his wife parked in front of my house all the time. He denies it. Now his wife’s car is permanently parked in front of their house. I’ve half a mind to report it and get it ticketed.

36. Three Years Later…

Unsplash (Scott R.)

I had some neighbors ten years or so ago who might win the prize here. They were squatters in the abandoned building adjoining my duplex row home. They were a bit shady, but I live in a rather low-rent area in general, and since the house was abandoned for 20 years I’d had more than the average share of shady neighbors. In any event, the one guy I knew by name knocked on my door one day and said they were leaving but they were going to lock the place up nice and tight so I wouldn’t have to worry about less reputable squatters moving in. Nice, eh? About three years go by and I get a knock on my door, and it’s a group of nice Quakerly non-violence activist types looking for a squat and to be polite they thought they should ask me if I’d mind. They seemed pretty trustworthy and were working for good causes etc, so I promised I wouldn’t raise a stink if I heard them opening the place up. So early the next morning I heard them opening the back door and then banging around and moving furniture blockades and stuff inside the house.

Suddenly there were startled yelling sounds and footsteps running around and out the back door. I figured they’d seen a giant possum or something and just went back to sleep. A bit later I hear a loud knocking on my door and find a half dozen cops running around outside. Evidently, the squatters who had locked the place up three years earlier had left something behind: An overdosed body on their living-room couch… which was, after three years, no longer in very good condition. I’d say those earlier squatters certainly qualified as the worst neighbors *I* ever had! LOL!

35. The Audacity Of These People!

Unsplash @Erica Steeves

We were the only Asian family living in a Birmingham suburb in the 70’s. The neighbors were pretty bad. But the neighbors my poor father had to put up with were THE worst. They would climb into his garden and bang on the glass kitchen door; they would set the dog barking every time he went outside. Once they called the police because they said they saw maggots and thought someone had died. The police broke down two sets of doors and my poor father was asleep inside. They said they saw rats and my father had to prove that there were no rats. They ordered pizzas to his house without paying. He was an upstanding, dignified, proud man. He paid for the pizzas and sent the guy next door. They ordered taxis, gave his address, then ran off without paying, so his address got blacklisted. He didn’t drive and relied on the taxis to get to the hospital. He had to call round all the taxi firms to explain what happened. They complained about his 70ft back garden to the council. The wretched, understaffed people at Birmingham City Council ordered him to clear it without offering any help to a vulnerable, elderly man.

My 80-year-old father (and us) worked solidly in the garden, clearing it until it was all done. I believe that is why he had a stroke. They used to stand over the fence and watch us doing it. It was a woman, her 5 boys and 1 disabled girl and 1 hairdresser girl I think. I think the father was in prison. When my father died, they put letters through the door saying they wanted to buy the house. My one father was worth so many more times what they are and he is dead and they are still living there.

34. Dogs Can Really Recognize Bad People

Pexels @Lum3n

I had this couple that were renting the house next door to me. They seemed nice enough at first. For some reason, my puppy did not like the wife. Every time she was talking out in her backyard, my pup would start barking and flipping out. I also noticed that trash seemed to be finding its way into my yard as well. One day I came home from work; and there was mud tracked all through my kitchen, smeared on my sliding glass window and my yard looks like mud soup. My dog was soaking wet, he looked like he was wearing boots made of mud. It hadn’t rained and it didn’t look like my yard was still flooding. I went out to inspect my poor yard and realized the water was coming from the neighbors. I went next door and saw the husband walking out of the garage. I stopped him and asked if they had a busted pipe. He looked at me like I had 2 heads, so I told him about my yard. Then he says his wife had wanted to wash the patio but he’s not sure about how much water she used. We are in California, nobody should be using that much water to wash a patio! I was so irritated, I had to go take care of my dog and clean my kitchen.

About a week or 2 after, I was home when my dog runs out back barking. I go to bring him inside, but I stop and watch as the wife is tossing her yard garbage over the fence into my yard. I took a video of this, for a while now I had been telling people this lady was crazy and here was proof. Then I gathered it all into a bag and went next door. When the wife answered it, I dumped it on her porch. “I believe you dropped this,” then I went home.

33. The Tire Popper

Freepik @wirestock

I had a neighbor that would regularly cause my tires to go flat either by deflating them or putting nails behind them so they’d pop, and then wait for me outside in the mornings so he could “help” with the flat.

He’d creep up to my back window late at night and knock on it and bring me gifts. He was married with children and regularly brought me beer and flowers he’d picked for me. There were other creepy things he did but those were the worst. I ended up calling the sheriff on him.

32. They Reported Everyone

Freepik @jannoon028

My upstairs neighbor in an apt complex I used to live in. I didn’t know them. Never ever saw them and didn’t even know if there were more than one or if they were male or female. How can they have been the worst? Let me tell you. I came home one day to a note on my front door from management saying it was the third notice for noise complaints. I was under some sort of probation now. This was completely new to me. I went to the office and asked about the complaints and was told that I had been repeatedly warned and why was I in the office about it. I told them that the paper I had was the first I had heard about any complaints. I was told if I had gotten that one then I had obviously gotten all the others as well. Then they said to just keep it down and there wouldn’t be any more problems. I suspected the person complaining had taken the previous notes from my door for some reason. Now, I was too poor to party, never had friends over and didn’t have a TV. The only noise I ever made was playing the radio while I cleaned. Even then I was conscious of my neighbors so it was never too loud. I was barely making enough for the apt. There was no way I could come up with enough for a down payment on another if I were to get kicked out.

First, I went upstairs and knocked on their door. Fully prepared to have an adult conversation with them about what it was that was happening. The tv was on but they wouldn’t open the door to talk. I had literally nowhere else to go and it was clear this person just wanted to complain, so I decided I would be as quiet as possible. I stopped listening to music, walked softer, made sure to put my dishes away quietly and generally was quiet as I could be.
A week or so later I find another notice, it’s balled up next to the stairwell. I only picked it up because I thought it was trash. Someone had taken it off my door again. I went back to the office frustrated out of my mind. I showed them the balled up notice. Told them that I couldn’t be any quieter. Said I had tried approaching the neighbor to resolve whatever was going on and I couldn’t do anymore. The manager listened to me then said this person had started complaining about other neighbors also and she didn’t think this person even knew what neighbors were being noisy so they just started reporting everyone.

31. Planting “Protective” Seeds

Pexels @Abstact Xxcellence

I was while living off campus during college in an apartment building. At first, I couldn’t figure out why all the mailboxes were do dirty. One night I was coming home really late and I saw the neighbor at the mailbox. I figured he was just getting mail. On closer inspection there was ‘seed’ smeared all over the mailboxes. No clue why he did that, called our landlord next day. It stopped for a while, but then he started smearing it on our doors.

Eventually I got tired of it and confronted him. Apparently he had some mental health issues. He told me he was warding off the devil for us. With no clue how to respond I just began opening and closing everything with a napkin.

30. It Backfired!

Freepik

I live in a town center above a shop with two lovely neighbors. I’m lucky enough to have off-street parking. Over the past few months, someone who lives in a neighboring block of flats has taken it upon himself to park in our spaces. Basically, he moved into a rental property knowing it had no parking and recently dropped $12k on a flashy car. Yes, we’ve told him he can’t park there but as three single women (46, 60, and 83 respectively) he has used being a large male to try to intimidate my two older neighbors. He won’t directly speak to me but does leave aggressive notes on my car. But I still had no idea what he was really planning. A couple of weeks ago, I had a call from the authorities. They were requesting me to go to my local station for an interview pertaining to damage to his car. Off I trundle to the station, only to be confronted with CCTV and photographic evidence.

Turns out, he installed a camera pointing at our property without our knowledge. Sucks to be him, though, because his camera gives a full view into my bedroom and my neighbor’s bathroom—strike one for him. It did show that I walked past his car with a wheelie bin, apparently scratching his car. They showed me photos of damage to his car. There was just one thing. I pointed out that these were on the opposite side to where I passed. No evidence of damage I supposedly did. I had photos of his undamaged car—strike two for him. In his statement, he said he had it in writing from the owner that he could park there, but couldn’t produce the letter. I had an email from the owner saying he had no permission—strike three for him. I went to the station with the expectation that I would end up with a conviction. I left the station with him having a formal warning for misuse of CCTV and giving a false statement. Couldn’t have gone better for me and now he has to find somewhere else to park.

29. Listed On Airbnb

Freepik @8photo

Last night my boyfriend and I were woken up by someone trying to enter a code on our front door keypad, before repeatedly and shaking/banging on our door. Honestly, a terrifying thing to wake up to. My boyfriend yelled through the door for the guy to leave but he kept trying for some reason? So instead he opened the door to yell at the guy. He told us he rented a room here. My boyfriend just told him again to leave and slammed the door. This morning we checked our ring cam and saw the guy was on his phone at first trying to get the Airbnb address because he didn’t have his itinerary. After he was told off twice, his reaction was to scoff about it and say “okay…” in a sarcastic tone, like he didn’t just try to break into a stranger’s house?? We didn’t even know about the rental until we found the listing this morning.

Turns out it was the same neighbor who, upon first moving in, lurked outside our guest bedroom window (at night) when we had a friend staying here, got our friend’s attention, and asked him through the window what our Wi-Fi password was. Thankfully our friend was freaked out by this and didn’t give it to him. We’ve still never talked to this guy before and honestly I don’t really want to. We’re friendly with every other neighbor we’ve met so far, but is it okay to just write this guy off now?

28. She Upped Her Game

Freepik @stefamerpik

I deal with PTSD, social anxiety, and a neurological disorder, so I live alone in a fairly quiet apartment complex. I had some younger girl move in above me, and she sometimes will have her young 6-7-year-old child spend the night. She also loves to run back and forth early in the morning. While annoying, I get it, she’s a child and doesn’t do it for more than 5-10 minutes at a time.  Well, my neighbor also has this issue of talking outside on the patio just about every night past quiet hours. Her patio unfortunately is right above my bedroom, so I hear everything. The authorities were searching her place last week for some reason and even took her away. I’ve even had to call the landlord due to a fight that I thought was going to get someone beat up.

Tonight, she upped her game and brought speakers outside to watch a movie on her laptop with someone else. All I could hear was the sound, her barrel laugh, and the never-ending conversation… While I was nervous, I went outside and politely asked them to put on headphones or something as I have to get up early to work and that quiet hours are at 10. I’m super hesitant to renew my lease despite me living here for nine years. While I’m still shaking a little bit, I’m proud of myself. I work hard to live where I do, and I work hard to lessen my symptoms from what life threw me.

27. All She Cares Is Her Garden

Pexels @Karol D.

Australia had some hectic wildfires going on and was in extreme drought. My hometown has high water restrictions in place, so things like washing your car and watering your garden are a MASSIVE NO-NO. The water supply is scary low and there has been talk about the council potentially needing to pay for water trucks to fill it. Even though I live in another city and my parents have moved to the coast, they still own the house we grew up in my hometown and have been trying to sell it, so it has been sitting uninhabited for about six months. We have friends who occasionally check on it to make sure nothing has been taken and to mow the lawns. You can imagine their shock when they received a water bill for $500.

My dad went back there on Wednesday to check it out. The answer was jaw-dropping. He found out that our neighbor has removed one of the pickets from the border fence and has been feeding a hose through to her yard from our backyard tap. Her backyard is like a tropical oasis! Vibrant green lawn, flowers, etc. while everyone else’s lawn around it is brown. The bill says the amount of water used is about 200,000 liters. He’s taken photos of her lawn in contrast to ours and of the removed picket from the fence and reported her to council. My dad is essentially the lawyer/investigator of our family, he’s very good at stuff like this so she’s absolutely screwed. We just cannot believe that in such a time of crisis, as the land burns around us and farmers struggle to feed/water their livestock, all she cares about is her garden.

26. The Catnapper

Freepik

One day, my cat went missing. I had asked around if anyone had seen the little guy and one neighbor told me she’d tell me if she saw him. A few days later, I saw my little cat in her window. So she pretend to help me but was the one who kidnapped my cat. She continued to tell me it was her cat. I brought over photos and even called the cat by it’s name and it rescinded to me.

She wasn’t letting this one go though. She insisted I was crazy and that the cat was hers and she’s had it since she was a little kitten. I eventually called the police and got my cat back. Apparently, she is known for doing this in the neighborhood to other peoples pets. What is wrong with people?

25. Turns out… They Didn’t Even Exist

Freepik @cookie_studio

I lived on the first floor of an apartment. It’s low rise—and low density—so part of the allure is not having a bunch of people to bump into when you get in and out of your home. For the first year, it was bliss. Not a lot of people lived on my block and noise, other than the occasional child running on their way to the pool, was more than manageable. Then, I had a bunch of noisy neighbors who moved in upstairs. Now, these guys were next level annoying. They don’t usually make their noises in the morning, but usually past midnight. Just when I had put my baby daughter to sleep. Being a tolerant neighbor, my wife and I kept it to ourselves. But sometimes, the noise became unbearable. Tables being moved, kids running around (at 3 am, I mean who does that!?), loud, stomping feet. Completely fair at 3 pm but not at the ungodly hour of 3 am.

One day, after an exhaustive night of tables moving, kids running and feet stomping, I decided to knock on their door. I hustled upstairs around 10 am and was surprised by what I found. The house was completely empty. And it seemed as though it’s been that way for a while (you could tell by the amount of dust that accumulated on the floor, door handles, etc.). My hairs stood on end. Not wanting to believe that it was supernatural, I walked over to our building manager and asked if my neighbors had recently moved out. He had a puzzled look on his face. He asked me to reconfirm the unit, to which he replied: “No one’s moved into that unit. Not for the past year or two at least.” That was the moment I realized that I had poltergeists—nay—noisy, annoying poltergeists as neighbors. I moved out 6 months later.

24. Artistic Temperament

Pexels @Steve Johnson

I’ve been pretty lucky with neighbors at home except for one who cut down my lilac tree (she has problems but I don’t live there anymore so she’s someone else’s problem now). My upstairs neighbor at work is another matter. Let me just say that when my mother, sisters and I moved into an apartment at some point, Mom told us to walk softly. We learned how to walk softly so as not to disturb other occupants in the building. The woman upstairs from my shop probably had no such mother. She walks as loudly as humanly possible, drags furniture around 24/7 (it’s a historic building and I’d hate to see what the floors up there look like now), drops heavy objects that sound like weights in a gym, prompting my customers to ask ‘Is there a gym upstairs?’ ‘Um, no, it’s an ‘art studio.’’ She screams at the top of her lungs, swears like a sailor, lets her sink overflow down into my shop, and even spilled an entire can of brown paint which dribbled down through the floorboards onto my freshly painted wall, causing a mystery for a while about where this brown substance had come from. (She denied it…the building maintenance guy practically had to shove her nose into it. She had painted her door and spilled the whole can. Um, the paint matches your door. Then she sent her then-assistant down to apologize).

She parks in my parking spaces (I have space for two cars in one long parking space), she tells her clients to park there, blocking my car in, but I’ve learned to just park so that I take up both spaces. So now she parks in someone’s space that doesn’t even belong to our building. She also decided at some point to block my display windows with her ‘art’ (a tacky mannequin and some plants that are ‘decorated’). I moved them back in front of her door, and she moved them in front of someone else’s window. Now we all have our own outside displays so that she doesn’t appropriate the space. She LOVES to rescue dogs and talks to them like they are the only beings on earth who understand her. I’d attribute it to “artistic temperament,” but I’ve really never known an artist who has success with this kind of attitude. Usually, it’s either/or, artistic, or temperament. LOL. There are some talented artists who show in her gallery. I guess we need an alternative gallery space in town so they don’t have to be affiliated with her.

23. The Secret Spy

Pexels @Skitterphoto

We had this old lady whose house sat pretty far back at the end of a long driveway. We could see her house from our backyard but it was blocked by quit a few trees. For some reason she was constantly calling my parents and tattling on me and my brother for doing things we probably shouldn’t be doing (like jumping on the trampoline during a thunderstorm or climbing up a tree while my brother threw bouncy balls at me).

Then one day, she invited us all over for a BBQ. I went inside to use the bathroom and snuck into her bedroom because I heard she had a large collection of beanie babies. But then I noticed something that still creeps me out to this day. There was a chair facing one of the windows with some binoculars sitting on the windowsill. The window faced our house. That’s how she always caught us… because she was always watching.

22. Jerry’s Renovation Plan

Burst (Matthew Henry)

Ah, Jerry. When I moved in, he seemed eccentric, but harmless. My landlord had a conversation with him and told him to leave me alone. This upset Jerry greatly. He cornered me one day while I was unlocking my door and asked me to come to sit with him in his apartment. I don’t think the place had ever been cleaned and he had hoarder tendencies. He drank a bottle of wine in about 30 minutes, commenting on all the sad things in his life. Luckily he passed out, so I could leave. A couple of weeks later, he got into a 3 am fight with his boyfriend, which resulted in his boyfriend trying to get into my apartment for safety, and eventually breaking into an empty unit down the hall. The cops were called and Jerry was taken to jail. Jerry would flush things you’re not supposed to flush down the toilet and would back up sewage into mine and my neighbor’s bathtubs and bathroom sinks. Eventually, he clogged his toilet so badly that he just ripped it from the wall and left it there.

The cops came twice to my door to ask if I had seen Jerry lately and asked to search my apartment to make sure I wasn’t hiding him. One day while I was getting ready for work, he came into my apartment with another guy and tried to measure my walls for the “renovation” he was going to do to combine his and my apartments into one unit. But, don’t worry, I could just live with him when it was all finished. Eventually, Jerry got evicted, but would still convince people to let him into the building. For months his mugshot was posted on all entrances saying to not let him in.

21. He’s Using His Charm To Get Everything He Wants

Freepik @cookie_studio

While I was living with my parents, a young guy moved in next door. He was totally handsome and I was instantly curious about him. He became popular in the neighborhood very quickly. He’s charming and handy—likes to be helpful and very social. He started building fences and doing all of this impressive work on his house. I had a strange feeling about him though, and it prevented me from feeling motivated to talk to him. He was always in pursuit of a new ‘fan’ though so he eventually approached me. Attention from him was nice at first—he seemed fun and harmless—until I got to know him better. He has a son and he spent a lot of time ranting about the mother of his son being ‘crazy’ or ‘obsessed’ with him. I figured it was plausible—bad relationships happen all the time. I didn’t see a red flag until later… one night, we were having drinks among his friends and he started bragging about how he slept with his neighbor’s daughter on the other side of him…he began to make fun of her. He whispered to me not to tell anyone. He said she was terrible in bed and called her ‘obsessed’ as well…I was detecting a pattern. I found out later that it was true and the neighbor’s daughter really had feelings for him and was devastated.

Eventually, I began to notice other things. He befriended others in the neighborhood—people with expensive toys like dune buggies, tractors, etc. He convinced these other neighbors to let him use their stuff and eventually he convinced my parents to let him use their RV. FOR FREE. Just handed it over to him! I have no idea how he does it. He borrowed it for a weekend and didn’t even wash it…in fact, he spilled something on the comforter and poured milk and cookies down the drain. Which rotted in the gray tank. He began jokingly mentioning wanting to use my parent’s Jeep and boat as well…I became very afraid of his intentions. He has always been disrespectful. He leaves trash in our front yard and always claims it’s not his. He leaves dirty plates on the fence and lets his dog poop in our yard. And apologizes for nothing. He does nothing to make up for it or remove it. He’s handsome and charming and it’s alarming to see him get away with EVERYTHING.

20. Practice What You Preach

Freepik @jcomp

When I was 10, my neighbor – an 80-something-year-old man with a Christian radio station – shot and killed one of my dogs. When I went looking for my dog, I asked my neighbor if he had seen him. He told me that he shot a dog like that this morning. Frozen, I asked where he was so I could bury him. The old man told me that his body was in the dumpster and that he would shoot me too if I didn’t get off his land. I ran through the woods back to my house, screaming out loud in anger and punching trees until my knuckles were torn and bloody. When I got home, I called the police and the K9 unit came out to my house. He retrieved my dog’s body and I buried him.

I have never felt more rage in my life. My mom took the man to court and he was charged with animal cruelty and the judge asked how much money I thought the dog was worth. I was dumbfounded and croaked out that I didn’t want money — I wanted my dog. The neighbor was fined $500 and I made him pay it to the local humane society. The man had the ten commandments posted all around his house, so the next night I took a red sharpie and circled “Thou Shalt Not Kill” on all of his signs. My dog’s name was Hershey; he was a mutt that was born in my bedroom. He was only two years old and such a good boy.

19. The Chronic Complainer

Freepik @wayhomestudio

I moved to my new apartment around seven months ago. Having had problems with parties in my old apartment because the walls were extremely thin, I decided that I would not have them in this one. But I didn’t count on one thing. My neighbors are complete jerks. When I moved in I had a dinner with three members of my family and they complained. I thought they were being ridiculous but as a gesture of goodwill, I gave my neighbors my phone number so that if there were any problems they could text me instead of coming down. They had then been incessantly texting me, telling me to stop using my phone after 8 pm, and to stop laughing. Might I add, I do not speak very loudly nor laugh very loudly. Their excuse was that the only room in my house (studio apartment) is under their bedroom. I tried to be reasonable and speak lower, but that didn’t satisfy them and I wasn’t about to whisper in my own apartment. I got to my breaking point after four months of this and I told them to not text me anymore, as they were being ridiculous with their demands and I would from then on consider it harassment.

I had five friends over for the first time this August. All heck broke loose. The husband tried kicking down my door after coming down to complain; I had told him that he could call the authorities because I didn’t care and then closed the door. He got mad because since we didn’t have any music and we were a small number of people, he knew it would be useless. For what it’s worth, we were playing cards. Now they told me they’ve called the HOA about my being on the phone past 8. I’m so over it.

18. Keep The Music Playing

Freepik @pvproductions

My neighbor above me was trying to force me to move out so she put her speakers on her floor pointing straight down and blared them at full volume. The instant it started, I leaped up in outrage at her audacity but after a few seconds, I realized, I really, really like this song. So I give it one song and as it’s winding down I prepare my outrage once again, only to be choked off when the next song is also a perennial favorite.

I didn’t even bother getting upset before realizing that I liked the third song, too. She stopped at midnight when she was legally required to, and apparently realized she wasn’t getting much ‘bang’ for her buck as far as irritating me/effort on her part, so she didn’t try it anymore.

17. Play Until It Bleeds

Freepik @Racool_studio

My next door neighbor was on disability from a construction accident. He seemed depressed and had injured his leg so he couldn’t work. He was a nice guy though, and liked playing the guitar, and we’d sometimes hang out.

He had boundary issues, and one time he came into my apartment when I wasn’t there. He borrowed my guitar, played it so hard that his fingers started to bleed and sprayed blood all over it, then put it back. He was wasted at the time and I got the distinct impression he expected me to be impressed by his level of shredding, rather than disgusted. I decided to find a new apartment.

16. Don’t Answer The Door

Freepik @wirestock

One night, someone’s knocking on our door. My mom woke up and went to the front door and asked who it was. No one answered. So she went back to bed. About thirty minutes later, again, someone starts knocking. She gets up and peers through the side window to see if she can spot anyone out there, but nobody is there. She starts to worry so she called the cops.

At about 2am, the cops finally show up and do a quick search outside. After their search, they tell my mom that they had found rope next to the front door. The cop told her it belonged to whoever was knocking on the door. They had been tying up the people in their houses and robbing them. That morning as they were searching around the house, they found footprints leading around to the back of the house. They had also found knicks in the window seal where the person was trying to pry open the window to break in but failed. After that, we moved out of that house.

15. This Lady’s Craziness Is Unbelievable

Freepik @master1305

Ahhhhhhh! Please allow me to vent because I am in the throes of this crap at the moment. First, my neighbors have four mini dachshunds that never shut up. I cannot even open my backdoor without these little dogs going off, and they just leave their dogs outside all day. I enjoy sitting outside on a nice day and reading, but nope, I can’t concentrate over the ear-splitting constant yapping. Now, I am a dog person; I own dogs and love dogs, but this complete lack of consideration is mind-boggling. Second, they rent (and I own), but the crazy wife told me she owns a three-foot strip of my property and they’ll be moving the fence over. I don’t have a huge yard; three feet is a lot of space, and did I mention THEY RENT. I brought out my survey to say “No, you don’t own it and no, you aren’t going to be moving the fence,” and she continued to say that they had their own survey but refused to show it to me. Third, they seem to think it’s no big deal if they come into my yard. I came home from work to find they’d moved their water drainage into my backyard. They complain about my tree and asked me to cut it down. I said no. They put their garbage cans in my driveway. I’ve witnessed the wife empty her vacuum cleaner in my driveway. She has blown piles of leaves that haven’t even come from my tree into my driveway. Even after I put locks on my gate, she climbed up on a ladder, LEANED OVER THE FENCE, and leaf blew all the leaves IN MY YARD AND THAT WERE ALREADY IN PILES all over my yard. After that, I put up cameras and have future plans to press charges for trespassing the next time this crazy woman pulls another stunt.

She also accused me of calling the police about her daughter’s illegal car (I didn’t) and putting up a note complaining about her garbage (I didn’t). She has called the health department multiple times on me for my grass being too long (it wasn’t and the health department did not cite me). Listen, all I want to do when I come home after a day at work is hang out with my dogs and not talk to anyone or deal with any nonsense. I don’t know what to do about her. It’s like all these little things she does that toe the line at illegal and I feel like if I call the police they’re just going to look at it as a petty neighbor squabble instead of harassment.

14. Home Alone

Freepik @stockking

My partner, our children, and I have rented our house for about a year now and it’s in a fairly nice neighborhood with mainly older (boomer generation) people who live around us. We hardly ever see our neighbors—we have one across, and one on either side—except the one across from us, but she has always been friendly to us. I am a truck driver so I’m not home a lot. My partner stays at home with the kids and homeschools our children. We decided yesterday to go on a day trip to a nearby larger city to relax and spend time together. My neighbor across the street saw us loading into the car quite early in the morning since we had a full day planned. About two hours later, our Ring doorbell detected motion. My partner checked it out to find our neighbor knocking on the door. We asked what she needed. Her answer only made it weirder. She said that she was checking on our children. My partner and I found this odd since we aren’t close with the neighbors. We don’t even know each other’s name. Still, we explained to her that our kids were fine and that they were with us. About 10 minutes later, officers come to our Ring doorbell saying they had a report of kids left alone at home. We were able to clear it up by letting the kids talk to them via the Ring app so they knew they were with us. We explained that no one was home alone since we all went on a day trip. We continued on about our day and planned to talk to her today about it to ask why.

Fast forward to today and my partner and I walked across to ask what gives. It went from 0 to 60 in no time at all. The neighbor gets in my face and accuses us of leaving the kids home alone frequently (we don’t ever). Her evidence was that when we get groceries delivered, we have the kids bring them in from the front porch while we put them away in the kitchen. It should be noted that there is another kid around my kids’ age in the neighborhood who roams around from house to house unattended and unsupervised, but no one seems to mind him. How all of that translates to us leaving our kids home alone I do not know but I just needed to vent. We told her not to speak to us anymore so hopefully that will be that.

13. The Naked Man

Freepik @jannoon028

When I was a child I used to play soccer in my yard and sometimes the ball accidentally went into my neighbor’s yard. I would open his gate and walk around to his backyard. He was usually sitting on his back porch and said, “Sure sonny, you get your ball.”

One day when I’d go ask him if I could get my ball he walked over to the fence and he was naked. I went home and told my parents. They called the police on him and he got charged with some pretty serious stuff. It was extremely weird and nowadays I would probably just abandon the ball and not think anything of it.

12. A Pure Monster

Pexels @Pixabay

My neighbor and I share an outdoor laundry room. A couple of feral kittens were trapped on our property and we mutually agreed they could stay in the laundry room. Though they were initially pretty feral and aggressive, I tamed them to the point where they were cuddly babies. However, they never really liked my neighbor (she was really grabby and didn’t let them warm up to her, she just tried to touch them and it freaked them out).

One day, I came home and the cats were gone. Apparently, my favorite of the two had bitten her in response to her grabbiness and she had them put down.

11. A Sweet Justice Of Tree Law

Freepik @wirestock

Our dude neighbor had two access roads to his property (he didn’t live there; he just had livestock there) and insisted on using the one that cut through our property, despite the fact that it was the longer route and it was literally an unpaved road through the woods. He didn’t have an easement or anything, just assumed that since he had to drive through our property to get to that lane road, he was allowed to do so. He was a total jerk to us for no reason, never said hi, and got upset if we were too close to his property despite the fact that he literally drove through our property every day.

Revenge came when lightning struck a tree in the woods and it fell right across the access to the lane road on OUR property. He hired a service to chop the tree up and told them they could have the wood as part of the payment (it was nice walnut). My dad wasn’t having any of that. He walked down there with a copy of the sale documents, pointed out the marker that clearly separated our land from our neighbor’s land, got the neighbor to admit that the tree in question was both from our land and currently laying on our land, not his, and then my dad sent the crew packing and told them if they took so much as a branch from that tree, it was theft and he (a lawyer) would see them in court for it. It’s been over 15 years and that tree is still laying across the access to the lane road. He can still access his property via the other road, so he didn’t have a leg to stand on to force an easement. Screw you, Jim.

10. Doorbell Ditcher

Pexels @Kindel Media

We had a neighbor of ours—a retired police officer in his 50’s—doorbell ditch us for around a month. The crazy thing is we never knew it was him. Apparently he was mad at us because we had a dog that would bark and disturb. He never told us about this, so I don’t feel too bad. He also keyed the car to one of my houseguests at the time.

Finally, one day before we were moving out, he doorbell ditched us and we caught him. My wife and I looked at each other dead in the eye and without a word I sprinted out the front door and she took off out the back. We had this unspoken thing where we were like, “Let’s trap this loser!” I’m more impressed than we did this and were so tight that we didn’t need to say anything to one another. I caught up with our shirtless neighbor and he put his hands up and said, “Okay, you got me.” I said, “Dude, what the heck? Why are you doing this?” He was then proceeded to tell me about my barking dog. He apologized and said he should’ve told us about it.

9. The Insensitive Jerk

Freepik @user3802032

When I was 11, my father drove into my deaf sleeping cat. The cat, with half its skull crushed, ran into the house then over and under my neighbors’ car where he hid. I was distraught and in tears. My father went to pick my mother up from work so they could catch the cat.

My neighbor comes over to me while I’m sitting on the front steps crying my eyes out. First, he asks “Is that your cat under my car?” Then, “When are you going to clean the blood off my driveway and car?” What kind of sick, horrible person asks that of a child who has just lost his pet?

8. Sorry Not Accepted

Pexels @Anna Shvets

The neighbors don’t like the pond that my parents have in the backyard. Frogs live in and around the pond and they make noise, particularly at night. The neighbor’s house is quite close and he has crazy thin walls. But it’s not my parents’ fault if the guy didn’t insulate his walls.

One day, the neighbor had had enough of the frogs, so he poured detergent into the pond — which is not only full of fish and frogs, but also where all the neighborhood cats go to drink. He gloated about it to another neighbor. My parents confronted him about it; at first, he denied it and invited my dad to meet him in front of his house to fight it out. Then he came back all sorry, saying he had a hard job (we all do, dude) and that he loves the pond and that the frogs are lovely and that he wouldn’t do such a thing. My parents didn’t believe him and told him that next time they’ll call the cops and an environmental NGO.

7. A Total Nut Job

Freepik

Our neighbor was really nosy and for some reason he hated me. I was a 14-year-old girl and I don’t remember doing anything to this man but he would always rat me out to my parents if he saw me outside. He told them I was smoking, entertaining boys in the tree on the front lawn, selling illegals, hurting animals…he just made things up! If I was in my backyard, he would watch me through our privacy fence. Once I was out back drinking a root beer (one of those in a glass bottle), he popped up from behind the fence with this huge smirk on his face and said “CAUGHT YOU!” and tattled on me.

My dad brought him out back and showed him it was a root beer and then explained to him if he ever caught him looking through our fence he would call the police. Years later we caught him in our back yard picking up pecans. Thought he would help himself to the wagon we had back there because it “had been sitting a while and so clearly we didn’t need it.” The man was a total nut job. He ended up moving away and we never saw him around again. Screw you Jerry from next door and whatever weird problem you have!

6. Everything Was Destroyed

Pexels @Dominika Roseclay

This all started last fall when I planted 30 tulips in the large flower bed in front of my house. Since then, I’ve caught my neighbor’s dog running amok, digging up my bulbs. At that time, I let my neighbor know and it seemed to be handled and over with. Or so I thought. Once my tulips started breaking soil, it only got worse. The little girl next door actually started taking the dog with her to play in my garden. Play, meaning letting her dog eat my tulips while she rips apart the leaves. Once I saw this, I quickly ran outside and politely explained to her why I’m not okay with this. Again, she apologized and I thought it was handled and done. Boy was I wrong again. For the last month, the little girl and the dog have been having a free-for-all in my flower bed. Every time I catch her and run outside, she darts off like it’s some kind of game. I’ve tried getting in touch with the parents again but I feel as if I’m being purposely ignored. I eventually reached out to the landlord to just send a little friendly reminder out. Which they did. But now I’m at my wit’s end. Yesterday afternoon I watched the little girl next door take a stick to my last standing tulips like a baseball bat. Petals flying everywhere and they all snapped at the stems. I was beside myself. I also knew I was too upset to confront anyone at that moment. I gave myself some time to cool down and then went over to knock on the door and talk to the parents. The outcome disappointed me so much. No answer at all, even though I know they were home for sure.

At this point, I don’t know what to do or if there is anything I can do. Our landlord is aware of everything. My landlord even gifted me new flowers to plant, but they also got destroyed in yesterday’s reckoning. I know at the end of the day it’s just flowers, but I honestly had a mental breakdown this morning when I went out to try and salvage them and realized they are all done for. All 30 of my tulips that took 6-7 months to bloom. Destroyed.

5. When Boredom Strikes

Freepik @karlyukav

Our old crotchety neighbor’s wife passed years ago and he spent his years calling the cops on us for stupid little things, like “vicious dogs” running around our yard (the dog hid behind us when the police came) or calling because Comcast wasn’t working right, and it was up to the police department to fix it. It got to the point where the cops would screen his calls but not send anyone out anymore.

At one point, we had a friend come over to help with some landscaping. Our friend’s kids ran the family’s landscaping company, and the guy himself is a state trooper. All three of them came over in their big truck. Little old neighbor comes running over when he sees the truck parked in front of our lawn (which unfortunately happened to be on the other side of the street from his house) and threatens the state trooper to call the cops because he needs to move the truck, etc. Our friend comes over to us laughing after he moved the truck down the road a little bit, saying, “I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’m a trooper.” The kicker was that if our grass was left unmowed for a couple of days too long, this old neighbor would come over yelling at us because we weren’t taking care of the property and it was degrading his property value… but he still found it important to not have a landscaping truck temporarily parked on the road for a couple of hours while we took care of the property (dead-end street with no traffic).

4. She’s A Nurse So She “Knows” Better

Unsplash @Tim Bish

The old lady in the condo below us called CPS because, in her words, “I’m a retired nurse and I KNOW a baby shouldn’t cry that much.” First of all, I had newborn twins. So she wasn’t hearing one baby cry, she was hearing two babies cry. Second of all, one of my twins was colicky, so from around 5:30 pm to 8:30 pm there was basically nothing I could do to get him to stop crying. Third of all, how about knocking on the door and seeing if everything is okay or offering to help before calling CPS?

The investigation was open and shut because it was obvious our kids weren’t being neglected or abused in any way, but it added a whole new level of stress to an already crazy-stressful situation.

3. Dog Poopocalypse

Freepik @pvproductions

This dude would walk his dog over to our yard for it to take a doggie dump on the portion between our fence and the curb (on our property). I go to mow the grass one day after moving in and it’s a dog poop minefield everywhere! I think to myself, “This is odd; I don’t own a dog.” So I am leaving for work one day and finally see this joker leave his house, little yippy rat dog in tow, walk him over to my yard, and stay until the dog takes a dump. Now, I’m not the calmest and most level headed person in the world, but this day I managed to keep myself together and politely asked the gentleman what he was doing. His casual response of, “Taking my dog to the bathroom,” like my yard was his personal lavatory, instantly dispels my calm. I, with a slightly more agitated tone, ask him, “Why don’t you take your dog to the bathroom in your own yard?” His response, you ask!? “My yard is too nice to have a dog crapping in it.” Now at this point, I’m ready to pick up a fresh pile of dog crap and hurl it at this piece of trash’s face, but the thought of going to jail for assault with dog crap did not seem to be a positive thing to have on my record. I drove away and stewed furiously all day, thinking of what I would do. I get home and wait for it to be dark and do this wonderful human being a favor; I pick up his dog crap for him! I kindly returned his property to him (because I am a nice guy) by dumping it in front of his front door for him.

Fast forward to the next day… A kind police officer appears at my front saying a neighbor is complaining of vandalism to his house. I inquire further as to the dubious nature of this transgression. The officer then regales me with the story of a very angry neighbor who has a front door stoop covered in dog crap. I explain to the officer exactly what happened, and he is trying not to laugh at this point (I’m sure he was thrilled about dealing with some petty neighbors). He told me I can’t trespass on to my neighbor’s property and he would tell my neighbor the same (I already was contemplating at this point on how I would construct my crap launching trebuchet), and to please keep it civil. Luckily, the front door dogpoopocalypse was enough to deter this buttface from further incursions into my yard.

2. A Pool For All

Pexels @Dayvison De Oliveira Silva

They insisted that we pay to have a gate installed between our backyard fences so that they may use our above-ground pool as they please, preferably when they invite friends over. When we denied, they threw a hissy fit and found an excuse to “punish” us. You see, the pool was going through some (expensive) issues with leakage into the yard. They threatened to call the fine-happy HOA because the water was (barely) leaking into their yard they rarely used and their dog was getting sick drinking the water. (It wasn’t)

Not wanting to deal with that crap and also wanting to clean our own backyard of the pond that began housing frogs, my father spent his birthday day off from work in the Texas heat digging a trench and installing a pipe so that the water could drain. The neighbors came outside and harassed dad the entire time he was digging the trench, telling him it would’ve just been easier to install the gate. Would’ve been easier to install a shovel into your frontal lobe, freeloaders.

1. Try Harder!

Burst (Matthew H.)

I worked for a pool company and they allowed me to take an extended lunch one day for some personal matters. I stopped by my house really quick in my work truck that had the company’s logo and phone number on it. While I was grabbing a change of clothes and cleaning myself up, my neighbor called my boss and told him I’m snorting substance in the company’s truck and that I’d been there doing it for three hours (I was there maybe 10 minutes) just trying his hardest to get me fired.

My boss was furious and ready to can me because my neighbor has an irrational hatred for us, until my coworker took it upon himself to research the number that called to complain and found out that it was, in fact, my neighbor who had called. They called my mom who was a customer at the pool store and asked her what the deal was with my neighbor and she explained everything in detail. When I got back to the shop I was expecting to get reamed out by my boss and told not to come back, but instead, he just smiled at me and asked how my route went. That was a really stressful day for me and I live nowhere near that guy now but I still hope every time he poops there’s no toilet paper in his house.