People Share the Most Absurd Ways That They've Ever Been Dumped

People Share the Most Absurd Ways That They've Ever Been Dumped


Breaking up is hard to do. Even when two people agree that they’d be better off apart, it can be hard to find the right way to break it off gently. And sometimes a break up can be the best way to find out that the person you’ve known for years is actually a total psycho. Whether they happened too late or just in the nick of time, these break ups were nothing if not memorable. 

Manic Pixie Dream Girl


I’ve talked about this before, but she said that bees can only fly “because they think they can” and I explained that, no, there’s actually a physical reason they can fly.

A few days later she broke up with me because I make her world “less magical.”


American Psycho


During my freshman year in high school, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me because “I was too poor for him”. A year before we started dating, the company my dad had worked for for 20 years went bankrupt; every single employee lost their job. He was unemployed for two years. Actively seeking, astounding recommendations from previous employers, just no degree.

He refused to go to my house because it “made him feel claustrophobic”. My house is roughly 2,000 sq. feet, with vaulted ceilings. It’s not a mansion by any means, but it’s not puny either. He didn’t understand why I didn’t get a brand new car for my birthday like he did. I didn’t even have my license, not to mention we couldn’t afford it.

That’s when I realized just how entitled he was. His father died when he was really young, and they got a metric ton of money from it. His mom made a lot of money from her job, so they were REALLY well off. He didn’t understand why other people would “choose not to be rich”.

Apparently he told his mom about our breakup a week later or so because she called me crying and apologizing for her son’s horrible behavior. She felt horrible that he ended a year-long relationship because of my parent’s income.


Memory Loss


I had been dating a baseball player for a little over 2 years, and at one of his games, he got hit in the head with a baseball and got amnesia. Completely forgot who I was.

I tried explaining what happened, but he just couldn’t seem to understand. I was trying to be gentle and see if he would remember on his own, but when he didn’t I just told him we were together. He looked me up and down and said, “I wouldn’t date somebody like you,” and walked away. I tried contacting him, but he completely cut me off. Weirdest and hardest break-up ever.


Legally Blonde


He phoned me, met me for coffee, sat me down and said — in a very serious voice: “I’m sorry. I don’t think we can carry on seeing each other. And it’s because you’re blonde. And even though I like you a lot, but I just envisage my future with a brunette.”

Especially funny because 1) We’d only known each other 2 weeks, 2) We’d only slept together once, 3) My blonde hair is dyed and I’m actually a brunette.



Nice Guys Never Win


She dumped me because I’m too nice, too calm and rational and not ‘passionate’ enough. She would deliberately act crazy and mess with me just to get me angry just to see what my temper was like, seeing how far she could push it. I don’t know, maybe she wanted me to scream like a madman, break stuff or hit her or something, but I never did. I’d just leave and say “I’ll be back when you’ve calmed down.” She was obviously unhinged, and I’m glad I moved on.


Sweet Goodbyes


I was in love with a girl at university in the worst/best way. She was smart, beautiful, kind and graceful. When I graduated I asked her to marry me and she said yes. My mum wrote her a lovely welcome to the family letter (which I still laugh about with her now). We had the best summer on record, and I was as happy as I could possibly be.

On the final weekend of the summer (she had one more year to do at university) we spent a perfect night together before she had to leave. Tears and promises were exchanged and we waited for the sun to rise on Sunday morning and for the time of her train back to school. I took her to the train station and we did our happy goodbyes amid more promises and kisses. And then she was gone.

I drove back home and collapsed into the couch. I watched some TV for a few hours but the world held no fascination for me without my girl. In the end, after about 3 hours I said screw it and decided to drive to her university for one final Sunday night of kisses.

It took 4 hours of driving to get to her school and another 30 minutes to find her new room on campus but when I did it was unlocked so I went in and waited for her on her bed. And waited. And waited. In the end, after a couple of hours, I just decided I should probably give up and just drove back the 4 hours to my home.

I drove home again feeling a bit stupid for the wasted trip. And when I got home, there she was, on my doorstep.

Apparently, she’d decided she’d missed me as much as I’d missed her and she’d caught the train back to me for one final night together. And what a night it was. More promises, more kisses, more planning, more joy and I ended up taking her to the train station again at 7 the next morning and kissed her goodbye once more.

And then I never heard from her again. No calls, no letter. Nothing. It took me a couple of weeks to realize I’d been dumped.


On the Same Page


I was about to have major back surgery and she said she didn’t think she could spend that much time going back and forth to the hospital because “It takes two people to make a relationship work and if you’re in the hospital I’ll be the only one making it work.” I dumped her right there and haven’t really dated since.

She actually cried hysterically when I broke up with her. Something along the lines of, “So you’re saying it’s over.” And I just said, “No, that was you,” and hung up. Though I should say this was a while ago when we were in high school. It doesn’t really excuse her actions, but it’s not like she was a rational adult.


Puppy Love


I was only 14 when I got dumped for not taking my girlfriend to KFC. We met up in the city center and it seemed alright until she mentioned KFC. Being 14, I wasn’t flush with cash and didn’t bring any with me. I figured we’d just walk around or look in the shops or whatever. She went off on a giant rant about how immature and childlike I am because I didn’t bring any money to go to KFC. I was like… wtf, you’ve literally never even mentioned that you wanted to go there?

Being 14 was weird.


More Money, More Problems


He actually believed that if you had money, it was because god thought you were a good person, and only bad people were poor. The truly ironic part of this was that he couldn’t get enough work to make a living, and had to ask his wealthy father for handouts all the time. I was trying to carefully manage the breakup since we worked down the hall from each other when he decided to dump me because he didn’t like who I voted for in the election.


Too Fast


To keep a long story short: I met a girl and we went out a few times. She started messaging me all the time and sending me photos (nothing risqué, just whatever she happened to be doing that day). She told me she missed me a few nights (I was out of town for a couple of weeks after we met). Less than a week after our first date, she invited me to take a trip to her hometown with her to meet her parents. She insisted on buying me a gift for Christmas (we went on our first date less than a week before Christmas).

Then three weeks later she broke up with me because I was “moving too fast” and disrespecting her boundaries.



You'd Look Cute With Short Hair


He told me over the course of our whole relationship he thought I’d look cute with short hair. So I eventually cut my hair. He dumped me the next day.

I should have given his explanation so it doesn’t seem so vague. We had gone to dinner the night I got it cut and the next day he texted me saying he felt uncomfortable the whole time at the restaurant because I looked like a child. I’m 5′ 1″ with chunky cheeks I look like a child no matter what. Anyways long text message short he didn’t want to feel awkward being around me from here on out.

My hair is the now longest and healthiest it’s ever been.


Breaking Up Would Hurt Less


Wasn’t a super-serious relationship, but the longest I’d been in until then (been going on 4-5 months). At first, he stopped initiating contact, it all came from me. Then, he stopped answering texts, phone calls, etc. When I finally asked him if he wanted to break up, he said ‘I thought we already were.’ Turns out he thought that by not initiating any contact or making any plans I would realize we were broken up. He’d been seeing someone the last two weeks that I thought we were still together.

If you want to break up, just do it. Hurts way less than this.


Double Standard


Girlfriend cheated on me with some guy at a party. She begged and begged me to not break up with her and to forgive her. She just made a mistake she had drunk too much.​

I didn’t break up with her. I called her the next day to talk a bit more. She told me that it wasn’t going to work out between us because she couldn’t be with a guy who would put up with cheaters because it meant I would cheat on her and that I didn’t have enough self-respect.


Meet Your New Mom


My ex-girlfriend took a liking to my father. She left me for him. They got married two weeks ago. Now I have an ex-father too!


My Other Boyfriend


I had been seeing an American girl for about 2 years while studying in the UK. Now almost 10 years later she was still one of the more serious girlfriends I had, we were always together and loving every minute of it.

She had to move back to the US after our studies, big tearful last day in the UK “but we’ll see each other soon enough”. Quite quickly the distance became problematic, awkward conversations on the phone and all that.

So I decided to visit her. Last nail in the coffin.

I went to see her in NYC, after about two days of everything being quite normal between us she says this slob who’s been hanging around here the whole time “is actually my boyfriend”, while we had never broken up! I had to endure another 10 days hanging around both of them before my flight home.

But it’s ok — he gave her a disease soon after.


No Faith in Humanity


Third anniversary by text message while on a train going across the country to go visit her.

I’ll never forget that feeling, or just how insanely cool the random guy across from me was while he helped me keep it together and bought me a drink.

Some people are just evil and make you lose faith in humanity but the above is also another reason to believe that the good people outnumber them.



Good Production Value


My girlfriend of a year broke up with me by sending a video of herself singing a breakup song that she wrote. It included a background dancer who was one of my good friends.

I was at a party at the time she sent it and I foolishly played it aloud so all my good pals could hear it, and mock my heartbreak.

Definitely the worst.


She Stole His Heart and His Mattress


I was 21, came home from work and everything was gone. She left a milk crate, the tiny TV, a trash can, and the boxspring to the mattress. I didn’t actually know that she left me, so I called the cops and told them that someone stole everything, including my girlfriend. I was pretty hysterical, but the 911 operator was able to calm me down and inform me that my girlfriend most likely left me.


Phone Tag


She had her stepsister call my parents’ phone (didn’t have a cell phone then) to break up with me. Except my dad answered, so she told him it was over. He simply said, “I think you want to talk to my son.”

Looking back I think it’s hilarious.


No Faith In Us


She persuaded me to break up with her and then afterwards said, “Oh, I guess you have no faith in our relationship.”


Never Cross a Hacker


I got suspicious when she started to get really distant around me. When she broke up with me I decided to investigate because she told me her Facebook password two years earlier, saying she had nothing to hide from me.

Turns out she was being all lovey-dovey with another guy over Facebook messenger for the past three months. I informed my recent ex of my findings.

Hell hath no fury like that of a super defensive girl who just got her secret exposed. She couldn’t believe that I remembered her password and was insistent that I maliciously hacked into the servers using some coding voodoo because I am a programmer. I informed her other boyfriend that I existed and he dumped her immediately and shared her habit on social media.


You've Been Served


I came home to divorce papers stuck in the mailbox.



She's a Traditionalist


She used a carrier pigeon.




We were playing a game of hangman. “I want to be single” was the phrase that I had to guess. Needless to say, I cried while walking the three miles home.




My girlfriend didn’t even bother to tell me. She just grew increasingly distant and eventually just completely stopped talking to me.


Update Your Status


I got a message on Facebook saying that we couldn’t see each other anymore and that she was moving to Iowa.


Sign of the Times


One of my buddies got dumped over Snapchat.


No Flowers, No Chocolates


I got dumped on a text message on Valentine’s Day from his best friend’s phone.


Family Resemblance


After 3 years my girlfriend decided to tell me that the only reason she was with me was because she loved my older brother and wanted to come over to see him.

My brother was just as surprised as I was.


Lose-Lose Situation


After three years, lots of plans and living together for two, my ex told me that he would like to begin transitioning into a woman.

The part that makes this the worst break up is not that she is now living happily as a woman, it is that after telling me of her identity I said calmly and cooly, “I love you, I respect you and I wish you the best in becoming who you are. I cannot continue to be in a relationship with you as I am not attracted to women.”

Long story story short, she went ballistic.

Apparently I should have known. She assumed that I was bisexual. She called me transphobic, threw things, called me every derogatory name she could think of before leaving.

She emailed me for years calling me out for being awful for not wanting to continue a relationship with her.

She is completely unwilling to understand that just like her, my gender identity and sexual orientation is sort of set in stone. It is how I was born.

Basically she made me feel like a horrible person and told all of our friends what a horrible person I was because as a heterosexual woman I am not interested in a lesbian relationship.


Brutal Break


7 years. Text message. Brutal.


Christmas Woes


Christmas Eve, she was sick and wanted to go to the hospital so I brought her. We were both scheduled to be at work (yeah, on Christmas) so I went to work alone and bailed her out. She went off on a date with another dude instead of going to the hospital. Called me mid-date and broke up with me at work.


New Phone, Who Dis?


I got a voicemail with a very angry voice shouting about how I never returned her calls and never made time for her.

I didn’t have a girlfriend. It was a random number.


No Warning


Just abandoned. Without any words. Without any explanation. No warning. No answers.

One day I’m excitedly planning a future with my husband. The next day he’s just gone. Cut all contact.

In my opinion, it doesn’t get much worse than that.


Not So Funny


He sent me an email that said, “Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.”

Funny on the Simpsons, less funny in real life.


Not Worth the Gas


I was with my ex for nearly six years. He broke up with me in a text. He didn’t want to drive the hour to where I was because it wasn’t worth the effort.

I can understand the logic, but for six years I travelled to him so often and got nothing in return, I was worth at least a face to face conversation.


Rip Up Those Vows


He told me he knew before we got married that it wouldn’t work out. I asked him why he didn’t call off the wedding, and he said, “C’mon… you wouldn’t be able to handle that.” Oh, right… being in a dead loveless marriage for two years was so much easier to handle.


Heart Breaker


I met my absolute soulmate, Peyton, and fell madly in love with her. We would see each other every day and spend hours via Skype and the phone just talking, never running out of topics. This went on for about 8 months until one cold day in January.

I was getting ready for a normal day of college and I received a call from her mother that Peyton was involved in a serious car crash and was being airlifted to the hospital.

I lived an hour away and that day made it in 38 minutes to find my best friend and love sitting in a upper cast. She suffered brain bleeding, broken collar bone, 3 ribs, entire right arm, wrist, hand, shoulder, and a punctured lung. But without a beat, she smiled when I came in with her favorite flowers and candy.

But there was a problem I couldn’t see right away.

The problem? Most of her memory was gone and she didn’t know who I was. I have tried for the past two years to get her back and it’s not really working. Some memories she remembers but not much overall. She was taken from me and that to me has been the biggest heartbreak in my life.

If you’re reading this Peyton, I will always love you.


Thumbs Down


She was being a little weird when I asked if she wanted to hang out and said she was busy. Didn’t think much of it until I went to hang with my friends instead. We went to the movies, and I saw her there with another guy.


Seven Year Itch


My girlfriend texted me while I was at work. 7 years we were together, and we hadn’t even been fighting. She refused to talk to me, only sending messages referring to paperwork about closing our bank account. I have my issues, but I deserved better than that. Looks like I will not get closure any time soon.


Happy Anniversary


On our three year anniversary he was basically like, “Here are your anniversary presents. By the way, we’re over.”

A few minutes later he then asked, “Can we still be friends? With benefits?”


Something in Common


16 hours after the guy I was in love with for two years finally asked me to be his girlfriend, he changed his mind because I “didn’t remind him of his ex enough.” So that was fun.


Lesson Learned


I was actually the one who did the breaking up in this situation. To be fair I was 15 at the time. I decided to break up with my girlfriend because she was gaining weight, but I couldn’t tell her that.

At that time she was seeing a psychologist. She told me it was for ADHD. So when I did break up with her, I did it through text. When she asked me why, I said ” I don’t want to be with a crazy person, LOL.”

That was the worst thing I could have said.

Turns out she was going to the psychologist for depression.

Her brother gave me a black eye and a gut punch the next day. My Dad asked me what happened, I told him. He told I deserved it and kicked me out of the house. He wouldn’t let me back in until I got my ex to call him and tell him that I gave her a satisfactory apology.


Asking For It


I dated this girl for five years. Then one night she broke up with me over a text messages because I “didn’t like camping.”

After 5 years I was broken up with over a text message because I didn’t like camping, figure that out.


Heavy Artillery


She got her dad to answer the door with his shotgun and count down from ten when he answered the door.


Swing and a Miss


This wasn’t me, but how a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend. They were on the phone, and she said, “I love you,” to which he responded, “I love you more!” She said, “Actually, you probably do,” and proceeded to tell him how she’d gone on a date with another guy.


Long Distance is Hard


We were dating four years, lived together for three. I got into school about three hours away and we decided it’d be best if I moved temporarily. Everything was normal. One weekend I even drove to see him and we put an offer on a house that we had been looking at and picked out floor samples.

One week later he goes on a business trip and “realizes our whole relationship is a lie” because he never ever wants to get married and slept with some girl at the hotel bar. Called me up and told me. I’m pretty sure there were better ways of handling that.


Apocalypse Now


My girlfriend was visiting me for a couple of days during Y2K. The world didn’t end, so we made out. On the first day of classes after the break, she wanted to meet for breakfast, at which point she said she didn’t see us going anywhere and let’s just be friends. I didn’t have any morning classes that day, and all I could think was how annoyed I was that this couldn’t wait till lunch.


Heartbreak on the High Seas


I came back from a cruise. Everything’s normal between me and girlfriend, we tell each other how much we missed each other while I was gone and all that mushy stuff.

About three days after I got back we were talking on Facebook messenger, I decided to click on her profile and look at her pictures, when I noticed that she had apparently entered a relationship with some other guy pretty much the day I left. Unsurprisingly she ended up cheating on that guy too.

And this cruise breakup story also reminded me of an unrelated time where my cousin had a long term girlfriend and took her on a cruise. She broke up with him right when they got back. She just wanted a free vacation.


Tense Staff Meetings


We had been casually dating for about a year and it was to the point where I wanted to be serious and he didn’t. He was seeing another girl and I was ready for him to pick her or me. He sent me an email telling me I should find someone else and that he was ending it.

Breaking up with someone through email is bad but here’s what’s worse; we worked right down the hall from each other. We were both teachers and we had the same hour for planning time. He broke up with me through an email when we were both on break at the same time… instead of just coming to me to tell me to my face.


The Next Step


I’d been casually seeing a guy on and off for several years in college. He asked me if I wanted to take it to the next level. He seemed ready to get on the marriage track and I knew if we started dating, we would eventually get married. I liked him, but was way too nervous to take that step, so I said that I wasn’t ready and was happy with status quo. The next weekend was a 4 day weekend, so he took a trip to his home city and didn’t message me when he got back. I messaged him and he let me know he was engaged. Well!


Dine and Dash


We had been dating for 6 months. On Saturday night I stayed over at his house and fell asleep on the couch watching a movie.

On Sunday morning we went out for brunch. He got up from the table to go use the restroom while we were eating. Time goes by. He never came back to the table. This is really strange.

I got up to look for him and realize he left in his car. That I rode with him to brunch in. He doesn’t answer his phone so I’m stranded at this restaurant with no car and the bill.

When I finally made it home and drove over to his house my few belongings that I had there were sitting outside in the snow. Apparently, after I had fallen asleep the night before he had gone through my phone and read some very innocent text messages between me and a guy friend.

Most insecure man I’ve ever met but strangely, also the best looking.


Breaking the News


I’ve only gotten dumped once and he chose to do it via text on the day I had a big presentation. I was dumped because I didn’t reply to his text messages at work, and didn’t have the time to Skype him (we were long distance since he was still in college and I started working in a different country) the past week while I was preparing for the big presentation. I already told him I was working 16-18 hours daily for the presentation.

That part’s no big deal. The sad part was when he unblocked me 3-4 months later and went, “So sorry I was so crazy. I finally got the right meds now, we’re still together, right?”

Had to break the news to him I found someone else.


Moving Out

resmoving-boxes.jpg.optimal.jpgFacebook / SpoonfulofImagination

Little backstory: My father’s health was deteriorating rather quickly due to him smoking a few packs a day for most of his life. We had barely spoken in 5 or 6 years since we had a falling out when I was younger.

I went to go see him, spend a few days, and make amends. While I was visiting I spoke with my girlfriend of 5 years (who I financially supported) a few times a day and nothing seemed awry.

Upon returning home my girlfriend (or so I thought) picked me up and the first thing she says to me is, “I moved all of my stuff out.”

While it was nice of her to still pick me up I wasn’t particularly thrilled with her tact. It definitely worked out for the best as my current girlfriend does not harass me about anything, nor does she expect me to support her financially.


Hold it Together


This would be filed under “Don’t Date People You Work With.”

I was in a musical and I was dating a girl for about 3 or 4 months. I thought we were serious. So we’re doing this show and this pretty boy guy shows up in the lead part to replace somebody who left and they fall madly in love with each other. During the show. So I got to see it. Every. Single. Day. For a month.

She would try and talk to me and I had to hold it together and just be nice until I could leave and lick my wounds. That one was hard to deal with.


Cold Heart


I was in 11th grade. I had just got my tonsils out. That hurts by its self. But the medicine they gave me made me throw up and that made my mouth hurt even worse…

So my awesome grandma, who was taking me home from the hospital sees that I’m having one of the worst days of my life, and takes me to get an ice cold smoothie to help my mouth. I get my smoothie and take the first drink. Sooo good.

And then I get a text.

It was my awesome girlfriend. But this wasn’t an awesome text. She told me that she was leaving me for this other guy and that she never wants to talk to me again. So out of the blue. Or maybe I’m just oblivious. Either way I couldn’t truly enjoy my smoothie and my bad day got worse.

Bonus: a week later she sent me a picture of them on a date together. I punched a hole in my wall.


Birthday Gift


My sister got broken up with in her birthday card in middle school. Her boyfriend gave her a birthday card, and he’d written inside, “I want to break up.”


Macho Man


Two years with my ex, she leaves me for the “don’t worry, we’re just friends” guy, saying “You are so much more handsome, but he’s just more macho.”


Silver Lining


I was 15. I lived in Massachusetts and my dream was to go to Disney World at the time. My boyfriend was going to Florida with his family for a week and his family invited me to go with.

It was the most magical time. In my head, everything was going so perfect… I got to go to my dream place with my first love. I fell in love with him so fast and so hard. His family loved me, my family loved him. It seemed so right!

Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. He could’ve at least waited a week after coming back! Way to break a young girl’s heart.

But there is a happy ending to this story. Now I’m happily married and live in Orlando. I can go to Disney World with the hubby anytime I want!!!!


He's Not Coming Back


We had been dating for two and half years. I bought a plane ticket to Seattle for him (we lived in NY) so he could go visit his family because he hadn’t seen them in a while. When he left, a week later he said he was going to stay another two weeks because his grandma wasn’t doing well. Two weeks turned into a phone call while I was at work, saying he got another girl pregnant and was not coming back.


The Christmas Curse


This was Christmas 2014. It was a long distance relationship, she drove out to see me, it was December 23rd and I was flying back to Virginia to visit family, I’d left the year before.

So she was with me for the week, she took me to the airport and drove home. When we got out of the car, I told her I loved her and she said it back. We kissed and then I left.

I land in Virginia, and I get a text from her saying it’s over.

The reason? Because my dad makes a lot of money and we just grew up in two different worlds.

Fast forward to Christmas 2015, I’m with a girl who lives like 5 miles away from where I live. I just had a gut feeling things were going to end while I was in Virginia for the holidays. The day after Christmas, she breaks up with me.

I’ve learned one lesson from this, don’t go to Virginia for Christmas.


We Never Actually Broke Up


I met a decent girl a few years back when I lived in London, we spent a few months together before I returned to Australia. The following year she came over and spent 3 months with me before she returned to the UK. We never actually broke up, we just left it as a “see you again soon” kinda thing.

The year after that I booked a flight to London to spend a few weeks with her. The day after I booked my flight she told me she was seeing another guy. It was going well with him so she decided the thing we had was officially over.

Now I totally understand the difficulties in staying with someone who lived on the other side of the world, but come on, coulda broken up with me before I booked the flight!




I’m on the other side of this. I went over to my boyfriend’s house to break up with him, but I’m so non-confrontational that I couldn’t figure out how to do it, and when he asked if I wanted to watch a movie, I agreed. He put on The Prestige and paused it about halfway through and asked what was wrong, so I said it was over.

For whatever reason, we still wound up finishing the movie.


The Last One to Know


She applied for, and accepted a job across the country without telling me. I found out a week before she was set to go.


I Need a Vacation From This Vacation

res273225D800000578-3021562-image-a-41_1427896912517.jpg.optimal.jpgReddit / widgetdude

On vacation. In Cuba. Just us. 3 days into our week-long stay.


Seven Years Down the Drain


My ex broke up with me after 7 years together by changing his Facebook status to single. It was cold, but also humiliating because most of our friends knew about the breakup before I even found out.

That was back in 2009. I grew a lot after our breakup and I’m now much happier and with an amazing person. Everything will work out.


Think Twice Next Time


This happened to my cousin. She married a man that she had met in Cuba and they lived together in Canada for a while. One day, he had just packed up and left without telling her anything. Found out later that he actually had a family and children in Cuba and he was planning on using her to help get them visas to come live in Canada behind her back. It was so awful. It’s been years but she’s still so afraid to get involved with someone else. I don’t blame her.


Excellent Timing


My ex left me 12 days after our son was born, on our one year wedding anniversary. His reasoning was so I could try to handle a divorce and quite possibly postpartum depression in one go, that was so much better. Thanks. He left his second wife at 19 weeks. Guess he thought she could handle divorce better than I could while pregnant.


Cold Feet


I went to a wedding of my wife’s friend (who was the bride), and she was a good 40 minutes late  getting to the altar with her husband to-be standing there with the groomsmen. Turns out, she was freaking out about marrying the dude that she never intended or wanted to marry. They divorced about 3 years later, and when asked why, she said she never wanted to marry him and didn’t love him, but she thought getting married would be fun. I never got to know the dude, but he seemed really heartbroken after that, poor guy. 


Date Night


Went to the movies with my best friend and girlfriend. Girlfriend gets up, doesn’t say where she’s going but I figure to the bathroom or something because where else can she go? I don’t think anything of it.

I’m sitting there with my best friend, talking, waiting for the movie to start. About fifteen minutes later, I start to wonder where my girlfriend went. But I don’t even have to get up to look for her. I literally look towards the front of the movie theater and she’s sitting with some random guy.

I say nothing. I don’t want to look crazy. Maybe they’re just talking.

Movie starts, I’m looking at them, she’s cuddled up next to him. Still, I say nothing. But at this point, my best friend and I are thinking something’s not right.

Half-way into the movie, I look again, and he’s got his arm around her. They were making out. Right in front of me.


I Never Found Out Why


We lived together, then I flew to another city to see my grandparents for a few days while she stayed home and promised to look after my rabbit. When I got home she was gone and my poor bunny had no food or water. I never found out why she left. Super weird.


The Wrong Day to Break Things Off


High school. Went out with this super Christian guy. Dated about six weeks, made out a couple of times. Randomly one day came to up to me and dumped me by saying I wasn’t Christian enough for him.

Worst thing I have done? Broke up with a guy in person while opening my locker, the same place he stashed a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a mushy card.



On the Rocks


We had been on the rocks for a few weeks and he was starting to blame me for everything that was wrong in his life.

One night, he waited until I went to bed and called the cops on me saying he wanted me out and I refused to leave. So the cops showed up and talked to me, but since that address was on my license and he gave no written warning, I didn’t have to leave immediately. They mediated and I said I would move out the next morning.

Then I went to bed AGAIN, and he threw all my stuff out on the front porch, woke me up and threw my dad’s urn on the ground, hoping I would go out and get it so he could lock the door behind me.

I said I would go upstairs and get my keys and shoes, but he blocked me from going up the stairs, tried to wrestle me from getting into the room, pushed me and broke a set of locked french doors, then called the cops AGAIN saying that I was damaging his property.

The same cops showed up AGAIN, I tell them my side and the cops helped me load my car up with all my stuff, and I left.

Less than a week later, his mom emailed me saying I owed them money for the broken door, despite the fact that it was her son that pushed me through it, and said she would be holding the remainder of my property until I gave her $400 for it. I hung up on her, and I’ve never heard from them since.


Long-Distance Relationship


This happened to a girl I know, who married a guy from another continent. They’d been living together for a few months when she came home from work one day to find all his stuff gone. She couldn’t figure out what happened to him so she eventually called the police. They investigated and informed her that he’d boarded a flight back to his native country.


Rethinking Things


I was told after 8 months that our relationship only confirmed her sexuality was homosexual.


Welcome to Dumpsville


I was 11. My 12-year-old girlfriend got some older guy to call my home phone and tell me:

“Welcome to dumpsville, population you.” And then he hung up.

I don’t remember much else, except I think I just went on with my day. We only went out for a month or three.