Honeymoon Hotspot Workers Reveal Their Best (And Worst) Newlywed Stories

Honeymoon Hotspot Workers Reveal Their Best (And Worst) Newlywed Stories

Your honeymoon is supposed to be the best vacation of your life. You’re newly married so your love (and libido) are stronger than ever. You can turn of your phone and spend some quality time with the person you love most in the world.

Of course, even on your honeymoon, things won’t always go to plan.

These people from around the world recently went online to share the best honeymoon stories they’ve ever seen unfold or experienced themselves.


1. You Think It Was Chocolate

The honeymoon suites were always the worst at the hotel where I used to work. There was never a real best.

I guess the best of the worst was the room with the chocolate. The shower and jacuzzi were covered in it. Cleaning it was awful, but the chocolate butt print impossibly high up on the shower wall was pretty impressive.

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2. No Room At The Inn

After little sleep on our wedding night we head out about noon to drive to Bodega Bay, five hours away.

We had no hotel reservations for the night. Wait, what? You need hotel reservations? Actually, we had none for the whole week. I’d been left in charge of that. Oops.

We hit Bodega Bay as the sun dropped into the Pacific. It looked so big on the map. Figured there had to be a bunch of motels. Nope.

On we drive. The sun has set. It’s growing dark. Highway 1 is desolate. We drive for a while hoping to see any sign of civilization. Now dark, off in the distance, I see lights. The only lights anywhere.

As we get close we see it’s a rustic but beautiful hotel overlooking the ocean. We go inside and explain our pathetic situation.

The manager says, “How about the Honeymoon Suite? It’s available.”

“I’m not sure we can afford it,” I respond.

“Oh, it’s empty tonight. Just pay the regular room price,” he continued.

“Ok, sounds great.”

When we went to our room a chilled bottle of bubbly was ready for us on on the dresser. A wedding gift from the manager.

And after that the honeymoon just got better. Even the adventure of another week of finding hotels.

Don't you love serendipity?

Doug Armey

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3. Almost Over On The First Night

A Christian couple I know had never done it before their wedding night. The guy wanted to break the ice so he took his clothes while his bride was in the suite bathroom on their honeymoon. He lay face down and aimed his butt towards the bathroom door. His bride comes out and he rips a fart, but instead he... got more than he bargained for. He pooped the bed and she locked herself in the bathroom for 7 hours crying. They're fine now, but she wanted a divorce that night.

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4. Pay Per View

My dad and his first wife had a nice honeymoon at some fancy resort. Apparently, 5 years later on their anniversary they went back to rekindle the romance and booked the same room. They requested some raunchy VHS tapes to get them in the mood. As they popped one in, they couldn't help but feel that the room in the video was a bit... familiar, shall we say?

Unbelievably, it was the very room they were in, albeit decorated differently. It didn't take long for them to realize that the people doing their thing on the videotape were actually them and the whole video had been filmed by a hidden camera.

This is all true. There was a lawsuit, and people at the hotel were fired. Unfortunately for me and my trust fund there wasn't a major payout as it was the 70's and people weren't as litigious back then.

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5. Echo Throughout The Eternities...

I worked nights at the Anniversary Inn in Salt Lake City, UT through college. To save you a search, it's an over-priced themed-room inn that Mormon newlyweds absolutely go crazy for. Want to spend your wedding night in a pirate ship? We got you covered. Egyptian tombs? Yep. There have been many Mormon cherries popped while I was on shift, and a ton of really weird, funny, and sad stories.

Funny - 20 minutes after an obviously nervous newlywed couple checked in, the husband opened the door and yelled "DOING IT IS AWESOME!" He did this multiple times through the night. Made us laugh every time.

Weird/Creepy - We had a dad drive the newlywed couple to the hotel, and then come in to help them check in. Their kids were clearly adults, so I thought this was weird. Once they were checked in, the dad gave them a mini lecture about the sanctity and spirituality of lovemaking, and how what they were going to be doing that night and through their honeymoon would "echo throughout the eternities." Super creepy.

Sad - More than once we would have bride come running from their rooms in robes, sobbing and in a totally delirious state. They weren't ready for intimacy, and it was clearly a traumatic experience for them. I always felt really bad for them, because it would be really difficult for someone who has been told that hooking up before marriage is evil to suddenly flip a switch and be expected to be comfortable in their own skin.

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6. At Least The Water Is Warm

I frequent a natural hot springs in Alaska that has a high influx of Asian tourists and newlyweds during wintertime. The hot springs create huge steam clouds that make the visibility very low while you're wading in the waist-high water.

Apparently, the newlyweds from Japan (I think) believe that consummating their marriage under the Northern Lights will give them a male child. So they go to the hot springs in the middle of winter when it's dark outside and hook up in the water.

It's really weird to be in there, wading around, accidentally bumping into couples consummating their marriage.

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7. Too Much Info

I used to work at a B&B in a quaint resort town.

One day, I got a call from a newly-minted bride wanting to reserve a room.

Her: "Hi, I want your most romantic room."

Me: "Well, we have a few. Each is done in its own style, but the 'Pink' room is by far the most romantic."

Her: "It's got to be really, really romantic."

Me: "It's definitely romantic, if you like pink, lace and a canopy bed."

Her: "It's got to be amazingly romantic -- I'll be on about $3,000 worth of fertility pills that weekend, and I want to start a family"

Me: "Um, okay. So... you want the room?"

She booked the room. When they came in, I playfully punched the husband on the shoulder for good luck.

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8. Such A Blake

My wife and I had a ship cabin next to a couple that was on their honeymoon (coincidentally, we were on ours as well).

The first two days went well enough, I suppose. They, as expected, were inseparable. At some point on day 3, though, they got into a very loud fight and proceeded to continue their fight, very loudly, for the next day. By day 5, he was sleeping in a different cabin. On the last night, they were back to quietly hooking up and watching DVDs. I don't know if that boded well for their relationship, but best of luck to Tiffany and Blake.

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9. At Least The Monkeys Are Using Protection

I was on a vacation in southern Africa, and when we went to Zambia to see Victoria Falls there was a honeymooning couple in the suite next to ours. These were open-air suites. A couple of monkeys - I think they were vervet monkeys - went through the couple's things and stole the woman's birth control pills and ran off into the woods. The couple was not thrilled.

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10. Nice Day For A Wet Wedding

Did valet at a hotel in the south. Wasn't necessarily a honeymoon hotspot as a resort, but for some people, they loved the thought of a wedding in Nashville, TN.

One day, a co-worker was walking the bride and her family into the hotel. Took them all the way to the top floor to the Presidential Suite. Out of all the rooms, this was obviously the best one.

As he is unloading their cart, he decides that the sprinkler on the wall is the best place to hang the wedding dress.

And the rest is history. Before long, the sprinklers went off and from the top floor a waterfall was raging into the lobby.

Miraculously, he kept his job through all of that.

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11. What Did You Forget?

My first marriage was back in 1987. We were both 20 and barely had enough money for food and rent -- you know the drill . We went on a honeymoon to a resort location nearby in a hotel. They gave us a room right next to the door leading to the indoor pool area.

We checked into our room and I did the whole 'carry milady over the threshold' thing. After that, we got busy pretty fast. Our clothes were piled on floor and we were doing our thing right there on the bed. Everything was amazing until i heard a noise behind us. I looked toward the door and I saw a couple of famillies staring through our open door that I completely forgot to close.

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12. Happy Birthday

I'm currently on my honeymoon in Delhi, India, we are from Northern Ireland so not used to the diet. My new wife just vomited at the side of the road, and it's my birthday.

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13. Truck Chase

This was just part of our honeymoon, but it was quite a part.

This was the late 1990s, before many people had cell phones, and when phone coverage was pretty spotty anyway. We did a little California tour. First we went to San Fran for three days, then rented a car and drove to Napa for a day. At the end of that Napa day, we drove to Lake Tahoe, where we would spend three more days before driving back to Sacramento and flying home. This story happens on the highway from Napa to Tahoe.

We left Napa in the evening, after dinner. It was early fall, so it was still light out, but by the time we got to Sacramento, the sun was setting. We'd be driving the rest of the way in the dark.

Let me pause for a moment here and describe the rental car. It was a crappy four cylinder GM that could barely get out of its own way. Apart from being an unfamiliar car, it was downright unpleasant to drive. There was virtually no road feel at all; it was more like I was making suggestions to the car, and it was grudgingly relenting.

We approached the mountains in short order, but had no idea what we were driving through, because it was dark. Those of you who live in the sparse West know that when I say "dark," I mean "there's not a light on for miles and miles in any direction." It was pitch black.

Not only pitch black, but extra pitch black, because now we were passing through (unbeknownst to us) Eldorado National Forest. The road here goes up and down long, steep hills, and takes some fairly tight turns from time to time. Oh, did I also mention that it's mostly two lanes, with an occasional extra lane uphill for trucks to climb slowly in and let people by?

So here we are, on our honeymoon, in an awful rental car, trying to navigate a narrow mountain road in absolute blackness. I'm driving at a reasonable speed, at the speed limit as much as possible, but not knowing when I'm about to send us plummeting to our doom is making me very cautious.

Another vehicle comes up behind, riding very close, a pickup truck. I try to appease by speeding up to what I feel is a more than reasonable clip, but that doesn't help. Dude turns his brights on, and since his truck is considerably taller than my economy rental, I'm pretty much blinded. I turn the rearview away, but can't manage to do anything about the manual side mirror.

Finally, one of those extra lanes comes around, and the guy does a jerky crazy pass. In this moment of weakness, I flip him off and flash my brights at him when he gets in front of me. I figure whatever. I see it's a yellow Ford Ranger, and there's a passenger.

Oh, no. He falls back and gets behind me again.

I only have one choice in this situation: put some distance in between me and him. I have to speed up the mountain.

So I floor it, taking hills and turns as fast as the S-rated tires will allow. I am managing to put some distance between us, somehow, and I start looking for a place to escape. But on this road, through a forest, there's just not any place like that.

The best I could do was find a wide shoulder to pull off on. The guy was back behind a corner when I pulled over and stopped. I shut the lights off and waited.

Here come headlights, that has to be him. I'm hoping he just goes blowing by without seeing me. The lights aren't going as fast as I'd hoped. He's pulling over behind me.

Thankfully, he stopped his truck a few car lengths back. My new wife is looking out the rear window, she's telling me to go, go, go. "No," I say, as he opens his door and steps out. "Wait."

I watch him in the side mirror, coming up to my car. My wife is screaming at me now. Wait for it. Wait for it.

As soon as he got up to the rear door of the car, that's when I took off again. Now he had to run back to his truck and get in, I'd bought myself about ten seconds.

Now I'm back to driving, focused. My wife is quiet now. I'm looking, looking, for any road to actually turn off on, get out of view from the highway. I've got enough distance between us now that I haven't seen him in the rearview for a while, but I know he's back there. I know he's coming.

I remember seeing a road sign for the town of Strawberry. There was a little general store with a gas pump or two, but it was late at night, and it was closed. Just beyond it, however, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a road off to the right. I dived down it off the highway. No idea what was down there, but I could get us out of sight of the road.

That extra pitch black I mentioned got blacker as we crept down this one lane road through the dense forest. Now I was starting to wonder if I could even get myself turned around. We might be trapped.

As luck would have it, the road opened up to a large clearing, apparently paved, or maybe hard packed gravel. In any event, I could drive on it, so I got myself turned around so I could face nose out. Backed way up in the corner.

I shut the lights off. I turned the car off. We waited.

I don't think we even breathed for two minutes, sitting perfectly still. We could conceivably sit here till morning if we had to, or at least long enough that truck guy would be far away.

Suddenly, headlights, approaching from the left, from the direction of the highway. We are frozen. The lights clear the trees to our left, and it's the yellow Ford Ranger. We're frozen.

He drives by, and keeps going down this side road. We have evaded him.

My wife and I look at each other incredulously. A long second passes and I start the car. I quickly put it in drive and slink out of the cul-de-sac and back up to the road before I turn the headlights back on.

Truck guy is gone, but it's not until we get into Tahoe that I'm able to breathe easier.


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14. What Are You Doing In My Honeymoon Suite?

I got married in Hawaii. My new wife and I were staying at a swanky resort.

Late one afternoon, my wife was getting out of the shower, and I was lying on the bed in my boxers after a long day at the beach, when out of nowhere I hear the front door opening up. I thought it was my wife, and she thought it was me, but in walks a couple with luggage and key card in their hand. When the see me, they angrily demand to know what we are doing in their room...

Needless to say, we were upgraded to an ocean front suite for the rest of our stay due to the screw up at the front desk. We were also comped meals for the rest of our stay, and half our bill was also comped.

Worth it! Although we are lucky they didn't catch us in a more compromising position.

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15. In The Jungle, The Mighty Jungle

We were in India for our honeymoon.

After enjoying our stay for two days at the hotel, we were strolling in the market. We wanted to explore some out-of-the-way places we can boast to others. A guy at the tourism office offered an exciting adventure only about 20 kilometers away. He said during the daytime, you can go see trained elephants and their tricks at the campsite and the night will be an exclusive one.

He said: "You two could even spend the night in the jungle, among wild animals. It is by the side of a small river. Exclusive, four rooms have been constructed. There is a kitchen and common dining etc. You will hear the roar of tigers. Jungle-calls from jackals after dark. Many predators come to this spot for drinking water. Deer come near the rooms. Wild elephants roam around, freely, from place to place and often they pass, in groups. There is a caretaker and it's totally safe."

This  sounded exciting to us. We booked a jungle hut for the next day.

We reached the place by 10 am. Took an elephant ride in the jungle; saw monkeys, wild boar etc. The show was of some trained elephants breaking the coconut and ringing bells. One elephant painted on canvas with its trunk. But we were eager to reach our room to have some fun with just the two of us!

We hadn't been in there long when there was a knock on the door. When we opened it, we saw the caretaker standing outside with another couple. WHAT? The other couple was allotted the same room by the tourism office. All the other three rooms were already occupied. The last transport back to town had left.

After some heated arguments, seeing no option, we all calmed down and agreed we would have to share. We didn't have much choice.

Now, there were five couples on honeymoon at this camp, all in the same age group. At the dinner table, we started mingling. Thereafter, we all were in the verandah overlooking the river and jungle, chit-chatting and enjoying the night setting in.

The caretaker was talkative and jovial. We noticed a change in his mood after he returned from his room. He looked very serious. He told us he had received a radio warning about a jungle fire that was heading our way. Worse, he added that wild animals run, to escape the jungle fires... meaning the entire forest would be running toward us!

After about an hour, we spotted a small but distant red glow in the jungle. Fire confirmed. The boys grabbed all available sticks for protection against wild animals and all us girls were ready with buckets from bathrooms, filled with water, to fight the fire. Time was ticking. The cracking of bamboo and the sound of falling dry trees were terrifying.

Thankfully, the jungle fire fighting team arrived in the nick of time. They cleared dry brush from the path of the fire. The blaze died out.

By that point, it was 3 in the morning and we weren't the least bit concerned about having to share a room anymore. We were just grateful to be alive!

Janak Vakil

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16. Tonight, We Break All The Rules

In high school I lived in a tourist town and worked at a video store. One night a Mennonite couple came in and mentioned they were on their honeymoon. They rented Anne of Green Gables.

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17. Snapshot Of A Honeymoon

A couple came into my camera shop during the old days of film, and explained that they were honeymooning, and were concerned that their roll of pictures of the honeymoon just kept going for some reason. Like way past the 36 frames. When I told them there was no film in the camera, the honeymoon ended right there for the poor sap husband whose job it was to load the camera. If looks could kill.

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18. Monkey Business

This will be fun! Okay, we were honeymooning in Langkawi at the Barjaya Resorts. One afternoon (post lunch luxuries!), when we were trying to get our ‘act’ together, this happened.

My wife and I were getting intimate in our room, trying our hand at fancy positions. The resort room had a balcony with a big window. We had not latched the window but it was very well tucked together and closed.

In the middle of our gymnastics, we heard the window creak open, and a grown up, full-sized monkey walked in. We were, as you can imagine -- TERRIFIED! He gazed at us, and in a surprisingly composed manner, walked to the side table where some food items lay. He picked up an apple, and started eating it.

I regained my senses and realized I was supposed to ‘do’ something about the situation. So there I was in my birthday suit, trying to shoo away this monkey!

It did go away after jumping across our bed, lending a final blow to my wife’s shocked state! Phew! A wild honeymoon afternoon - not the way you might want it to be “wild”. But literally!

I later learned that monkeys were a regular in that resort's rooms, so guests were asked to latch the windows all the time.


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19. Uh… We Kind Of Needed Those

I was on a vacation in southern Africa, and when we went to Zambia to see Victoria Falls there was a honeymooning couple in the suite next to ours. These were open-air suites. A couple of monkeys - I think they were vervet monkeys - went through the couple's things and stole the woman's birth control pills and ran off into the woods. The couple was not thrilled.


20. How Could You Forget That?

A while back, I worked at a 4-star hotel. One night couple came in for their honeymoon but they forgot to bring any protection. They didn't have any in their rooms and the public toilet on the first floor was out, so the guy asked me in an low voice where he could procure himself some contraception. I told him I would get him some. I went to the staff bathroom got 4 for 2$ (yes we get them cheaper) and brought them to him, He was so relieved that he gave me a $100 tip.


21. It’s Important To Know How These Things Work

A couple came into my camera shop during the old days of film, and explained that they were honeymooning. They were concerned about their camera roll from the honeymoon seemingly going on forever. Like way past the normal 36 frames. When I told them there was no film in the camera, the honeymoon ended right there--at least for the poor husband whose job it had been to load the camera. If looks could kill...


22. At Least Neither Was Arrested On Their Anniversary

I work at a hotel restaurant. One day we hosted a wedding reception for a young couple who paid for an open bar. The party was a blast. People got wasted and had tons of fun. Around 2am the bride and groom and their closest friends finally left the restaurant to go to back to their room. Apparently they decided to all hang out in a room for while and continue the party. From what I heard, at some point the maid of honor called the bride a lesbian, and the groom socked said maid in the face! She ran screaming to the front desk and called the police. The groom was arrested and taken to jail on his wedding night for assaulting the maid of honor!

1 year later the couple returned to the restaurant for their anniversary. They were super cool and seemed really happy.



23. Why Are You Looking For A Communal Celebration?

I used to work at a Hilton Hotel near Disney. Once, a newlywed couple came down from their room and after informing me that they had just gotten married said they were looking for the nearest 'topless bar'. I was perplexed by how forward they were and why they would want to spend their wedding night at a topless bar. Nevertheless, I directed them toward a sleazy part of town and told them they could find plenty down this one specific road. I later told my co-worker what had just happened and what they were looking for. He then called me an idiot and said, "they probably asked for a Tapas Bar." Well, god. That was the first time I had heard of such a place.


24. Be Sure To Listen Carefully Next Time

I'm the evening maintenance at a resort and received a call once about a room with a lightbulb out. I thought, "cool, something to do." So I hopped on my one speed golf cart and made way to the room with lightbulb in hand. I arrived to said room and knocked on the door before announcing "maintenance!" I heard a man say "come in!" So I grabbed my key card, swiped myself in, and lo-and-behold the hairiest Russian dude and his smoking hot wife jumped out of their bed and began buttoning up their drawers. They were as wide eyed as deer in the headlights. I 180°, tractor beamed my eyeballs to the floor, apologized and waited outside of the door. When Hairy the Russian opened it instead of going in to change the bulb I said "here you go" handed it to him and high tailed it out of there. I guess he had actually said "coming" and that I had misheard from behind all that chest hair. And, I suppose, his accent.


25. I Don’t Think They’ll Try That Again

I was in Mexico with my mother and sister. As we were walking down an outdoor path in the resort, we saw a young girl crying and her boyfriend walking behind her frantic. They were both covered in cuts and bruises, surrounded by security and medical and of course on their honeymoon. I asked one of the staff what happened. The couple was making love on their balcony and fell off! Apparently not too high off the ground, but high enough to be beaten and shook up.


26. A Bittersweet Celebration

I'm currently on my honeymoon in Delhi, India, and we are from Northern Ireland so not exactly used to the cuisine. My new wife just vomited at the side of the road, and it's my birthday.


27. It’s Legit, There Was A Bit Of Sand

I live on Maui and worked for a while at Enterprise (car rental). Once I had lined up a new job, I felt I could get away with anything. This newlywed couple had an economy car reservation and wanted to upgrade to a Mustang Convertible. It was supposed to be an EXTRA $100 PER DAY, which the guy could obviously not afford based on the look on his face when I told him. I gave it to them anyway and for free because there was sand in the front seat that I didn't feel like vacuuming. They jumped up and down and hugged me and said I made their honeymoon. The feels.


28. Adorable With A Dash Of Innocence

In high school I lived in a tourist town and worked at a video store. One night a Mennonite couple came in and mentioned they were on their honeymoon. They rented Anne of Green Gables.


29. Maybe That Should Have Been A Private Gift

I was serving at a wedding a few years ago that probably fits in the "most embarrassing" category. It was the part of the reception where everyone gives a speech or a quick toast. When we weren’t serving we were expected to line up a specific way and stand there facing the bridal party from across the room. The brides mother got up and told this very touching speech about how she wished grandma had been able to see the wedding and what a beautiful bride her daughter was. Then she pulled out this box and said she had something from grandma for her. She pulled out this old doll, the kind with the huge fluffy dress that people use to set on the bed as decoration. She handed it up to the bride who then explained to her guests how she’d loved this doll since she was a kid and had wondered what happened to it after grandma died. So the photographer went up to get a picture of her with the doll and right as she posed this little silver ball on a cord fell out of the bottom of the doll. At first I didn’t know what it was but the bride picked it up, took a look and dropped it with a shriek that set the crowd off. One of my coworkers had to explain to me it was a vibrating egg (sex toy) and that it was probably grandmas. To this day I wonder what kind of photos, if any, the photographer caught of that moment.


30. At Least They Can Keep Their Cool With Customer Service

One time in the LAX airport, I saw a couple vehemently arguing and making accusations of fault about seat changes, flight plans, etc., all the way up to the boarding pass counter. Then, when they got up to the counter, they explained politely and cheerfully to the flight attendant that they were on their way to their honeymoon and needed to check their seats.


31. But Was It Worth The Price Of Your Job?

I'm a wedding photographer. A groom that had recently returned from his honeymoon told me the story of how he got his $15,000 honeymoon free of charge. He and his brand new lady wife had just checked in to the honeymoon suite of a palatial island paradise after a long flight from London. Having showered after their journey they retired to the bed to, cough, celebrate their new union.

Once the throes of passion had subsided, the groom told me that he had noticed the drapes by the window move a little. He jumped up and pulled them aside only to find a bellhop concealed there - and, you guessed it, having a bit of fun with himself.

Naturally they complained and the manager, seeking to minimize the damage, fired the employee on the spot and basically traded the full stay in return for them taking the incident no further.


32. He Pushed The Wrong Buttons

When I was about 10 my family was in NYC for vacation and we were walking down the sidewalk when we saw a man in a tux and a woman in a wedding dress arguing. When we stopped at the crosswalk I overheard their argument and the woman took off her ring and yelled at the guy "We'll why don't I just give that kid my ring if it doesn't mean anything to you?!" and pointed at me. The man quickly tried to hush her but it didn't work as she started to yell louder. We got the hell out of there.


33. He Thought He Couldn’t Live Without Her

I worked as a guest service agent/bellman at a nice hotel chain. One weekend during a wedding in one of our banquet rooms I was befriended by a groomsman. Chubby little guy, but very nice nonetheless. I participated in a few staged wedding shots around the hotel and what not. After getting to know them a little bit I found the entire group of bridesmaids and groomsman were very close. The chubby little guy was particularly close to the bride. I thought nothing of it.

As their reception began later in the evening I was paged by the front desk to visit a room that had a call for distress (these pages are normal on a wild Saturday night). I grabbed security and went up to said room. The groomsman that I had befriended earlier had tried to commit suicide. He had ingested many pills and was laying in the tub half filled with water. The call for distress actually came from his mother who was living in the same city and was the first person he had called to inform he was about to end his life. He had apparently backed out half way.

Long story short, we wheeled him out to the ambulance and the bride and groom were there waiting for us in the lobby. As he was leaving with the crew he told the bride that he was sorry and that he hadn't intended on committing suicide on the same day as her wedding but that he loved her too much to go on. They had a short exchange and then he was whisked away. The bride was FURIOUS. Apparently he handed her a letter of reasons why they were supposed to be together as well. Meanwhile, the groom was just completely dumbfounded. He had no clue. One of the most ridiculous and awkward things I've seen at a wedding. Oh the groomsman was fine! Made a full recovery. Not sure if they're still hanging out though.


34. It’s The Alcohol Speaking, I Hope

I used to be a bouncer at a night club that was part of a major hotel in San Francisco. People would get married and have their reception in the hotel and then head to the club after. One night a couple 2 hours fresh from the altar and their party came by. They were all tipsy but the bride was beyond sloshed and causing problems (stumbling into people, being too loud and trying to cross the VIP rope that I'm guarding). Well, she got across the rope and while I was trying to persuade her to go back to the other side she started grinding on me and saying, "You think you can handle me?" Her husband was about 3 feet away with his jaw on the floor. I asked him to control his wife and he snapped out of his shock. He grabbed her wrist and dragged her out of the club swearing up a storm. I still feel bad for the guy.


35. Bottoms Up To Ease The Nerves!

I worked as a bartender at a pretty nice hotel. There was a big convention center attached to it with a lot of meeting rooms and a huge ballroom. I wasn't always aware what was going on at the convention center unless the hotel was full on account of an event being held there.

It had been a fairly quiet night and I didn't have anyone else sitting at the bar when a guy took a seat there and ordered a beer. I got it for him and he looked like he was kind of upset, like something was really weighing on him, but I didn't want to pry. Some people don't always want to talk.

This guy did.

He said, "Aren't bartenders supposed to listen to your problems?"

I said, "Sure man. What do you want to talk about?"

He begins to tell me that he had gotten married that day. They had had their reception next door and were staying the night in the hotel. I congratulated him, but am a bit confused as to why he's sitting here by himself on his wedding night. He tells me that he's in his 30's and his bride is 26. They had been together at least a year and a half. And she's a virgin. And he's not.

I'm still confused as to why he's not consummating his new marriage, and he then tells me she was so nervous about their "big night" that she drank too much champagne and was in the room passed out after having gotten sick.

I had to take a second to keep my composure and not chuckle at this poor guy's misfortune because he was obviously really upset about it. He explained that they're taking a flight out tomorrow and then getting on a cruise for their honeymoon. I did my best to try and reassure and be optimistic for him. I said something about nerves and I was sure that everything would work out for him on the cruise.

He seemed a little better than he was when he first sat down, but he still looked frustrated, and who could blame him? He ordered another beer and went back to his room.


36. It Was A Nice Thought At Least

It wasn't even remotely close to a honeymoon hotspot, and that was the sad part. I was 17 and working at a particularly bad open-air motel on the night shift next to the nicest hotel in town (which wasn't saying much). A young couple came in practically in tears because the honeymoon suite they'd booked at the nicer hotel had rented out their room, and there wasn't anywhere else to stay, so they had to come here - literally the only motel in town that had a single room to rent. I felt terribly sorry for them and gave them the biggest discount I could, and let them into that last messy little room. While they were getting their luggage, I remembered the suite right above the office that was usually rented out as an apartment. It wasn't any great shakes of an apartment, but it was the best we had. I didn't say anything to the couple right away, but went upstairs and did the best I could to scrub off the dust and spiders and rub a bleach rag over the linoleum. It took me about an hour and I was pretty proud of myself for getting the room ready as quick as I had, given the decrepit condition it was generally left in. I threw the bleach rags and dirty linens in the laundry room, and went to go bring the couple to their fancyish new suite. I knocked, but no one came to the door. The new husband eventually asked what I needed and I told them about their room - I was sadly puzzled that they didn't seem to want to leave or even check it out. They didn't even come to the door or turn on the lights, and I could hear the new bride giggling. I made my way sadly back to the front office and concluded that they must have been really tired after such a long day. They sounded a lot happier than they did when they first came in though, so I figured my efforts weren't a total waste.


37. But I Just Saw Her Take A Sip

This just happened a few days ago. I work at an upscale hotel chain on the coast in Florida, we get a lot of international guests.

This couple wasn't on their honeymoon but they were clearly married and on a special trip. They were both french and in their late 60's. I was working at the pool and the husband walked up to me looking for a towel. As he was walking up I noticed his wife pull out a bottle of wine and take a serious pull right out of the bottle. We have a no-glass policy on the pool deck and not wanting to make a scene I grabbed a couple plastic cups and asked the husband if he could put their wine in them. He looks really outraged/offended when I asked and said "my wife doesn't drink alcohol". Well I was pretty confused at this point but I just said whatever it is, could they put it in the cups? He took the cups and walked back over to their chairs and after some heated conversation she stormed out but not without giving me a witheringly dirty look on her way. I walked over to the guy to apologize, and told him that I didn't mean to upset them and that I was just doing my job, etc. Turns out she was an alcoholic and had been pretending to be sober.

The guy ended up crying as he sorta explained what the big deal was. It was pretty awkward. I think it was probably for the best that it came out though.


38. C’mon, I Know You’re Not Engaged

This probably doesn't count. I worked at a goddamned Dairy Queen. Hotspot? I think not.

Anyway, this couple comes up to the counter, gushing and talking about how they just got married X days ago. They were clearly looking for someone to comp their "first shared Blizzard."

What they did not realize was that I KNEW the girl involved and from a church-related thing no less. The relation was just distant enough that she didn't recognize me outside of that context. Clearly, they were dating or friends or something and decided to try to get free ice cream -- if she'd truly been engaged, I would've known.

Anyway, I said in my sweetest voice, "Sure, [name of girl], and congrats!"

Her face was priceless both at the time, and later when I saw her among church people. Totally worth the money I had to eat for the Blizzard.


39. Annual Parade Or Once In A Lifetime Celebration?

Not really a honeymoon story but I thought I'd share. I used to work at a big hotel and one week we had a gay wedding. The ceremony/reception went well with about 60 people in attendance. For the night the couple had booked one of the bigger rooms as they were expecting about 200 people. So we set up all the tables/buffet and the DJ sets up all prepared for what we expected to be a massive night. Cut to 11pm and I walked into this big room to find about 25 people and one of the groom's crying in the arms of the other. Unfortunately they had booked their wedding the same weekend as our city's Gay Pride festival, so no one had shown up to the night party and half the people from the day had left to attend the festival. We felt so bad for them... he was just crying all night. Poor guys.


40. As Long As You Know That He’s Still Ours

When my cousin got married, her SO's parents prepaid a trip for them to honeymoon in his home country (Portugal). They ended up having to spend the entire vacation visiting with his family members at their homes instead of having fun in a hotel room. Both were not happy but didn't say anything to his parents since they had paid for the entire wedding.

I felt bad for my cousin. She was forced to have his sisters as bridesmaids and all they did was complain about how she was stealing their only brother away from them. Her mother in law did not approve of the fact that she was not Portugese, and then even angrier at the fact that she didn't put any effort in trying to learn the language. Her SO had to come in and do damage control on his psycho family.

The wedding was beautiful, but his family was crazy.


41. He Won By One Digit

My brother used to work at a big restaurant/resort that would often do weddings. One night they were hosting a large dinner party for all the guests of a wedding from earlier that day. Of course at that point everyone was pretty wasted so the groom ended up getting into a fight with one of the bride's distant uncles. I kid you not, the uncle ended up biting off the grooms finger and swallowing it so he couldn't reattach it. Everyone was freaking out and the groomsmen ended up beating up the uncle until he puked back out the severed finger.


42. The Love Bite Wasn’t From Her

I had just finished teaching newly weds how to ballroom dance. I saw the gent had a hickie on his neck so made a joke about it. Bad move. They had a fight and he stormed off leaving her crumpled in a heap on the dance floor. I tried to console her the best I could but it was messed up. She was waaaay out of his league anyway.

One other note I remember was that the girl I had for my next lesson saw the whole thing (everybody did) and was impatiently tapping her watch at me.


43. The Storm Did It, Not Us

We went to the Caribbean for our honeymoon (it was awesome, we want to go back).

Our villa had a hammock strung between the handrails. We were laying in the hammock together reading books but because there had been a tropical storm for the first couple days the damned thing was warn and so it broke and dropped us on the ground.

We had to go in and tell the front desk/reception that it was broken and asked that it be fixed. With the look they gave us, I'm absolutely positive they did not believe we were just laying in it reading a book. My wife kept turning red and I was having a hard keeping a straight face.


44. The Brutal Truth Will Come Out One Way Or Another

I used to work at a large hotel where weddings/receptions would be held on a regular basis. One night, after their wedding, a newlywed couple broke out into a fight in their suite. We received many noise complaints from people in the rooms nearby. Turns out, the new bride had beaten up her freshly minted husband. The cops ended up taking her to jail.


45. Their Friends Were There.. Or Were They?

I manage I small fancy B&B in New England. While the newlyweds partied in the Red Room, their friends had the run of the place. Around 1 am a drunk fool knocked on my door to ask if I had any more booze. This, after explaining that I do not drink, several times earlier in the evening. In the morning they all left without getting breakfast--rushing out as fast as possible. In a pile on the Red Room bathroom floor were about 6 towels. Every one of them was soaked with urine.


46. They Didn’t Envision Showing Up In Style That Way

I used to be an EMT in my hometown and one evening we had a call about a hit and run at the local hotel. We got to the scene and found two belligerently drunk patients; one with a messed up leg and the other who couldn't feel anything below his neck. Turns out it was the groom and his father, and that they had been run over by a friend of theirs while attempting to dissuade him from drunkenly driving home.

We had to call a second ambulance in to take the father, and all the way their we heard nothing from the groom except about how he was going to kick our butts (they were both REALLY intoxicated).

The father had a broken femur and had to get his leg amputated, and the groom is now a quadriplegic basically because they were trying to help a drunk friend. That was by far the saddest thing I had to deal with while I was an EMT. I had to deal with people dying unexpectedly, but this was so much worse; because this was the night of their wedding, hell they were still in their Tuxedos.


47. Please Stay Behind The Rail

I used to work at Yellowstone and the worst story I heard about, which happened a few years before I worked there, was a newlywed couple from Utah who wanted to get a photo near the upper falls. They climbed over the protective railing to get the shot and she fell over. It is discussed in the book, Death in Yellowstone.


48. Run Like Forrest Gump

We were on our way to Singapore for our honeymoon. Both our parents had come to drop us at the airport. We were eagerly looking forward to this trip.

At the check-in counter, (after an excruciating 30 mins long line!) we presented our passports and ticket copies. While we were silently hoping for an upgrade, god had other plans in store.

The lady at the check-in counter said something like this - “Ms. Jain, your seat is XX & Mr. Jain your ticket is not valid.” It took me a while to realize what she was saying. “Ma’am, I think there has been some mistake, can you please check again?” I asked her. The lady took her time, checked and double-checked. Unfortunately, her findings were still the same.

I just stepped out and called my travel agent. He also could not make sense of the situation. He asked me to connect him with somebody at the airport counter of the airline. I may have beaten Usain Bolt’s record on my way to the counter. That ‘somebody’ was at the other end of the airport for some reason. Which meant another mad dash in front of an unappreciative audience.

I caught hold of said individual and my agent had a long discussion with him. Meanwhile, the check-in time was almost over and my wife was begging the check-in ladies to wait for a few more minutes. However, the conversation did not result in anything substantial and they had to let the flight go.

My parents called me after a few mins asking me whether our boarding was done. Till then I had held off on explaining the situation to them to avoid unnecessary anxiety pangs. But there was no way out now.

I was in constant touch with my agent to review alternatives. Next day was not an option, since we were supposed to board a cruise the next day and we would have missed that, ruining our entire trip.

There was another flight by a different airline in an hour, but they did not have a counter at the airport and bookings could only be done via their city office.

Murphy’s law was playing havoc with my life.

Finally, we found out that the last flight out was by Indian Airlines, which we could book at the airport. My agent confirmed that he would reimburse everything and I should book the tickets using my credit card. I did. The only advice we got at the airline booking counter was -- run like Forrest Gump or else you will miss this flight as well!

We did not need telling twice. So we made it to the check-in counter on time and secured the prized and elusive boarding passes. All this action had taken up a good 4 hours of our evening and hence we were famished. Once security check was done, we found a quiet spot at the food court and ordered something to fill ourselves up. I was sitting next to the electronic display of flight statuses. We had just unwrapped our sandwiches, when we saw “FINAL BOARDING CALL” written next to our flight. Which meant, you guessed it, another running spree towards the boarding counter.

As we came down from the food court, an airline official asked me if I am Mr. Abhay Jain. I replied in the affirmative and then he asked us to follow him as we were the only passengers who were yet to complete the boarding.

Going through the boarding gates, I thought that we would be looking at angry faces for delaying the flight. However, to our surprise, the flight was only 20% occupied. We had not even our put our seat-belts before the plane was on the runway. The good part was that we could sit wherever we wanted to and could even lie down flat and sleep.

All in all, it was an exciting way to get things going on our honeymoon. After returning, to our agent’s credit, he refunded the entire additional expense that we had to bear. The reason behind all this confusion apparently was that there was another Abhay Jain who had also been booked on the same flight by my travel agent. But the airlines thought that it was a typo and that triggered a chain reaction!

Abhay Jain

night-flight-2307018-300x200.jpgImage by

49. How Do You Know He Changed?

I wasn't there but my wife's cousin was the bride. So the groom’s brother was middle aged and autistic. It was also known to a few insiders that in the past he had gotten in trouble for "inoperative interaction with children". The groom told the bride this in privacy a while ago but of course she relayed this to her entire family over time so everyone knew. So the big day came and a few drinks in the brother gets a bit too friendly with a few of the family children. Nothing horrific, just making the kids feel uncomfortable by touching their shoulders. I am not sure what he did but a gasket broke with one of the kid’s dads and a fight broke out. The families were completely divided with one side stating that the guy is a changed man and just being friendly and the other that the creep shouldn't be allowed near children. The wedding ended in disaster.


50. Now You See The Ring, Now You Don’t

This couple came in my store and were getting some food and beer, I started talking and they told me this was part 2 of their honeymoon since it was closer to home and very scenic and beautiful (they rented a house instead of the usual camping in Northern California). Part one had apparently taken place for a month in Hawaii. They were staying for a couple of weeks and so eventually the guy started coming alone and bragging to the cashier about how he had been to Maui. He kept hitting on this cashier the whole time they were there, even going so far as to take his ring off when he went in the store. His wife came in with him near the end of the trip and the cashier said something along the line of "you're married?!" The wife obviously was suspicious because that sounds really shady but I guess he is good at improv because she didn't ditch his butt then and there. Anyways I didn't have the balls to tell her he's a douchebag but luckily she ended up coming in a few months later with a new boyfriend who evidently wasn't a creep but instead a really nice guy. Obviously she had gotten a divorce and is in a good relationship now. I still see them from time to time and am glad she ditched the first guy.


51. Tragically Gone In An Instant

I live in one of the east coast's most sought after wedding destination. A few years back a couple rented a moped which as locals know, on an island that's basically 90% sand, is a terrible idea. Despite this people rent many mopeds and there is always at least 1 fatality every summer. They were riding on one of our main cross-island stretches and decided to kiss while riding. They veered off the road and slammed into a telephone pole. The newly-wed wife, who had just received her PhD, was crushed by her husband's weight against the pole and died instantly. The husband is in a persistent vegetative state for what will probably be the rest of his life. So sad. They were just beginning what could have been a beautiful life and just like that...everything was gone.


52. A Little Respect Can Go A Long Way

I was in Cancun on vacation, and staying at my resort was a newlywed couple that wore cringe-worthy husband and wife sandals. They must have been the most miserable people I have ever seen in my life.

I was on an excursion, and it appeared that they were broke because they couldn't buy food, drink or anything. If they were cool, I probably would have paid for them just to help them have a nice time. But she was a relentless hag, and he was a complete douche. They fought with workers everywhere saying it was a ripoff, that everything should be included and that they didn't know that they would have to pay for beer if they wanted it. They were yelling and being completely rude to the very nice staff.

They were white trash expecting the nice people in Mexico to kiss their butts while they yelled insults and angrily made demands. I wanted to slap them both. On top of that, their nasty personalities only made it worse.


53. Hoping For A Little Bundle At All Costs

I used to work at a B&B in a quaint resort town.

One day, I got a call from a newly minted bride wanting to reserve a room:

her: "Hi, I want your most romantic room"

me: "Well, we have a few. Each is done in its own style, but the 'Pink' room is by far the most romantic"

her: "It's got to be really, really romantic."

me: "It's definitely romantic, if you like pink, lace and a canopy bed"

her: "It's got to be amazingly romantic- I'll be on about $3,000 worth of fertility drugs that weekend, and I want to start a family"

me: "Well. So you want the room?"

She did. When they came in I playfully punched the husband on the shoulder, for good luck.


54. What Provoked Him?

One time we had a couple who had just gotten married spend their wedding night with us before they were to fly out the next day for their honeymoon. We made sure the room was perfect, even comping them some champagne! Then, at about 1:00am, we got several complaints from the surrounding rooms that they were screaming at each other. Not ecstatic, "yea, baby!" kind of screams. More like "Yea, go ahead and cry, you jerk!" kind of screams.

So, our protocol in such a situation is to call the cops for a domestic dispute. Turns out the guy had punched through our wall. He was arrested, and she spent her wedding night alone. Great foundation for a marriage.


55. Shocked To Find Out They Were Not On The Same Page

I once had the distinct displeasure of experiencing a failed wedding proposal. It was at a zoo in Australia and the man had payed to hold an owl while proposing to his girlfriend. The woman didn't even seem interested in the owl and in the end rejected the proposal rather coldly. It was incredibly awkward watching this man's expectations be crushed.